Mama's Day...

When the snow melted, Jesse found tons of "onions" and pulled them all up for me.
Thankfully,  a few of them survived...

While Kaden was doing Math beside me this morning, I was listening to a song that I have loved for years, and he looked up and said:  "You used to play this song all the time.  Why do you love it so much?"  And it struck me anew and afresh as to why it's buried so deep in my soul...

This is the song I had played on repeat over and over again for at least one of my babies' births.
It will forever transport me back...

Kev always gives me the greatest of gifts before each one of my babies is born.  He cuts me a C.D. of songs, and it's a total surprise as to what they are.  I love LOVE love these gifts...and I play them day and night during my entire stay in the hospital.  Years later, whenever certain songs are played, I'm instantly taken back 2, 6, 8, 11 years ago....

...And I love it.

My heart.   Right here.

Being a Mom.
What a crazy journey.
One I said that I never wanted to take once upon a time...

It's funny how life changes you.
I'm constantly surprised at how much I love being a Mama to these four little hearts.
They grow me.  They challenge me.  They humble me.  They fill me up so full...

From my Jesse.  We have an ongoing competition over who loves the other more.
And he bought me Dots.  His favorite candy so that I can share with him.

My Mother's Day was lovely.  My own sweet Mama was here, and she and I hit the town for an evening out together.  A rare treat - sans any Hoolies - and I never laugh so hard as when I am with her.  At one point, I seriously had tears running down my face so badly that I couldn't even see the road.  Silly things - jokes and humor that you only find funny in the moment and with each other. But, so much fun.

Such sweet memories...

My boys each presented me with their own sweet homemade cards and their own favorite treats that they knew I would share with them.  Ha!  They know I love something homemade far more than anything they could ever buy.  I love each of their little styles and interpretations.  I love how they change and grow each and every year.

My Daddy-O actually surprised me with a Mother's Day gift as well!  I love Dad's gifts...I never expect them, I'm always surprised by them, and they always have something to do with being crafty and creative.  This here is my very own personal belt sander!  I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do with it yet, but I love that it's a big ole tool, and I love that it's all my own!

We had a bbq after our three services at church, we ate leftovers from London's birthday, and a whole slew of trouties that the boys had caught over the weekend.  We sat on the deck, we enjoyed the sunshine, and then after Mom and Dad left, London and I had ourselves a glorious afternoon nap while the boys all played outside.

That just may have been my favorite gift, right there!

The Hoolies all camped out in the backyard overnight.  They stayed up late nightcrawling with flashlights, and being crazy.  Kevy snuck away to bring us home a "Stay-In Date" of take-out whilst the kidlets had nary a clue, and he gave me the sweetest card with cold, hard cash to spend on something fun.

It was a great day.
It was sweet.
It was simple.
It was blissy.

And my Mama's heart is filled up clear to the tippy top brim...

Two.

Sweet London Faith.....Namesake of our Mamas ~

Two years ago this week-end, you entered into this swirling world of boys, and you rocked each one of us in every possible way.  We can't even remember anymore what life was like without you.  A whole lot less pink, for sure.  Fewer kisses.  And far less snuggles...

You've got four smitten men on your hands right now, Little Girl...and one crazy in love Mama.

Your boys have adored you since birth, and they continue to do so today -- even when you sneak into their bedroom and find their secret candy stashes. They are far quicker to forgive you than anyone else in the family.  You have a sweet and different bond with each one of them, and they are your most favorite "playthings."

What gifts you have in them.
And what a gift you are to them in turn...

Your first days Home.

You are well loved, Little One.
You have no idea just how loved you are.

You have changed this Mama, London.  You have grown me and you have stretched me in ways that I never even knew possible.  Some day, reading back in all of your Mama's blog entries and baby books, you will see just how very terrified I was of having the responsibility of raising a little girl.  I still am, by the way.  The boys want to model their Daddy.  They watch him.  They imitate him.  And they try to be like him....so I have never felt this full burden of responsibility that I now do with you. I honestly have no idea how to raise a little girl.  I myself was raised in a world of boys, and this is the world that I know.  But God saw fit to entrust you to me, and so I trust Him with that.  And I love Him all the more for it.  You delight me.  And this delight and trust far surpasses any of my fears.

