Slowing and Seeing.

Thank you so much - to all of our dear friends and family - for your sweet words of congratulations and encouragement - both here on my blog and also over on Facebook these past few days.  Thank you for sharing in our joy with us and for the sweet bolster in confidence for this Mama who is still feeling a wee bit "un"-confident and slightly vulnerable.  But, I am also very humbled and honored.

These feelings are very reminiscent of the ones I had when Kaden was first born eight years ago.  I did not feel ready to be a mother, I felt like a fraud, and I wondered, back then, if everyone could see right through me.  And I can so very clearly remember my defining moment on the day of his birth when he was crying in somebody else's arms, and they said:  "Ohhh.  He needs his Mommy."  In that moment, my insides froze, and I thought to myself:  "This is it.  Here and now is where the world is going to see that I make every single baby I ever hold cry...and it's going to be no different with my own."  But, the moment she placed that sweet little baby into my arms, he locked eyes with mine, and he instantly stopped his tears.  And I was forever changed.  I thought, "Well, maybe I'm going to be able to do this Mama thing, after all."

Defining moments.  Moments where we walk into the unknown completely unprepared and unsure.  Moments where we are more aware of our own faults and our flaws like no other times before...but also moments where we are once again reminded that it's not about us in the first place, and it never really was to begin with.  God has entrusted this little life into my hands for a time, and I trust that He knows what He's doing.

And I am beyond thankful for this gift.  In this time where there is so much sadness and pain swirling around us, I am very much aware of the Mama's with the oh so sick babies, and the Mama's with the buried babies....and of the women who are dying to be Mamas.  This leaves me feeling so very tender and protective, so very sentimental, and so very much in awe that we have been given this little spark of joy.

And tomboys all the world over have been having baby girls for centuries - with the results turning out just fine.  And Mamas all the world over have been having 4+ kids, and surviving - even thriving - with at least a few of their nerves still intact, right?  Can I get a witness?  And I am growing as a mother and as a person who likes control...and minimal chaos...and things my own way, as well.  I'm learning what mountains to die on, what doesn't really matter in the long run, and that perfection is just an illusion.

It's good.  It's all so very good.
And we see the sacred amidst the chaos...

"Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world." 

~ Sarah Ban Breathnach

Dear Baby...

Today we found out what you are...

Our appointment was an hour away, and bright and early at that, so I was up before the sun preparing.

Preparing to meet you.  Preparing my heart.
And still wrapping my brain around the idea that in 20 short weeks, I am going to be a Mama of four.

We brought all three of your big brothers into the ultrasound room with us.  None of them had a preference as to a baby brother or a baby sister - they were all just excited and happy.  Initially, Kaden didn't want a "bossy big sister," but when I told him that he would always be 9 years older - so he would most likely never get bossed around by you - he decided boy or girl would be equally fine.  Every day Jesse goes back and forth, but he's really "just happy there's a baby."  And Ransom's pretty much along for the ride.

Your Daddy, though...  well, this time around, he's been a different story.
For the very first time ever, he was hoping for a baby girl.
And, so when we could see no parts that we are all very used to seeing, he was smitten from the get-go.

And me, your Mama?
Well, Baby Love...I'm not going to lie to you...I'm pretty much terrified.

With you, I will be entering a whole new territory, an uncharted course, and a world that - while I am still a woman - I feel so very inadequate and unprepared for.  A small part of me has always felt that God knew what He was doing in giving me all boys because He knew I might ruin a little girl if ever I was asked to raise one.

And so now, He has entrusted you into my care, and I am at an utter and total loss for words.  Equal parts over the moon excited and scared to death.  Equal parts so very humbled with this honor and paralyzed by the responsibility.  Maybe it's because I'm older now.  Maybe it's because I know this world a little bit better.  Maybe I know a little bit more about what we're getting ourselves into...and of the areas where as a mother, I know I am sorely lacking.  Whatever it is, this time around, I'm thinking a whole lot more about the coming chapters and seasons of your life than I ever did with my first.  And while you're going to be my fourth little baby...in so many ways...I feel like I am starting completely over afresh and anew.

But either way, we shall learn together, my Love.  You with me, and me with you.
I will never pretend perfection, and I will never be afraid to say I'm sorry.
And I will do my very best to be the Mama that you need me to be...

And know this -

....while I am not a girly girl, and while I will always inwardly gak when people call you a little "princess;"

....while I won't be dressing you in pink and ruffles, while I am slightly overwhelmed at all of the "stuff" that comes with having a girl, and while I will do everything within my power to not let you become a prissy drama queen...

