Three.

London Faith...my fourth and final baby.
Today you are three.
And my heart feels just a little bit broken over just how quickly these three years have flown.
It's like I blinked, and now you're a real little girl.
It's crazy how life happens...

I can remember clear as can be, the day we found you that you were going to be a GIRL.  I remember all five of us crammed into that little ultrasound room.  I remember telling the doctor that I didn't want to know the gender unless she could stake her life on not being mistaken.  You were the very first baby where Daddy said he kind of hoped that it would be a little girl, so when she told us for 100% certain that this was indeed what you were going to be, I remember this sweet, gentle smile that crept over his face at the news.  I remember Kaden exclaiming:  "Hey!  You changed your recipe!"  And Jesse's confused:  "Well, what are we going to do with a GIRL?!?"

And I remember crying.

I remember the fear and the uncertainty of this new adventure I was about to take; and I remember being certain that God knew what He was doing in always only giving me all boys.  I was raised with boys.  I always played with boys.  I understand boys.  And I am surely not a girly girl.  I knew for certain that God wouldn't give me any girls, because I was afraid of them and knew that I would ruin their delicate emotions.  I was not made for anything fragile.

But, then He gave me You, and thus began my Journey of trust.
And of wonder.
And of this deep, new Joy in learning the world of wee baby girls.

From the get-go, you were wild.
You were my ONLY baby that gave me a false alarm pre-run visit to the hospital.
You literally made me queasy with your somersaults inside of me.
And you have always been my earliest riser of them all.
You live life loud and wild, and you are as crazy as all three of "your boys" combined.  True story.
And it kind of delights me.

You love nothing more than to be in a dress... outside....hair flying wild in the breeze...filthy face...skinned up knees...with a chicken or a duck under your arm.  You want to do whatever your boys are doing, and you are fearless.  I love that about you.  I love your crazy, and I love your sweet.  You are strong-willed, sweet girl.  Probably, my strongest of them all.  And I pray that you will stay strong.  I pray that you will stay fearless.  I pray that you will stay loud and wild about all of the things that you should.  I pray that you will grow to love Jesus with ALL of your heart.  I pray that you will watch your Daddy and your boys, and that you will let them protect you and treat you like a lady.  Even now, I pray for your future husband...that you will wait for each other...and that God will continue to prepare you for each other.

Sound crazy with you only being three?
Well, I blinked and lost three years already...I'll blink again one day, and you'll be gone.
And so today, I slow down and I savor the gift that is You.

Sweet London Faith - namesake of our Mamas - you have broken and re-made me.
You have been my undoing, my remaking, and my gift.
You have been the Joy of our Home, and you have expanded our hearts and our lives.
You have made me slow and see...and you have caused me to cautiously love the color Pink.

I love your sense of humor and your love for your boys.
I love how you have accepted as your birthright, the lavish love of four smitten Hoolie men.
I love watching you with your Daddy - His gentle love for you, and his delight in a daughter.
I love your kisses and your hugs...and how some days I think you'd crawl back inside me if you could.  You are bonded to me, and we KNOW each other.
I love how you have made me grow, and how you have completed our family.

You are well loved, little girl.
This you know full well.
And I love you more than words can say.  I'm so thankful that God knows better than me.
We will learn together, you and I.
We will write this story of womanhood together.
It will be good, and it will begin again and again each morning when I walk into your room to the yells of:  "Maaaaamaaaa!!  Where ARE you?!"

Each day, when you open your arms wide to me and to your Daddy, to your boys, and to your duckies...we will begin afresh and anew.  Because His mercies are new every morning, and because God is faithful.  I am imperfect, sweet Love...and I will make a whole lot of mistakes.  I'm still learning this Ministry of Motherhood.  I'm still walking uncertain and unsure.  But, my love for you is wild and true.

I love the adventure of us.
I love the challenge of learning a little girl.
I love that you have four big protectors, and I already feel badly for the boy who catches your eye one day.  I lived that, too, with only brothers and a big Daddy.  It was kind of fun.  And frustrating, too.  But mostly fun....  Dad showed an unused bullet to one of my suitors and said he surely hoped he'd never have to use it.  It mortified me.  And it made me feel safe.  That's what you've been born into, sweet Love.  You'd best embrace it and just go along for the ride.

