Slow. Children at Play.

Since the beginning of December, I've been getting up early, while the skies are still dark.
London is faithfully, and without exception, my alarm clock - typically 5:00 (or 5:15 if she's gracious).

I grab her a drink and a snack, I sneak in and turn a flashlight on so as not to wake Ransom, I put a bunch of toys into her crib - give her a quick kiss and a snuggle - and I creep away.  But now, it's no longer back to the cozy of my comforters and that sweet land of slumber.  Now my body has found a new rhythm, and my life has found a new routine.

One that has brought me LIFE, and one that has restored my Joy.
I'm coming out of the valley...
I find her  bedhead hilariously delightful.
London's crazy early mornings used to frustrate me to the point of bitterness.
My very first and instant reaction of every single morning was anger and frustration.
I heaved my sighs, I flung back my blankets, and I have grown some permanent grumpy wrinkles from those weeks on end of Angry.

And then one day it changed.
God was gracious and let me grump for days about having zero time, about being permanently exhausted, and about how daily I felt as though I was living off of my very last nerve - with no time for Him, no time for exercise, no time for ME.

And oh so softly - He breathed back:  "You have time.  You have plenty of time.  How badly do you want it?"

And so we made a deal...
Or maybe I made a promise.
The Hoolie Boys' new sleeping the fire.
I told Him that when London woke up, I would stay up as well and give Him the very beginning of my day - every day, if He would keep her content and quiet in her crib - happy, without screaming, and no waking of her brothers or her Daddy.  I wanted silence - I needed silence, and I wanted solitude.

And pretty much every single day since then He has given me an hour and a half, at least.
I get my coffee, I grab my Bible, I sit at His feet, and I watch the sunrise....every single morning.

And I have found myself again.
Or rather - I have found Him.
Sometimes school looks like this...
And now I crave Him.
And I want to know Him - and I know my need for Him - in ways I have never known before.

I am remembering how to breathe.
I am remembering how to slow.
I do have time.  And there is wonder in the remembering.
Sometimes school looks like THIS...
Joy is an exercise.
Muscles get lame and lethargic if they are no longer used.
And worry and stress are so polar opposite of trust and of rest...

We can't fill with joy until we learn to trust.
"May the God of HOPE fill you with all JOY and PEACE as you TRUST in Him, so that you may overflow." ~ Romans 15:13

So that we may overflow.....
My brother's love overflowed to us, and he bought us this new couch.
Kev's brother overflowed to us, and he bought us a huge t.v.
I feel rich.
The full Life - the Life that brims with abundance because of all that we have and all that we have been given - is a Life that counts and that sees...that lists and that remembers.

"In a broken world - when we remember how He blesses, loves us, when we recollect His goodness to us, we heal - we re-member." ~ Ann Voskamp.

When Mark Buchanan - a famous preacher - was asked what his greatest regret was, he said: "Being in a hurry."  Of all of the things in the world, that is what he said.  "Getting to the next thing without fully entering the thing in front of me.  I cannot think of a single advantage I've ever gained from being in a hurry.  Through all that haste I thought I was making up time.  It turns out I was throwing it away."

Oh man.
As a Mama, this speaks to me.
This makes me bleed.

I know this rushing.
And when will I ever learn?

But our kids are still young...and their Mama's still learning.
And in Christ, I fill up - so that I may overflow - onto them...
Legos.  Always Legos.
It's true - Life is urgent.
It's so urgent - and it's so important - that it requires we live it slow.
Multiply my moments, Jesus.

There's a sign in my kitchen - and it's written for me:
Slow.  Children at Play.

You awaken me to the glory of Now.
Keep me present in the reality of Here.

My Life.  An altar, Jesus....
And we continue Afresh this Journey of Joy.


Anonymous said...

Love you friend. So happy for you!

Kristi said...

I love you. Bless your heart for waking up that early...glad He is speaking to you in the quiet, though....a great way to start your day.

Jennifer Hahn said...

I totally get this! I've discovered that I cannot fake it at all now that I am a mom. I cannot love my babies well if I skip out on seeking God before they wake. Thank you for sharing.