....while you will be born into a world swirling with sadness and sin, with chaos and pain, and with a whole lot of ugly mixed in for good measure...

....you'll also be born into a home swirling with love and acceptance of whoever you want to become, with three brothers and a Daddy fiercely protective, with a Mama humble, with life lessons of learning to walk with Jesus, and with a whole lot of crazy mixed in for good measure, as well.


You are a light in the midst of so much pain, and joy in the midst of a whole lot of ugly.
You are a little splash of light and life - proof of God - into a world that tries to scream Him away.
And you are loved deeply, already.

Sweet London Faith ~ you have birthed me into an entirely new realm of motherhood...
And I humbly accept this sacred gift.

Our Very Merry...

In light of the horrific tragedy that happened in Connecticut this past Friday, and in light of all of the families and loved ones that are so deeply grieving, it feels so very trite to write about our family's happy little Christmas that we were celebrating on that exact same day.  Because of that, I probably won't post this link over onto Facebook - but for the sake of documenting memories and of keeping them alive for my family for years to come, I do want to record our little day on this blog journal of mine...

This year, though, I may just let the pictures speak a little more than my own typed words.
I'm still at a bit of a loss...

 

We held our babies close.

We read.  We snuggled.  We filled little love tanks.

 We got silly ideas off of Pinterest.
And we made special breakfasts.

We lingered long.
We savored well.
And we gifted each other Love.

There were homemade gifts...

Thrift store gifts...
And gifts bought off of Ebay.

There was even a gift memory from eight short years ago that I remembered my biggest boy absolutely loving.  So, Daddy went on a hunt to find its replica.

And Mama remembered, like it was yesterday, how to put the tracks together...

And just like her oldest, her baby loves it, too...

The Christmas story was read.
Sweet prayers were prayed...

And we were reminded yet again of "What God Wants for Christmas"...
The day was simple.  And it was sweet.
It wasn't over the top, and it was slow.

There were times of quiet.

And times of crazy.

There were games.

And there was feasting.

There was togetherness.
And there was love...

As always....

There were sweet conversations, and there were some "I'm sorry's."

There was tender brother love, and there were moments of not so much.

There was grace given, and grace received.

 There were multiple games of Cribbage.
And many cups of coffee...

 There were reminders of why we celebrate...
And of Who we are waiting for...

Per our tradition, we always have Chinese food for our "Christmas lunch."

And there were little things that made us happy.

Sweet memories.
Family traditions.

A house of messy, but a house of love.
A family of imperfection, but a family committed.
Two parents imperfect, but two who love like crazy.
Three boys who are ours...if only for now.
And a Savior we celebrate ~ who came to redeem us.

"Lean into joy.  Build resilience. Cultivate hope." ~ Daring Greatly, 2012

Sabbath.

A man named Russell D. Moore wrote one of the very best articles that I have seen regarding the tragedy that took place over this weekend.  He places the blame where the true blame is due and reminds us that Satan "has been a murderer from the very beginning."  He points out that Bethlehem was a act of war, and he takes us back to the book of Revelation where Jesus shows us the pictures of "a woman giving birth to a child, with a dragon crouching before her to devour the baby. (Revelation 12:4) When the woman and her child escaped, the dragon became furious with the woman and went out to make war with the rest of her offspring (Rev.12:17) and has been doing so ever since."

And my most favorite line of the entire article is this:  "Let's pray for the Second Coming of Mary's Son.  And, as we sing our Christmas carols, let's look into the slitted eyes of Satan as we promise him the threat of his coming crushed skull."


The blame lies with him.
A blame that we so rarely place on his shoulders.
So, let's aim our rage toward him.

This war goes on, but not for long.
Jesus will be the Victor.
It is, indeed, beginning to look a lot like Christmas....

*    *    *     *    *
And so today, we rest in Him.
May His peace surround us in the midst of this swirling loss.
And may we always be reminded that He was bruised, but Satan will one day indeed be crushed.

One of my dearest friends - along with her sweet sis - wrote this Christmas song a few years back.
And I love it.

Enjoy, dear ones...

God With Us. Always and In Spite Of...

While we were happily celebrating our family Christmas yesterday, we intentionally shut down the computer and turned off the t.v. -- blocking out the rest of the world for the day, so we said.  And we were blissfully and entirely unaware of the horrific tragedies that took place just a few states over, with all of those children roughly the same ages of my very own.

It wasn't until ours were tucked safely away that we tuned into the madness that was swirling all around us.
And once again, we were reminded of the REAL reason for this season.
Of our need for a Savior.  And of our desperation for a Messiah to come and save us.