Happy 3rd Birthday, London!
How we love you!

Spring Has Sprung.

Because it's the first warm-ish and sunny day that we've had in what feels like.....years...
And because Kev has the day off...

Sanity....

 

Because I firmly believe that "play is the WORK of childhood"...
And because I'm Head Teach, so I CAN.....

Liquid gold in the near future....

We did absolutely zero bookwork today.
None.
Instead, we lived and we played outside and It. Was. Blissy.

Not to mention loud.
With a few squabbles thrown in here and there.
And some toddler ranting.
Some brothers spatting at each other now and then.
A hubby trying to figure out how to build a treehouse.
A Mama feeling like it was still just a tad too cold to go out at crack of dawn, like he wanted.
Snot flying, coughs wheezing, mud flying, fire building, chickens squawking....

This.....is SO much Happiness.

You know, per our usual norm...
Like I said.....Blissy.

Introducing our babies to the Great Outdoors.

Because your days are what you make of them.

And right now - these days are right filled to the brim with Crazy...
And loud.....and messy....with little down time....and a WHOLE lot of Hoolies right under foot...

With a Mama who sometimes feels like she has her hands in the mix of many many things...
And wonders, at times,  if she's doing a good job at any ONE of those things...

And introducing our two ladies to the 8 little rascals that will soon be joining them.

And so that's where the grace comes in...
And the whole "your day is what you make of it" mentality...

Our days are never perfect.
And our kids are never flawless.
There's always more to be done....and things to do "better."
But.....so what?

I will never "arrive" - and that's okay.
I'll give my kids their own brand of dysfunction to take into their own homes someday.
Kev and I will get frazzled and flustered with each other and need to apologize.  Daily.
London's perpetual messes will make me want to perpetually fork out my eyeballs.
And her little girly emotions will continuously leave me feeling stumped.
The boy's bedroom of blankets that I can't even walk into will make me back away and close the door....

No words.  Just......None.

But this.....ALL of this....
This is a good GOOD Life.
This is a life being Lived, and it's a Life that is Full.

This is a life filled to overflowing with beauty and blessing....and mess after mess after mess...
And I will choose to see the blessing of it each and every day.
Even if I need to get up at 5:00a.m. to greet the day in silence in order to fully adjust my attitude....

Chicken sausages....with my chickens looking on.
Awkward.

And these kids - they're so good at giving us big baths of grace...
They are Naturals at showing us how to "seize the day" and really live...
They're great at discovering the magic in each and every day....
And it's sweet and special....and really fun to see life through their little eyes.

They're crazy.  And wild.  And free.
And Happy.  And content.  And joyfilled -- even amidst all of the messy.

They're good at finding the Joy in the small things of life...like wooden boards nailed into a tree.
And hotdogs and s'mores cooked over an open fire.
Like swinging high....and finding glory in little, fuzzy things.

Sometimes it's good to be schooled by your kids...
Count your blessings, Friends.
Name them one by one...

It's kind of Life Changing.

Recharge.

Roughly 355 days out of the year, I am with my children 24/7....give or take.
And roughly, 355 days out of the year....I really love this arrangement.
Give or take...

Coffee Art.  It's a beautiful thing.

But, for just about a week every winter, and for the same amount of time every summer - my sweet Mama and Daddy-O kidnap our babies and take them up HOME for a few days.  It's tradition, and it's one of the highlights of the year for my kids.  Up North, they are educated in all things Redneck - like target practicing out the basement door and driving laps around the house on four wheelers.  They stay up late watching movies, they eat copious amounts of junk food, they trap wild animals and drive on old back roads to release them....and they live the County Life for a week...getting their love tanks filled to overflowing while spending time with two of the most important people to ever mold me into the woman who I am today.

That's a gift, man.  A treasure.
One in which I do not take lightly, and one in which we all look forward to and savor.
My sweet parents are saints, and need a long winter's nap when all is said and done....
My kids come home feeling loved and spoiled...with tales of glory and adventure.

One of our favorite coffee spots...

And, this Mama over here....
Well, those five days were jet fuel to my soul.
They are my push to re-set.
And they give me just enough of a break from my normal reality...that I crave the chaos of their return.

I see my kids with fresh eyes.
All of the empty, quiet spaces that were my life for the previous week are all flooded back in with CRAZY.
And I fall in love with my life all over again.

