On Love and Respect.

February. The love month. I like it.

I am blessed to be married to my best friend. I know this.
There is honestly, no-one whom I would rather spend my days with.
He is my honest-to-goodness absolute favorite person in the whole wide world.

But, we are different, he and I. So very different.
Though our loves and interests and values are the same - we walk out life uniquely.

He is private. I will share anything. With anyone.
He is quiet. My dad's pet name for me is "Foghorn." (Ladylike, eh?)
He prefers to not be noticed in a crowd. An entire building can hear my laugh.
He is nomadic. I am a rootdigger.
He is stealth and secret agent. I trust the world with my purse.
He takes risks. I hate change.
He is deep. I am...simple...shall we say?
He sees the details. I see the big picture.
He is the planner. I..um..try.
He is on time. I am not.
I like black fingernail polish. He does not. Ahem.
He is funny. I am funnier........joke..
He is methodical and diplomatic. I am impulse and stream of consciousness.

These differences are good, and I fully believe that opposites do attract. In fact, I think that many of these differences are what help to make our friendship so deep and fun, and so multi-faceted. But, sometimes I forget some things in this life of marriage and friendship intertwined - this blend of two so very different people. Sometimes I lose sight of what means most to him.

I forget about this dance of love and respect.

I forget that the best way to show this man love is to give him the highest honor of my respect.
He is my deepest friend, yes.

But he is also husband.

And while I will never be one to condone a wife who takes the respect role to that other level of "doormat" where her voice is never heard and her opinions never matter; I will also - equally - never be one who promotes the woman being the one who wears the pants and calls the shots, so to speak. I have yet to see a super healthy marriage where the woman is the one in control.

In this culture of feminism and equality, of equal rights, and everything goes -- I wonder if we've yelled so loudly and fought for our rights so incessantly, that we've figuratively castrated the men in our lives, we have made ourselves that much more confusing to the opposite sex, we have told them in every way known to man to "back off" --- and then when we say, "There's no real men left in the world" - I wonder if it's been our fault all along. Was it because we've forgotten the God-ordained order of how things are supposed to be and we think that life will just work out better when we take the reins? When we are the ones who are the "Wild at Heart" when that was never the role intended for us to play?

How often - in our generation, especially, do we hear honor and respect taught and talked about? How often do the teens coming up behind us see us modeling the true kind of love that God intended for us to show? I'm pretty sure MTV and Desperate Housewives isn't helping much, and I'm quite certain that the rapid rate of marriages - Hollywood and Christian alike - that are crumbling all around us doesn't do much for the situation, either.

No wonder the girls at my work see marriage as antiquated and unnecessary.
But, how much have we - God's daughters and His bride - added to this problem?

Because, what He has asked of our husbands is far more than what He requires of us. He tells us to "respect." He calls our men to love us as He loved the church. And the way He loved the church ended up killing Him.

Methinks respect is just a wee bit easier of an assignment.
And yet.
And yet...

Thirteen years in, how often do I forego honor and respect, and instead play the "equal partnership" and "equal rights card?" How often do I strive to trump my husband's wishes in exchange for my own? To demand by my actions that he let me be the leader and He let me call the shots? How often do I question? And challenge? And cut him off at the knees by giving him lip service, and then turning around and bold-faced lying about that love through my actions?

We give our husbands the highest honor when we give them our respect.
This I know. And this I often forget.

And if we nag long enough, and if we whine hard enough, and if we wear them down to the point of them giving in just to stop our incessant hounding...is that really even a win for us? What exactly gets accomplished as a result of that interchange? And what are we teaching the world that is watching about this earthly reflection of Christ and His bride?

And for that matter, how often do I play the prodigal wife with my Heavenly Husband?

It's no wonder the people in our lives - looking in - have so many questions.

So, this love month, there will be a card, yes. But there will be more.
There will be a better dance of husband and wife. Of honor and respect.
There will be petty things forever let go of, and there will be a better example shown.

I choose us. Always us. There was never a doubt, and there never will be.
But the dance can always go deeper.

"This is how to make love out of a marriage: Love lays down it’s own wants to lift up the will of another. Love let’s go of its plans — to hold on to a person." ~ Ann Voskamp

"Beware the little foxes that destroy the vines....."
* * * * * *
2462. Pride coming before the fall.
2463. A husband who honors anyway.
2464. Stooping always lower.
2465. Choosing the person over the plans.
2466. The gift that he really wants.
2467. Things kept sacred.
2468. Promises made. And kept.
2469. Forgiveness asked for. And received.
2470. Better reflections.
2471. A deeper dance.