Rooted in the Here and Now.

"The man who forgets to be thankful has fallen asleep in life." ~ R.L. Stevenson

I hate this quote.
It's true...and how often I have slept.

She.....is a stinker.

Jesus....help me not to forget to give thanks so that I don't fall asleep to my life.
...so that I remember that You are in the details.
In the moments.

What will I magnify today?
What will I name...  Remember?
The world - all broken and messed up?
The cracks running rampant throughout my own life as a woman and a wife?
The gaps in my mothering?

...Or maybe could I magnify something else....

Paul learned the secret of living...he learned how to be content in every situation...(Philippians 4)
He practiced.  He made habits.  He retrained his brain, his thoughts, his heart...

Naming something offers the gift of recognition..
"When we give thanks for the seemingly microscopic, we make a place for God to grow within us." ~ Ann Voskamp

Desiderius Erasmus once said:  "A nail is driven out by another nail; habit is overcome by habit."  When we make changes...or when we eradicate something from our lives - we have to replace it with something else.  Remove the bad...replace with good.  Get rid of the junk...replace with substance.

Wake up angry every morning because your kids are your alarm clock...realize this needs to change.
So...set the alarm for an even earlier time to give yourself an hour of silence and rebooting.
And do it over and over and over again...until you want it...and you need it.
Until you crave it.

 Feel ungrateful.  Feel unthankful.  Begin to count the gifts...both little and the large.

"Do not disdain the small.  The whole of the life -- even the hard -- is made up of the minute parts, and if I miss the infinitesimals, I miss the whole.  There is a way to live the big of giving thanks in all things.  It is this:  to give thanks in one small thing.  The moments will add up." ~ Ann Voskamp.

The moments will add up.
The numbers will grow.
Hearts will become softened.
Eyes will again see.
And mind-numbing practice of choosing over and over and over again to see...and to count...to remember...will become life changing.

Thanks-living drives out the nails of habitual discontent...and habitual griping...with habitual gratitude.
On the days we feel dead...those are the days when we most need to wake back up to the Glory of Now and the Beauty of Here...

The messes.
The mundane.
The crazy.
And the chaos....

It all becomes a sacred Holiness with God right smack in the middle.
And with His grace That. Is. Sufficient.

"Looking comes first." ~ C.S. Lewis
Our eyes are the windows into our body - Matthew 6
Jesus, give me your eyes to see...always and forever...

Braids.  I heart these.

And remembering is an act of thanksgiving...

~ Lego creations - Imagination Everywhere!
~ Laundry exploding - evidence of our wealth.
~ The way she shimmies up my waist when I pick her up.
~ Him beside me at the end of a long day - warm and safe.
~ Ransom singing:  "Jesus! Jesus!"
~ Sick boys, blankets everywhere, days of cozy.
~ Cribbage and coffee - with them swirling all around us.
~ Dates and conversation...and Grammies who watch our babies.
~ Despite the busy, despite the changes - always assurance of our love...
~ Snowy days at home - and naps.
~ Breakfast for supper.
~ Warm fire inside and the wind whipping without....

Snowed In.

Count the gifts.  Count the graces.  Never stop counting.
Always choose to see.
This is holy work...

This is how we slow our lives addicted to speed and our days that get blurred into smears.
This is how we become present...
And how we bring Heaven to Earthly moments...

Homemade drums...and requests for the real thing.

Slow.
Children at Play.

Seek and you will find...

Slow. Children at Play.

Since the beginning of December, I've been getting up early, while the skies are still dark.
London is faithfully, and without exception, my alarm clock - typically 5:00 (or 5:15 if she's gracious).

I grab her a drink and a snack, I sneak in and turn a flashlight on so as not to wake Ransom, I put a bunch of toys into her crib - give her a quick kiss and a snuggle - and I creep away.  But now, it's no longer back to the cozy of my comforters and that sweet land of slumber.  Now my body has found a new rhythm, and my life has found a new routine.

One that has brought me LIFE, and one that has restored my Joy.
I'm coming out of the valley...

I find her  bedhead hilariously delightful.

London's crazy early mornings used to frustrate me to the point of bitterness.
My very first and instant reaction of every single morning was anger and frustration.
I heaved my sighs, I flung back my blankets, and I have grown some permanent grumpy wrinkles from those weeks on end of Angry.

