Dear Baby...

Today we found out what you are...
Our appointment was an hour away, and bright and early at that, so I was up before the sun preparing.

Preparing to meet you.  Preparing my heart.
And still wrapping my brain around the idea that in 20 short weeks, I am going to be a Mama of four.
We brought all three of your big brothers into the ultrasound room with us.  None of them had a preference as to a baby brother or a baby sister - they were all just excited and happy.  Initially, Kaden didn't want a "bossy big sister," but when I told him that he would always be 9 years older - so he would most likely never get bossed around by you - he decided boy or girl would be equally fine.  Every day Jesse goes back and forth, but he's really "just happy there's a baby."  And Ransom's pretty much along for the ride.

Your Daddy, though...  well, this time around, he's been a different story.
For the very first time ever, he was hoping for a baby girl.
And, so when we could see no parts that we are all very used to seeing, he was smitten from the get-go.

And me, your Mama?
Well, Baby Love...I'm not going to lie to you...I'm pretty much terrified.

With you, I will be entering a whole new territory, an uncharted course, and a world that - while I am still a woman - I feel so very inadequate and unprepared for.  A small part of me has always felt that God knew what He was doing in giving me all boys because He knew I might ruin a little girl if ever I was asked to raise one.

And so now, He has entrusted you into my care, and I am at an utter and total loss for words.  Equal parts over the moon excited and scared to death.  Equal parts so very humbled with this honor and paralyzed by the responsibility.  Maybe it's because I'm older now.  Maybe it's because I know this world a little bit better.  Maybe I know a little bit more about what we're getting ourselves into...and of the areas where as a mother, I know I am sorely lacking.  Whatever it is, this time around, I'm thinking a whole lot more about the coming chapters and seasons of your life than I ever did with my first.  And while you're going to be my fourth little baby...in so many ways...I feel like I am starting completely over afresh and anew.

But either way, we shall learn together, my Love.  You with me, and me with you.
I will never pretend perfection, and I will never be afraid to say I'm sorry.
And I will do my very best to be the Mama that you need me to be...

And know this -

....while I am not a girly girl, and while I will always inwardly gak when people call you a little "princess;"

....while I won't be dressing you in pink and ruffles, while I am slightly overwhelmed at all of the "stuff" that comes with having a girl, and while I will do everything within my power to not let you become a prissy drama queen...

....while you will be born into a world swirling with sadness and sin, with chaos and pain, and with a whole lot of ugly mixed in for good measure...

....you'll also be born into a home swirling with love and acceptance of whoever you want to become, with three brothers and a Daddy fiercely protective, with a Mama humble, with life lessons of learning to walk with Jesus, and with a whole lot of crazy mixed in for good measure, as well.


You are a light in the midst of so much pain, and joy in the midst of a whole lot of ugly.
You are a little splash of light and life - proof of God - into a world that tries to scream Him away.
And you are loved deeply, already.

Sweet London Faith ~ you have birthed me into an entirely new realm of motherhood...
And I humbly accept this sacred gift.



12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Amy, I love her name! Your blog brought tears to my eyes..again! Tears of joy for the joy you all are experiencing. Tears of sadness because I didn't experience the safety of a family that loved God and protected me within the walls of our home. Yet...that sadness also makes me long for Heaven and causes me to choose, once again, to bask in the love of my Heavenly Daddy that never does me any harm and wants only good for me! I love you Amy Booker and I know that you will allow God to love this sweet gift through you..everyday and always. BIG HUGS! --Brenda

Angelica said...

Exquisite name~~~ what is the meaning behind it--

Do not be afraid---beautiful friend--I promise you, raising girls does not have to be scary at all----I know you will excel--and she will rise up and called you blessed-- oxox

Duffarmsgirl said...

Amy, I always love reading your blogs, you bring me to tears! You will love having a little girl, and if she turns out even a little bit like her mama, she will be a wonderful blessing to anyone who knows her! LOVE her name! So excited for you all! Love ya! ~ Katie Duff

Life With My Boys..... said...

Aw. Thanks for the encouragement, girls. Whew. Crazyness. London was my Mama's maiden name, and Faith is Kev's Mama's middle name.

Our two mamas....in our wee little girl.

ann said...

so beautiful, this baby is so blessed already to have you as her mama!

Anonymous said...

I thought you had a girl's name picked out from way back....Very nice! Love ya! Rachel

Esther Littlefield said...

Love you girl. And you will do splendidly. My girl needs some more gal pals, anyway. Oh, and I still have a ton of really cute girl clothing that you could borrow : ) So happy for you.

Kristi said...

Beautiful name!! You wondered if you'd ever get to use it -- I love it!! I loved your post -- and you will ROCK being a Mama to a little girl!! i am beyond excited for you!! Can't wait to meet this little girly next summer!! ahhh -- my goodness, I love ya!! So very happy, dear friend...

Anonymous said...

LOVE the name! Amy...you are perfect parts girly and not girly. And even though my little adores pink ("look mom! I'm pink from head to toe...even my undies!!!" she says with joy after she's dressed herself...to go out in public...as I inwardly gak :) she is living proof that the sweetest of girls can also be into bugs and worms, fishing, hiking, camping and request a dinosaur Halloween costume and birthday theme! You will do great with London and she will be exactly who shed meant to be!

Anonymous said...

Omg I already love the mom you will be to your daughter. We need more moms that raise the kind of daughters that they would want their own sons to marry ! Meaning low maintenance. Not afraid to get dirty. Think of others before self. Focus on inner beauty. Course love Jesus. Amy you will be great!!!! And she might love girly things and she may not You will most Likley not decide! Monique used to say she was a Joe boy when she was little. She never could remember. Tom boy! Lol love u Amy! I'm spool happy for uuu

Angie said...

I love her name! Her! I love saying her about your sweet new baby. :). You are and will continue to be the most amazing, perfect for your babies, mom, and this little girl, whether obsessed with pink or not, will adore you and her daddy and her brothers. I can't wait to "meet" her (virtually at least). SO happy and excited for you all, my friend. Xoxoxoxo

KateO said...

I'm smiling cause I would have written this post mostly verbatim if our #4 were a girl. But I knew in my heart that if a girl was what God saw fit in my life, I'd be ok. You'll be great. You're already so mindful of what your kids need, and it will be so fun!