We did the big Christmas meal - actually on Christmas Eve for us (Christmas Eve-Eve for most), we invited some that we love in to share it with us, we had a stocking stuffer scavenger hunt, we had hot chocolate and special treats, we read our Christmas story, we had our special Christmas breakfast, we opened our gifts that we bought for each other, and we took cards and treats around the neighborhood.
We.did.it.all.
Then I crashed. Hardcore. Ransom napped, Daddy and Kaden went outside to check their traps, Jesse crafted at my feet...and I just woke up with it somehow being two hours later. Whew. I was out. And now, here I sit - completely bleary-eyed with drunken fingers, thinking through our past couple of days together as a family.
The build up is always so big for me - the planning, the preparing, the wrapping, the crafting, and the cooking. So, when it's all said and done - I'm just a wee big aimless and melancholy. The adrenaline that I ran on for so many days has faded and now I'm just pooped. :0)
But it was a good Christmas.
Sweet and messy and imperfect with some kerfuffles and mishaps here and there - but nothing much unlike every other day around here.
I always have visions of how I want things to go in my mind, and things always play out a little differently - not necessarily bad always...just different. Like, when we read a special Christmas story last night by candlelight, I envisioned us all around the table quiet, (wha???) and starry eyed - in awe of what happened so many years ago.
In all actuality, it went down a little bit like this: Ransom stood on the bench talking the entire time Daddy read the story, Kaden fiddled with his stocking stuffers, and Jesse was in perpetual motion loudly blowing bubbles into his drink. Again - not much unlike every other day around here....somehow, I just thought it would be different and more...er...magical? So, Mama became Mrs. Grumpy Pants which wasn't overly festive or magical, either.
And today, the boys' "big gift" - the only gift that we actually bought in a store completely brand new, Kaden broke literally within thirty seconds of playing with it. (We got both of them little remote control helicopters). He was sad, Jesse wouldn't share his, and I was frustrated. Plus, Ransom woke up at the crack 'o dawn so he was fussy, there were threats of punishment, and I was frustrated.
Well, there wasn't a whole lot of Christmas magic in that, either.
But then, Kaden took his disappointment with such maturity, and - of his own accord - Jesse offered his helicopter to Kaden for keeps, Ransom found his rhythm and was happy --- and I was proud. They were grateful for their gifts, they generously gave to each other - unprompted and not suggested by us - gifts of their own, and they were happy and content - genuinely thankful with what they were given. They shared, they showed love, and they get that Christmas is so much more than just "getting." There is magic in that, for sure.
When we gave gifts to our neighbors - most of whom we have never met, the kids were involved for some of it and got into the spirit of being missional. And for the other "some of it," they kept asking when we could go home! Not exactly how I envisioned it, but we're getting there...
This little imperfect family - we are messy, and we mess things up.
Sometimes we get grumpy, and we focus on "us."
Sometimes we get it, and sometimes we couldn't be any further off the mark!
Sometimes we forget about the magic and the real reason we celebrate.
Sometimes we don't have it all together and we disappoint.
And I'm not really even talking about my kids...
But, then - every now and then, there are the moments when we are spot on, too. The perspective is right, the focus is where it should be, the attitudes are in the right place, the thank-you's come spontaneously and unprompted, and just like those times when I am so proud of my children and their moments of grace and maturity -- I pray that my Father sees that in me, sometimes, as well.
This is why He came so many years ago, after all.
It surely wasn't for the magical moments.
It was for the mess ups and the sin - the times of lost perspective and the times when our focus is just a wee bit (or a big bit) off.
Because we so desperately need Him every day of our lives - not just on that one magical day of the year.
He came, because no matter what we do or how we celebrate -
Lavish presents, or no gifts at all -
"Santa" or "Satan" -
Soup kitchen service or decadent meals at home -
What we do on that one day doesn't really even matter in the long run.
He came to seek and to save those who are lost - every day of the year.
And I will be forever grateful that He found me...
So, our Christmas was much like any other day at home, really - moments of magic and moments of falling off the grace wagon. Moments of special and moments of immaturity. Missional attempts and family fails. Crazy love and cozy times. Simple joys and several "I'm sorry's." Lots of little specials mixed in with a whole lot of normals.
Messy. Imperfect. Flawed. Loved. Accepted. Forgiven. Magical. Missional. Real. That's us.
And now, to go out with a bang - we are finishing off the day with Chinese and a Christmas movie. Now, that's a pretty magical ending, in my book! Merry Christmas to all, and to all a GREAT night!
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