Maybe.

I remember when I first started this whole wild and crazy journey almost nine years ago.
I remember how I felt.  And I remember what I believed.

I remember loving my job and never wanting children.
I remember being noticed, and I remember liking that.
I remember that in "the real world" -  by the end of the day I had a noticable, obvious check-list of things that had gotten accomplished...and I remember feeling pretty good about that.

I remember when little kids scared me.

I remember that never a day went by where my hair was not done and my teeth were not brushed.
My house was immaculate - at all times.  And I remember being proud of that.

I remember what I believed to be "important."
And I remember going to the bathroom all by myself.

I remember when our car was clean.
And I remember when I could fake perfection.

I remember when I had no stretchmarks.
And when I drank my coffee - it was always hot.

I remember cooking by myself...with very, very minimal mess...

I remember seeing Mama's - frazzled, toting babies - tired through the grocery store.
And I remember what I used to think.

I remember believing that I would never survive being "stuck at home" all day with little kids.
And I remember thinking that wiping tears and washing bums would never be for me.

I had more "important" things to do.
A more important "someone" to be...

And so when we dove headlong into this whole parenting gig, I remember thinking that I could be supermom and have everything else on my plate - and still do it all well, besides.  And then I remember being challenged that anyone else could do any one of those other important things that I thought I had to do.....but no one else could be my baby's mother.

I remember reading novels...without pictures.  Just for fun.

And I remember living large in a world addicted to speed - teaching, coaching, singing, and leading youth.  And then I remembered that hurry makes us hurt....and whereever I am, I should be "all there"...and I have this one wild and precious life...and while I race and rush for more -- what is it exactly that I'm hunting for?  Who is it exactly that I am trying to impress?  And who determines what is good and what is right?  What is the true mark of success and what will gain accolades from the only One who matters in the first place?

"Life is not an emergency.  Life is brief and it is fleeting, but it is not an emergency." ~ A. Voskamp

And, maybe - just maybe - if Jesus said "suffer the little children...because of such is the Kingdom of Heaven...." maybe this life of wiping tears, and teaching souls, and tending hearts and of "doing unto the least of these" day after day after day...

I remember saying I hated all things messy...

Maybe this is greatness?
Maybe the lies that we listen to and the conclusions that we come to aren't what really matter in life after all?
And maybe society has it all backwards?

Maybe on the night before He died, when Jesus chose to be the servant and wash his loved one's feet -- maybe that one event mirrors well what Mama's do each day?  Maybe these days of sleepless nights, and baby spit upon shirts, and missed days of showers...these years of molding lives and of hearing hearts - all within the four walls and behind the closed doors of our homes - where maybe no-one else will ever see...these days of living life raw in front of countless pairs of watching little eyes...

These days of mess-ups and of mishaps...
Of crazy and of chaos...
Of messy and of mundane...

I remember when it took 30 seconds flat to get myself outside the door...

Maybe God can baptize all of these things and make them into something Holy.
Something eternal.

Maybe, wherever we are - just being "all there" - in the moment, really seeing, stooping low, and humbly walking...maybe these seemingly unimportant, mundane, days of repetative re-doing what is continuously getting undone - this bringing order back from chaos over and over again - are reflections again of a Father's heart and of what He does for us - His kids - each and every day of life, as well.

Maybe remembering what Jesus did - and has always done for us is a whole lot better than remembering what we used to think was important so many years ago...back before we knew just a little bit less than we know now.

I remember when I used to only do 1 load of laundry a week...instead of one a day...

Because maybe an immaculate house isn't nearly as important as one that's full of happy, secure children.
And getting a shower is far less important than rocking a feverish little boy.
And apologizing to your eight year old is a whole lot better than saving face.
Maybe changing diapers is maybe really more about little hearts and tender souls.
And teaching kindness might not bring in a paycheck - but it's eventual payout has unlimited potential that might not be seen on this side of Heaven.

I remember playing this as a little girl myself...

Maybe what Jesus views as important is wildly different than what we thought to be so.
And the "important ones" in life - aren't the ones with all the stars.
Maybe we have worried far too long about who we should be really striving to impress.

And maybe this career change into parenthood - and this journey of motherhood - truly is a sacred enterprise. 

