True Confessions

I'm a little sheepish to admit this, but here goes.....I never really used to be a huge fan of little kids. It's true. If you were to place in front of me a baby kitten or puppy and a little baby, I would beg to give one of the little pets a snuggle without giving a second glance to the baby. I have always made newborns cry and I found them - along with toddlers - to be quite gross!

This is one reason why we waited so long to have children. Both of our jobs involved junior high and teenagers - which is the age I always loved most - so when we came home, we liked it QUIET.....and NEAT! I actually sometimes wondered if I was really even cut out to have children. I wasn't sure if I was the maternal type or not. Even during my first pregnancy, I sometimes felt as though a little alien had invaded my body! There were days that I wondered: "What have I done?" We were told that we would probably have fertility issues so we should give ourselves a couple of years. We'd already been married over four years at the time, so we thought - hey, probably in a year or two we'll be ready, so we might as well throw caution to the wind! Well, let me tell ya - we are not infertile!

I remember when Kaden was first born, my mother-in-law was giving him snuggles in the hospital and he started to cry. She immediately said, "Oh, he needs his mother," and promptly handed him over. I can vividly remember a brief moment of panic thinking: "Okay. Here goes. Now the whole world will see that I am truly a fraud, because they're all going to see that I'm just going to make him cry harder!" And then an amazing thing happened. As soon as he was in my arms, he immediately stopped. He knew that I was his mommy. He knew me. From that moment on I knew that I was going to be okay, and I FELL in love. :0)

And in recent years, an even more amazing phenomenon has taken place. I started craving another baby....like REALLY craving one! And even after the birth of our wild child who had major freak out sessions his entire first five months of life, I think that I really want ANOTHER one! Secretly, deep down, I kind of want a really big family! We'll take one baby at a time, mind you, and Kev is kind of feeling like our quiver might possibly be full....but we'll see!

AAAAAAAND to top things off......I'm really LOVING babysitting my friends' kids! Miracle of miracles! I joke that I am a glorified nanny for all of my friend's who have their master's degrees, but I am really falling in love with their children. I am constantly being reminded of the truths in Scripture where Jesus talks about the little children - about what a blessing they are, and about how much HE loves them! I am seeing them through His eyes. I am wanting to savor them, to build into them, and to seek to use these times to bless them and love on them as opposed to merely just seeing these hours as a chance to make a few extra bucks. Good stuff!

Simple Truths....

My new favorite verse during this stage of life:

Proverbs 3:3 - "Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart."

An easy verse to memorize. I read it twice and it was done. But, man - it continues to penetrate my heart. Love and faithfulness. Doesn't that sum up motherhood pretty well? And truthfully - doesn't that sum up how we should live every aspect of our lives? This has become my consistent prayer for how I want to approach ALL of what I do.

I am with my boys ALL day - every day. I want them to see a mommy who loves them fiercely, who has a ready hug or snuggle, and who is not too busy to get down at their level and just BE - with them. I want them to NEVER doubt my love for them. And I want to be faithful in EVERY aspect of my parenting - in their training, their correction, their character building - all of it. When they look back at their years of living under our roof I don't want them to ever question Kev's and my love for Christ first and foremost, then our love and devotion to each other, and finally our love and faithfulness to them as their parents.

We will make our share of mistakes. God knows we've made them already. But, He also knows how badly we want to be a success - not in the world's eyes, but in His eyes alone - at this thing called "living." By the world's standards, "success" can be a pretty warped thing. But, Jesus measures success by an entirely different standard. He calls me to love and faithfulness. HE says that "in as much as I have done it unto the LEAST of these - I have done it unto Him." Kaden and Jesse are "the least" of these. Jesus calls me to love and reverance my husband. He calls me to faithfulness in whatever season of life we find ourselves in. If I live well as a wife and as a mother, than I am successful in the eyes of my Savior.

So, to Jesus - easing Kev's stress during this craziness of grad school is a good thing. Playing with Kaden and Jesse and filling their little love tanks is being faithful. Making my home a haven, never ceasing to get to know Kev - to truly know - him, always showing him the respect he deserves, being selfless, and loving him deeply - no matter what.....that is SUCCESS! Being faithful in all aspects of motherhood - even the mundane and the repetitious....even when it goes unnoticed and un-thanked......that is SUCCESS!

I don't want love or faithfulness to EVER leave me. And I want to constantly strive to love more deeply and to be even more devoted, committed, and faithful to my family and to my Savior. I want to be filled to overflowing with steadfast love and abiding faithfulness and committment to all things that please Christ. No matter what.

What's in a Name?

