Post Sickness Celebrations!

After approximately 3 weeks of living with the Plague with a Capital P...we had ourselves three solid days without vomiting or any other sorts of other explosiveness, so I figured it was time we did some celebrating!

I LOVE loving on my family on Holidays that come with fewer expectations, than say some others.  I know that Valentines Day is commercialized...but my kids don't have the "gifty" expectations that come with Christmas - or even their birthdays.  All I told them the week before was that I love Valentine's Day because I LOVE loving on them...PLUS, Valentine's Day is Grammy Quint's birthday...AND they were coming to spend the weekend with us!  So, how much cooler and awesome could the weekend be than that?!

We were healthy.
Loved ones were coming.
A friend was even going to come to spend the night!
Those three things alone make life worth living!  Ha!
It's the little things, man, that make life Epic.

And so...
The boys and I lived in the kitchen for a few days - cooking and making messes together...making cards and little gifties in secret....planning a fun menu with all of Grampy and Grammy's favorite foodies...throwing up a decoration or two here and there...and we just had ourselves a good old fashioned:  "Happy Late Birthday to Grampy, Happy Valentine's Birthday to Grammy, and Happy Plain Old Valentine's Day to the Rest of Us!"

In lieu of a traditional birthday cake, on Friday evening, we let everyone build their own tortes with cut up cake, brownies, strawberries, pudding, melted frosting, reese's cups, and homemade whipped cream.  Everyone had their own little fluted glass which made things feel more festive and special...and everyone got to be their own artist...which my boys thought made things a lot more fun, as well!

The boys had a friend spend the night on Friday night, which has kind of morphed into a spontaneous yearly tradition, of sorts.  We never have sleepovers with friends, so this was pretty special.  We played a few card games at night, and then the boys crashed to the basement to play some of their own games, listen to Adventures in Odyssey, and just visit with each other all bundled around each other in sleeping bags and bunkbeds.  I find little boy conversations hilarious.  And I find Micah to be darling.  He lives with one, very calm, very sweet older sister.  When he comes to our home, he is a celebrity and is just about practically mauled during the entire duration of his stay.  He has zero breathing room, and he is such a good sport about it.  I literally have to remind my guys to give him some elbow room.

In the morning, I made Mom her favorite lemon poppy seed scones with lemon curd, and I had a few fun surprises set out on the table for the boys when they came upstairs.  Nothing expensive, nothing amazing...just a few tokens of love and fun.  I have never bought them those individual boxes of fun cereals before, so they thought that was pretty cool.  And I also gave them each their own solid candy heart.  I love how tiny, little things can turn an ordinary day into something fun and special.  I also love how many times I just said the word fun.....

After breakfast, I broke everyone up into teams to play a bunch of Valentine Minute to Win It games.  We played Large Ones (meaning us oldies) versus the Littles (meaning all of the Hoolie boys).  We played "Face the Cookie" where they have to get an Oreo from their forehead to their mouths; valentine heart stacks, valentine candy corn stacks, mad libs, word searches, unwrap a hershey's kiss with mittens on and eat it relays, sucking up valentine m&m's through a straw and dropping them into a bowl....all simple, mostly candy themed games, courtesy of Pinterest... in which my madre and my padre were super cool sports, as usual...and in which the Littles beat us by one. measly. point!  No prizes -  just the satisfaction of beating us fair and square.

We had a Valentine's High Tea for lunch -- minus the soup, which I believe comes with a true Tea.  I made homemade soft pretzels and chocolate chip cookies - more of mom's fave foodies...and then we had just a bunch of other simple foods:  egg salad sandwiches, strawberries and chocolate, crackers and cheese, sparkling cider, etc.  It's amazing how a little tablecloth, $2 cider, and sandwiches with the crusts cut off of them make things feel more special and festive.

Micah left for his house shortly after.  Mom and Dad headed downstate to visit my little brother, as well.  And we kicked it off to church where we rescheduled services to try and escape the crazy blizzard that was predicted for the following day.

Something about mixing things up, and having things at a different time with kind of last minute planning to get everything thrown together made things feel completely different. It was a blast, and I kind of loved hanging out with so many of my favorite people on one of my favorite days.  Afterwards, we got a super quick bite to eat on the way home together, and on the drive home all four kids fell asleep in the car.