The Stonehurst Manor in North Conway, New Hampshire.
One of our favorite getaway spots...
#justdoit

That little break...that little recharge has done wonders for my soul.
I have a fresh set of eyes.  I have renewed vision for our days.
Kev and I have had full and complete conversations.
We've usually skipped Dodge for a day or two.
We have reconnected.  We have both recharged.

And we find ourselves craving the chaos once again....
It's a good thing to crave your kids.  I LOVE getting the chance to really really miss them....all the while knowing they are having the time of their lives.

Meanwhile.....we are as well!

I will be forever grateful to my parents for ASKING to take my kids.
I don't take lightly the role that they play.
I honestly believe that (good! godly!) grandparents play a role in our kids' lives that we cannot play.
I LOVE surrounding them with older and wiser people.
I LOVE seeing the active role that my parents play in their grandchildren's lives.
I love hearing of their conversations and their discussions on.....whatever.
And I love the memories that they will have - just like I still do - of the countless nights spend at my own Grammy's house.

It's a beautiful thing.

Happy Valentine's Day.  To us.

And so, I thank you - sweet parents - for loving on my babies.
Thank you for loving me....just by the way that you love on them.

I apologize for anything that may have gotten broken during their stay.

Because.....I'm SURE it happened...

...and for your ears that are probably ringing from the car ride back to meet us.
...for any potty accidents London probably had.
,..for the super de duper early mornings that you all got to experience.
...for the brothers who (I'm positive) still wrestled like puppies (even though I repeatedly warned them not to).  I'm sure they still did it.  They can't help it.  It's how they show their love.
...for the squabbles I'm sure you had to referee.
...and for the groceries that got destroyed by four Hoolie children.
P.S. ~ Any family secrets that Jesse told, be assured that they were embellished....

I'm fully aware that my parents are some of the BEST....
I think for a wee, small fee they could be rented.  I can check for anyone inquiring....

Friday Photo Dump.

In the spirit of attempting to write and record more over here in this little spot of mine, I'm trying something new!  

A weekly (give or take a ......month....if we're keeping it real) photo dump of all of the pictures I've taken in that (hopefully) wee little span of days.  This spot is, for the most spot, my recording of my Joys - and more often than not, it's my phone camera that captures these little random snapshots of Life.

Little boy letters to friends who have been sick...

Memories captured in pixels,...

Little moments I want to remember...

Simple pleasures that I try to stop and breathe in amidst the crazy that is our day....  

Simple Pleasures like the day's first cup.
And Jamberry nails.  They make me feel like a real girl.
To which Kaden replies:  "Except you don't act like one."
To which I reply:  "You're no longer welcome here."

And I am always, always, always reminded of the quote:  "Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you will look back and realize they were the big things."  

Kind of hauntingly true...  

Puzzles and snacks.....and sunlight.

Nothing really major happens in our days, for the most part.  

Just a whole lot of the same.  

And  yet, somehow....my biggest boy is almost a teenager, and my baby now speaks in full sentences and pees on the potty.  

She also bribes her big brother to paint her toenails whilst on said potty...

I blinked, and in the midst of all of our normal, simple days of nothing....they all grew up.

And so these pictures are my recordings.

They are my Pauses and my Pushes to Reset.

They are my Little Things....that actually make up my really big things...

Dinner.  Caught by my men.

That's been my prayer as of late...honestly, my prayer always.
I want to be fully present.
I want to embrace the chaos and slow and see the sacred that's found right smack in the midst.
I want to savor....yes, savor....this last go round of potty training.
I want to delight in the new words and phrases that are exploding from London each and every day.
I want to celebrate the victories of brothers who work to get along and be patient with each other.

I want to encourage the creativity in the kitchen and at the table....in the basement....and wherever it overflows.

I want to pause in the evenings and drink in the sweet, deep breathing of all four of my babies still under my roof.

And breathe deeply at my children's decorating of their own rooms....

And I don't want to wish any of it away.

These are the sweet, simple days.

These are the days where the biggest frustrations are still just the messes and the chaos and the LOUD.

We have yet to enter the deep seasons of friendship betrayals, and broken hearts, and major life disappointments.  We're still in the weary and crazy - but easy - stage of our parenting.  