I'm thinking that our Jesse "Bear" would be better suited with a different name as of late. We originally coined the nickname in his early days when he was such a wreck all day every day. Although he still has an AMAZING temper AND a very strong will (whew!), he's really pretty happy most days now. He's still a tank, so the name fits in that way - AND it's cute....

However, I feel like we have a little naughty puppy on our hands these days! Seriously - this child is into everything he shouldn't be, plus he's totally slobbery - just like a little puppy! When he's rolling all over the floor, the first thing he goes for is our shoes. He muckles right on to them and starts gnawing to beat the band! And if there are no shoes to be had, he simply scoots over to the nearest cord and tries to electricute himself! And he is so WIGGLY! When we go to snuggle him, we have to use all the strength that is in us to keep him from shooting right out of our arms. Plus, whatever body part is accessible, he wants to sink his teeth into like a favorite chew toy! He's wild!

Still....I think "Jesse Bear" sounds nicer and cuter than "Jesse Dog"....... but that's what I'll be thinking whenever I look at him!

Weekends!

Hard to believe another whole week has gone by since my last "weekends" post. It is seriously crazy how fast time flies! Every Saturday but one during the month of February, Kev will have an all day Saturday class, so this week-end we decided to do a family day trip knowing that we won't be able to get away for awhile.

Well, first of all, on Friday night Kev and I went on a date while some very sweet friends offered to watch our boys. (See previous post). :0) We went to one of our favorite restaurants - Macaroni Grill, and then to a movie. We were trying to decide if we wanted to just get a coffee and walk around one of the nearby parks after supper, but it was so cold, that we wimped out and went to the theater instead! It was really nice to have some quality, uninterrupted time together - just the two of us.

On Saturday, as soon as we all woke up, we threw the boys in the car and drove one and a half hours away to one of my favorite places - Lancaster, PA! I LOVE it out there. It totally and completely soothes me. We went to a place called Shady Maple where they are known for their amazingly massive all you can eat smorgasboards! This is where we ate breakfast, and let me tell you - was it ever delish! After waddling out of there, we just kind of poked around the little shops and different areas out there checking out the farms and watching the horse drawn buggies. And then we came home in time for the kids' afternoon naps.

We had a really relaxing afternoon, made supper together, and just played with the boys until bedtime. Sundays are always pretty tiring as we leave at 7:30 and don't get home until after 2:00, so yesterday afternoon and evening we just vegged and played. After church today, the boys took decent naps. Kev did a little homework, I did a little organizing and rearranging, we drank a little coffee, played a little k'nex and train, and now the boys are p.j'd up and ready to hit the hay all over again! It's been a good week-end. We're refueled, refreshed, and ready for another week!

Being Intentional

This past summer, a dear friend and I were going for a walk with our wee ones, and she told me that she and her husband had not been on a date alone since her daughter had been born several months earlier. Looking back, I clearly remember giving her my "you-need-to-not-neglect-your-relationship-and-you-need-to-make-sure-that-you-keep-investing-in-your-marriage" lecture as we strolled around the block.

Well, dear friend, to my sheepish chagrin - I was looking back over the almost eight months since Jesse's been born and realized that Kev and I have not been on a date alone since his arrival either! Wow - it's amazing how quickly time can slip away. I couldn't believe that it had been eight months since we had done something alone - just the two of us. We've done a ton of fun things together as a family since Jesse's been born - day trips many Saturdays, lots of trips to parks, meals out, and even a few overnights at various hotels. But, it's always been with the boys - never alone.

I feel like we've done a pretty good job at staying connected with each other - always checking in to make sure we're both doing well, having fun family days, making sure that we don't get too busy in the craziness of grad school, having good conversation over meals or after the boys are in bed - but STILL. I am a huge proponent of people investing time into their marriages - quality, uninterrupted, intentional time. You will hear me harp on this until the day I die. We have seen too many marriages merely surviving and existing. We have heard too many couples say that the craziness they are in is "just a season" and as soon as the season is over they will get back on track and back to nurturing each other. I can not tell you how many marriages that I know of - right now - that are on the edge of something tragic happening. Just this past week we got news of some dear friends of ours who have three little kids where the wife - my friend - walked away and said she was through.

This sort of thing does not just happen overnight. The Bible says to "beware of the little foxes....." We need to beware of the little things in our relationships that can so easily become big things. No one is immune. It is SO sad and it is SO scary that we can not afford to NOT be spending quality, intentional time investing in our relationships. And this time that we spend together doesn't have to be any big "to-do." It just has to be simply that - TIME! It is SO easy to make everything else in life have priority over our marriage. Life pulls us in so many directions that sometimes we barely have time to even breathe! But the key thing is to be constantly checking in with each other to make sure we're still on the same track and to carve out segments of time for each other - whether it's talking instead of watching t.v. after the kids go to bed, or asking someone to watch the kids while we go out for a cup of coffee - or even for a walk if we're broke!