The day was packed.
The day was full.
It was sweet.  It was special.
And little boys fell fast asleep with love tanks overflowing...

Cooking in the Kitchen.

From the time each and every one of my babies was old enough to sit up on their own, I have always, always, always had them in the kitchen with me.  I love cooking with my kids, and it's one of the ways that we have always bonded together.  Music blaring, them helping to measure and stir, me heaving deep cleansing breaths when the stirring gets over the top "vigorous" and all of my dry ingredients fly into the air......

It's our tradition.

London's been sick this week.  She put her boots on and crashed right here.

First they sit up on the counter beside me.  Then, they transition to sitting up on a stool beside me, until they've grown tall enough to stand down on the floor right next to me.  It's been fun watching their growth throughout the years.  We have had many a Math lesson in this room, teaching them to read measurements, or to learn how to double or to half a recipe to suit our cooking desires.

Kaden's been sick, too.

My goal has always been to have all of my kids become self-sufficient in the kitchen.  Not only do I want them to be able to cook an egg in a pinch if they're starving and Mama is unavailable for Maid Duty, but I also want them to grow up being comfortable reading a recipe, kneading a loaf of bread, using the oven - you know, all of those sorts of things that will make their wives rise up and call me Blessed.

Jesse hasn't been himself, either.

Well, as of late, my two youngest boys have become very imaginative and creative in their "cooking" desires.  Every Saturday morning, they watch Recipe Rehab on T.V., and this has sparked some creative juices to flowing, and so now for the past week, every single day of life they want to make a creation in the kitchen.

My Jesse is my Artist.  He really sees no need for following other people's ideas.  He likes to march to the beat of his own drum, and he likes to cook to the "words" of his own recipes.  He is in his glory when he is creating - full on Joy written all over his face - so I am trying to let go of a few of my kitchen reins and give him a little more cooking freedom.  A graduation of sorts from being Mama's Sous Chef and Right Hand to the Big Cheese every once in awhile.

I'm trying to be more of a "Yes" Mom.
This seems like an area where I could do this.
And as long as I can keep some semblance of control on the sizes and amounts of ingredients, the biggest negatives I see are:  an Epic kitchen mess (which he has been told he has to clean on his own), a few grocery dollars lost down the drain for the recipe Fails, and a few more grey hairs sprouting on the head of this Typist....

One of Jesse's "blender recipes" See the blender in the middle?
The drawings all around are of the "ingredients."

Sometimes, when I feel like being Awesome, I give him total and complete freedom to create.  This scores me awesome Mama Brownie Points even if I do lose a few more sanity nerves. Typically, I let him do this if he feels like creating some sort of treat.  His go-to method of operation is to raid the cupboards for any sort of snacky, treaty food -- throw it all in the blender with a bit of milk or yogurt, and usually it doesn't come out half bad.  It's hard to make something taste wretched if every ingredient going into the blender is junkfood.  Various versions of "milkshakes" we call these creations.  Why, just the other day we enjoyed a:  marshmallow, oreo, banana, peanut, vanilla, honey, applesauce, cinnamon Flurry of sorts.  Not half bad if you could get past the grit.

Well...
Now that he has his blender creations "mastered," he has wanted to move onto greater things such as Muffins!  He's drawn up some concepts, he's written a plan, and he wanted to fully execute a batch of awesomeness for the family just last night.

And, so here's where Mama's reins started to pull in just a wee bit.
I proposed a "blending" of our recipes.

This one was his.
(Actually, since writing this post, he has told me that this is actually his ice cream recipe....My mistake)

We had to have a bit of a sit down chat about first learning the basic essentials of baking before going Hog Wild in Creation Mode.  We talked about wet and dry ingredients, about ratios and how all things are not equal.  For example, if one were to do equal parts flour to equal parts baking soda the result would be disastrous.  He listened - albeit reluctantly - and agreed that "even though this way wasn't nearly as fun or as creative," he would go along for the ride in our first real baking lesson together.

 WHAT?!  Measuring cups?  That's no fun...

Seriously?  We read ALL of those words on that page?  Well, that's boring...

 

We combined our resources and "rehab-ed" a written recipe, so to speak.  Mine didn't call for bananas, but Jesse's did, so we added them.  His didn't call for vanilla, but mine did, and he was cool with that.  He had never heard of a "streusal topping" before, but he thought that was pretty cool.  I never thought of blueberry yogurt, but figured it couldn't hurt anything...

