Life with my Joys

Hope Lives Here.

I love being a part of something that is bigger than me.

Tuesday, Melissa, Vicky = Rockstars.

I love breathing Hope into a situation that seems otherwise Hopeless.

I love serving alongside of friends and strangers alike - all with one purpose in mind.

Food for 5,000

I love being the physical hands and feet of Jesus - in whatever capacity I am able - and in whatever way He sees fit for me to serve. I think it's kind of my sweet spot. On a Sunday morning at church, I love the whirling and swirling crazy of three services back to back to back. I love seeing new faces and hugging old friends. I love offering a cup of hot coffee that's free or holding the door open for a sweet little family who has arrived looking frazzled and worn.

Clothes and shoes. All for free.

And I love the looks on their faces once they get settled and situated.

Once I can see that they know they are HOME.

Here, they are safe. Here, they are wanted. Here, they are loved.

We are messy.

We aren't perfect.

But we have Jesus.

And we will show Him to you...

hotdogs, soda, juice, fruit, chips - all free.

That's my church, to me.

That's my Home.

That's the Hope I love to bring...

And I love how I feel on a Sunday afternoon - like I've just run a marathon tired - but filled to the tippy top brim with Him. Because when we "do it as unto the least of these, we do it unto Him."

When we offer a warm smile, or when we help someone to their seats...

When we hold the doors open in the rain, or when we make sure the toilet paper dispenser never runs out...

When we sing our song set - even if we're all a hot mess of mistakes...

Or when we see someone who feels Hopeless, and we stop and show them Love...

Lara, Morgan, Sarah = Rockstars.
Haircuts and manicures. All free.

When we offer what we have -- small though it may be -- and when we pray: "Lord, take it all - every bit of it - and breathe Your life and grace into it. I pour it at Your feet, and You multiply it, grow it, do with it what you will - because it's all about You in the first place...."

Mary Kay girlies - facials and goodie bags. All free.

When you have a whole group of people who love Jesus and who do that all together...

Well, that kind of makes for the best day ever.

Yesterday, on the Bangor Waterfront, our church along with several others teamed up with the Convoy of Hope, and we set up camp with the sole intent and purpose of being Jesus to our City. Every single thing was free. Anyone could come and receive a bag of groceries, free clothing, free food, haircuts, facials, manicures, dental or doctor consultations, and counseling - all for free. And they could listen to fun back to back concerts by different local artists, eat some free food, and play as a family in our Kids Zone.

This was my Home all day:

Twas the City of Inflatables!

It was all fun and good until the Generator would blow, and then we'd have to fish the kids out of the quickly deflating obstacle course! This just added to the adventure of the day...

Life was never meant to be lived alone.

We were never intended to weather storms by ourselves.

And even though people are messy and relationships are hard...

Even though we don't all always see eye to eye, and we all make mistakes...

Life is better together.

It's always better together.

Rockstars. And a nursing tent for sweet Mamas....even though there's a Daddy in there right now..

No church is perfect. This I know full well to be true.

And we're all works in progress.

We all do dumb things and we all make mistakes.

But, when you have a whole bunch of messy people trying to do this Journey with Jesus the best that they know how...

That's when He steps in and does business.

That's when the water gets turned into wine.

And that's when a whole lot of ashes get made into something of beauty.

God's specialty is Redemption...

And I want in.

Hope Lives Here.

Come and see for yourselves....

Soft Launch.

Last week was our very first week of our brand new 2015-2016 school year.

Not gonna' lie. This is my first year of schooling 3 little boys at 3 different grade levels, and while I was looking over my curriculum during the summer...I honestly couldn't wrap my brain around how I was going to be able to cover an overview of the World with Ransom, the Eastern Hemisphere with Kaden, and Ancient History with Jesse -- all the while wrangling a whirling dervish toddler all day.

And so, I jumped ship.

The totes are ORANGE, people. Orange. Not pink.

I was not excited about the curriculum I had purchased. It was stressing me out to no end.
And so, just days before I was to begin my school year, I boxed everything up, shipped it back, and started all over again.

This will my first year of trying out My Father's World Curriculum. They recommend everyone's first year to begin with Exploring Countries and Cultures, so that's what we're going to do. It's perfect for my boys' grades, because it's specifically designed for families of multi-aged children, with the idea that the parent purchases only one full curriculum package. Everyone is learning the same thing, just at different levels. So, when it comes time for papers to be written etc. - Kaden is expected to write a 5th grade level paper, while Jesse is only required to write at 2nd grade level.