Anyway, after the shocker news flash that we got from our friends, Kev and I looked at each other, called some friends with the promise to return the favor, and hit the road just the two of us for a couple of hours. It was a sobering reminder to us that even though we're busy, poor, and whatever other excuses that we can so easily come up with, the effort and the investment is oh so necessary, and we need to make sure that we stay strong no matter WHAT season of life we are in.

Stress is inevitable, busyness will never go away, kids will always have needs, money will always be tight, housework will never get done, tests will always need to be studied for, and to top it all off - we'll probably even return home more exhausted than when we left because of all the planning that went into just getting out the door and because of all of the things that we left unfinished by going......but the investment is worth it and it's necessary.

Okay. My rant is over.

Friends and Phone Calls

As a rule, I really don't love talking on the phone. I know that some of you are in shock as a result of reading this comment because: (a). I talk a lot, and (b). when I leave messages on your phones it usually takes me several minutes and at least a couple of messages to get my whole thought out. But it's true. On the whole, I'd much rather visit face to face or sit down and write a really long email during a time that it is QUIET around here where I don't have to compete with two jabber walkies.

However, with most of my loved ones, this is just not possible as they live states away from me! And there are a handful of friends where literal years will pass by before we ever lay eyes on each other. Children are born, several moves take place, and all sorts of chapters in our lives are lived out before we are able to reconnect in person.

I'm thinking specifically of two childhood friends who other than attending summer camp with them through our school years and then living together for three short years in Bible school ten years ago, I can count on one hand how many times I've seen them since.

So, when a dear friend "facebooked" me yesterday asking me what time was good for a phone call, let me tell you - all of a sudden my day was completely reorganized around our little phone date that was going to take place later in the day! Baths no longer mattered for the boys, the laundry stayed dirty, supper plans? What supper plans? and suddenly the floor looked clean enough to wait another day to be vac'd! Coffee was made, and we settled in.

I LOVE those random gifts of time that are the next best thing to a face to face chat. Life is so crazy, but really - all that needs to be done is for me to pick up the phone, dial a few digits, and walk back into that loved one's life. I am really not very good at doing this. What I LOVE about these friendships though, is that years can literally go by, yet when we FINALLY reconnect, it's like time just fades away. We simply pick up right where we last left off. Advice is offered and given. Stories are told. Dreams are shared. Struggles are made vulnerable. And we get to know each other all over again. I love that.

And it makes me wonder why we waited so long to catch up with each other.

Random Things

Things I feel grumpy about today:

1. It's freezing outside, and I'm desperate for a walk. We are ALL stir crazy.
2. After MANY nights of staying dry, Kaden peed an ocean in his bed last night.
3. After finally getting our rhythm back from being in Maine, Jesse decided to cry for 1 1/2 hours last night.
4. Jesse is becoming very chatty, which is adorable on the one hand, but it is giving me a major headache on the other. He is SO loud and it's NON-STOP!
5. Kaden decided he didn't feel like napping today.
6. How in the world do I have three loads of laundry to do today, when I was completely caught up yesterday? Oh right.....Kaden's ocean. It's only 3 loads, but still.......
7. I need to exercise. I'm feeling spungy.
8. Sleep. Blessed rest. Where have you gone, my friend?


Things that I feel happy about today:

1. Jesse is officially crawling and is so proud of himself. It's adorable.
2. Kaden is such a big help to me while I babysit my friend's kids. He is very thoughtful.
3. Jesse's adoration for Kaden is precious, and Kaden's love in return is so nice to see.
4. Jesse "painted" for the first time! I put him in his johnny jump up, put a piece of paper on the ground underneath him, painted his toes, and let him go to town! Voila! A masterpiece!
5. My sweet, perceptive husband. He saw my exhaustion this morning and promptly: rubbed my back, made the beds, made us all breakfast, and offered to take us out to supper!
6. I talked with my little brother - home from his honeymoon. And he is SO happy. It's quite adorable. He's a puddle.
7. My dear friend Rachey is planning on flying out to see me! I wicked miss her.
8. My apartment. I love it - I really do. That seems so funny to me, but I'm content here.
9. My boys and their antics. It's crazy, loud, and messy, but I love it.
10. Coffee. I learned to make it myself. And I do. Multiple times a day.
11. My time with the Lord. I'm learning to give him the firstfruits of my alone time, and He's blessing it. He is faithful and He is gracious.
12. My life in general. It's good, it's simple, and I love it.