And then one day it changed.
God was gracious and let me grump for days about having zero time, about being permanently exhausted, and about how daily I felt as though I was living off of my very last nerve - with no time for Him, no time for exercise, no time for ME.

And oh so softly - He breathed back:  "You have time.  You have plenty of time.  How badly do you want it?"

And so we made a deal...
Or maybe I made a promise.

The Hoolie Boys' new sleeping quarters...by the fire.

I told Him that when London woke up, I would stay up as well and give Him the very beginning of my day - every day, if He would keep her content and quiet in her crib - happy, without screaming, and no waking of her brothers or her Daddy.  I wanted silence - I needed silence, and I wanted solitude.

And pretty much every single day since then He has given me an hour and a half, at least.
I get my coffee, I grab my Bible, I sit at His feet, and I watch the sunrise....every single morning.

And I have found myself again.
Or rather - I have found Him.

Sometimes school looks like this...

And now I crave Him.
And I want to know Him - and I know my need for Him - in ways I have never known before.

I am remembering how to breathe.
I am remembering how to slow.
I do have time.  And there is wonder in the remembering.

Sometimes school looks like THIS...

Joy is an exercise.
Muscles get lame and lethargic if they are no longer used.
And worry and stress are so polar opposite of trust and of rest...

We can't fill with joy until we learn to trust.
"May the God of HOPE fill you with all JOY and PEACE as you TRUST in Him, so that you may overflow." ~ Romans 15:13

So that we may overflow.....

My brother's love overflowed to us, and he bought us this new couch.
Kev's brother overflowed to us, and he bought us a huge t.v.
I feel rich.

The full Life - the Life that brims with abundance because of all that we have and all that we have been given - is a Life that counts and that sees...that lists and that remembers.

"In a broken world - when we remember how He blesses, loves us, when we recollect His goodness to us, we heal - we re-member." ~ Ann Voskamp.

When Mark Buchanan - a famous preacher - was asked what his greatest regret was, he said: "Being in a hurry."  Of all of the things in the world, that is what he said.  "Getting to the next thing without fully entering the thing in front of me.  I cannot think of a single advantage I've ever gained from being in a hurry.  Through all that haste I thought I was making up time.  It turns out I was throwing it away."

Oh man.
As a Mama, this speaks to me.
This makes me bleed.

I know this rushing.
And when will I ever learn?

But our kids are still young...and their Mama's still learning.
And in Christ, I fill up - so that I may overflow - onto them...

Legos.  Always Legos.

It's true - Life is urgent.
It's so urgent - and it's so important - that it requires we live it slow.
Multiply my moments, Jesus.

There's a sign in my kitchen - and it's written for me:
Slow.  Children at Play.

You awaken me to the glory of Now.
Keep me present in the reality of Here.

My Life.  An altar, Jesus....
And we continue Afresh this Journey of Joy.

New Beginnings.

Once I win the battle over my bed, I love early mornings when I'm the only one awake.
I love new beginnings.
And I love fresh starts.

I love what a brand new year looks like - stretching ahead with all those many months.
And I wonder what's in store for us.

I wonder what part God will have us play in HIStory for this coming year.
I wonder what surprises there will be, and I'm curious about the new chapters that are about to be written.

Typically, I print my blog books from January 1 thru December 31, because that's the way a calendar year works.  I find that life, however, doesn't begin and wrap up all neat and concise like the months on my wall do.  Seasons tend to flow a bit more freely, and chapters don't shut just because one month turns into another.

 (Ransom's birthday this year, in which I failed to write a blog post about it.  This was the month of the move, and Mama dropped the ball in writing you a letter, Hun.  I'm sorry.  I didn't write one for Daddy, either.  You requested pancakes, bacon, and eggs for supper and a "green cake with lots of candy."  We got you your first pellet gun, and you had two parties - one with our Housemates and one up north with Grampy and Grammy Quint.  How I love you, sweet boy.  My car loving, puppy toting, baby sister kissing, your very-own-name-writing, five year old big brother).

So, while my book should technically have ended on my last post which was December 30, I feel as though that would be a bit of a bummer way to end this past year's chapter of life.  It was indeed an honest post about a Mama's honest struggles, but that surely wasn't the "be all and end all" conclusion of a Mama's entire past year.

