Created for His Glory

Remember about a thousand posts ago I said that I was going to be more real and vulnerable in my blogging, and I wasn't just going to write about the good and cute and super Mommy moments where everyone would think that I'm amazing and have everything all together and all of my ducks perpetually in a row? (Well...those of you who know me well, already know this is not true of me...but I'm just saying... Just in case I'd fooled a few of you.....)

Anyway, this is going to be one of those posts....

This past month has been HARD. I'm still trying to put my finger on exactly why this has been the case, but I think that it's just been because of a whole bunch of little things - two moves and all of the packing and unpacking that goes with that with two wee ones, perpetual sickness that we just CAN NOT seen to shake, trying to adjust and readjust to new living arrangements, the somewhat instability of our current living situation - being unsure of how long we will be able to stay, both cars dying - one because of me and the other because who knows why, the kids adjusting to sleeping together thus making nights a little more sleepless and interrupted......I don't know. All seemingly little things in the grand scheme of life, but when they're added up together, life has just become stressful and a little overwhelming these past weeks.

Anyway, in the midst of these somewhat darker days for me, I am finding that the easiest place to release my stress and frustration is on my children. I find myself getting more frustrated with Jesse's busyness, selfishly irritated when Kaden comes out of his room at night after kisses and prayers, because now he's interrupting "my time," irritated even more because once "my time" finally arrives, all I want is my bed, stressed because anything that I want or need to do in life or ministry or WHATEVER has to become an event where I need to get a sitter for the kids or weigh the pros and cons of if it will be worth doing while having two little rugrats by my side, frustrated that no pocket of my home can seem to be free of messes even for a moment because I have a whirling dervish of a crabby-as-of-late toddler, and just tired.....oh so tired....sleepless nights, refereeing squabbles, cleaning, cleaning, cleaning....

I have found myself wishing that my life were a little different, that my youngest's wiring and personality were a little more RELAXED...(holy cow, child!), that I could just get away.........

Yet in the midst of my whining, my Father is slowing me down and quietly whispering in my ear that I am HIS child.....and He does not treat ME this way. Christ expects no perfection from me, and He is not wishing for time off from me! God did not create me because He needed me; He created me because He wanted me. The act was based on the pure pleasure of His will. I am created to be His pleasure! He loves me for who I am, and He created me for relationship.

A pretty profound truth when looked at in the context of my relationship with my children.

This is the attitude I need to have with my boys. And this is my prayer for this new day. Why did we choose to have babies in the first place? Well, one of the reasons is because we WANTED to...pure and simple. Did I expect perfection from them when we made plans to become parents? Apparently so, by my actions sometimes! I am blessed beyond measure, and my life is full and rich. I love my life for what it is, and I love my boys for who they are. The truth is, no matter how crazy life is right now, I would have it no other way.

I just need to be reminded.....

And the enemy of my soul desires to have me. In Genesis 4:7, God told Cain that "if he did not do well, sin was crouching at the door; and its desire was for him, but he must master it." Satan waits for the weak moments. He desire is for my defeat, and he would like nothing better than for me to lose focus on my most important ministry of all - my family. The battle is so much bigger than my often very narrow minded focus.

I love II Chronicles 16:9 - "The eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him." Strengthen us all Lord Jesus. "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood......"

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the LORD, "My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust!" ~ Psalms 91:1,2