And then I remember this:
"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me." ~ Jesus (Matthew 25:35-36)

Who gets hungrier than newborn babies and growing children?
Who is more naked than a newly birthed baby?
How many times over the course of their lives do our little ones get sick?
And who is a stranger - more - than a baby being born into this world knowing no-one?

I remember when my kitchen table used to only sport a vase of flowers.

Maybe, measuring the success of our productivity by the world's standards is an exercise in futility.
And maybe, though motherhood comes with no pay raises, few accolades, and perpetual re-dos day after day after day...

Maybe these are the years of getting our bodies back, and of living with spit-up as our perfume of choice, and of days where showering is optional...

And maybe we feel like a fish out of water, and big fat failures more often than not...

But maybe, also "whatever we did unto the least of these...we did unto HIM."

And maybe all of our faltering failures, our daily slip-ups, and our fumbling through these years of learning and growing together - us and our small young teachers....who daily show us our faults and our inadequacies, our insecurities and our flaws ever glaring...

Maybe these are holy moments - and maybe they are OUR teachers far more than we are theirs.

I remember when I didn't have p.j. every day of my LIFE for lunch...

And maybe God doesn't miss a second of this sacrifice.
Maybe He sees this career shift as something sacred.  Something holy.

Something of Eternal value.
Maybe His grace covers so much more than we ever thought or believed.

And maybe Satan doesn't want us to remember that...
But maybe we should.

An Ode. (to whom..I'm not quite sure)

Three boys in their bedheads ~
sitting on the couch.
Mama in her jammies ~
feeling like a grouch.

Haven't drank my coffee ~
now it's gotten cold.
Heat it for the fifth time ~
wow - that's nasty old...

Chicky eggs for breakfast ~
full of protein power.
Make my tummy happy ~
these I will devour.

Got to get my groove on ~
need to start my day.
Laundry - always whirring ~
boys are LOUD at play.

Have to start some school soon ~
reading, writing, math.
Jesse and his "artwork" ~
always make me laugh.

Aaaaand.  Sha-zam!  

Time to make some popcorn ~
'tis a midday snack.
Some salty and some sweetness ~
make my lips go "smack."          (sorry...kind of lame).

London Faith is growing ~
she makes me big and round.
People say I'm showing ~
SO much more this time around.

In practicing our adverbs ~
Kade pronounced me "hugely" large.
His other two wee siblings ~
joined the chant with quite a charge.

Kevin called me "Barney" ~
in my purple shirt today.
In his supper, I'll hide "hot sauce....."
that will teach them, won't you say?

Don't mess with preggo Mamas ~
when they're fifteen poundsies larger.
You might regret the outcome ~
better let ME be in charge......(er).

I need more than half the bed now ~
let me throw this leg on you.
What? I'm squishing?  You can't breathe, Love?
Speak up, Kev....I can't hear you!!!

Oh?  You didn't sleep good last night?
Was it the crunching of my Tums?
Or - those 15 times I went pee?
Midnight snacks when I said, "Yum?"

Sorry, Hon.  It won't get better ~
before it gets much worse, I fear.
We have one more (long) trimester ~
before our London does appear.

So, whilst I grow and groan much ~
getting larger every day...
Keep your comments to yourselves, men ~
Careful now - is what I say.

I'm the one who does your laundry ~
irons shirts, and cooks your food...
Best be showing me some love, men ~
or who knows what I will do?

I've got tricks-ies up my sleeves ~
And I have fiesty on the brain.
If you mess with me, I'll get you ~
trust me now, I won't refrain...

You can tease me, you can name call ~
I'll remember, never fear.
And I will always win, you know it ~
Here's your warning.  I've been clear.

For the final weeks of "grow time" ~
As I "glow" and grow this tum...
All I'd better hear is "Yes, dear."
You're so lovely - the BEST Mom!

Oh your beauty - it's astounding!
Growing poundage?  Never knew!
You want lies, you ask?  Believe it!!!
Poured on thickly...like they're true.

This will make our world go smoothly ~
Happy family, we shall be!
When the Mama, she is happy....
All goes well.  Don't you agree?

Hmmm.
Maybe it was more of a "warning" than an "ode...."
Let the records state that the gauntlet has been thrown...

And may the games begin.

100th Day of School.

Friday was our 100th Day of School!

