In the Midst.

In the midst of the messy and the madness ~
I am safe, I am loved, and I am free.

With my Jesus and my loved ones all around me ~
Step by step, day by day.... It's all I need.

Summer's last Hurrah...

When my heart begins to roam...I'm reminded:  Here's not HOME...
And Jesus holds my hand...He walks with me.

With this change that's all around me ~ And this pace I cannot keep...
He gives me the perspective that I need.

And Kaden's 18", 4lb. bass.  He went out in a blaze of glory.

When fear, it seeks to bind me, and heartache takes its toll ~
I'm reminded what's Eternal, and I'm made whole.

With mercies new, and grace that's true ~
With faithfulness that never fails me...

He holds my hand; He helps me stand ~
In the midst of this madness and this messy ...

Balance.

I'm sitting here this morning feeling equal parts refreshed/reconnected and on-edge/chomping at the bit.

London is sleeping still -- so I should be flying around like a crazy lady, Ransom is chitty chatting beside me and sharing my coffee, and the two biggest Hoolies are sprawled on the couch watching a movie.  Yes a movie.  At 8:00 a.m.  No judgey.

Kev and I have been passing like ships in the night these past several days - literally tagging in and tagging out as he comes home from work and I head out for an evening shift of waittressing...so last night he put his foot down and said enough was enough.

I believe his exact words were:  "I refuse to be a slave to the tyranny of the urgent."

My evening plans had involved going over to our new place to paint until Midnight or so, because a friend had out of the blue offered to watch my kids for free...so it was just so very obvious to me that we would take her up on the offer and go and kill things over there.  Hello.  No brainer.

He texted me from work and said:  "Don't you think it would be a good idea to just be together as a family this evening?"
I texted him back and said:  "Well, stuff is not going to get done by itself, and we only have 10 days to ransack the place."
He said:  "I think we all need to reconnect."
I said:  "Ten days."
He said:  "It'll get done."
I said:  "Ten...Days."
He said:  "What's your name again?  I forgot...because I haven't seen you since July."

Just kidding.
He didn't say that...but he was right.

My canned goods and my basement are now in our new abode.
The rest of my house is a different story.

And so...
We had a cozy supper together as a family -- with real veggies and something that looked a whole lot different than toast or cereal -- and then we packed up the Hoolies and took them out for icecream.  It was good.  It was needed.  And he was right.

I think that in most marriages, the wife has the finger on the pulse of the family.  It doesn't really work that way with ours.  I could be a workaholic, easily.  I can justify that a whole stretch of "crazy" is just for a "season"....and before I know it, one season flows into another...and eventually we would be sitting across from each other having serious marriage problems.

London & Ransom's room.  Although I don't want a "girly girl"...this is a little much for  me.

It's no secret that someday I would love to go back to school to be a midwife.  I cannot tell you how many people have suggested that I just "pick away" at my classes during these years of child rearing, so that when they head off to school, I'll have my degree and I can head out into the real world and see my dream become a reality.  Maybe some women can do this, and even do it really well - with honest to goodness boundaries and everything.  But, I know me.  And I know that I am an all or nothing kind of a girl, and I am also a self-proclaimed nerd...so that whatever test or paper that would be due - it would always be in the back of my mind, I would never be able to slow and just "be," and I would be very tempted for the next four years of their childhoods to just say: "Oh, it's only a season...just until this next test is done with...and then I'll check back into motherhood."

And so it shall come off the walls.

We'd all fall apart.  I know this for sure.
It's a growth point, a character flaw...what have you.
But I know me, and I know my tendencies.  It's a major weakness of mine, and so I'm not even going to open that Pandora's box until this "season" of motherhood looks like a way different "season" than it does right now.  Good Heavens, I'm completely twitchy over a room that still needs to be painted at our new place.

So, there you have it.
I'm growing and I'm learning.
But, it's Kev who keeps us all in check.

Stripping wallpaper is of the devil.  Of this I am certain.

And so today, I shall pack a box here and there...amidst four wee ones whirling and swirling around.  We'll stop for snacks and for baby feedings.  They'll probably watch more t.v. than I would care to admit.  We'll probably have toast again tonight.  And I know this place will get packed up.  I also know our new place will get painted.  It will all get done..it always does.  And we'll all look back and wonder how it happened.

