I don't know what's going on with me these past couple of days, but I feel like I'm in a bit of a funk that I can't seem to shake. I can't even really put my finger on why I feel the way I do. Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's because I haven't gotten good sleep lately, maybe it's because Jesse is SUCH a handful, maybe it's the stress of the future and the unknown, maybe it's because Kev's stressed with finals, maybe it's because we haven't been on a date for awhile with just the two of us......maybe it's everything combined!
Regardless of WHAT it is, I feel like I've been somewhat of a crapola Mommy as of late. I'm short with the boys, I don't feel peppy and inspired to do cool crafty things, I get frustrated when THEY frustrate each other, and I'm feeling like they both are needing more structure of which I haven't quite figured out how to give them. Today, I was so tired of them being aimless and crabby that I put them in the stroller and we all went for a long walk in the rain. Jesse had a rain canopy, but Kaden and I got quite soggy! It was actually quite nice to shake the cobwebs off and get some fresh air for a bit.
Here's an example of my "crapola-ness": Last night Kaden came into our room at like one in the morning and wanted to sleep with us. He dropped his sippy cup on the floor with a THUD on the way in which woke me out of a dead sleep and made me instantly grumpy. Then, when I looked at the clock, I told him that it was way to early to come snuggle with us and he had to go back to bed. He started to pucker up and I just said: "No, Kaden. Back to bed you go." About two minutes later, he's back in beside me and tells me that he had a scary dream. Well, crapola Mommy didn't believe him and thought that he just had another excuse to get in bed with us, so I told him to go back to bed. Poor little thing just silently turned around and sadly walked back to bed. Yup. Jerk I am. I know.
Kev, being the good Daddy that he is, got out of bed, went and tucked Kaden back in, and listened to his scary dream that he really did have, and they ended up snuggling together the rest of the night in Kaden's bed. Apparently, he had dreams of "all kinds of animals that bite who were trying to get him." Kev heard it in great detail while crapola Mommy slept.
So. Yeah. That's been me these past couple of days. To make it up to my wee son, we're having a p.j. day and playing whatever he wants to play. When they go to nap, I'm shutting off the phone, I'm NOT checking out anyone's blogs or email, and I'm going to go and be with Jesus for awhile. I need Him. And I need my Mommy.
11 comments:
:o( You sound so sad.... Here is a hug from Maine. We love you hope to see you soon! Will be praying that you feel back to normal soon.
I love you!
And thanks for using the word "Crapola" it reminded me so much of my mom and how she describes her feelings sometimes.
I hope your time with Jesus was good and heartfelt and wonderful and calming and precious.
Lovies
Oh, Sweet Amy, you are such a good mom! Even seeing how upset you are about a few rough days shows that! I will be praying that things settle down!
I hope we'll be able to stop in for a quick visit sometime this weekend (we'll be in Philly Friday night to Saturday morning).
Debby
I actually called today 'cause you've been on my mind lately. I'll pray that Jesus gives you a big ol' hug. I find those times soooo hard and frustrating...things just pile up and it seems that just when you start to get a handle on things, something happens to make you start at zero again. Just know that we ALL have those days, even weeks and you are being the best mommy to recognize it, and do the best thing possible...talk to God. I love you. Call me when you're up to chattin' (you know I am always up for a chat. :). xoxoxoxoxo
*hugs hugs hugs*
Ames, I think you're harder on yourself than anyone else would be. Your boys are all lucky to have you.
Love you guys! Hope we can stop in sometime this weekend!
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Amy,
YOU ARE AN AWESOME MOTHER! Don't let yourself or Satan or anyone else tell you otherwise. We all have our days and/or weeks when we don't feel great, and sometimes that affects those around us. But that doesn't make you a bad person or mom. You're not perfect, and I don't think Kaden or Jesse or Kevin expect you to be.
Okay, that's all. Love you!
Sorry, above delete was me - I had a glaring typo that I simply couldn't live with. ;)
We can't be perky and crafty every day my pet. Some days we are imperfect and crabby and unreasonable, and it's perfectly ok for them to see this. Your little guy knows that you are his soft place to fall, even if you had one moment of not being there. It's all good baby.
Amy, It seems a bit crazy but spilling your 'funk' is a bit of an encouragement to me. Life has been such a roller coaster since Nate was born. My heart isn't always aligned to Christ's either(silly human) and there are days when I wonder if I was truly meant to be a wife and mom. Don't you wish you could just crawl into Christ arms and lay all He has already paid so much for down? Time with Christ is so important for us, thanks for the reality check.
Oh, Ame, so glad you are real, and it looks like you've gotten a lot of encouragement here. I love you so much and totally admire your Mommy skills. Esther's right about this being spiritual warfare. Satan hates family and motherhood, so when you're feeling under attack, you know you're doing a good job!
Hugs, hugs, and more hugs.
PS. Absolutely loving my basket still! :)
oh amy.......I have been struggling with that too......you have alot going on in life.....I will be lifting you up in prayer!
Post a Comment