Still I believe.

It's 7:00 in the morning.

Kev is off to work, all three boys are outside running around - chasing chickens and catching frogs, and I am sitting here nursing the day's first cup of coffee.  Poor London.  I have definitely gone past my one cup max rule that I always lived by when I was pregnant with my other three.  Ah well.  Survival.  Perhaps it is why she leapeth so much in my womb...

This morning, I'm thinking about all of those many lives affected by yesterday's display of crazy.  I'm thinking about the friends...the brothers and sisters... the Daddy's and the Mama's...and the cause for new nightmares for all the kids who were witnesses.  I'm thinking about Newtown, and I'm thinking about this messed up world.  There is a whole lot of madness swirling around with a whole lot of ugly and pain these days.  And not just with mass tragedy, either.  We know so many who are walking daily with hearts affected by pain and loss.  So many who are barely breathing through their days...who are just - in every sense of the word - surviving.

And I am reminded again, that this world is not our home.

But I also know - in my heart of hearts I know... God is still good.  And He is still present.
He still shows up, and He still makes Himself known.
I believe this.  With everything in me - I believe it.
Even if we have to sometimes look really hard to find Him.

I kind of love the Mister Rogers quote that has been going around Facebook in light of all that happened yesterday.  It's what his mom used to tell him when he saw scary things happen in the news.  She would say:  Whenever you see something like this happen, "look for the helpers.  You will always see people helping people."

And there were helpers yesterday.
There were people running into the fray.
People holding and carrying, people comforting and walking alongside.

God showing up in human form.

I think that we only deepen the wound of the world when we misplace the blame.
I think we make gaping holes wider, when we forget that Satan disguises himself as "Light," and when he wants us to believe that a "good God" must have been asleep at the wheel...

He wants nothing more than for us to turn our backs on the only One who can heal...
...on the only One who can bring redemption out of ruin and beauty out of chaos.
...and he wants us to forget that prayers can change the hearts and minds of kings...and close the jaws of lions.

God is bigger than all of this...

And while we cannot begin to understand the horrors that take place...
And while we may forever question the pain that some may face...
While we scream loud, "Why?" and while we shake fists hard...
And while we may never have the answers on this side of Heaven...

While we don't know why He didn't stop it yesterday...and so many times before...
I still believe that God is good.

And I believe that one day, He will make it all right.
And time after time, we have seen Him bring life and light out of darkness.
And good out of evil.
He specializes in birthing redemption out of madness.
And beauty from ashes.
He loves to perfect his strength in the midst of our fear and weaknesses.

And in the midst of tragedy, He loves to have His kids "show up."
I think Mr. Rogers' Mama got it right...

When we see pain and when we see tragedy...we can be the ones who run toward the fray.
We can be the ones who breathe for our brothers and sisters when they can barely stand.
And we can stand in the gap...until it's someone else's turn to stand for us.

And until the day when Jesus takes us HOME.

I watch my boys with their child-like faith...
With their complete and total faith in us, their earthly Mama and Daddy...
And I think that's what God wants from us, too.
He doesn't want us to forget...He wants us to know it in our guts...that we can trust Him.

And I think He uses our kids to remind us.
Because without Him as our lens...the world will be forever warped.