But...then I blinked.
And now you're eleven.
And it really kind of slays me.
Almost as tall as me. A proficient fisherman and hunter. Generous with your hugs but now shy with your kisses. I'm trying to honor that boundary, Bud, but sometimes I just have to muckle onto you and lay a wet one down just to see you squirm.
And just to hold one more time.
These years are flying past me - and I feel I can barely catch my breath.
I remember when the doctors told us we might have fertility issues, and I remember being okay with that. I remember telling my Mama that I didn't think I was going to be very maternal, and I was pretty sure I'd ruin any kid God ever gave me. I remember feeling you move and squirm inside of me, and feeling terrified at what we'd just done. Your birth was scary, and I remember being rushed into surgery and almost losing my womb. I hardly had a chance to hold you before I was taken away, and I remember thinking: "What if they give me back the wrong baby? I hardly got a chance to see him." I already felt like a failure.
And then it was all over, and you were back in my arms....and I remember knowing that you are were mine...and that I indeed had the right baby boy in my arms. I remember being so proud to share you with all of your Grampys and Grammys and Aunties and Uncles. I remember thinking how handsome you were - and how tiny.
And then you cried.
And then Grammy said: "Ooooh! He needs his Mama."
And then I froze.
Because I knew that right then and right there every single person in that room would know that I was an imposter. Every single baby I had ever held up until that day (which wasn't very many) would always cry in my arms. I was certainly not a natural, and every baby knew it. And then, the most beautiful thing happened....a moment that is forever ingrained in my memory. She placed you sobbing in my arms, and the instant you were back with me, your little newborn eyes - they closed -....you snuggled in, and you nestled deep....and you instantly stopped your crying.
|You were certainly a natural with your own baby sister.|
And from that moment on, I was a Goner...
That was the moment where I remember becoming a Mother.
And what a ride it's been.
You are a Joy, Kaden...and I am so proud to be your Mom. You are tender and you are kind. You are patient with your siblings, and you respect your parents. You are funny and you are witty. You love the simple pleasures, and you are easy to please. You don't worry what others think of you, you don't try to follow the crowd, and you are honest and responsible.
|Your years in a single snapshot.|
You do this Love -- and you will be blessed and you can have Joy in the midst...
Life will not always be easy -- but that's why you need Jesus. It's all about Him.
You miss out on that....and you miss the boat completely.
"He will make known to you the path of life." ~ Psalm 16:11
|Coffee order. I've created a Monster.|
When you struggle - and you will...
And when you fail - because you will...
Know that we won't be surprised. And we'll love you no less.
Know that you can tell us anything - and you can tell us everything.
We will walk it with you, and we will have your back.
Thanks for the gift of you, sweet boy.
Thanks for the gift of Motherhood...and thanks for your grace with me.
I surely know that I don't do this thing called Parenting perfectly...but I love you with all that is in me.
|Homemade icecream cake. Eat your heart out, DQ.|
May this day be filled with many Legos and many fish reeled in.
You are the Best, my Love!!!