Kinda' cool.  I honestly have no idea where most schools are right now in their day count.  According to Maine law, we have to complete 175 days in order for the authorities to not come and take us away and call us unfit and too wacko to teach.  Just kidding about the wacko part...

100% Juice and little headband-y "crowns" to decorate

Anyway, the boys and I are in a neck and neck race against London - to see who can "get done" first.  My lofty goal is to be entirely done - if not for some final books to be read together - before she makes her grand arrival.  At the pace we are going, we are both scheduled to be finished cooking the same exact week.

We shall see.
It's honestly no big deal - it's just my goal.  And it's good to have goals, methinks.
Goals are always made to be not met, right?

Anyhoo...so Friday was the big 100.

And let me just give one wee little disclaimer here before I go on with the rest of my post.  Lest anyone think that I think I'm all that and a bag of chips, my wee little five year old and I are only on Lesson 23 of his book.  And while I don't do anything completely structured until my kids are six -- let's just say that Lesson 23 is a far cry from Lesson 100...isn't it, now?  Schooling with this oh-so-free-spirit who thinks entirely out of the box, is an entirely different kettle of fish than schooling with the other - and while many days I have felt that it's been a ginormous exercise in me utilizing excessive amounts of self-control in not bashing my head repeatedly against a wall so as not to break this little spirit of his - this year has served as a learning field for the both of us in how we may approach our more structured Kindgergarten program next year....with a brand new baby....and a big boy in third grade....and a four-year old besides.  You just might see us at our local neighborhood school in the fall -- and that will be okay, too.

Big baths of grace for everyone, Baby.
One year and one kid at a time...

So, annnnywaaaaaay....back to our 100th day.

I kind of wanted to make this day really fun as the growing age of my oldest is becoming more and more evident to this Mama, and I fully realize that - maybe even as early as next year - some of the activities that brought him quite a lot of delight this year just might cause him to roll his eyes next year.  My boy he is a growing up.  AND, there's this rockin' teacher down the road - you know who you are, Mrs. Sedgwick - whom I always said my boys would have when they came of school age....but you know how life and being on Journey with Jesus works sometimes.... - and she does her 100th Day - and really all of the rest of her school life - up larger than life.

There's really no way I can compete.
But, Mama guilt is a powerful thing - and whilst comparison does indeed destroy contentment - sometimes it's good to get a little nudge of "C'mon.  Make today different.  Spice it up.  Make it special."

So, that's what I tried to do.
And it really was a super fun day.

And again - not knowing where anyone else falls on their schooling days, or even how old anyone's kids are who read this blog, or even if you homeschool, or want to do the 100th day of "not peeing in your pull-up" or of "not sucking your thumb," -- in the event that anyone would like any of these ideas, I shall share.

All right.  First of all, I declared it a Pajama Day, which my boys absolutely love.  It is beaten out only by letting them run around the house in their underwear...a habit in which I am seriously trying to break.  It seems like little boys are hard-wired to want to be naked.  We are working on that.  Progress is indeed being made.

And then we made a big old pancake and egg breakfast.  Normally, throughout the week we are a toast and cereal kind of morning.  On the weekends when Daddy is home we'll have a special breakfast - but rarely on a school day.  So, that was kind of fun and special.  We honestly are, really all about the food...

And while I cooked, they went on a scavenger hunt ALL around the house looking for 100 Hershey's Kisses that I had labeled and hidden.  Each kiss had a number taped on the bottom of it in which they had to match onto the corresponding number on the poster.

Check out THAT bedhead of amazement!  Wowza!

In the end, we found all but one Hershey's Kiss.
But Jesse found a jelly bean hidden from last Easter, so I guess we're pretty even.
Maybe that lone Hershey's Kiss will make its appearance next Christmas?  You never know...

After breakfast, we painted and charted and graphed 100 gumballs onto some paper gumball machines.  It is no secret in this family that my gifting does NOT lie in Math, so upon giving all said instructions, and upon showing my sample gumball machine that I had made, Kaden quietly and gently pointed out to me that I had only graphed 95 gumballs, and that I needed to choose one color to paint 10 extra times - not five, like I had instructed.

Ah yes.  I is a rockin' homeschoolin' Mama....