You will see a lot of mistakes from this Mama of yours...and who knows what dysfunction I bring to the table each and every day. You will never have to wonder if your Mama's perfect or not, for you'll clearly see her flaws.  I make a lot of mistakes, and sometimes I lose my way.  But, you'll also never have to wonder if you're loved.  Or accepted.  You will always be wanted.  And I will always be your Home.  May you learn from me how to admit your failures, and may you daily see in me big baths of grace.  May you watch me walking in frailty and in faith...a deep and contented faith that this rich, and raw, and real.  One that is confident and content in choosing Jesus.  Always and forever - no matter what.  May you see me looking to Him for my assurances, for my answers, and for my strength.  May you learn at an early age that Comparison destroys Contentment -- and so Jesus is the only standard needed for your everything.  These are things that I want you to learn from me. These are the things that I want to settle deep into your soul.

And your Daddy.  You watch him, Love.  There is so much you can learn from him.  He's the first man you'll ever fall in love with...and he's the model you want to shoot for in your own man someday.  Trust me, I know.  I've been praying for your man and for his own sweet Mama who's raising him right now ever since I knew you were growing inside of me. Lord, give her grace to raise him to know You and may he stay protected and pure as he waits for you, sweet girl...

Heavy things to write for a two-year old's birthday post.  But you won't be two forever, and these are the things your Mama's heart sees and thinks about while we're playing blocks together or sharing our morning eggs.

There are other things too.  SO many other things!  You are so funny, London!  You constantly keep us in stitches.  You love a good audience.  You find yourself hilarious, especially when you know you're being naughty.  You are whirling, and you are crazy.  You are - hands down - my craziest kid, which equal parts delights and exasperates me.  I find it rather funny that I prayed I wouldn't have a prissy, girly girl - and God gave me a kid who thrills in playing with (and drinking!) toilet water....you love to stand right in the middle of the table...you've pooped in the tub more times than my three boys did combined....and you daily make more messes than any of them!  You are just as loud, you are just as crazy, and you get just as dirty as the entire lot of them.  You daily kick my butt, and I kind of love it.

You also love your "pretties,"  You love wearing necklaces and beautiful dresses.  You put on multiple different shoes all throughout the day.  You love the hat and mitten basket, and you love to have your toenails painted.  Such an adorable combination.  Maybe just a little bit like me.  And so, I'll paint your toes pink, while I continue to do mine black.  We'll both go and catch frogs and salamanders together.  I'll give you a little splash of makeup while I do my own.  We'll find joy in our chickies together.  I'll draw the line at wearing dresses for me, but I'll happily put you in a sweet little number.

And we'll keep walking this journey of Mother/Daughter together.
What a gift you are to  me -- to all of us -- sweet London Faith!
 Happy Birthday Number Two!
I'm not quite sure how it happened, and it really kind of slays me...but of such is the Journey of Motherhood...and taking this journey with you has brought me the deepest of Joys.  Thank you for that gift.  I love you, Londy....

~ Early Morning Babbles and laughter.
~ Squeals of delight when she sees her boys.
~ Squishing hugs and pat-pats on our backs.
~ Sweet, spitty lip kisses.
~ a diaper and boots - her clothing of choice.
~ sharing breakfast each day.
~ "Snuggies" with a "Blankie" together on the couch.
~ Her love for the chickies - much like my own.
~ Whirlish dervish wildness -- and her impy, crazy joy.
~ Her delights in the little things -- GO OUTSIDE!  Treats! "Milky!"
~ Puzzles, coloring, blocks, and legos - a few of her favorite things.
~ Her help with dishes and laundry.
~ Little conversations and gut splitting laughter.

~ My Joy Journey...London Delights ~

Weekend Wanderings...

