New Mercies.

It's 5:00a.m. and we've been up since 4:00, she and I.

Crying three times in the night with one of her big brothers up with a scary dream to make it an even four, and this Mama's running on empty before the day is even started.

The week looms large with all things that are "life":  the laundry, the schooling, the work shifts, the meals to be made, the bellies to be filled, and the perpetual ordering and reordering life back from the chaos that it can so quickly spiral into with these days full of babies and boys.

Sometimes it makes a Mama overwhelmed.
And sometimes it feels a little daunting.
Sometimes it's hard to get out of the way of myself when the day starts off badly before the sun is even up.

When the day needs to be redeemed before my feet even hit the ground...

But, isn't it true that "all wonder and worship can only grow out of smallness?"  ~ {Ann Voskamp}
Well, I'm already feeling small this morning...so that's a start.

And isn't it also true that since "God created the world out of nothing... as long as we are nothing, He can make something out of us..." ~ {Martin Luther} 

Well, that sounds good to me, too.
Because today I feel tired, and proud, and weary...and grumpy.
So, I'm thinking today is a perfect day for me to decrease...so that He might increase.

Today I remember I'm dust.


"O Lord, I cry out to you for help, and in the morning, my prayer comes before you." ~ Psalm 88:13.  I think some of these words were written specifically with all the young Mama's in mind.  But, His mercies are new every morning, and that's when He works best through His kids.  He does His best work through us when we know that we can't do it on our own.

His strength is perfected only in our own weaknesses, anyway...

So, when London has a fragile day...
And when the two Kindergarteners are vying for position...
When Kaden has an overwhelming school day...
And when the two littlest have a battle of the wills...
When I could give a flying flip about supper plans...
And when there is only one pair of undies left in their drawers...

There's grace.
"God fills the common moments...and God holds us in the untamed moments, too." ~ One Thousand Gifts
Today, may be anything but tame...But He is here.
And He is in it.

"The evening meal was being served...He got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist.  After that, He poured water into a basin and began to wash His disciples feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around Him...When He finished washing their feet, He put on His clothes and returned to His place..."Do you understand what I have done for you?"  He asked them...  "Now that I your Lord have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet.  I have set an example that you should do as I have done for you." ~ John 13

He stooped low.
He gave His grace away.
He served perpetually.
Sounds like the definition of Motherhood.

Might I remember... "the work we do is only our love for Jesus in action." ~ Mother Teresa.
Mama love...is Jesus love.
And when we do it unto "the least of these"....we are doing it for Him.

She snuggles down deep, our hearts beating in rhyme.
And His mercies are new every morning...

Push to Reset.


"You who seek God, let your heart revive." ~ Psalm 69:32


Tradition.

And so...
As what has often been our tradition over the years...we take the day with family, we enter a gluttonous food induced slumber, and then we wake up and begin some Christmas festivities.
I also like a nice coffee on my way to celebrating Traditions...
 Because we'll blink and it's going to be Christmas....

And so, because of that...
As what has often been our tradition over the years, the day after Thanksgiving, after Daddy has gone for a morning  hunt, we all bundle into the car and head over to our most favorite Piper Mountain to pick out our Christmas tree.
Sarah York!  You were in this wagon.....
Because four weeks from now, it's going to be Christmas....
(what? what? how did this happen?)

Traditionally, it is also often fah-reezing outside, so all of the family pictures that I take of the kids just look like piles of walking snowsuits.  I can't ever see their faces - let alone their eyeballs!  Ah well.  Tradition!
We hail from Siberia.
This year, Piper Mountain had a wee little competition going on where somewhere on their property they have hidden a little stuffed black bear.  Whoever finds it gets both the tree and the bear for FREE!  My competitive juices all got a flowing when the man handed us this little tidbit of news...until I stepped foot out of the car and my eyes started watering and the snot started flowing because of it being such a gloriously warm day outside.

Not so much.

Add to that, having an almost seven month old back-breaking chunky monkey who had on two snowsuits and a blanket wrapped around her whom I had to lug around whilst the Hoolies ran wild and free...and my motto very quickly changed from:  "Oh yeah!  That bear is SO mine!" to..."Quick!  Pick a tree!  Oh you like that one?!  Me TOO! It's perfect!  Let's go get some hot cider!  Bear?  What bear?!"
Here's our tree.  And two of my children.  I'm pretty sure....
You know.  Tradition.
I loves me some tradition.
Manly men.

And so...it really turned out quite lovely.
We saw some friends up there.  We ran into our housemates and their family.  The wind died down a bit. We ate some yummy donuts and hot cider.  And then we came HOME to get our place all cozied up for this next great Holiday.
 Oh wait!  We DID find a little bear in the trees!!
 The whole clan....