It was a creation!

Well, then, Ransom wanted in on the plans.
And he wanted his recipes to become part of supper plans, as well...

Somehow, I managed to convince him to add "pizza dough" to his collection so that we wouldn't have to do yet another brand new creation of glory, and he was fine with this plan as long as he could do all the measuring, all the stirring, and all of the kneading...

My kitchen floors were Epic by the time our evening was over...

I honestly love these moments.
I love these times in the kitchen...and flour covered floors are such a small price to pay for all of the whirling and swirling cozy memory making times that we have in here...

Now, we shall do a little more honing of our "recipe writing" skills...
And maybe we have a bit more of ratio and measurement learning still to go before we'll be ready to actually eat most of their "meals,"...

But the creation and the imagination are all half of the learning.
And most of the fun!

And I'm going to save these sweet little recipe books in my box of treasures...
The backwards numbers.
The depictions of ingredients.
The ideas that came from their sweet little imaginations...

Sweet simple savorings.
Sweet daily Joys.
My boys in my kitchen with their Mama.

These are the Days...

Vantage Point.

I'm not gonna' lie.

When today rolled around - day 8 of not having left this house save for 2 shifts of waitressing which do not count as "getting out" to me - with a weekend that blurred seamlessly right back into a Monday because those two days off looked just like all the others this past week with sweatpants, sickness, and snot....

Welp...
When today rolled around with a rousing hacking-up-a-lung cough by a Hoolie in the basement, and a call to the doctor because we just can't get ourselves better...I done gone went and told Monday right where she could stick it.  The same place where I told this up and coming blizzard where she could go as well.

I'm a crabby pants today.
And I have a permanent growth attached to my hip named London.
I haven't seen another living soul for days, and these four small walls are slowly making me crazy.

I'm a pretty good nurse until about day 4, and then my mental faculties start to unravel.
And today is looking like a tangled mess of crazy.
Kaden is dead, London is clingy, and the two middle boys are as sick of each other's company as I am of my own.

A classic Monday.  Throw in yet another blizzard, and we're golden.

And just when I am about to throw in the towel and listen to the sneering hiss of the Enemy telling me that today is a fail before it's barely even begun...that I might as well call it quits on this whole day anyway, because it's surely only going to end in tears....

I bend low and I read:  "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children...." And "...In as much as you have done it unto the least of these...you have done it unto ME."

And those words on those pages, they slay me...

Whoever takes the lowliest position of these whirling little children...these are the greatest in God's Kingdom.  And this work that's being done -- this cooking and cleaning, and wiping noses, and warming up hot water bottles, and wearing her snot, and hugging her close, and entertaining the ones who feel well while soothing the ones who do not --  this right here in the mucky moments of life that is Motherhood...this is Holy work...with the messy hair, and the unbrushed teeth, and the 3 day old sweatpants right along with it.

It's the vantage point.
It's always the perspective.

My boys.  Reading their blog book.  THIS makes me happy...

"When I was naked, you clothed me.  When I was hungry you feed me.  When I was thirsty you gave me something to drink....and when you did it unto these you did it for Me."  There's nothing much more needy than fussy, sick little children.  And when we can get out of the way of ourselves and our wants and our grumbling...when I can rip my eyes off of myself and my untidy face and hair and clothes I've worn since Saturday...well, then I can finally see it - if I don't miss it for all of my complaining...

"How much larger your life would be if your self could become smaller in it!" ~ G.K. Chesterton

It's true that "all wonder and worship can only come out of smallness." ~ Ann Voskamp
My kids...they already know.
They've been trapped inside with me for days.
They know the smallness that is their Mama.....

And so tonight - when I get the call from work that tells me to stay home because the roads are too bad....well, that feels kind of like a "do over," to me...

Redemption.

And all of a sudden...these four small walls that I was craving freedom from...no longer feel so confining.  And those tiny little arms that are perpetually wrapped around my neck with that feverish little forehead plastered fast against my own....I see for what it really is.  I see Him in her...  And the ones who are crazy will help me with supper...while the ones who are sick will be snuggled.

This is the Holy Here...
These are the gifts of Today.
And this is the Beauty of Now.