Yesterday was the first time since October where the temperature reached above 60 degrees.
I heard it from the Weatherman.  He said so, and I believe it.
Since October.  It's been awhile.
No wonder we've all been so cagey.

Six months it has been since our outdoor temperatures have tipped the scales above 60.
Six months where we have bundled up our extremities every single time we've gone outside to play.
Six months of mostly either snow or rain.
Six months of a whole lot of inside entertainment for four rowdy children...

Every year it's a contest to see who can find the first Salamander.
Daddy won this year - not even trying.  He was collecting rocks for a fire pit!

So, yesterday, when the sun peeked it's head out, and the temps promised to actually feel like Spring, we literally lived outside for ten hours.  From 9:00 in the morning until 7:00 at night, we were adventuring and just BEING in the great outdoors.  And It.  Was.  Blissy.

Introducing London.  "Hiiii Buggy!"  Not quite, Sweets...

And I honestly could feel my soul waking up again.
When we came back inside - filthy, tired, and smelling like smoke from our campfire - we could tell that we had been craving these warmer days.  Craving the sun on our skin and bare feet in the grass.  Craving being outside - wild and free - and just BEING in wide open spaces.  My family needs this.

I need this, or I start to go Postal...

We worked on projects.
The boys caught some fish.
They played in the sandbox.

They stripped down to t-shirts and bare feet.
We have a tank full of salamanders.
And we had our first backyard campfire.

The t.v. was never once turned on.
The kids never once asked to go back inside.
We were in wide, open spaces of sunshine without any walls caging us in.
We gave the kids rides in our old wagon on back, dirt roads.
We stopped for ice cream on the way home.
And we played football in the backyard when we got home.

Sweet, simple joys.
Time well spent with my Loves.
Reconnecting.  Just Being.  Letting peace sink deep down far into my bones...

I think that yesterday, for the first time, this place truly felt like Home.

We moved in the Fall, and most of our time has been spent inside, or just playing outside for short stints of time.  Yesterday, I feel like we really began to get a feel for the lay of the land, and we began to put our own marks on our property.  A fire pit being our first staking claim.

Our new house is small - the smallest place that we've ever lived.  But true to Family form, my kids - and Kev and I really - we love to live outside.  Yesterday was full of little gifts that showed me my big ole family is going to be just fine in a cozy, little place.

There's a fire pit for cooking and roasting things.

A backyard sufficient for an awesome game of catch.

Swingsets and sand boxes.

Wide open fields where my boys can play and explore.

A sweet stream right beyond the treeline.

Horses running free next door.

Peepers at night.

And kind neighbors to befriend.

All gifts.

All grace.

All things that I do not need, but so many things the Lord knows I love.

Days like yesterday are like life to my bones.

They center and re-fuel me.  They bring me deep joy.

And to the Giver of all of these gifts, I am so very thankful...

"Selfies with London"

A Wee Ditty

 Mama asked her baby ~

"Will you please give me a kiss?"

London nodded Happy

And responded just like this...

First she kissed me sweetly ~

Then she bit me on my Nose!

Selfie time with London ~

It came quickly to a close...

Maple Syrup Making - (for the Hobbyist who Doesn't know Much).

Behold, our Liquid Gold!
Happiness in a glass jar, Baby.

Finished product:  20 ounces from 5 gallons of sap.

This just screams: "Saturday morning pancakes!"
Tip me over and drink me up.  Oh man.  I seriously have to refrain.
But even better than the scream...it's a promise that Spring is coming!
It's just a whisper...with warming days and freezing nights still...but it's coming!

Maple syrup making is the first of Spring traditions.
And maple syrup making cannot take place in Winter, so I know that it's true.
Spring is FINALLY upon us.

We almost didn't tap this year.
New place.  Only a couple of trees.  Life.  You know...
But my boys noticed the trees, and my hubby was totally up for it...so we just popped in a few spiles and figured we'd let come what may.  And surprisingly, these few little trees are yielding a decent amount of sap!