A bear hug from Daddy and a snuggle from Mama can pretty much wipe away any woes of our days to this point.

But I know the Heavy with come.

And I want to embrace that, as well...

This is just still such sweet Simplicity....

And this I want to drink in deeply.

Sweet simple Joys...

While the coffee perks.....a Daddy and his daughter do what she loves best...

"Children are not a distraction from more important work.  

They are the most important work." 

~ Jonathon Trainer ~

Childhood is a Journey, Not a Race....

And the Days may be long....but the Years......they are fleeting.

These are the days....

Phone Dump.

One of my New Year's goals was to write and record in this little space of mine a whole lot more than I did last year.  

Mornings with Jesus.  And silence.  And coffee.  My Sanity.....

 Once a week, was my goal - but, since goals were meant to be broken - we'll just go with once a month, maybe.  Not so lofty.

And since my phone is sorely lacking in storage and it perpetually reminds me to make room for more by removing something, I figure if I do a monthly photo dump, that could maybe kill two birds with one stone.  I'll throw whatever new photos that are on that baby over here - and kind of have a little montage of pictures that was our life - AND, I'll clear some space in the process.  Win win.  And since it's the little tiny moments that make up our days in the first place....methinks it will be a pretty accurate little highlights reel.

Emphasis on "highlights" because that's the whole idea in the first place....
Record the Joys...
Forget the other junk.

Booker Chick Kicks.

 My life in pixels, right here...

 Creations 

and Messes...

CREATING.

Every single day of my life.

 School Days of quiet and cozy.

And school days of .......not...that.

And spill after spill after spill.....

Games and balls and beanbags and dartguns.

....And pretty much anything that can be thrown.

And bread.

SO much bread.

Throw these ingredients into your bread machine:

2 cups unbleached bread flour

1 cup whole wheat flour

2 Tablespoons molasses

2 Tablespoons olive oil

1 1/2 teaspoon salt

2 Tablespoon yeast

2 Tablespoons wheat gluten (or 2 Tablespoons chia seeds soaked in water)

1/4 cup milk

Meanwhile, soak:  1/2 cup oatmeal, 1/8 cup flaxseed, fist full of grapenuts into a bowl 

Mix with 1 1/4 cup boiling water.  Let sit for 15 minutes.

Add to rest of ingredients.

Set bread machine on "dough."  When the time is up, throw it in a greased loaf pan for its last rise.

Bake at 350 degrees for 30-40 minutes.

Easy Peasy. 

 My girls.

With hopefully the addition of more in the Spring.

And ducklings, too.

And maybe a puppy.

(With all remaining semblances of sanity completely thrown to the wind).

The yearly torching of the Christmas tree.

It's tradition.

Complete with camp coffee and hotdogs post bonfire.

 Camp Coffee.

and Ice Fishing.

Freezing toes and buns thrown in for free.....

 (The Hoolie boys provided for the family, so I told them they can stick around for a little bit longer.

So long as they earn their keep.....)

 Homemade creations by my Jesse...

And afternoon hot chocolate and story reading.

My favorite part of our day...

(Minus the above photo of spilled hot chocolate all over said favorite part of the day....)

 The boy....and His love for all things hunting and fishing and target practicing.

My most quiet and most gentle of them all.

My biggest Lover of Nature....

 This.

My most favorite photo dumped picture of them all....

This girl and her love for her boys.....and their love for her.

It's a precious, precious thing...

Watching her boys out the window....traipse across the field on a wild and brave adventure.

Without her.

And the broken heart that ensued....

 Late night music practices....when little girls should have long past been in bed.

And sweet sweet friends who entertain and color with her while we sing.....

Staff meetings.

And friends who do a really great job at building up one's ego.

....Because I wrote in her date book when she wasn't looking....and added a "to do" to her list...

"Tell Amy she's awesome."

Check.

 Last minute blitzy road trips with an old friend and your girl to surprise your Mama....

Because sometimes you just need your Mama....

And your Country.

And the wide open spaces.

One of my deepest joys....

And there we have it.

January's Highlight Reel.

"Find Joy in the Ordinary."

Embrace the Chaos.

Find the Holy.

See the Sacred.

Live the Thanks.

Say, "I'm Sorry."

Hug them Hard.

Love them Deeply.