And while He has been a gentlemen and has quietly bowed out of whatever we have told Him that He is no longer invited to - our schools, our government, our conversations - our very lives...  Jesus, we beg You to return.  God of Heaven - come down.

We are broken.  We are in ruins.  And we so very desperately need You.
Without You, our world warps.
And without You, there will never be any peace.

When we gasp to say that God is good, and when we shake our fists and scream:  "How could You?"....
I'm pretty sure His heart is breaking too.

And when I think of all of those parents just waking up this morning - or more likely having never slept...
And all of those still made beds that were never warmed with little bodies last night...
When I think of all of the gifts that will be returned unopened and all of the Christmases that will never ever be the same...

I am once again reminded of the "why" behind that Christmas so very long ago.
Of our need for that baby to be born.

While my Mama heart breaks for all of those families...
How much more is God's Daddy-heart bleeding?
How much more does He want to woo us back to Himself....to whisper "This is not the way it was supposed to be?"

Because out of darkness - God brought the world into being.
And into darkness - God sent His Son - the Redeemer of Mankind.
And into our darkness - He WILL once again break through.
He will win.

When there is death sadness.
When hearts bleed raw.
And when it looks like all hope is lost...
God knows, and feels, and sees all that we are experiencing...and all that we are barely breathing through.

He hold us in the untamed moments, too.  He knows that we are dust.
And He is Emmanuel - God with us.
He wears our grief as His own.  And He will come to fill the darkness.
Because this is where God is...

Making Merry.

The Booker Family Christmas Tradition of celebrating at least a week before everyone else in the world, began long ago and far away when we lived in Pennsylvania and we had just one wee hoolie to call our own.

We were college students - again, -  we had the eagerly anticipated Christmas break where we could go home for a couple of weeks to be with our families; and we planned to spend one with his parents and one with mine.

School breaks were always too short and always too rushed, and now we were new parents to boot --- so we decided that year that we would have our own little Christmas just the three of us, we'd start our own little family traditions of our own - and then when the real Holiday rolled around, we'd fully embrace the chaos and the crazy that came with running over the river and through the woods to see everyone, and we'd embrace all of the tradition and fun that came with being with each side of our families...without sacrificing the traditions and memories that we wanted to begin to instill into our own little family unit.

Plus, we have found throughout the years that it really helps to spread out the crazy a bit, as well.  It just kind of works for us, and we all love having three separate little celebrations instead of one big day of CRAZY.

So...thus...henceforth and hither-to-with began the above mentioned Booker Family Several Days Before Christmas - Christmas Festivus!  Joy to the world in all of its glory.

And I. Love. It.
 It's simple.  It's sweet.  And it's just us.
Every year we keep some of the traditions the same, and every year we add something different - depending upon ages and moods...and energy levels....and wherever we are at in that season of life.

 This year, after naps and an early supper, we had a five-house gingerbread village decorating party.

 I made the frosting too thin, I broke most of the house pieces when I tried to cut them apart, candy was flying everywhere, and the houses kept perpetually falling over.

Epic fail.

But, the kids were good sports..and it all just became some sort of "interpretive art with heavy sampling of the goods" kind of a party.

See?
Behold the awesome.
Moving right along...

We followed this saga of fantastic-ness with our annual scavenger hunt to find their one Christmas Eve gift.

I write simple little clues and hide them all over the house...intentionally sending them from the top floor to the basement and back up to the top floor to a bedroom to the basement back up top and down again.  You get the picture.  It's a marathon of sorts.  Kev and I sit back and sip our coffee and enjoy the fifteen minutes of relative peace that this fun little tradition brings us.  It's a great plan.

The boys enjoy the "scavenging" as much, if not more, than the actual gifts.  It's a fun, silly tradition.

And THEN!

After a little Christmas movie and some fun little snacks, we tuck the hoolies into their beds with visions of sugar plums dancing in their heads, and we have our own little Christmas Eve Festivus of our own.....traditionally involving some sort of horrendous for you food and a fun show.  Tony's Pizza was our dating and early years of marriage memory.  Super cheap and super bad for you...along with our favorite blueberry soda...topped off with heath bar ice cream.

The babe leapeth within my womb.
Sorry, Love.  I shall try harder, I promise....

 And once I am sure the boys are down for the night, I set the table for the morning with some fun little surprises and traditional treats...like hot chocolate, individual milks and applesauces, and their own little maple syrups for our morning pancakes.

It's the little things...

