Nine.

Jesse Micah.
My "Gift from God."
My Wild Child Boy Joy.

This year, you are Nine....inching ever closer to those double digits.

 Growing ever bigger, ever stronger....always in the 95% in size for boys an entire year older than yourself.  God made you big.  And He made you strong.  He made you bold, and He made you brave.  And we pray that you always use these gifts for good.  God made your heart to match your size, as well....and that's always been the coolest thing to witness, Jesse Bear.

You love big, and you love freely.
You would give the shirt off your back to anyone who needed it, and you are the first to notice when someone is hurting.  I love this about you.  It's probably one of my favorite things.

You are one of my deepest joys, sweet boy.  One of my proudest moments.
And you were my favorite birth.

You came fast, and you came loudly.  Hollering bloody murder as soon as you entered the world.
Eight minutes after we walked through the hospital doors, you made your presence clearly known, and that's pretty much how it's been ever since.

You caught a crow....because.....why not?

You keep me on my toes.
And you keep me humble.
You perpetually keep us in stitches.
And you ask the deep questions.  The hard questions.  The ones that always surprise us.
This mix of crazy and of depth in you is the coolest thing.  I love this about you!

You......being You.

 My prayer for you this year, my Jesse, is that your love for Jesus will be deep, and wild, and true.  I pray that you will lead with integrity, and that you - in humility - will allow yourself to be led, as well.  I pray that God "will make you dangerous for His purposes so that you can make a difference in your generation." ~ (Mark Batterson, Praying Circles Around Your Children)  I pray that you will be a difference maker!  I pray that you will fall in love with Jesus and allow Him to write every chapter of the story of your life....that you will lean in...and you will trust Him and His purposes for your life with 100% confidence and assurance.  I pray for godly friendships who will speak into your life and challenge you to be better...to follow hard after Jesus.  And I pray for your heart.  That it will always stay tender.  And that it will always love Big.

I love your tenderness toward the underdog, and I love how you notice if someone is sad.  I absolutely love the adoration that you have for your baby sister....and your patience and sweetness toward her kind of slays me.  When she gets into trouble, you are the first to come running and want to soothe her.  That equal parts delights and frazzles me.  haha!  I love how you take to kids who are smaller than you and how you love holding babies.  I love how brave you are.  And I love watching you play football.  I love seeing you live in your gifts.

You and me on the SkyDiver....and you screaming:  "This is Wicked!!!"

Want to know what else I love?  I love watching you push through and practice your piano or read your chapter books when it's hard...and when you don't want to do it.  I love seeing your determination and perseverance....and I love to see your sense of accomplishment when you've finally mastered something that you thought you could never do.  That's life, sweet boy.  It will be full of challenges that you might never think you'll be able to accomplish.  But, you will.  And you'll have us right beside you rooting for you all the way.

Thank you for the hugs you still give so freely.  I treasure those...and I hope they are always up for grabs. Thank you for working so hard to be patient with your little brother.  You guys have come a long way. Thank you for working on your friendship and for including him for sleepovers in your room and for inviting him into your imaginary play.  He looks up to you.....SO much.  He loves being "one of the guys."

Thank you for your honesty with your mom and  your dad.  Thank you for telling the truth, even when you wonder if it will get you into trouble.  I respect that about you.  I'm proud of you when you choose honesty and integrity....and when you choose kindness and tenderness.  I'm proud to call you my Son.

I love that you are a lot like me....it kind of delights me when I see aspects of myself in you. When we both can't stop laughing at something....especially if we're supposed to be serious.  Or when we find ourselves hilarious.....even if nobody else does.  Mad skills, I'd say.

It's been a great year, sweet boy!  I can't believe you are almost in the double digits.  You are growing up, my Jesse.  And I'm so proud of the young man you are becoming.  There is nothing you could do to make me love you any less....and there's not a thing you could do to make me love you any more.

Happy birthday, Love!
Almost two months late...but still in the books for our memories...
I can hear you in my ear:  "I love you more, Mama."
And so I whisper back....."I love you most...."

Twelve.

Kaden Quint.
My biggest boy.
My "Gentle, Dark One."
My boy who is growing into a teenager right before my very eyes.

  Twelve years ago, you birthed me into Motherhood, and my life has been forever changed.

There was a day -- many many lifetimes ago -- when I thought I never wanted babies.  I was a teacher.  Daddy was a youth pastor.  We were coaches together.  We were surrounded by kids all day, and we both enjoyed coming home to a quiet, tidy house that was just filled with.....us.  But, things change, and God is the best story teller anyway.  And when we let Him write the pages of our lives....He does a far better job than we could ever think of doing.....even if the whole idea of it all was pretty scary to this young girl who always made babies cry whenever she held them.