Yup. More to be happy about than grumpy.
I still would pay a lot of money for a really long nap........

Weekends!

Our little family LOVES the weekend. We LIVE for it! Ever since Kev and I were first married, we have always had a "holy day." A day that is all our own with no real agenda except to spend quality time together as a family. Throughout the years, this day continues to look a little different, but we still try to keep it sacred nonetheless.

With the arrival of Jesse, we really try to have NO expectations, but the older he gets the more we are finding we are able to do. It really doesn't take much to make any of us happy. We love to go for adventures, we love to be outside, we love a good cup of coffee, a nice park, or even a store now and then can be fun.

This weekend was a bit chilly, so we didn't do much outside. But all in all, we just had a really nice, relaxing couple of days that were slow and lazy. Jesse is big enough to sit in highchairs at restaurants now and carts at stores, so he enjoys these trips much more than he ever used to. He's actually become quite the happy little camper most of the time!

He received quite a few "compliments" this week-end in our travels. Here are a few: "Wow! You can tell he's a Maine baby - he's as heavy as a moose!" Or, how about: "What a chubby baby! He could stand to go without a couple of meals!" Hmmmm. Oh, and then there was: "His arms remind me of little sausages!" That's our boy!

Anyway, here is a rundown of this particular weekend which may seem boring to some but was very nice for us. We went out to a fun supper on Friday night. The boys were great and Kev and I even got some good conversation in. On Saturday, we just hung around home in the morning and had a leisurely family breakfast and let Jesse have his first nap in his crib before hitting the road. Kaden and I did a little craft together while Jesse slept, which I must confess was an absolute bomb, but we had some quality time which he loves nonetheless.

When Jesse woke up, we ran a few errands and then came home to let the boys get their afternoon naps. Kev and I just puttered - something I love to do - while they slept. I also ran down the road and checked out my favorite little antiquey store. And then we went to a basketball game over at the school when the boys woke up. Jesse was mesmerized by all of the chaos! While Kaden quietly sucked his thumb and took it all in, Jesse's little bald head never stopped moving while he grunted and yelled at all of the action taking place!

Today we had a good day at church - even though there was no heat and we froze half to death. This afternoon was lazy and relaxing. Kev has been making some homemade beef jerky in his new smoker, I cleaned and reorganized things a little, and the boys have just had fun playing with toys and destroying all that I've cleaned! Good times!

Fun, food, fellowship, and also a few things checked off my to-do list! A great weekend!

P.S. Quick Jesse update - He is THIS close to crawling! Life as I know it is soon to change FOREVER.........Oh my!

Learning to Slow Down

Again....

A lesson that I will always need to relearn I am sure. Jesse has hit another stage of life that is making me slow my days down a little bit more, and for this I am thankful. It's the simplest thing really - eating food in addition to nursing, but three times a day I now have to sit down with him and spoon feed each and every bite of food into his mouth. So, for about three twenty minute segments of each day - I sit. And it's nice. Sure, there are times when I feed him while washing dishes or while trying to accomplish something else. I'll wash a dish, insert a bite, wash another dish, insert another bite, - you get the picture. But, I'm really trying to have that be the exception rather than the norm. I can live my days at such breakneck speed, that I forget to savor, you know? And by savor, I mean to REALLY enjoy whatever I'm doing.

I am absolutely shocked that Jesse is almost one! Yes, he has another four and a half months to go, but where in the world did those last seven and a half months just go? Seriously! I need to live for the moment because time is flying at a pace well out of my control - and savoring each and every moment as much as I can is the ONLY thing that will slow the hands of the clock! I need to enjoy the here and now and not wish for that "next stage." I feel like I do a fairly good job at that, but whenever I have "one of those days" it's so easy to lose focus and wish away time by launching into countdowns. "When I get time to myself again," Or "When I get a full night's sleep again." Or how about, "When I can finally get rid of these flipping huge exersaucers, swings, and bouncy seats that come with babies and take up so much room!"

Well, you know what? I'll get these things before I know it and there will come a day when I will LONG for my boys to wake me up and crawl into bed with me in the morning or to have them interrupt my "super important" thing that I'm doing to show me their latest lego creation. I need to live for THIS moment, because when it's gone, it's gone. There's no turning back the clock.

A scattered post, I know. My whole point is this: Jesse is helping me to savor these moments. I'm glad he can't feed himself yet and that he needs me to spoon feed him! I sit and really look at him. And try to make him laugh. And I don't get crabby when he spits his carrots all over me because he's belly laughing at Kaden's antics. And I don't mind that I am continuously grinding cheerios into my kitchen floor. And I tell Kaden to go get a book that we can all read together during these twenty minutes. I'm trying not to think about how I could multi-task every moment, and instead I'm trying to live for THIS moment and to savor it deeply.

