Changing My Perspective

So, pretty much since Jesse's birth, my goal has been to get his napping schedule to line up to be the same as Kaden's, so that in the afternoon I'll have a little bit of solitude for myself. While I don't think this is necessarily an unhealthy goal - I actually think that in the end, some days it makes me a better mom! - I do think that I have been focusing on this a little too heavily, lately.

I have so badly wanted their naps to line up that I have allowed myself to get really frustrated and even a wee bit resentful at times when I only get snippets of my day to myself. While we were away on vacation, Kev and I talked about this some, and I've talked about it with the Lord a whole lot more. In these past couple of days I've tried to totally change my perspective on this whole idea. While I am still trying to get their naps to line up somewhat, I am now being really intentional to enjoy the one on one time that I get with each boy when the other is napping. Kaden is awake during two of Jesse's naps. So, for one of those naps I make an effort to just be with him and do what he likes to do - play K'Nex, play picnic, read books, do puzzles, have a tea party (it's a little boy set, okay?) - whatever. And then for Jesse's other nap I try to get things accomplished while still visiting and focusing on Kaden through our conversation. Then, while Jesse is awake during Kaden's nap, he and I spend lots of time snuggling and playing rather than lugging him around under one arm and trying to do whatever I can with the other!

I'm also finding that both boys do much better at being by themselves for awhile after I spend some quality time with them. It's like their little love tanks just need to get totally filled up and then they're good to go on their own for awhile! This whole change of focus and perspective has also helped me feel like I'm being a better mom as I really am taking the time to focus on what is truly important in my life!

Another bonus: Kev is going to start giving me one afternoon a week to go out for a couple of hours while he stays home and plays with the boys! I'm going to resist the urge on these occasions to JUST play, and I'm going to go FIRST to a cozy little place where I'll order a yummy coffee and have some quality (and uninterrupted a bajillion times) time with the Lord!

Rewards all the way around!

Reconnecting

I had a nice gift today - well, two really - all wrapped up in one! I've been wanting to visit with my friend Shannon for awhile - I've owed her a phone message for some time now, but my days are always so crazy with Jesse. So while Kaden was napping, just as soon as I laid Jesse down, I literally raced to the phone to call her. There's no guarantees these days for how long my wee one stays down, so I figured I wouldn't have much time. Anyhoo, we had a delightful conversation that just kept stretching on and on, and suddenly I looked down at my watch and realized that we had talked for a LONG time and Jesse was STILL NAPPING! Whew! Good times! My Jesse-doo napped for almost two hours this afternoon - a record for him. I think it's probably due to his shots yesterday so I'm not getting my hopes up. But, the Lord gave me a really nice gift in allowing me to have a wonderful catch up visit without tears and interruptions. (Well, once Kaden woke up there were several interruptions - and actually a few tears now that I think of it because he bonked his head on the table) - but overall, it was quite lovely and oh so nice to catch up with this dear friend. Shannie - you are AWESOME through and through. An inspiration to me in many ways - truly. Miss you and love you!

Kaden Q. Bookaroo

I have been craving some quality time with my oldest lately where I'm not holding Jesse with one arm or where we're not listening to Jesse's cries in the background. Last evening, quite unexpectedly we got this! Jesse had just had his shots, so I fully expected him to be extra clingy and crabby. Kev was hunting all afternoon and evening, so I was expecting a long, drawn out evening where I would just have to endure!

However, Jesse was sooo mellow all afternoon and evening. It was so nice! We all went for a long walk and Kaden and I had fun telling stories and just talking about what we were seeing as we were walking. Jesse just sat and chewed on some rings - no squawking or fussing. It was lovely! Then, on our way home, we stopped off at a little playground next door and ran around, slid down the slippy slides, and played pretend for about a half hour while Jesse just sat in his stroller and watched us! After Jesse went to sleep we painted for a long time and then sat out on the front steps and lit sparklers while we waited for Daddy to get home. It was so nice, and Kaden kept saying: "I'm so excited! This is so much fun!"

His little love language is totally quality time, and he doesn't ask for much when Jesse is awake. He adores his little brother and has never shown signs of jealousy or insecurity. But I could tell that he was totally eating up that uninterrupted one on one time last night. Me too. I've missed him.