Your Dad and I have become experts at doing scary things....and at doing things that we said we'd NEVER do....but those are stories for another day.  You were one of my very first majorly scary leaps of faith....one in which I felt a great burden of responsibility with very little preparation and instruction on how to do this whole thing called Motherhood.  I remember I had watched the movie Alien previous to being pregnant, so during my entire pregnancy, I wondered if you were trying to explode out of my belly.  Ha!  I remember telling my own Mama that I wasn't maternal and I was certain I was going to ruin this child growing within me.

Your first football camp.  

And -- SO clearly, I remember the day of your birth.  You being passed around from person to person.  Me looking on - still in disbelief that you were mine and that I had made you.  And I remember you starting to cry and your Grammy saying:  "Oooh!!  He needs his Mama."

I remember the world standing still and me panicking inside -- knowing that this was the moment when all of the world would know that I was a fraud and that I was not going to be able to soothe your cries.  But then.....as soon as you were back in my arms, you nestled in, and you burrowed deep....and just like that you stopped your crying....and it was in that instant that we were bonded.

You knew me, you were comforted by me, and you were mine.

Kaden....you are one of my deepest joys.  And you are one of my greatest accomplishments.
I am SO very proud of you.  I am honored and blessed to have you call me Mom.

We are so very different, you and I.  People say you look more like my side of the family....but you surely have your father's personality.  You think like him.  You act like him.  You have his quick wit and funny sense of humor.  You don't love being in the spotlight....and I can embarrass you really easily in public.  I love watching you with your friends -- your quiet confidence and your contentment in just being yourself.  And I love watching your younger siblings look up to you and the love and admiration that they have for you.

It's a big responsibility being the oldest brother.  One that you wear pretty well.  Thank you for your grace and patience with the Littles in the house.  Thank you for your gentleness with your little sister.  I love watching you with her.  I love the kisses you so freely give to her....and the open love and affection that you show her.  You are showing her - already - how she deserves to be treated.  And you are giving her - already - a standard to hold onto and to expect.  I love that.

I love you, Kaden.  I love the young man you are growing into.  I love your gentle tenderness toward things that are smaller and weaker than you.  I love your love for the outdoors and your passion for hunting and fishing.  I love listening to you play the piano and seeing your gifts starting to more and more rise to the surface.

I'm trying to savor these last years that I have you still under our roof.  The time frame has tilted, and the countdown of  years before you leave us is so much closer than I even want to think about right now.  I love our morning coffee together.  I love playing Cribbage with you at the counter.  I love our family vacations to Rangeley and watching you be in your glory in the Great Outdoors.  I love how you are quiet all day long until your Daddy and I are ready to go to bed and then suddenly you turn into a Chatty Pants with more energy than you've had all day long.  And I love waking you in the mornings when you are deep in sleep -- tracing your features with my fingers and memorizing your face that is still Boy....but ever changing into Man......

I love you, Kade.  And I am proud of you.
Thank you for your grace with this Mama who makes multiple daily mistakes and who often is at a loss for words and wisdom on this whole Journey of Motherhood.  My prayer for you is my prayer for all of you kids.  I pray that God will "make you dangerous for His purposes so you can make a difference in your generation." ~ (Mark Batterson, Praying Circles Around Your Children).  I pray that you will fall in love with Jesus.  That you will make Him the Lord of your life in every single area.  And that you will surround yourself with godly friends who will challenge you in your walk and who will make you better.  I pray for bold faith, for strong convictions, for tender love and kindness - for you to be an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity.....and for you to be open and willing....and ready to allow God to speak into your life and to write your story how He sees fit.

I pray "that you grow in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man." ~ Luke 2:52

Watch your Daddy, Sweet Boy.
See how he does life.  See how he loves your Mama well and how he makes his family priority.
See how he seeks the heart of Jesus....and how he leans in....even when he maybe feels it's hard to trust.  Keep treating your sister the way that you are doing......and treat every other girl who you are not related to the way that you would want them to treat London.

I pray that you will always talk to us, and that you will always know that we are safe.
We will always be on your side.  There is nothing you could ever do to make us love you any less, and there is nothing you could ever do to make us love you any more.

Happy 12th Birthday....two months late, but still in the books for our memories..
Happy last year before you are a teen.
You're the coolest, Kade..