I lean in...baptized by You....and Remember.....
Ugly days can be beautiful, too.

Rooted in the Here and Now.

"The man who forgets to be thankful has fallen asleep in life." ~ R.L. Stevenson

I hate this quote.
It's true...and how often I have slept.

She.....is a stinker.

Jesus....help me not to forget to give thanks so that I don't fall asleep to my life.
...so that I remember that You are in the details.
In the moments.

What will I magnify today?
What will I name...  Remember?
The world - all broken and messed up?
The cracks running rampant throughout my own life as a woman and a wife?
The gaps in my mothering?

...Or maybe could I magnify something else....

Paul learned the secret of living...he learned how to be content in every situation...(Philippians 4)
He practiced.  He made habits.  He retrained his brain, his thoughts, his heart...

Naming something offers the gift of recognition..
"When we give thanks for the seemingly microscopic, we make a place for God to grow within us." ~ Ann Voskamp

Desiderius Erasmus once said:  "A nail is driven out by another nail; habit is overcome by habit."  When we make changes...or when we eradicate something from our lives - we have to replace it with something else.  Remove the bad...replace with good.  Get rid of the junk...replace with substance.

Wake up angry every morning because your kids are your alarm clock...realize this needs to change.
So...set the alarm for an even earlier time to give yourself an hour of silence and rebooting.
And do it over and over and over again...until you want it...and you need it.
Until you crave it.

 Feel ungrateful.  Feel unthankful.  Begin to count the gifts...both little and the large.

"Do not disdain the small.  The whole of the life -- even the hard -- is made up of the minute parts, and if I miss the infinitesimals, I miss the whole.  There is a way to live the big of giving thanks in all things.  It is this:  to give thanks in one small thing.  The moments will add up." ~ Ann Voskamp.

The moments will add up.
The numbers will grow.
Hearts will become softened.
Eyes will again see.
And mind-numbing practice of choosing over and over and over again to see...and to count...to remember...will become life changing.

Thanks-living drives out the nails of habitual discontent...and habitual griping...with habitual gratitude.
On the days we feel dead...those are the days when we most need to wake back up to the Glory of Now and the Beauty of Here...

The messes.
The mundane.
The crazy.
And the chaos....

It all becomes a sacred Holiness with God right smack in the middle.
And with His grace That. Is. Sufficient.

"Looking comes first." ~ C.S. Lewis
Our eyes are the windows into our body - Matthew 6
Jesus, give me your eyes to see...always and forever...

Braids.  I heart these.

And remembering is an act of thanksgiving...

~ Lego creations - Imagination Everywhere!
~ Laundry exploding - evidence of our wealth.
~ The way she shimmies up my waist when I pick her up.
~ Him beside me at the end of a long day - warm and safe.
~ Ransom singing:  "Jesus! Jesus!"
~ Sick boys, blankets everywhere, days of cozy.
~ Cribbage and coffee - with them swirling all around us.
~ Dates and conversation...and Grammies who watch our babies.
~ Despite the busy, despite the changes - always assurance of our love...
~ Snowy days at home - and naps.
~ Breakfast for supper.
~ Warm fire inside and the wind whipping without....

Snowed In.

Count the gifts.  Count the graces.  Never stop counting.
Always choose to see.
This is holy work...

This is how we slow our lives addicted to speed and our days that get blurred into smears.
This is how we become present...
And how we bring Heaven to Earthly moments...

Homemade drums...and requests for the real thing.

Slow.
Children at Play.

Seek and you will find...

Slow. Children at Play.

Since the beginning of December, I've been getting up early, while the skies are still dark.
London is faithfully, and without exception, my alarm clock - typically 5:00 (or 5:15 if she's gracious).

I grab her a drink and a snack, I sneak in and turn a flashlight on so as not to wake Ransom, I put a bunch of toys into her crib - give her a quick kiss and a snuggle - and I creep away.  But now, it's no longer back to the cozy of my comforters and that sweet land of slumber.  Now my body has found a new rhythm, and my life has found a new routine.

One that has brought me LIFE, and one that has restored my Joy.
I'm coming out of the valley...

I find her  bedhead hilariously delightful.

London's crazy early mornings used to frustrate me to the point of bitterness.
My very first and instant reaction of every single morning was anger and frustration.
I heaved my sighs, I flung back my blankets, and I have grown some permanent grumpy wrinkles from those weeks on end of Angry.

