1st Day of School

The little Christian school that I've worked at for going on 7 years now had its first day of school today. I'm only there one day a week now, so I'm kind of out of the loop, but it was fun to be there on the very first day all of the kids and families started back. We all met in the gym with the kids sitting in the middle of the floor and the parents and staff surrounding them, and we started off the year praying for the students, their families, and their teachers.

It was really pretty special - and so unlike the public school that I grew up in!

I couldn't help but think and process all throughout the day that Kaden could have been starting school today with all of the others. He's five, and we could have begun a whole new chapter of our lives this very morning. But, at breakfast as Kev and I were talking about it, we both agreed that this is something that we are just NOT ready for yet!

We still don't know what the Lord has in mind for us to do with our boys. We're still really searching and praying and talking with seasoned parents who we love and respect....and just really seeking God's face in what He wants for our little family.

All I know is this: for this year, it was not the right timing to put Kaden in school. There is still so much "new" in our life right now, that I don't think I could handle anything else. Even though we have been "HOME" for a year, we both feel like we are still in transition and are still adjusting to life as we know it - new abode, new church, new ministry, and soon to be new baby - I need the stability of my little boy home with me for another year.

Bottom line: I'm just not ready.

So, this will be the year of finding our new rhythm. Our new rhythm of adjusting to life with THREE little boys, possibly a new home, Lord willing support raised and a bit of a picture of what life will look like with our new ministry, and a little bit of "loosey goosey" homeschooling - just a dabbling - to see how that might fit our little family.

I like stability. I really like structure. I like being completely organized and in control. I don't like chaos. I don't like being tired. I don't like not knowing what the future holds. But, for four years now, the Lord has been stretching me and growing me and molding me. I'm learning that it's okay to not be able to fit what I think life should look like into a perfect little mold. When things get too much and too big for ME to be able to control - well, that's the perfect place to "just be" and to REST.

I'm not really sure how I'm going to handle three little boys. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to love it if we do get the house but I have the baby before all of my little ducks are in a row - house painted, boxes unpacked, and we're completely moved in and settled; I'm really not sure if I can do this whole homeschool thing if that's what God asks me to do; and I really have no idea what life is going to look like a year down the road for us!

But, it's all too much for my little pea brain to even try and process, so I am choosing to rest. And I am surprisingly at peace with EVERYTHING.

By God's grace, I'm learning.