And, by God's grace...it'll get done with no collateral damage.
The kids will feel loved, and they'll feel safe and secure with this huge change.
Kev and I will maintain our sense of humor and we'll stay re-connected.
I won't get my pants in a wad, and my words will be kind.

It's also really good to have friends invite you to step away from the tyranny of the urgent, as well....

Because....
"How we spend our days is in fact...how we live our lives." ~ Author Unknown.

16 Days.

* Written in the wee wee hours of yesterday morning...  Hence the incoherence and blank stares that I've given to anyone I have chatted with today.  My apologies.

Our two-day yard sale is done and over with.
My yard is a mess, my house looks like a cyclone hit, and I've been living on caffeine...but it. is. finished.

And it was a smashing success.
Between the lot of us - and despite my perpetually giving stuff away so that it wouldn't return into my home....AND despite the brothers selling things back and forth amongst themselves... over $750 was made! Woot!  A ginormous trailer load of stuff is headed to the transfer station, and only two boxes (2! boxes!) are returning back into my home.

Success.
Smashing.

And now that leaves us with sixteen days.

Sixteen days to pack up my home, clean it from top to bottom, paint my new apartment, strip wallpaper from one of the bedrooms and then paint it, clean said apartment, and then make it feel as much like a new HOME as I can...

Throw in six waittressing shifts and four wee kidlets...and we're golden.
We've got this.
Just keep swimming.

As I write this, it's 2:00a.m., and I've been trying to sleep since 10:00.  Mayhap it has something to do with that 7:00 p.m. push-through-the-yard-sale-clean-up cup of coffee that was consumed.  Plus, the two biggest Hoolies are tenting outside, so we have our A.C. turned off upstairs so that we can hear if any weirdos creep into our backyard where Kev would have to go all Rambo on them.  Because of this, it's entirely too roasty toasty upstairs for me, and I cannot get to sleep to save my soul.

Plus, I had to have my first cry.

You know, the one that's like:  "Holy crap.  We're really and truly doing this."
We are selling our house and we are slamming the book shut on this chapter of our lives.
We are moving on into uncharted territory....and it's big...and it's change...
And it all has to be done in sixteen days.
It just kind of slayed me all at once.

Kevy knew I was restless, and he knew I wasn't sleeping...
He said he also knew that this was coming.
All it took was a:  "Honey, I know that you're giving up a lot"...and the floodgates opened.

Because although sixteen days to do all that I need to do feels entirely too daunting and completely overwhelming at the moment...I know that it will all get done.  It always does.  What feels bigger to me than all of this right now is the fact that I have only sixteen days to begin to walk away from this sweet four year chapter of my life.  This chapter that was so "me" in so many ways...with my ginormous garden, and my big sprawling yard...my kitchen wherein I practically lived...and my sweet neighbor Lew.  This place where I have lived the longest and where I brought two babies HOME.  This 2 acre lot - where out of all the places that we have ever actually called home - being the first where I really and truly felt it...

1 of 3 batches of bread and butter from my garden.  I am happy.  With three Hoolie samples.

So, that just feels a little daunting, as well.

But, it's all been a gift, and I view it as such.
This world is not HOME, and we're just passing through.
It's just "stuff" and things...I know this.

And I honestly am excited for the next chapter.
I'm excited for the adventure of what is to come next.
I feel beyond safe and secure in taking this next step with the man whom I love.
I love paring down.  I love living simply.

We be jammin.' 5 batches worth.  At least 5 more to go...during a more sane season of my life.

And I really and truly adore the concept of getting out of debt.
When do you ever get the chance to live somewhere rent free for a season?
 In a huge house?
With dear, dear friends?
On a 48 acre lot?
With a road that dead-ends on a lake?

We are martyrs, by no means....

I turned 36 last week.  The boys gave me "my" favorite candy.  And a birthday cucumber.
Kevy gave me running sneaks and 10 hours of painting.

And as we leave this sweet spot filled with four years of love, I am full.
I am thankful, and I leave this chapter feeling beyond blessed.

Happy to have been given a forever friend in Lew.
Happy to have learned his gardening wisdom ...and Cribbage.
Thankful for such a sweet spot to bring two of my babies home from the hospital.
For the crickets and the tree frogs...
For the first time ever being able to have chickens roam free.
For a man who I would follow to the Ends of the earth and back again...
Who I would do absolutely anything for...because He would do the same for me.
For him not caring a whipstitch about painting...but for knowing it's important to me...
And for four little Loves willing, ready, and excited for adventures awaiting.
For three final batches of pickles...
And for corn on the cob.
And for Grammy's taking our kitties...