And then one day it changed.
God was gracious and let me grump for days about having zero time, about being permanently exhausted, and about how daily I felt as though I was living off of my very last nerve - with no time for Him, no time for exercise, no time for ME.

And oh so softly - He breathed back:  "You have time.  You have plenty of time.  How badly do you want it?"

And so we made a deal...
Or maybe I made a promise.

The Hoolie Boys' new sleeping quarters...by the fire.

I told Him that when London woke up, I would stay up as well and give Him the very beginning of my day - every day, if He would keep her content and quiet in her crib - happy, without screaming, and no waking of her brothers or her Daddy.  I wanted silence - I needed silence, and I wanted solitude.

And pretty much every single day since then He has given me an hour and a half, at least.
I get my coffee, I grab my Bible, I sit at His feet, and I watch the sunrise....every single morning.

And I have found myself again.
Or rather - I have found Him.

Sometimes school looks like this...

And now I crave Him.
And I want to know Him - and I know my need for Him - in ways I have never known before.

I am remembering how to breathe.
I am remembering how to slow.
I do have time.  And there is wonder in the remembering.

Sometimes school looks like THIS...

Joy is an exercise.
Muscles get lame and lethargic if they are no longer used.
And worry and stress are so polar opposite of trust and of rest...

We can't fill with joy until we learn to trust.
"May the God of HOPE fill you with all JOY and PEACE as you TRUST in Him, so that you may overflow." ~ Romans 15:13

So that we may overflow.....

My brother's love overflowed to us, and he bought us this new couch.
Kev's brother overflowed to us, and he bought us a huge t.v.
I feel rich.

The full Life - the Life that brims with abundance because of all that we have and all that we have been given - is a Life that counts and that sees...that lists and that remembers.

"In a broken world - when we remember how He blesses, loves us, when we recollect His goodness to us, we heal - we re-member." ~ Ann Voskamp.

When Mark Buchanan - a famous preacher - was asked what his greatest regret was, he said: "Being in a hurry."  Of all of the things in the world, that is what he said.  "Getting to the next thing without fully entering the thing in front of me.  I cannot think of a single advantage I've ever gained from being in a hurry.  Through all that haste I thought I was making up time.  It turns out I was throwing it away."

Oh man.
As a Mama, this speaks to me.
This makes me bleed.

I know this rushing.
And when will I ever learn?

But our kids are still young...and their Mama's still learning.
And in Christ, I fill up - so that I may overflow - onto them...

Legos.  Always Legos.

It's true - Life is urgent.
It's so urgent - and it's so important - that it requires we live it slow.
Multiply my moments, Jesus.

There's a sign in my kitchen - and it's written for me:
Slow.  Children at Play.

You awaken me to the glory of Now.
Keep me present in the reality of Here.

My Life.  An altar, Jesus....
And we continue Afresh this Journey of Joy.

New Beginnings.

Once I win the battle over my bed, I love early mornings when I'm the only one awake.
I love new beginnings.
And I love fresh starts.

I love what a brand new year looks like - stretching ahead with all those many months.
And I wonder what's in store for us.

I wonder what part God will have us play in HIStory for this coming year.
I wonder what surprises there will be, and I'm curious about the new chapters that are about to be written.

Typically, I print my blog books from January 1 thru December 31, because that's the way a calendar year works.  I find that life, however, doesn't begin and wrap up all neat and concise like the months on my wall do.  Seasons tend to flow a bit more freely, and chapters don't shut just because one month turns into another.

 (Ransom's birthday this year, in which I failed to write a blog post about it.  This was the month of the move, and Mama dropped the ball in writing you a letter, Hun.  I'm sorry.  I didn't write one for Daddy, either.  You requested pancakes, bacon, and eggs for supper and a "green cake with lots of candy."  We got you your first pellet gun, and you had two parties - one with our Housemates and one up north with Grampy and Grammy Quint.  How I love you, sweet boy.  My car loving, puppy toting, baby sister kissing, your very-own-name-writing, five year old big brother).

So, while my book should technically have ended on my last post which was December 30, I feel as though that would be a bit of a bummer way to end this past year's chapter of life.  It was indeed an honest post about a Mama's honest struggles, but that surely wasn't the "be all and end all" conclusion of a Mama's entire past year.