We fill their stockings...
We lay out their gifts...along with all of their little animals all around - per their request...
And we sneak upstairs with visions of sugar plums dancing in our own heads.

Christmas with little ones under foot is truly the most magical time of the year.
Simple little gifts still bring them great pleasure.
They are just as excited to give out the homemade gifts of their own.
Silly little traditions fill up their love tanks.
And simple, heartfelt prayers at bedtime show that they KNOW the reason for this season.

Sweet innocence.
Childhood excitement.
Brother love.
Simple presents.
Honest prayers.
Making memories.

Slowing and savoring.

Christmas Eve.

 'Tis the season for making merry ~ 'tis our Christmas week!
And THESE have been a few of my favorite things:

 A little bit of the outdoors brought inside.
And an oh so very strong cup of brew ~ a Christmas blend at that!

And do you know what I REALLY love?
I love what the bag says.
This is the description of Starbucks Christmas blend:
"Spicy and sweet with hints of comfort and joy."
Why, thank you, dear Starbucks...I am INDEED filled with comfort and joy.
Large hints of it.

I also love mid-morning tea parties with my boys.

Made extra special by homemade cookies from Grammy...

...And little boys who just. can't. wait.

I love live Nativities put on by neighborhood kids.

And I find especially delightful and hilarious the fact that a kid is "the star."

Classic.

 I love little cake pop sheep made by an uber-creative friend...

And I love homemade caramels made by my cousin-brother.

I pretty much love food.

Joy to the world in all of it's glory.

Hallelujah and Amen.

 I love when Grammy comes for a few days and fills my Littles' love tanks right up to the brim.
And I love that I got to once again play the role of somebody's kid.
And when I'm pregnant...I play it pretty well.

 I love little boy decorations that literally are covering my home right now.
And I love that I'm loosening up my OCD control freak mode, and I'm just riding with the chaos.

I love celebrating birthdays of some of my favorite neighbors...and their new friends...

It's all about relationships, right?  It would mean nothing without loved ones.

*   *    *    *    *  

While we've added one more little to the mix on Thursdays that makes the days that much more full...

And while today has been a day of barely controlled chaos and one epic mess after another...

While it's been a day of making homemade bubbles, and inhaling homemade bubbles....

....and puking up homemade bubbles... (no joke)...

While it's been a day of continuous interruptions and a whole lot of crazy...

While it's been a day of a few things broken, and a few floors filthy...

Four kids crazy, and one Mama Nuts-o...

Our awesome homemade Advent Calendar of paper rings tells us that tonight is our own little family's very own Christmas Eve.  So, all of this crazy-ness, and letting loose, and making merry is merely three little boys in the very thick of childhood excitement and barely contained joy.

Tonight - for us, anyway - it begins!

There will be stories, and treats, a scavengar hunt, and a wee Christmas movie perhaps.

It is, indeed, "The joy of the small that makes life large." ~  Ann Voskamp

Have a very merry of your very own....

Christmas Foody Prep.

This is the week of Christmas for my little family, so we are in full blown prep mode.  Here's a little peak into some of the foodies that will be taking place this week.  Feel free to use these ideas for your own little fam.  They are not my own...

THIS is what will be for breakfast...courtesy of my new bff pinterest:

Source: kitchenfunwithmy3sons.blogspot.com via KevinandAmy on Pinterest

We ALWAYS have pancakes, eggs, and bacon per the boys request, and per our tradition.  But, THIS time it'll be just a bit more fun...

THIS is what I want to have for either Christmas Eve or Christmas morning right along with those adorable pancakes:

Source: dondalees.com via KevinandAmy on Pinterest

Make a heart shape out of whipped cream, freeze it on a cookie sheet, and place it in little mugs of hot chocolate in the morning.  I HEART this.

And this is a super delish little treat that everyone loves, that's super easy, and that feels really special:

Source: thegirlwhoateeverything.blogspot.com via KevinandAmy on Pinterest

Here's the instructions:

Take 2 kiwis, 2 golden delicious apples, 8 ounces raspberries, 1 carton of strawberries, 2 tablespoons sugar, 1 tablespoons brown sugar, and 3 tablespoons of any kind of jam - I use my strawberry....and mix all together.  Take (at least) 10, 10 inch flour tortillas, spread them with a thin layer of melted butter, and sprinkle cinnamon and sugar all over them.  Bake at 200 or 250 until they start to crisp up a bit.  Use a pizza cutter and slice into pita chips.

And then, dig in, Baby.  
Delicious indulgence.
Joy to the world and all that jazz...