In the Mood to Cull!

Every few weeks this irresistable urge comes over me to throw things away! I cannot stand clutter, and living in this small space quite frequently gives me the feeling of our walls beginning to close in on me. Therefore, to solve this dilemma - I must purge! Kev has been duly warned - when I get in these moods, I can go a little crazy. So, I've been given strict instructions not to throw away anything that is his OR OURS. He didn't clarify this last time, and I got rid of tons of "our" stuff that he was not overly enthralled with me about.

I've always said that I'll let my kids be kids and I will let them play and build forts and leave train sets out etc., but every once in awhile I have to have my place back to myself. This morning, Kaden had his whole train set out in his room - which is fine - his room is his room. But, He also had his entire K'NEX set out with the hundreds of parts strewn all over the floor, he'd built a "bridge" with all of our couch cushions, and he had every single one of his little matchbox cars lined up beside the bridge. That's fine - that's a normal day for us. Usually, he's pretty good about getting one or two things out and then putting them away before playing with other things, but once in awhile he loves to be surrounded by his treasures, and that's fine.

But, for those few hours of quiet napping, I like to put everything back in its place and have my home be the way I like it! Clean and uncluttered. :0) Anyway, when I start to feel this way, I just haul out an empty box, walk through every room of my apartment, and fill this box with things that I never use, that I don't like, or that I don't need. Then I seal it up, mark "Yard Sale" on it and bask in the joy of uncluttering a bit!

I may have problems, but I really do love chucking things. I love simplicity. I love openness and emptiness. And since we've once again brought up the big and necessary baby things that give me sanity such as exersaucers, johnny jump ups, and play mats, I feel the need to get rid of other things! I just filled not one, but TWO boxes of "stuff"; I also hung a couple of bittersweet wreaths up on my walls, rearranged some cupboards, organized a closet, and hung some cute black and white candids up of the boys.

Now I'm just savoring the quietness and neatness, the simplicity and orderliness.....for a few more minutes anyway! Is it a losing battle that I'm fighting? Maybe! But we're all happy! The boys get to be boys and play at will, and I get to organize, throw, and rearrange.......and then for a few minutes each afternoon just sit and savor!

Jesse Update Once Again....

Jesse had his four month check-up today. Joy unspeakable. I am pleased and proud to announce that he is no longer skyrocketing off the charts - he's still off, mind you - but he's "leveling" according to the pediatrician. His head is average, his length is in the 90%, and his weight is 19.9 pounds - the poundage of an average eight month old! But hey - he's leveling!

He had three shots today. We opted out of a couple of the ones that they recommend, but three has still served to give us quite the little grumpy monkey. His reactions to shots have been so different than Kaden's. Quite funny, actually. Kaden would look at us like we utterly betrayed him and then he'd cry as though his heart was breaking. Jesse screams - quite loudly - at the onslaught of the shots, and then proceeds to cry - madly and glare at the nurse until she leaves the room! As soon as she leaves, he stops, puts his thumb in his mouth, and then grumbles to himself for a few more minutes until he snaps out of it!

Okay, I'm off. He's starting to give me the look that he gave our little nurse.

Out of the Loop!

Well, in our tenure here as PBU students, I have managed to successfully embarass myself quite royally with some pretty important staff members on campus. One day a few weeks ago, Kaden and I were hanging outside while Jesse napped, and I had our door propped open so I could hear him if he cried. All Penndel residents have been instructed to never leave our doors propped open for long periods of time because there is a rather shady apartment complex next door to ours. While we were playing on the sidewalk, a man came over and asked if I was the one who had opened the door and asked if I planned on keeping it open. When I told him why I had it opened and that I intended to stay right on the front sidewalk within hearing distance, he declared it to be fine but then continued to warn me of the dangers and the importance of being safe. I expressed my appreciation for his concern and then innocently asked if he lived around here or if he worked here. He kind of gave me a half smile and responded: "Um, yes. I'm the head of security." Oh goodness. That means he's also the guy who used to work for the FBI! I apologized and said that I don't really know much staff as I'm not in the typical undergrad program with most students. He asked who I was and I told him my name and then said: "My husband is Kevin. He's in the grad program here." To which this nice man nodded and slowly smiled: "Oh yes.....I know Kevin." Immediately I remember Kev's little hunting escapade on campus last year where all of security was notified. I could feel myself blushing and I nervously laughed: "I'm sure you do!" We both just smiled, and he walked away. Brother!