 In true Jesse form, this activity was right up his alley.  He preferred to "just do my own thing and paint as many gumballs as I feel like, okay Mama?"  And in true Kaden form, he went precisely by the instructions....the correct instructions.  So, Jesse had whirling, swirling, mashed together, 200+ gumballs....and Kaden had 100.  Exactly.  In perfect circles.  And they were graphed precisely.

And Ransom just oh so happily made a mess...

After this, we flipped a coin 100 times and graphed how many heads and how many tails we got.
Are you getting the all-things-100 theme here?

 And they had to guess if they thought they would get more heads than tails before flipping.  If they ended up being correct, they got to keep their quarter.  Any incentive for counting...

This is Ransom's chart.
Methinks he's been blessed with his Mama's gift of Math.

And snacktime was our favorite part of the morning.  Obviously.

We read tons of stories, and they got to eat 100 snacks - all in front of the fire.

There were organic gummy bears, organic jelly beans, and organic fruit circles, not organic at all M&M's, honey roasted peanuts, mini marshmallows, and cheez-its, pretzel goldfish, raisins, and mini bunny grahams.

They sorted them out in groups of ten on their "placemats" and proceeded to acquire a sugar rush of amazement whilst I read "Miss Bindergarten Gets Ready for her 100th Day of Kindergarten" to them.

Then, I set the Hoolies free to run some off some pent up energy.
I sucked back my second cup of coffee for the day and stared into space.
And we re-convened for the rest of our day....until resttime when there was blessed silence for two hours.

And when Daddy came home, we had blueberry pie to round out our day and told him all about our fun.

I had one final craft activity to do with Kev when he got home - that was the plan all along.  My tender heart Kaden was worried that Daddy was going to be super sad for missing out on our fun day, so I saved the "Make a Self Portrait of Yourself of What You'll Look Like When You are 100" and the Bucket List of things we are going to do before we get to be 100.....

....but you know.
We were all pooped.
And snuggling on the couch to watch Wheel of Fortune together was just more appealing to all said family members than getting out more paint and scissors - and Heaven forbid, doing a little bit of writing.

So, we vegged.
And besides.....there's lots of letters on that show, right?
It's kind of like school....

So, there you have it!
Happy whatever day of school you and your wee ones are celebrating - be they home or abroad!
And just so you know, not a single one of these ideas was my own - so feel free to steal and adapt at will...

Surprisingly Delish.

I tried a new recipe over the weekend that I stumbled across whilst browsing Facebook.
A friend had shared a cookie recipe that she had posted from Pinterest, and as soon as I saw it, I had one of those "stop whatever you are in the middle of doing and change course" kind of moments.

I saw the recipe.
I walked away from the computer.
I told Kev about the bold move that I was about to make.
I got out the ingredients.
And I dove in.
Post haste.

And now I shall share said recipe with you.
With just a few disclaimers.

My body tends to get sick towards the end of my pregnancies.  Something about high uric acid levels, high blood pressure, failing kidneys - that sort of thing.  I never feel sick, and that's what makes it potentially dangerous.  My midwives don't know exactly how to fix the issue - it tends to be one of those "if you're going to get it, there's not much you can do about it" sort of thing.  However, if I can manage upwards of 80-100 grams of protein per day, and if I take these crazy expensive, somewhat crunchy and organic, aloe-y, seaweedy liquid food products...it seems to keep this issue at bay.

The 80-100 grams of protein is the tricky part.  And it's supposed to be "real" food - not the protein type drinks.  Thank the good Lord above for the two deer in our freezer is all I can say.
And for Chobani yogurt.
And my girlies' eggs...
And...food...in general.  I really like food.

Also, Kevy has some belly issues that we've been working on for about a year now.  So, we've been dabbling with ditching gluten, ditching all things processed, trying to eat as clean as possible etc. etc.  We are slowly finding things that settle and things that don't.  We are learning when it's worth it to cheat, and when it's not.  You know - good times like that.

So, anyway.....
Enter these babies.
They work for both of us - on so many levels.

And after that long and oh so wordy introduction aren't you just dying to know what this recipe of delish is?
I knew it.  I just knew you were.
So, here you have it:

Grain-free Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Balls.
Yeesh.  Whoever thought up that title is way too wordy for my taste.
I am all about just getting right to the point of whatever it is you want to say.
Just state what your topic is and then dive right in.
That's what I always say.
Don't go beating around the bush and flapping your jaws just for the sake of flapping.

