16 Days.

* Written in the wee wee hours of yesterday morning...  Hence the incoherence and blank stares that I've given to anyone I have chatted with today.  My apologies.

Our two-day yard sale is done and over with.
My yard is a mess, my house looks like a cyclone hit, and I've been living on caffeine...but it. is. finished.

And it was a smashing success.
Between the lot of us - and despite my perpetually giving stuff away so that it wouldn't return into my home....AND despite the brothers selling things back and forth amongst themselves... over $750 was made! Woot!  A ginormous trailer load of stuff is headed to the transfer station, and only two boxes (2! boxes!) are returning back into my home.


And now that leaves us with sixteen days.

Sixteen days to pack up my home, clean it from top to bottom, paint my new apartment, strip wallpaper from one of the bedrooms and then paint it, clean said apartment, and then make it feel as much like a new HOME as I can...

Throw in six waittressing shifts and four wee kidlets...and we're golden.
We've got this.
Just keep swimming.

As I write this, it's 2:00a.m., and I've been trying to sleep since 10:00.  Mayhap it has something to do with that 7:00 p.m. push-through-the-yard-sale-clean-up cup of coffee that was consumed.  Plus, the two biggest Hoolies are tenting outside, so we have our A.C. turned off upstairs so that we can hear if any weirdos creep into our backyard where Kev would have to go all Rambo on them.  Because of this, it's entirely too roasty toasty upstairs for me, and I cannot get to sleep to save my soul.

Plus, I had to have my first cry.

You know, the one that's like:  "Holy crap.  We're really and truly doing this."
We are selling our house and we are slamming the book shut on this chapter of our lives.
We are moving on into uncharted territory....and it's big...and it's change...
And it all has to be done in sixteen days.
It just kind of slayed me all at once.

Kevy knew I was restless, and he knew I wasn't sleeping...
He said he also knew that this was coming.
All it took was a:  "Honey, I know that you're giving up a lot"...and the floodgates opened.

Because although sixteen days to do all that I need to do feels entirely too daunting and completely overwhelming at the moment...I know that it will all get done.  It always does.  What feels bigger to me than all of this right now is the fact that I have only sixteen days to begin to walk away from this sweet four year chapter of my life.  This chapter that was so "me" in so many ways...with my ginormous garden, and my big sprawling yard...my kitchen wherein I practically lived...and my sweet neighbor Lew.  This place where I have lived the longest and where I brought two babies HOME.  This 2 acre lot - where out of all the places that we have ever actually called home - being the first where I really and truly felt it...
1 of 3 batches of bread and butter from my garden.  I am happy.  With three Hoolie samples.

So, that just feels a little daunting, as well.

But, it's all been a gift, and I view it as such.
This world is not HOME, and we're just passing through.
It's just "stuff" and things...I know this.

And I honestly am excited for the next chapter.
I'm excited for the adventure of what is to come next.
I feel beyond safe and secure in taking this next step with the man whom I love.
I love paring down.  I love living simply.
We be jammin.' 5 batches worth.  At least 5 more to go...during a more sane season of my life.

And I really and truly adore the concept of getting out of debt.
When do you ever get the chance to live somewhere rent free for a season?
 In a huge house?
With dear, dear friends?
On a 48 acre lot?
With a road that dead-ends on a lake?

We are martyrs, by no means....
I turned 36 last week.  The boys gave me "my" favorite candy.  And a birthday cucumber.
Kevy gave me running sneaks and 10 hours of painting.
And as we leave this sweet spot filled with four years of love, I am full.
I am thankful, and I leave this chapter feeling beyond blessed.

Happy to have been given a forever friend in Lew.
Happy to have learned his gardening wisdom ...and Cribbage.
Thankful for such a sweet spot to bring two of my babies home from the hospital.
For the crickets and the tree frogs...
For the first time ever being able to have chickens roam free.
For a man who I would follow to the Ends of the earth and back again...
Who I would do absolutely anything for...because He would do the same for me.
For him not caring a whipstitch about painting...but for knowing it's important to me...
And for four little Loves willing, ready, and excited for adventures awaiting.
For three final batches of pickles...
And for corn on the cob.
And for Grammy's taking our kitties...

And as we move ahead, I am thankful to walk with deep, soul friends.
For forests with no poison ivy.
And for chances to grow.
I'm thankful that although we are "in town," it's actually more country than here...
For bringing our chickies right along with us...
And for a few months of respite.
For a chance to step away from the rat race for awhile, to say "no" to that crazy...
To slow down and to simplify...and to reassess life.

It's good.
It's all so very good.

And grieving is good too.
It's okay to be sad.
It's a necessary step in the journey..for closure...and to give permission to move ahead for what's new.

And so, with this chapter closing and a brand new one upon us...
Although overwhelmed, I am thankful...
And although sad, I'm content.
I turn the page nervous but excited...with equal parts sadness and relief...trepidation and excitement.

And with the words of that wise old sage ringing in my ears:
"Don't cry that it's over....Smile because it happened." ~ Dr. Seuss
I shall try, Dr. Seuss.  I shall try.

And now sleep woos me back...with that man breathing softly...
And His mercies are new every morning...

Perspective is a powerful thing...
"I lean into the river, baptized again.  It's current it takes me."


Anonymous said...

Amen sweet lady. I am so very excited for you. I can't wait to hear about the challenges and blessings that God has in store. I love you so much and wish I could give you 10 more hours of painting and cleaning. HUGS!

Angie said...

Oh Ame. I'm sitting here, miles away and not enough phone calls and chats about this next stage of your life having happened, crying. Cause I'm so proud of you. Cause I'm sad that although this in-between is 'sweet', that there is also the 'bitter' to make it bittersweet. Cause its a huge thing you guys are doing. Cause your life for the past four years, through the glimpses I've followed on your blog, has fit you so well. Cause change is oh, so hard sometimes. And cause I wish I could do something tangible to help you through this stage. But know, that I will be doing to one tangible thing I know will make the most difference..praying. Praying for strength, patience, rest and peace during this next few weeks. What a journey you guys have been, and are still on. So, SO proud of you guys. And I must add a huge thank you for a full-on, gorgeous picture of your sweet, adorable little girl. She is awesome. Just like her mama. Love you oodles and kadoozles. xoxoxo

Chantelle said...

i luuuve you (((hug))