Then, just yesterday, I was at a soccer game and some friends of ours walked over with this man. They were visiting for awhile beside me, and at one point he looked at me and said hello. Charlotte always teases me for never introducing her to people that are with me, so I wanted to get her back. I held out my hand to this "stranger" and said: "Hi. I'm Amy. I'll introduce myself because Charlotte never introduces me to her friends." Charlotte looked mortified, but the man just graciously smiled and said: "Hello. I'm Todd Williams." Okay....for those of you who are not from here - Todd Williams in the president of our school! He's kind of "the man." Not only did I already make myself look like an idiot but not knowing who he is, but I just kept on digging a hole for myself and continued with: "Oh man. I'm sorry - I'm kind of out of the loop around here. Are you our new principal?" Everyone died laughing and Charlotte said, "Um, Amy - at colleges we call them "Presidents," not "Principals!" Good grief.

So Kev is known around these parts for being the illegal hunter who got the Penndel police and the PBU security involved last fall. Now I'm the blond ditz who acts like the fruit loop in front of some of the top dogs around here!

Still Refreshed.....Yet VERY Frazzled!

Our Jesse seems to have fallen back into a bit of a funk lately. He is napping wretchedly, so he is perpetually tired and grumpy. And now that he is able to flip himself over onto his tummy, he wakes up all throughout the night upset that he can't get back over onto his back. He's been consistently sleeping through the night for 10-14 hours since week six, but these past few weeks, he's been getting up anywhere from one to five times a night! He is also becoming quite the screamer! Whew - it literally curls your toes when he is MAD!! So, we've been doing lots of talking about our game plan strategy! He wakes up from a nap after only 30-40 minutes of sleep sobbing and exhausted, but he just can't seem to get himself back to sleep again. Hmmm. We'll keep you posted on how we plan to keep our sanity! It's amazing - Kaden is completely able to sleep through the tears. I feel so badly for them both, but such is life in an apartment!

Refreshed!

We had such a fun family vacay in Lancaster County this past week. No agenda really, only plans to connect and play as a family. And play we did.

Our hotel had a little kiddie pool area with sprinklers and a mini waterslide that Kaden absolutely loved. Jesse got into the water as well, for the first time, and really loved it. It was so cute - he wasn't fazed a bit if water got splashed in his face or when we almost totally submerged him! We also went on a buggy ride, walked through a corn maze, petted farm animals, did a little shopping, poked around some antique stores, and ate ourselves into oblivion. Good times!

Jesse didn't do so well in his hotel crib though, so for much of most nights, he was in bed with us. It was also interesting trying to get both boys to have their naps in the same room, as well. At home - Jesse naps in a pack 'n play in our room. So, there were a few frazzly moments, but all in all, it really was a really great time.

I love getting away. I love the conversations we have in the car, I love the uninterrupted and undistracted time we have with the boys, and I just really love the break from life for awhile. It's nice to get away and refocus. Much needed.

Bad Day

Whew!
Today was crazy. Here's why:

~ Jesse cried for most of the day and only took 2 twenty minute naps.
~ I'm missing my friend who just moved away.
~ I washed Kaden's new jacket that we got on a yard sale and somehow ripped a hole in it.
~ In doing laundry, I also somehow flooded our laundry room floor.
~ Jesse had a diaper blowout that destroyed his entire outfit AND Kaden's bedding.
~ .......Just after I had done our laundry!
~ Our house has been in chaos all day as I'm trying to pack, and I hate messiness.
~ I told a friend no to babysitting and am feeling guilty about it.
~ And I trashed the coleslaw that Kev wanted to eat! (Don't feel too bad about that one, but he was irritated! :0)

Yup. It's been one of those days.