It was a year that was deep, and full, and good.  It was a year of truest friendships and of a marriage that was refined.  It was a year where we settled into having this crazy bit of pink in our lives and of watching three brother boys become putty in all things where she is concerned.  It was a year of deep growth for me - whereas in previous years there was a "coasting" in my walk with Jesus.  And it was a year in living truth that all "my adequacy" is found in Him alone. (II Corinthians 3:5)

Those are great things for which I am deeply thankful.
Those are the markings of a year that was rich.

And so, my sweet boys and my London ~
My biggest reason for writing these pages is for you to look back on your years at HOME and be able to remember...  To remember our memories and our traditions, to see yourselves grow through these pages of time....and to see your Mama's heart on this whole crazy journey of Family and of Motherhood.  This is my Story, and this is your Story.  And it's flawed and it's messy, but so are all of us.  And it's great and full of unconditional love that's Always and Forever, no matter what.  It's full of chaos and of crazy, of mishaps and adventure...and it's written by the greatest Story Teller of all time.

Your Mama's struggles are no secret to you all, anyway.  And your Mama's flaws are most apparent within these four small walls of Home.  But, I hope you see my growth, as well.  I hope you see my Journey with Jesus.  I hope you know that you all are my Life - my four greatest gifts.  You have grown me.  You have made me better.  You have brought me deep Joy and I am so deeply grateful for this whole Ride of Life that we get to ride altogether.  How blessed I am because of you......

For Chantelle...who says I never post messy pictures.

With a new year upon us, I am happy to look back.
I think it's healthy to remember, and it's good to look ahead.
And so, in a nutshell for me....

Lessons learning these past twelve months:

~ I am at peace with imperfection.  Let come what may, it is mine, and I accept it.  The good, the bad, and all things ugly to boot.  I love this life that is mine.

~ I accept the challenge to wake each day and find the joy, and peace, and beauty that comes with all that is the fullest Life that God wants for me.  And I accept the truth that I shall remain tired for many more years to come.  In the meantime, I offer the sacrifice of one less hour of sleep each day to obtain revival in my soul...and hope in my heart....and a renewal of strength and of grace for each new day.

Uncle Shawn...generous to a fault...who gave us a huge t.v. for Christmas because he says our other one was the size of a computer screen.  The boys now feel like they're at the movies when they watch PBS!

~ I have zero problem with sharing my struggles and my aches, because I am positive that someone, somewhere has struggled with those exact same issues. Four children later...there is no possible hope or chance for me to try and prove to others that I have it all together.....whatever "it" is, in the first place....and there is a vast amount of freedom in letting that facade of perfection fly fast and far out the proverbial window.  It's refreshing, in fact.

~ I am striving to be more intentional in my relationship with each one of my children.  I am striving to learn them individually - what makes them tick, what brings them joy, what God-given gifts they are expressing, and what areas God is wanting to grow them.  My prayers are becoming more specific - both for my children and for my husband, and He is impressing on my heart to cover them more intentionally - both in my consistency and in my requests.

~ And I am leaning in - a willing participant for whatever part of History God has for me to play. He's the best Story writer anyway, so He can write me in however He sees fit.  He knows all the exciting parts.  He's already written the ending.  And it's pretty cool that I just get to be a part of it all...

So, here's to a new year of learning, and of loving.
Of truly seeing, and of honest and true Living.

And so....
With another year behind us, and with a brand new one upon us...
I will kiss that man - your Daddy - into a new year of this crazy ride together...we'll hold each other tight... and I'll whisper to him soft: "It was crazy, but the story is good.  And I'll still follow you to the Ends of the Earth.  And back again...."

In the midst of the messy and the madness
I am safe, I am loved, and I am free.
With my Jesus and my loved ones all around me
Step by step, day by day, it's all I need.....

 Kaden and Jesse both were also both baptized this fall by their Daddy.

This also occurred during the month of the move, so a post did not get made into this book, however the entire baptism was caught on video and recorded.  

It was SO special.

Kev talked about the things he loved about each boy and how much he loves being their Daddy.

I pretty much cried throughout the entire thing.

And to the Author of it all ~
I thank you for this life.
It is deep, it is rich, and it is full...