Super Nanny

I am not.....

But Nanny I've become. :0) Over Christmas break Kev and I were talking about the need for our family to acquire a few more funds to make it to the end of our time here. For Jesse's first months of life I could barely make it to my house that I clean twice a month because he was such a wreck. He was perpetually glued to my hip and screaming at that! But, now that he's an entirely different baby, I've been feeling like I could do a little something else to help.

So, now two mornings a week I'll be watching a friend's two little children - a little boy who is 20 months and a ten week old little girl. And then one afternoon a week I'll be watching another friend's little boy for an afternoon! So far so good. Kev says that this will show me if I truly do want another child or not! Kudos to those of you with more than two children! Holy organization needed to be successful at keeping the day running smoothly!

Home Sweet Home

I've got to say - I really do love my teeny little abode. After living out of suitcases for almost a month, it's so nice to be back in my own little space with my own little things in my own little comfort zone. Although this is only home for a short time, I am honestly very content here. I don't think that anything I own decoration wise costs over $50, but it's mine and it's cozy. It really doesn't take much to make me happy. I love simple, natural things, not a ton of clutter, and three boys who continually trash my organization attempts. That's a good life!

Since we've gotten back, I've had so much fun organizing stuff, chucking things, finding new homes for others, and just settling back into our own little rhythm. Yesterday, we had a leisurely morning, we went out to lunch, and then we went to one of our favorite parks and just hung out as a family with Jesse in the backpack and Kaden riding his bike and playing on the playground. That's a recipe for a happy day and a happy home!

Subtle He is NOT!!!

Lately Kaden has been broadcasting to anyone who cares to listen his feelings on whatever meal he is partaking of. He has started becoming a wee bit fussy these past few weeks and loudly states if something is "yucky" or if he doesn't like it. Not only is this quite rude to whomever has made said meal, but it is also quite mortifying to me! So, we've been working with him in having him at least try whatever is put on his plate and then whispering to us if he really doesn't think he can handle. He's been doing fairly well - especially over vacation when I didn't make a single one of his meals. There have been a few mishaps, but we can see that he is least trying.

Well, tonight, I made a chicken pot pie for supper, and instead of putting a pie crust on top, I just whipped up some mashed potatoes and put them on instead. Kaden's not a huge fan of things all mixed together anyway, but the potatoes really threw him for a loop when he's always been used to crust. He twiddled his thumbs through most of the meal, and then finally I had mercy on him and told him that he just had to eat a couple more bites. He'd been chugging water after each bite to wash this horrid meal down, and after I told him only a few more bites, he dubiously looked at his half gone water glass and simply said, "I hope I have enough water for that many bites!" I said, "I'm sure you have enough, Kaden." He just looked back at me and said, "I hope so, Mommy." Drama. drama.

Well, after taking three more nibbles, he held his hand up to his mouth and promptly hurled out his entire meal into his hand and all over his shirt and chair! After the initial shock wore off, he found this to be quite the cool phenomenon that had just happened! He laughed and then said VERY seriously, "Whoa. Mommy, I think I'd better be done right now."

Yup. A raving success this meal time was!

Back in Philly....

We have arrived safe and sound! Our trip back to Pennsylvania went so much more quickly and smoothly than our trip home! We did it in ten hours total - eight hours of driving time! So much nicer than our fifteen hour trip three weeks previous! The boys did great - other than Kaden asking every fifteen minutes if we were almost there! Whew - that just about drove me to drink, let me tell ya! And Jesse actually had a span of a couple of hours where we heard narry a squawk. He actually cooed contentedly for quite some time. The Lord knew I needed the sanity, I think!

All in all, we had a really great time. We all were pretty sick for a good part of the time we were home which was a major bummer, so we didn't get to see and do much of what we wanted to do. But, it was good in the sense that it really made us slow down and relax - something we haven't done for quite awhile.

The boys had some great Grammy and Grampy time on both sides of the family, and Jesse really got a chance to bond with them, so I'm thankful for that. Nothing overly newsy to report except that Kev was able to do some Clarion Consulting with some church leadership and was really encouraged by that, AND my little brother got married! That was very sweet and exciting. We were all in the wedding except for Jesse. Kaden was the little ring bearer and other than whispering across the aisle to me that he was hungry he did really well!

Okay - kind of a boring post, but I just wanted you all to know that we are back and posts will be forthcoming at a far more regular rate from now on!