There is a five-year Family Learning Cycle which begins with this one-year foundation in Geography and Cultures followed by four years of chronological history. I'm weak in Geography, so I'm actually kind of excited about this year.

This new curriculum simplifies my day, and it also has all of us learning lots of things together, which I really love. The boys will still have their own Math, Language, Spelling, Phonics, and Vocabulary, but we will be doing Bible, History, Art, and Science all together. I like that.

Word.

Last week was our "Soft Launch." We're figuring out our rhythm, trying to get the order of our day down, deciding which subjects need to come first while our brains are still fresh, setting up independent work for one while working one-on-one with another etc. We've already learned that none of us are much good for anything in the afternoons, so we need to really kill it in the morning. All important things to be figuring out.

We're deciding what extras to add in: soccer and tae-kwon-do are on the table right now. Mama wants to add some music lessons in, but the Hoolies aren't thrilled with that idea, so we're still discussing. I don't like when our plates get too full, and neither do they. I'm still a huge proponent of free time and play - and I think this generation of kids has so little time to just "be kids," so we are working hard to find the balance.

We're getting the bugs worked out.

And I'm getting creative at keeping London busy. She has her own little basket of "treasures" that we rotate throughout the day until naptime: markers, play-doh, crayons, stickers, beads, stampers, little notebooks etc. She loves to clean, so I'll give her a wetty wipe and let her go to town "washing" whatever her little heart desires. And when she gets really crazy, I just chuck her in the bathtub which is right off the kitchen and let her "swim" while I work with one of the boys at the table. It works.

It's tradition, that I always have something fun for the first day of school. We Bookers are all about the food, so usually I just have a bunch of fun foodies for them all throughout the day. We had Eggo waffles for breakfast, pizza rollers and tater tots for lunch (gross...but the boys were in Heaven!), a peach coffee cake for our mid-morning snack break, and something else simple and fun for supper. (I honestly can't remember what it was now. My brain is mush).

My processed apologies....

I don't have the time, nor the mental bandwidth to create cute snacks or do fun crafting, but I really do believe that it doesn't take much to still make things fun and special. I bought them each their own $1 crate to put all of their supplies in. And we had food that we don't normally eat. Simple stuff, but out of the ordinary, so it was fun.

And then on the weekend, we celebrated.

We had just completed our year's first week of school. The boys are all one grade older. Ransom is an official Kindergarten-er. Mama (somewhat) successfully taught three boys simultaneously. London (for the most part) stayed entertained and out of trouble. This is reason to play! Celebrate the milestones, Baby!

Mt. Battie. My Happy Place.

Only 36 weeks left to go!

Thirty-Eight.

I turned 38 this week.

According to Facebook, I'm only 18, and it won't let me change my settings, so 20 years younger I shall forever be in my little virtual world online. I think I would take 38 over 18 any day, though. These past twenty years - they have been rich... Marriage and moves...and babies and ministry..

20 years of living and of Life...
Journey and Joy...and heartache and growth.
Lessons learning...and growing into the woman, wife, and Mama who I'm supposed to be....

It's good. All of it.
And I wouldn't change a thing.

One of my new favorite quotes...

I have this mental bucket list of things I'd like to do or see - things I'd like to live and experience before I die. I'll add to them or check them off as I see fit. It's not written down anywhere, and it's not on record. It's just a fun little list in my brain. Things like: see a baby be born - one other than my own so that I can be fully present in the moment and fully experience that miracle of life without being distracted by all of the work that you have to do whilst having your own! My friend Kara Pawson allowed me into her sacred holy almost two years ago, and I bawled like a baby the entire time.

Brain food. Soul food.

This Spring, I also got this crazy idea to run my own personal half marathon - having never in my life run more than four miles at a time - and I wanted to do it sometime before my body hit 40. I wanted to use what I have - stretch marks, sagging, scars and all - and instead of focusing on what I wanted to "implant" or "tuck".. to "fix" or get rid of - I wanted to use what I had... and I wanted to intentionally be grateful. I wanted to see what my body was still capable of and do something that I could still be very proud of....all the while focusing on who I am - here and now. Not who I used to be, not who I wish I could be, just who I am now...and what I have now with which to work.