And as we move ahead, I am thankful to walk with deep, soul friends.
For forests with no poison ivy.
And for chances to grow.
I'm thankful that although we are "in town," it's actually more country than here...
For bringing our chickies right along with us...
And for a few months of respite.
For a chance to step away from the rat race for awhile, to say "no" to that crazy...
To slow down and to simplify...and to reassess life.

It's good.
It's all so very good.

And grieving is good too.
It's okay to be sad.
It's a necessary step in the journey..for closure...and to give permission to move ahead for what's new.

And so, with this chapter closing and a brand new one upon us...
Although overwhelmed, I am thankful...
And although sad, I'm content.
I turn the page nervous but excited...with equal parts sadness and relief...trepidation and excitement.

And with the words of that wise old sage ringing in my ears:
"Don't cry that it's over....Smile because it happened." ~ Dr. Seuss
I shall try, Dr. Seuss.  I shall try.

And now sleep woos me back...with that man breathing softly...
And His mercies are new every morning...

Perspective is a powerful thing...
"I lean into the river, baptized again.  It's current it takes me."

Today...

Today, we were supposed to have our giant yard sale.
Today, the house was supposed to be completely culled and sorted...organized and rooted through.
That's what we've been working toward all week long.
It's the next step in this whole moving process....

But today, I am a Mama frazzled.
And he is a Hubby tired.
And they are our babies full of grace...but with love tanks just a week bit depleted....

And so Today....
Instead of the whirling and swirling...and instead of the rushing and running...
Instead of hitting the floor running, bringing boxes up from the basement, and pressing the accelerator even harder...

2 sets of fat little feet....1 set wherein Daddy isn't sure what he thinks of being painted.  ha.  It begins...

Today, we are saying no to the crazy.
And we are walking away.  Just for the day.
It'll all still be here when we get back...but we will all be the better for having walked away.

It was Kev's idea.
He's got a better finger on the pulse of our family.
I tend to just "push through" until said goal is met...no matter the chaos or the casualties...
He knows better how to re-calibrate...us.  All of us.

And so they stumble out of bed...one by one...with bedheads adorable and love tanks refilling...
We sit and we slow down.
They watch cartoons, and we sip our coffee...
He and I will play some Cribbage and we'll re-connect from the long week previous...
Whenever we feel like it, we'll all hop into the car and we'll kick it for the day...
And we'll drive south from all the crazy.

We make our own agenda...and we can choose to be slaves to it...or we can make it work for us, instead...
Today will make me better.
It'll make me a better Mama...and a better friend.  It'll make me see my husband...and it'll restore my balance.

Today is good.

So...We Have An Announcement.

Like....literally.
We have one.  Finally.

And so, without further adooooo.....
We are pleased and proud to announce the birth of our fourth child....a wee baby girl.
Who is now *cough* 3 months old.  Ahem.

Poor child #4...

Kudos to my sweet cousin Trina, who came over to the house when London was just a week old exactly, and who was oh so patient and loving with this new baby.  She took so. many. pictures.  And she was so sweet and professional.  And I am just so pleased with the results.  I hate taking my kids anywhere to get their pictures taken.  It's kind of like the bane of my existence...like right up there with being tortured, in my book.  But someone coming to my home?  And a family member at that?  Yes, please....

 If you can't read the inscription on her announcement it says:

"London Faith Booker came into our lives at 6:44 a.m., on May 9, 2013.  She weighed 8 pounds, 1 ounce and was 21 inches long.  Daddy, Mama, Kaden, Jesse, and Ransom joyfully welcome our sweet baby girl with deep gratitude and with great love."

Oh yes we do, Baby Love.
We do, indeed...

Cat napper by day, but sleeper-through-the-night, she is a whole lot of delicious wrapped up in a delightful little package of "chill." This baby girl is so happy and so content...and she puts up with a whoooole lot 'o love from her brothers.

Mad coping skillz, she has.

And during this season of "crazy," where I am back at work a few shifts each week, and where we are purging our home from top to bottom to get ready for our yardsale and our big move in just a couple of weeks...I am so very thankful for a wee little baby who makes me literally stop and sit every few hours...

We sit.  We slow.  We nurse.
And we find that sacred amidst all of the crazy chaos.
And each and every time life rights itself again....