We boil it almost entirely down outside...otherwise my kitchen would be a sticky mess.
We "finish" it inside when there's only a couple of inches in the pan.

I picked up the coolest book at our local transfer station back when we lived in Hampden.  We called that place "The Hampden Walmart" - because we got the best stuff there.  I'm talking L.L. Bean backpacks to wear my babies in, bikes for the boys, clothes, games, tools - it was like going to a free yardsale every weekend.  We'd drop off all of our trash, and bring home a whole whack more.  Garbage in, garbage out - you know the drill.

Anyway, I found the coolest book called Back to Basics, and it's all about learning traditional American skills like: pickling and preserving, weaving and spinning, woodworking, metalworking, beekeeping, natural dyes, soap making, candle making, fishing, creating - all sorts of super cool stuff that the Hippie in my heart loves to read about and pretend that I can do.

My Dad and brothers tapped trees all throughout my growing up years, but I never really paid attention or got involved - other than sneaking out with a tea cup and drinking the sap every hour or so and loving how the watery liquid slowly turned darker and richer the further down it boiled and the longer it stayed on the heat.

A few years ago, we were driving home from a Family Day Trip somewhere, and we passed a house where the yard was literally lined with sap buckets all the way up their driveway.  I turned to Kev and declared:  "I want to tap trees!  Let's do it!"  In which he promptly replied:  "Okay, Babe." because he's super cool like that.

And that very day, we stopped at our local hardware store; we picked up a handful of spiles, some tubing, and some brand new five gallon buckets, and we had ourselves a little Family learning project.  I called up my sweet neighbor Lew who always got a kick out of our impulsive ideas.  He came over and gave us some pointers such as the direction in which to tap the spiles into the trees, how high up we should place them, which trees exactly were the maples (ahem...we were wrong on a couple of them) and we we were off.

Finishing it off inside.

This is seriously one of the easiest and neatest projects to do with your kids.  It's really kind of a miracle eating the finished product over pancakes knowing that it was watery liquid dripping from a tree just a few days before.  How amazing is that?

Man, God is cool...

If you have a couple of trees, a huge pot, some propane, and a thermometer that reaches around 220 degrees, you're golden.  This family has no awesome equipment, and certainly no sugar shack.  We have a grill with a huge propane tank.  Bam.  Cheap entertainment.  Delicious results.

Once we have close to five gallons, we start to boil it down.
Once it gets to about a third it's original amount, we strain it through a cheesecloth into a soup pan and keep on boiling.  So says the book:  Once it hits seven degrees above the boiling point of water (water boils at 212 degrees, so 219 roughly), the syrup is ready.  You can tell when it's almost ready, because it will suddenly start to really foam and froth, and it will boil right up over the pan if you're not paying close  attention.  That's always fun.

Want to know what else is fun to clean?  This:

 An entire bottle of garlic salt dumped on the table, the bench, and all over the blessed floor.

I went into the bedroom to change my clothes.

London decided to first, douse her brother's yogurt with said salt, and then discovered how to take said cap off of said bottle.  Mama praised Jesus that it was bedtime for said daughter.

Anyhoo....
Where was I?
Oh yes....
Paying attention so that the syrup doesn't boil over.
It's good to pay attention to things.  Especially one's almost two year old Crazy Cyclone of Cuteness..

So, yeah.
That's basically it.
Once it does the heavy, frothy boil - turn it down, check the temperature, and immediately pour it into glass jars that have been sitting in boiling water.  I strain it through a cheesecloth one last time directly into the jars. Screw on hot, brand new lids and the jars will seal themselves.  No need to hot water bath or pressure can them.  Some people still do, just to be safe.  I do not, and I am still alive to tell the story.

Or...
Option number two would be to strain it into any old container that you wish, pop it into your fridge, and make some rockin' pancakes for breakfast the next day - promptly devouring the syrup in all of its delicousness...but that's okay because you still have two more five gallon buckets to cook down.

I chose option number two.
Tomorrow morning is going to be amazing...