My friend calls it a "Midlife Marathon."
Whatever it is, I want to age well.
And I want to age gracefully.
Gratefully, and mindfully...fully aware of four little sets of eyes that are looking on...

3,000....4,000....5,000 gifts of Joy.

This has been a year of mindfulness for me.
A year of fully realizing my weaknesses and my limitations -- and a year of letting go.

Word.

Preach it.

Chicken scratch...listing my gifts...my daily Joy Journey.

This has been a year of craving.

Pretty much since Wee Little Missy Miss made her arrival, my world has been rocked in every way possible. Good, bad, ugly...it's been rocked. I owe my new found love for running and my new found early morning routine to this little Gem. It's because of this Little Love that I ran my first personal half marathon a week ago.

And it's because of this Little Love that I'm back in love with Jesus.

Cracks in my life...that only He can fill...

I sort of lost that love along the way somewhere.
Maybe it was the several moves all close together that shook this Root Digger's core.
Maybe it was Homeschooling 3 kids and feeling completely out of my element with a toddler running wild.
Maybe it was a year of Crazy where the only time I spent with Jesus were intermittent "potty reads" with multiple interruptions for crisis intervention with four kids running wild.

Whatever it was, I found myself one day waking up to a version of Me that I didn't like, to a Mama who was perpetually grumpy, and to a woman who hit the floor angry and overwhelmed every morning of every day....and I decided that it was time for a pretty drastic change.

Perpetually complaining to Jesus day after day about having zero time to call my own - and about this female child He had blessed me with who enjoyed waking at 5:00 every blasted day of life, He one day called me out.

"You have the time," He whispered. "But are you willing to make the sacrifice to take it?"
What is it worth to you?
Is it worth your love of sleep?
Is it worth an earlier bedtime each night so that I can wake up with the dawn?

And thus began my 5:00 a.m. coffee dates with Jesus.
And morning runs of solitude and silence.
Him and I. Alone and still.
And thus began the growth of a heart that had withered....slowly opening once more...and once again falling in love.

Journaling. Heart to paper. For my kids one day.

In love with my Life.
In love with my Savior.
In love with these days of Crazy....these days of Insanity...
......In love with these Sacred days of Holy.

And it was during this season of being honest and vulnerable with whoever wanted to listen to me, that I realized a whole many more of my Mama friends felt the same way. There were a whole slew of sweet Mamas feeling like everyone else had everything all together, and they were the only ones who were failing. They were the only ones who didn't seem to be able to keep their children clothed and clean....who never knew what to make for supper...and who's house looked like a cyclone ripped through it 3.5 seconds after they just made their rounds of cleaning. They felt like losers, but their faces smiled pretty....and their eyes screamed sadness while their lips said: "I'm Fine."

This book. Buy it. Buy it now.

And I'm over it.
I'm beyond done with facades of perfection.

This has been the year of letting go...of realizing that it blesses no-one when I pretend I have things all together...of realizing that I need Jesus every moment of every day...and it's been a year of coming to the place where I crave time with Him. I crave that solitude. I crave the mornings where it's just me, and Him...my cup of coffee...and darkness still outside.

I need this.
As much as the air I breathe....I need Him.

Maybe Motherhood is finally growing me up.
Maybe I'm finally starting to learn to slow down and to do less.
I'm starting to see that "being" is so much more important than a bucket list of "doing."

I'm learning that in order to see the Holy here....I need to be "wholly here." I need to be present.

And I'm learning that truly living life with others....truly sharing this thing called Life in the first place...involves stripping off the mask and laying bare the vulnerable belly parts of the soul. This is what I've been learning in my 38th year of doing this thing called Living....

I'm still a baby grown-up.
I still don't have a clue what I'm doing in this ministry of Motherhood.
On a daily basis, I'm still pretty sure that I'm wrecking my children in some unfix-able way.

But, His mercies are new every morning.
And His grace is so sufficient.
He restores my soul.

I've learned that "man in his pomp will not endure." ~ Psalm 49:12
I've seen that "He daily bears our burden." ~ Psalm 68:19
And I am living proof that "those who seek the Lord....their hearts will revive." ~ Psalm 69:32

The greatest of birthday gifts, indeed.

This man. My greatest gift.

"With my mouth I will give thanks abundantly to the Lord. And in the midst of many I will praise Him." ~ Psalms 109:30

He reigns with healing in His wings...the King of Kings....Light of the World reaching out for us...
There is no other name.

This is my broken Hallelujah.....