Yep.
That's what I always say...

Okay, so where was I?
Oh yes.  The long-winded cookie recipe.
And why they work for us...

All right.  Here's why:
A.  They are completely gluten free.  Great for Kevy's belly.
B.  They are crazy high in protein.  Great for me and what's in my belly.  I like what's in my belly better.

Here are the ingredients.  And don't freak out.  Remember the title of my post.
If you can.
I wrote it a long time ago....

1 15oz. can of chickpeas, well-drained and patted dry with a towel
2 teaspoons of pure vanilla extract
1/2 cup + 2 TBlsp. natural peanut butter (do NOT use regular.  The Pinterest lady said so)
1/4 cup honey (or 1/8 cup honey and 1/8 cup pure maple syrup)
1 tsp. baking powder
pinch of salt if your peanut butter doesn't have any in it
1/2 cup chocolate chips (Said Pinterest lady also says to NOT omit the chocolate chips.  They are a must)

20+ grams of protein.  Right here.  Glorious.

Process everything but your chocolate chips in a food processor until very smooth and completely combined.
Put in chocolate chips and stir a bit - or pulse once or twice to blend.
The mixture will be very thick and sticky.

Mmmm.  Baby food!

(We also added a handful of oatmeal.  And I think next time, I may add a bit of coconut and some cinnamon.  I think they needed cinnamon).

With wet hands, form into 1 1/2" balls.  Place on parchment paper and bake for about 10 minutes at 350 degrees.  They won't look much different when you take them out of the oven, and they will somewhat have the consistency of cookie dough.

Hence, the name, I guess.
And I guess that title might grab people a little more than "Chickpea Cookies."
Maybe she was onto something after all.

Excuse the nasty old cookie sheet.

Sounds crazy and maybe a little freaky.
But, I'm telling you what - don't knock it until you try it.
We ALL actually quite loved them...except for Kaden who's not a fan of chocolate.
Seriously, they really are surprisingly delish and tasty.  Very dense and fudgy.

And just so you know, the Pinterest lady does not - under any circumstances - recommend eating them cold.    
She says they are ONLY good when they are warm.  I'm going to take her warning very seriously, and eat them all while they are still piping hot from the oven.  One can never be too sure of things, you know...

See - they kind of look exactly the same as they looked on the cookie sheet.  But yummy.  I promise.

And besides, I need the protein.
My midwife says so...and one should always listen to their midwife...

Little Loves...

Favorites from our weekend wanderings...

Slowing down...and looking up.
Reminders that our strength comes from HIM alone...
And I think He's looking out for the Mama's.

Cups of tea...and games of Cribbage.
Heavy conversations.  Healing conversations.  Hilarious conversations.
The very best kinds of conversations...

Making popcorn.  And making pie.
Always with a helping hand...or six.
Never a perfect outcome...but rarely a complaint from four hungry men.
Gracious to this Prego Mama, they are indeed...

A whole lot of the same old same old.
Wash, rinse, repeat.
Bringing order back from chaos...
Even if just for a moment...until it returns again.
And then we wash, rinse, and repeat again.
And again...

Gifts from the girls.
Each and every morning...
And gifts from my boys...in that they go out in the freeze to collect the eggs and give fresh water.
While I stay inside in my cozies...

Weekend wanderings out and about.
And pizzas ginormous...with no dishes for the Mama.

Coffee by local roasters.
And inspiration on their front porch that I just may try and re-create...

Driftwood trees.  In all shapes and sizes.
Adorable.

A little boy in his own little world of cars - with his kitty looking on.
A household of boys...and Play-doh.
And reminders of why I only get out that said Play-doh every great once in awhile.

Daddy snuggles.
They slay me.

Homemade goodness cooling on my counter.
Good for breakfast, lunch, or supper.
Or - all of the above.

Again.  Daddy snuggles.
And Wheel of Fortune.
A winning combination...

And...

Rest for the weary.
Food for the tummies.
Fire for its warmth.
Time for the family.

Resulting in....being ready for the new week....

"Love is life..." ~ Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace.

#4246- 4261 ~ My Joy Journey