The Mama Sabbath.

It's April 9th.
It's exactly three weeks into SPRING, and it's snowing.
This is the view from my side porch:

The horses don't seem to mind.

We got around three inches of snow last night, and it's still coming down.
But, even though it's April and it's snowing -- and those who know me well, know that I am no fan of snow or of being cold....I don't feel Grinchy in the least, because It's also Thursday.  And Thursdays make me happy, regardless.

Thursdays are my Mama Sabbath.
They are the only day of the week where I do not have to go anywhere or be anywhere.
And snowing outside or not -- I am still able to savor the day.

Last Friday, it was Spring.
One day soon, Maine will remember...

Thursdays are like everyone's else's Friday, I think.
Sunday, we live at church.  It's our longest work day, but we're together and it's awesome.
Monday, we hit the ground running with our heaviest school day and a work shift at night.
Tuesday, we do school in the morning, staff meeting all afternoon with a straight shot to work again.
Wednesday, we do school and/or Mom's group at church & then a final work shift to end my week.

Bangor City Forest.  Our Happy Place.
We were on a quest for the early salamander.  No luck this time.  But soon!

And then, it's Thursday.
My poor little house is sad and forlorn with laundry and dishes overloading.
My floors are begging for a good deep clean.

There's the pressure to finish up the school books that haven't gotten read yet for the week.
But, there's a different feeling in the air.

Full blown impy-ness, right here.
They were coming after me with snowballs.

The week-end is almost upon us.
Tomorrow Daddy is home, and we shall play.
So, today is Friday to me.

Our one last day to hit school hard, get the house in order, regroup and re-organize, and get ready for Family Time.  I love it.  Maybe it's all psychological, and maybe it's just because I know I don't have to be anywhere tonight, but I am relaxed Today.  And my boys are happy to have me.  They have missed me, and they love the fact that we have all day together.

Sweet little hornet's nest.  I kind of love them for some reason.

We are constantly assessing and re-assessing our Life.
We are always shifting and re-organizing our schedule - weighing the things on our plates.

Are they life giving?  Are they draining?  Should we keep them on regardless?  Is this good for us?  Is this wise?  Would this be good for the kids?  And even if it's good -- it is Great?  Is it worth the added stress - the addition of something more full?  Sometimes the answer is still yes, and sometimes it's no.  Sometimes everyone around me still chooses the yes, when I feel that it's just not right for our family in this season.  Sometimes people around me choose the no, but I feel that it's still right for us, regardless.

That's the journey of Life and of Family.
And it's unique for everyone.

A rose between two thorns.
Oh wait.....

Some can handle a fuller plate and a tighter schedule.  Some even thrive on it.
Some cannot.
Some Mamas can't handle being home all day every day.
And some Mamas can't take being away.
I find myself a little bit in both camps.

I like having my hands in the mix of several things.
I love my ministry that I have at church - I love the whirling and the swirling of it all.
I love the three waitressing shifts where I've been for five years.  Those people are my family.
And I love being home.

That's why I love Thursdays so much.  Sunday through Wednesday, I've been out a lot - busy and pulled in several different directions.  Work.  Ministry.  Life.  People.  All things I love.

But, Today, is my centering day.
My Biggest Ministry.  My deepest Joy.

My Loves.  All five of them.

Today there will be messes made and there will be messes cleaned.
There will be a perpetual ordering and re-ordering of chaos back to sanity.
There will be Math and there will Science.
There will be squabbles and there may be tears.
There will be a dent placed in laundry, and at least two loads of dishes done.
There will be Life - the mundane and the ordinary.  The beauty mixed in with the messy.
There might even be some moments in the crazy, where I wished I was headed out to a work shift this evening...

Today there will be the Mama and her Loves in their Cozies.
There's going to be a fun lunch in the living room with a movie.  Just because we can.
And there will be the anticipation of Tomorrow... of slowing down with Daddy.
It is my Mama Sabbath.
And it is good.