It was a year that was deep, and full, and good.  It was a year of truest friendships and of a marriage that was refined.  It was a year where we settled into having this crazy bit of pink in our lives and of watching three brother boys become putty in all things where she is concerned.  It was a year of deep growth for me - whereas in previous years there was a "coasting" in my walk with Jesus.  And it was a year in living truth that all "my adequacy" is found in Him alone. (II Corinthians 3:5)

Those are great things for which I am deeply thankful.
Those are the markings of a year that was rich.

And so, my sweet boys and my London ~
My biggest reason for writing these pages is for you to look back on your years at HOME and be able to remember...  To remember our memories and our traditions, to see yourselves grow through these pages of time....and to see your Mama's heart on this whole crazy journey of Family and of Motherhood.  This is my Story, and this is your Story.  And it's flawed and it's messy, but so are all of us.  And it's great and full of unconditional love that's Always and Forever, no matter what.  It's full of chaos and of crazy, of mishaps and adventure...and it's written by the greatest Story Teller of all time.

Your Mama's struggles are no secret to you all, anyway.  And your Mama's flaws are most apparent within these four small walls of Home.  But, I hope you see my growth, as well.  I hope you see my Journey with Jesus.  I hope you know that you all are my Life - my four greatest gifts.  You have grown me.  You have made me better.  You have brought me deep Joy and I am so deeply grateful for this whole Ride of Life that we get to ride altogether.  How blessed I am because of you......

For Chantelle...who says I never post messy pictures.

With a new year upon us, I am happy to look back.
I think it's healthy to remember, and it's good to look ahead.
And so, in a nutshell for me....

Lessons learning these past twelve months:

~ I am at peace with imperfection.  Let come what may, it is mine, and I accept it.  The good, the bad, and all things ugly to boot.  I love this life that is mine.

~ I accept the challenge to wake each day and find the joy, and peace, and beauty that comes with all that is the fullest Life that God wants for me.  And I accept the truth that I shall remain tired for many more years to come.  In the meantime, I offer the sacrifice of one less hour of sleep each day to obtain revival in my soul...and hope in my heart....and a renewal of strength and of grace for each new day.

Uncle Shawn...generous to a fault...who gave us a huge t.v. for Christmas because he says our other one was the size of a computer screen.  The boys now feel like they're at the movies when they watch PBS!

~ I have zero problem with sharing my struggles and my aches, because I am positive that someone, somewhere has struggled with those exact same issues. Four children later...there is no possible hope or chance for me to try and prove to others that I have it all together.....whatever "it" is, in the first place....and there is a vast amount of freedom in letting that facade of perfection fly fast and far out the proverbial window.  It's refreshing, in fact.

~ I am striving to be more intentional in my relationship with each one of my children.  I am striving to learn them individually - what makes them tick, what brings them joy, what God-given gifts they are expressing, and what areas God is wanting to grow them.  My prayers are becoming more specific - both for my children and for my husband, and He is impressing on my heart to cover them more intentionally - both in my consistency and in my requests.

~ And I am leaning in - a willing participant for whatever part of History God has for me to play. He's the best Story writer anyway, so He can write me in however He sees fit.  He knows all the exciting parts.  He's already written the ending.  And it's pretty cool that I just get to be a part of it all...

So, here's to a new year of learning, and of loving.
Of truly seeing, and of honest and true Living.

And so....
With another year behind us, and with a brand new one upon us...
I will kiss that man - your Daddy - into a new year of this crazy ride together...we'll hold each other tight... and I'll whisper to him soft: "It was crazy, but the story is good.  And I'll still follow you to the Ends of the Earth.  And back again...."

In the midst of the messy and the madness
I am safe, I am loved, and I am free.
With my Jesus and my loved ones all around me
Step by step, day by day, it's all I need.....

 Kaden and Jesse both were also both baptized this fall by their Daddy.

This also occurred during the month of the move, so a post did not get made into this book, however the entire baptism was caught on video and recorded.  

It was SO special.

Kev talked about the things he loved about each boy and how much he loves being their Daddy.

I pretty much cried throughout the entire thing.

And to the Author of it all ~
I thank you for this life.
It is deep, it is rich, and it is full...