When You Need to be Reminded...

Thursdays are the days I count my Joys.
I try to do this all the other days of the week as well.  It's just harder when I'm racing.

Summer's Last Hurrah.  Our final trip to Bar Harbor for the season.  We had the place to ourselves.

On Thursday, I don't have to be anywhere, and there is no schedule but my own.
It's Thursday where I begin to feel human again, and I remember to slow and savor.

Thursday is my Sabbath.

Thursdays are the days where I fill my tank with HOME.
Days are filled with making applesauce, and with conquering the growing mountain of laundry...
Days of cleaning toilets, tidying rooms, and maybe actually making an honest to goodness meal.
Thursdays, I live in my cozy clothes, and the boys and I do school on the front steps outside.
We ride our bikes up and down the driveway, and we cook and bake together in the kitchen.
On Thursday I am reminded of all of the sacred that lives in the midst of all of the chaos.

I don't ever want to be too busy to do this...to see this...and there are days where I feel as though I am right on the edge of blindness.  One of the reasons why we chose to homeschool our kids was to maintain a simplicity in our lives.  I don't want to be a slave to other people's schedules, and I refuse to live in the car. At least for a few more years.

And there are SO many good things out there - so many great things - that we could all be involved in.
Myself included.
Soccer, basketball, AWANA, swim, boy scouts etc. for the boys...
Worship team, small group parenting classes at church, nights out with the girls to scrapbook for me.
All good.
And all things that my heart longs to do - and even sometimes feels frustrated that I can't right now.

But for me, for right now, it's just not the time.
Not yet.

A friend who is pregnant with her sixth baby boy quoted a verse from the Bible that read: "It is not for King's to drink wine...." meaning: drinking wine is not bad in and of itself, but it's not for a King to be doing while he is on duty.  He needs to be on his game, and he needs to be good at what he does at all times.  His mind should be clear and his focus should be sharp.

This friend connected the dots to motherhood and the seasons and responsibilities that come with this stage of parenting and life.  For me, for right now - it is not for Amy to add anything to her plate.  It is not for Amy to live her life so full that "all her busy rushing ends in nothing."  It is not for me to leave zero God-space where I wouldn't be able to hear Him if I tried, and where if He asked me to let someone into my days or to do something for someone on the fly it would be far too much of a headache to remove Life off of my agenda for the day.

For right now, it IS for Amy to mother her children well.  It IS my responsibility to bring learning into their days, and to teach them well.  It IS my responsibility to do my absolute best during my three supper shifts at work and to be Christ to my co-workers.  It IS for me to get to Friday co-op on time, to love on as many kids as possible, and to connect with those other Mama friends for those few short hours of Crazy.  This season - this "right now" season of time - IS for me to sit in the service beside my brother in law and to worship from the seats and not from the stage.  It IS the season for me to finish our year here well with our housemates, and to love their two boys as my own. This is the time - this right now whirling and swirling crazy messy beautiful time of loud and living that is our children - IS the time for me to stay connected with my husband and to keep his home a haven.

For right now, this is my portion.
And because of that, this right now season of time is for saying a few more "no's" so that that the things I have said "yes" to can be done with excellence.  (Or at least with flailing-ly noble attempts)...

This is not the season to live my every day harried and pulled completely taut.
If we pass like ships in the night already as it is - it is not the season to add more wind to our sails.
If I want to be intentional with the ones whom I love - it is not the season to refuse them any God space in my day or to tell them time after time "I'm sorry, there just isn't any room for you."

It's the season for weighing and for counting the cost.
For assessing and for re-assessing.  And for bringing the kids along for the ride.
Do you want to play soccer?  Okay, then we may not play basketball.
Do you want to go to AWANA? Okay, then we may not do swim.
Do I want to be home more evenings than not with my babies?  Okay, then maybe I won't help lead worship.
Do I want to enjoy my kids and not view them as interruptions? Okay, then all of the extras will need to go on hold for a time.

For a season...

But because "Childhood is a Journey, and not a Race" .... it is not for me to try and be Superwoman.
It is not for me to try and "win" at everything else outside of my HOME.
Because childhood is a Journey...it is a season for pacing myself, for savoring the simple, and for saying no to the tyranny of the urgent.

After all, I'm the queen of this castle already.
At least on Thursdays...