Slow....see the sacred in the Chaos.
And wherever you are - be ALL there!

“Maybe every once in a while we can take a break from doing everything faster and quicker to reflect on who we are and where we are going.” 
― Joe Plumeri, The Power of Being Yourself: A Game Plan for Success--by Putting Passion into Your Life and Work

Why Easter is so Epic.

I love Easter.
I love it SO much - like a million times more than Christmas much.

Easter books and centerpiece...that got loads of "loving on" this year.
A few of the figurines are missing their hands.  Jesus' arm got super glued back on.
It's all good.

Because Easter is the promise!
Easter is the day that sin and pain and death were conquered.
It's the day that Jesus won...and the day where the whole world knows it!

We know the end of the Story...
It's where Satan is defeated...and it's the promise that ONE day...maybe not Today...and maybe not Tomorrow...but One day...the pain of this life, and the tears of this world will be forever exchanged for an Eternity of Forevers...where sadness won't even be a memory.

We did a sweet kid's devotional called the "Messiah Mystery" in the days leading up to Easter.

If we didn't have Easter...
Well...if we didn't have Easter than this whole life of living would be pointless, in the first place.
Seriously....what is the point of all of this if it isn't about So. Much. More....

This world is not our Home.
The God of Heaven - He came down!  He took on human skin...
And He bled and He died for you and for me.
And He is what makes this life worth living.
He is what this life is all about.

"Resurrection Rolls" with the boys.
I love food with a lesson.
Tasty and teach worthy.

Not gonna' lie.  I ate four of them.
We put them in muffin pans this year...and the "tomb" was actually empty when we bit into them.
First time for everything!

And in the meantime, we watch and we wait.
We groan and we yearn.
We wait with eager expectation, and we watch for Him to show up.
The God of the resurrection heals.  He restores and He redeems...
He loves us where we are.  He loves us no matter what.
And He came down to make us new.

Saturday morning. We celebrated early because Sunday is cray-cray.
In lieu of baskets, I did sand pails...in hopes of the promise of Summer one day.

And Easter is the promise of ALL of that wrapped up into a day of Hope and of Joy.
THAT'S why I love it so much.
I love the reminder.
I love the promise.

Cake.
And we know it's not about the Bunny.

On Sunday, Pastor Kirk said:  "Easter isn't about bad people becoming good.  It's about dead people becoming ALIVE!"

THIS is what I want my kids to know and believe in their deepest souls.
We have fun - we have SO much fun on Easter finding jelly beans, eating fun food, and doing special things.  But, it's not about the bunny....and they know that.

It's still fun to play.
Even though my oldest thought they were Monkeys.

Our church had five Easter services over the course of the weekend.
Over 1,200 people walked through our doors, and over 100 people raised their hands to say:  "I want more.  I know there is more.  And I want this Jesus that you all are so in love with!"

Oh.  My.  Goodness...
This was amazing.
As Jesse would say:  "This is my jam."
This is what I want to be all about...

Sweet and Precious.  Like my boy.
Who doesn't like to be kissed anymore...but who I can't HELP but muckle onto once in awhile.

And so Easter this year was sweet and it was beautiful.
It was fun and it was exhausting.
It was family and it was lots of jelly beans.
It was Uncles and cousins who loved on my kids, and it was meeting new friends in the process.

"Uncle Shawn lets me play with his phone.  I have him wrapped."

Easter was church with loved ones serving hundreds and hundreds of donuts and greeting hundreds and hundreds of people - some who were SO happy to walk through the doors of our church, and some who looked like deer caught in the headlights of a car....scared, unsure, wanting to be anywhere but THERE...and it was my job to just love on them and let them know that this was EXACTLY where they were supposed to be -- right smack dab in the middle of the lot with all of the rest of us messed up broken people...

...In need of a Savior.
...In need of love.  Of healing.  Of hope.
...In need of the Resurrection.

Because He never came to make bad people good.
He came to make all of us dead people ALIVE.

This.
This is why Easter is so Epic.