Did you know that Christmas is going to take place just about four weeks from now?
It's true.
Can you tell that I'm just. not. quite. feeling. ready?
We are THAT family...


And so...
What has also often been our tradition over the years, Kevy goes hunting in the afternoon whilst the Littlest Littles sleep.  This year, he took the Kademyster with him and Jesse stayed back with me to watch Christmas movies.  They brought home pizza for supper...and with our bellies full of goodness (that was not turkey for a change) we decorated our sweet little spot upstairs with Christmas music playing in the background.

And what has also often been our tradition over these fifteen years of marriage and babies...I found myself sitting back with the tiniest of them all - snuggling quietly, and letting the boys work whatever magic they felt like working - just simply looking on at all of the whirling and swirling that is mine...

...and feeling all the way filled up to the tippy top brim.

This Crazy is mine.
It's loud...and it's messy...and it is SURELY not perfect.
But, they love me and they claim me as their own.
And for that I am so deeply thankful.

Gobble. Gobble.

Thanksgiving.
 My mostest favorite Holiday without all of the hooplah of the stress that Christmas can sometimes bring.
And you still get all of the awesome foodies to boot!

I love that Thanksgiving comes before Christmas for so many reasons.

I love that we have this build up, these days of counting our thankfuls and of being grateful for even the littlest of things in our lives - especially the little things - before the crazy of Christmas happens.

I love that we stop...and we gather together with those that we love...and we just are.
Together.
I love that Kaden made London this darling little headband (pilgrim hat?  Indian headdress?) to wear for her first Thanksgiving with our family.  And I love that my most reserved little boy made such a tangible declaration of his love for his baby sister.  Mama gets a head bonk for a goodnight kiss, and London gets slathered with kisses and told that she's the "apple of his eye."

Whateve.
Haters don't be hatin.'
Mamas don't be jealy...
She is pretty delicious after all...
I love the simplicity of the day...
The food...the games...the crafts...and the crazy.
I love that Grampy puts in his earplugs when my boys are over for the day...
And I love when it's bedtime at night.
I love the leftovers for supper...
And I love the feeling of celebration and festivity...
And this man.
I really, really, really love him.
Even though he really, really, really loves to tease me.
He kind of makes me crazy.
I sometimes feel like I have four wild hooligan boys.
Because I do.
Behold!  The lunchtime of glory!
Followed by the suppertime repeat of glory!
She likes the squash.
She also likes to poop the squash.
It's fabulous.
And I LOVE me my food.
This here be a small sampling smackerel of pumkin, mixed berry, apple cranberry, and pecan pie.
Heaven on a plate, Baby.
And per our tradition, the Hoolies made our pilgrim hats.
I bought the no-name brand cookies this year.
Over half of them were broken.
Not cool.
And so... such was our day.
Simple.  Yummy.  Together.  Slow.  Loud.  Festive.
With Family.
T'was the greatest gift....

The Stuff of Life.

For the days when you haven't lost your joy...but maybe it's just a little bit harder to find.
And for the days when you're chock full to the brim happy.

For the days when five little boys and one baby girl all under one roof are crazy, loud, and fighting...and you just might pull your hair out.  And for the days when you think you've got this thing called "walking alongside" down to a pretty good science.

For the living and the learning...for the grace extended and for the grace that's constantly shown.
For this beautiful expanse of a HOME.
For deep, soul friends.

And for loving each other just the way we are...
I am thankful.

For two Mamas in the kitchen...and for two Daddy's working hard.
For stooping ever lower...and for the Crazy swirling 'round.
For community, for vulnerability, for humility, and for hearts that beat as one...
I am deeply thankful.

For the school days of failure... and for those of success.
For Mama days of grumpy... and for their sweet forgiveness.
For sweet boys all crazy... and for arms thrown around me.
For sweet baby smiles and for just...slowing...down.

For seasons of sorrow and for deep, wrenching pain.
For seasons of humility and for refinement in the deepest soul places.
For seasons of Life and for accepting the grace.
And for seasons of rest and for healing the heart.
For all that Life throws...and for the Love of the Father...I accept and am thankful.

For his arms around me.
And for nights talking late.
For dreaming, for JOURNEY...
And for big leaps of faith.

For seeing life through the eyes of a child...
For seeing through their "messes" and for finding the creation...
And for remembering that "play is the work of childhood."
I am thankful.

For family, for friendships...for walking raw and real.
For days that are thriving...and for days just surviving.
For reminders that HE is God...and that I am not.
I am thankful.

For four little souls that are mine just on loan...
And for one man's heart that beats only for me...

For this month - and beyond - to practice Thanks-living...
And for these next few days and weeks especially... for this good reminder...
I am thankful.

Catching Up.

Holy.
Cannoli.
Hank.