HOWEVER......Right now I'm feeling great. Know why? We are going to Lancaster for three nights and are leaving first thing in the morning! We're just feeling the need to get away for a few days and have some family bonding time away from life for a bit. I can't wait. We have absolutely no agenda - we just want to be together and play - with no work and no distractions.

Sweet sanity.

Fall is in the Air

Finally!

I think that this is my most favorite time of year. Everything is so bright and crisp, and the air smells so yummy. I love decorating our front steps with different kinds of funky pumpkins and gourds, and what I really love most of all is........BITTERSWEET!

Truly - if I knew how to put pictures up on this blog, I would. I really need to get Kev to show me how to do this. I'm quite computer illiterate, but I'm sure I could figure out how to post some pics. I love love love love love collecting bittersweet berries and making all kinds of crazy wreaths and swags. I love sticking them in sap buckets with other sticks and branches and putting them all over the place. The berries are poisonous to both animals and babies, so one must be quite careful where they display them, but when placed properly - they are just beautious!

Kev dreads this time of year because I'm always on the lookout for the stuff and I'm always begging him to stop and help me wade through the thorns and climb up the trees to get the ones that are the most plump and full. I totally love bringing the outdoors inside. It's my most favorite way to decorate - sticks, leaves, rocks, and berries. I love it!

People out here aren't quite sure what to think of me, but I have at least one converter....my dear friend Rachel who just left me and moved away. So, my friend - you said you'd book a ticket when the bittersweet came on.....come on back for a visit and we shall go traipsing through the forest! Tis the season!

Did I Say I Wanted More Kids???

What I REALLY meant to say was that I want more SLEEP!!!!!

Holy Blast, this girl is pooped. For some reason the past couple of nights my boys are not sleeping well. Last night, Kaden was weepy and needy so we pulled him into bed with us. This child does not sleep quietly or still, so he is constantly slinging his legs over me and rolling over and over. Then, from about 1:00 a.m. on Jesse kept waking up every hour on the hour! He would roll over onto his belly and then freak out because he couldn't roll back over. I'd rush into his room because I didn't want to wake up Mom. Then I'd rush back to bed and try to fall back asleep because I was so tired! Then, one time while I was in the boy's room trying to soothe Jesse, Kaden rolled over and fell out of OUR bed! Tons of tears and a huge bump ensued. Oh, it just kept getting better and better! Ah well! :)

They're both napping now, so peace one again reigns. Maybe I WILL have another some day......

Take the Good with the Bad

Wow! I haven't written for awhile. There have been so many things going on my life right now that I feel like I want to write about. Both really great and really yucky! :0)

Good things first!

My Mom is here for an unexpected visit. She caught a ride down with a couple from my church up home who are on vacation, so we get to have a wonderful week together. This is so fun, because we both expected that the next time we'd see each other would be over the Christmas season, and that's going to be CRAZY because my little bro is getting married just a week after Christmas.

My little Jesse bear is an ENTIRELY different little boy that he was even a couple of weeks ago. I was hoping this would happen. I was praying it would happen. And so far - it's true! For some reason, we give birth to WRECKS who can't shake it off until they hit three or four months of age. He is now giving me two pretty decent naps - with very little crying as he goes down, and he is in bed for the night at 6:30! He is just so pleasant and content now! Tons of smiles and coos, and although he was always quite yummy - man, we REALLY like him now!

Other things.....I was trained to be a Clarion Consultant last week. I have tons to write about this, but just let me say that I love love love what I am learning about this. I'm excited about how the Lord may use this in Kev's and my future, and I'm loving how He is using it to change people's lives.

One more - on Kev's fall break in two weeks, he is whisking our little family away for a couple of nights to Lancaster - meals and pool included. WE CANNOT WAIT!!!

Okay, now for the yucky yucky happenings here....

Two of our dearest friends who have lived with us in this complex for as long as we have are moving next Friday. Kev and I will be the last of the "originals" and the ONLY ones with kids. I am SO bummed and I fully intend to be devastated and depressed when they leave. Rachel and I see each other just about every day, we always go for walks together, and we have been raising our youngest babies together since birth. Ahhh, I feel sick to my stomach thinking about her moving.....We all knew that this was a transient place for all of us to be. It's just not fun when everyone leaves before you do. Blech.