My New Favorite Color

Well, as we enter Day #2 of Jackhammer Madness, this lady has a splitting headache and my patience virtue is a little lacking. I must confess that there were a few moments last night when I saw just how extensive the dust issue was that I almost lost it.

But then, sweet little Kaden just looked at me and said: “Well, Mommy. You’ve got me and Jesse to help you, and we’re pretty good workers.”

So….I put them to work.

And while I was giving Kaden free reign with the mop upstairs in our bedroom and letting Jesse make little puddles everywhere, I had this vivid flashback of one of our old home videos that we watched while we were up at Mom & Dad’s.

It was just a little video of Kaden dancing around our apartment in PA... but while we were watching it I was remembering ME back then. The woman that I was. It was only four years ago, but a lot changes in four years! Back then, I was a Mommy with an immaculate apartment that I kept meticulously clean. Back then, I only had one little boy who was gentle. And quiet. And neat. And organized. And obedient, for the most part.

And I had the corner on the market on pretty much ALL things parenting.

I can vividly remember watching my friend one apartment over with her three “crazy kids,” and I can remember being over there for only a very short amount of time before my head started to spin with the action. And the loudness. And the chaos.

And then I flashforward to today – to the here and now.
And I am her.
A six year old, one whirling dervish of a wild child, and one screamer of a one year old, later…..I’m there!

Four years ago in Phillly, if I saw one dust bunny roll across my floor - a full-blown house scrubbing ensued. And I assure you….I did it all by myself. Flashforward again to today, and I am honestly thankful for the help of my two littles – imperfect though the completion of the job may be. I don’t even care. I guess I’m growing.

Side by side we washed down walls, windows, bedding, blankets, floors, and all cookware that was exposed. And instead of the Littles stressing me and “getting in the way” I found them to be very comforting and honestly….very helpful.

And as far as having the corner on the market….on ANYTHING….the longer I am a mother, the more I realize I don’t know much at all, really. And with each successive child, I get increasingly humbled....with disturbing consistency! I’m actually starting to find it somewhat (honestly, just a VERY tiny bit) amusing.

I was talking to someone just this week who said that she is raising her kids to see all things as “absolutes” – black and white, all the way. And then I remembered a comment one of my other friends said.....she commented that the older she gets, the more “grey is becoming her favorite color!”

I kind of like that. Obviously, there are absolutes in life. But, I’m growing to love that second line of thinking. I’m changing. I’m growing. I’m morphing. I’m mellowing. I’m daily getting humbled. And stretched. And tired, to be honest. And….I’m starting not to worry so much about what other’s think about me. Or what I think about others, for that matter. I can spend my time in much better ways.

So, like the grey blanket of dust in my home, I'm really liking the color grey. It involves giving others a whole lot of grace - myself included. And that's kind of freeing in a dirty, dust-covered sort of way!