These past few weeks have totally and completely kicked my butt.  Like, seriously...I feel like I am a rat on a wheel and I just. can't. jump. off. for the life of me.  So, a few days ago - as it always does when life gets insane - my body decided to take charge.  It stuck a fork in me, it told me I was done, and it sent me off to bed for an entire afternoon, most of the evening, all of the night, and the majority of the next morning.  Kevy ran to Walgreens and bought me all sorts of concoctions, he ran a vicks vaporizor all night, he went on major Daddy Duty for about 24 hours or so...and it turns out, that's just what the doctor ordered.

These days, I pretty much feel like a new woman.

Life does that sometimes.
It hits you hard.  It knocks you down.  It makes you step back for a bit.
And that's okay.

I've been kind of a hot mess, but I'm all right with that, too.

My Thankful Tree is still pretty barren because we keep forgetting to add our "thankfuls" each day.
I got about 7 days into the 30 day crunch, plank, and squat challenge before I tanked.
I have about 3 stocking stuffers purchased for my kiddos for Christmas and that. is. it.
I'm pretty much perpetually behind in school this year.
I look like a bedraggled old hag when I wheel into co-op each Friday...usually 30 minutes late at that.
I cannot get caught up on laundry to save my soul.

And that's barely just the tip of the iceberg of what has been my life this past little while.

Throw in a Thirty-One party that I had for my oldest of friends who has recently become a consultant for the company...add us staying up until almost one in the morning visiting...and well, this old gray mare she ain't what she used to be.  I've been the walking dead ever since.  Top that with family coming through, my Dad having his shoulder completely replaced this week, and my dear, sweet 103 year old Great Grammy passing away... and that's a big ole' recipe for Crazy wrapped up in a neat little package of Insanity.

But...my Dad getting his shoulder replaced...and so many of his family members just stopping for the day so that we could all sit and wait together in the waiting room of the hospital?  And taking time off from work and life so that we can all come together to celebrate a lifetime of love and a legacy well lived by the Matriarch of our family?
Boys and puddles.  Like moths to a flame.
Well, that's a recipe for a whole lot of sacred right smack dab in the middle of all of this crazy chaos.
Because that's really what life is supposed to be all about in the first place.

Slowing.
Seeing.
Finding the joy.
Searching for the beauty.
Celebrating life.
Loving deep and wild and raw.
Babies eating their toes.  One of my favorite things.

Because the crazy - it's always there.
And the laundry will never be done.
Perfection has long since been thrown out the window.
And life lessons are just as important as book learning.

Family and legacy...being together and showing tangible love...
Losing and grieving...loving and walking alongside...
Beauty married right into the middle of the mess...

That's what the "stuff" of life is really all about.





6 Months.

Well, Baby Love...
Here you are...six months old wearing my own sweet Mama's dress that she wore when she was just a baby...and here I am wondering where these last six months have gone.

You, my sweet little surprise with your hair stuck straight up and your tongue sticking right out... and me, wondering how in the world I could have ever imagined not having a little baby girl in my life.

You, my happiest of babies...
Your brothers completely smitten...
And your Daddy and I loving the way this thing called "life" has all played out...
What a sweet little game changer you have turned out to be in this family completely overrun by wild and crazy boys.  You are always in the center of their world...being held or entertained....being sung to or played with.  And you are always fought over first thing in the morning ~ your brothers wanting to each be the one that you first see and give that first adoring smile to...

You will suffer no lack of love, dear one.
And me your Mama...well, I still have some of those same old fears that I always had at the thought of raising a daughter.  You will be watching me.  You will see my glaring flaws...and  you will witness my messy mistakes.  You will know better than most, I suppose, just how imperfect your Mama really is.

But, I hope too, that you will see how I live life raw...I hope you will experience my "I'm sorry's" just as freely as you will witness my junk.  I hope that if nothing else...you will never doubt my love for you...or for your Daddy and your brothers.  I pray that you will see a mother and wife flawed but that same woman faithful and in love...that you will see my faith and that you will witness my journey with Jesus.  And I pray that we will be able to walk that journey together and that you will never be ashamed or afraid to come to me for anything....

I want you to always know that you are loved and that I'm on your side ~ always and forever no matter what.
Sweet, London Faith, you have filled my heart up to the tippy top brim!  Just when I thought that I was filled to bursting, you have gone and made me overflow.  In the words of your Daddy:  "You are awesome!"  And in the sweet prayers of your brother Jesse:  "Thank you, Jesus for giving us such a sweet, beautiful baby girl...."

Our journey together is just beginning.
I still just barely know you.
But, we are knit together, you and I.
Welcome to the Crazy, Little One...
Welcome to the Messy.
We're so glad you are here...

And we are oh, so thankful for the gift of you...
Happy 6 Months, my Love.