When you Feel Like a Loser Mama...

Sometimes....

When you hurt the feelings of your middle boy....and he comes to you crying an hour later confessing to you that you "really hurt him when you said this"....but you were so busy rushing and racing that you didn't even realize that you hurt his feelings in the first place.

...It actually took him coming to you in tears over an hour later for it to hit home...

And sometimes...

When you've lied to your oldest boy...and it eats at your soul until you go and swallow your pride and ask for his forgiveness...in which he promptly and humbly.... and graciously forgives you...

..but you wonder if he'll really be able to take you at your word from now on...

...When your littlest boy wakes up one morning puking to beat the band...and suddenly all of your super important plans for the rest of the week come to a screeching halt....and you end up living unshowered in your jammies for the next two days in a row trying to stay on top of life in general....

Sometimes...

sometimes these crappy events that happen back...to back...to back

maybe sometimes, they can be a little gift of mercy in disguise...

Because, sometimes....
It's really good to remember that I am really am dust. (Psalm 90:3)
And often, I need reminders that "all of my busy rushing really does end in nothing"... (Psalm 39:6)
And how readily I forget that "blessed is the man whose strength is in God alone"...(Psalm 84:5)

Sometimes I need a big old slap in the face - or three - to make me do an about-turn and fix my eyes back on my Author and Creator...back on the Only One who can even begin to sustain me in the first place.  Back to being reminded that "my agenda" is not the Be All and End All of life...

Sometimes, I need to be made to come to an abrupt stop.
Because I forget that hurry always empties the soul.
And racing, without a doubt, will make little hearts bleed raw.
And carelessness can lead to really embarrassing sins...and a whole lot of crow that needs to get eaten.

So today...
with a little boy all feverish and sick....and with my teeth still unbrushed at 3:00p.m....but with two big boys happy to have a "present" Mama...a "sitting still" Mama...and an appropriately "humbled Mama"... I am learning, once again the wise words of Elizabeth Elliot that:  "wherever you are, be all there."

Be present.
Slow and see.
Find the sacred in the chaos.
Put away the agenda.

And my heart echoes the cry of David....
"O Lord, I have cried out to You for help...and in the morning my prayer comes before You.  Confirm for me the work of my hands;  Yes, confirm the work of my hands...."

Here, is where God is.  In the present.
And this is where I need to be.
Bent down, eye level, truly listening, perceptive to little hearts, conscious of tender needs.
The hands and feet of Jesus.

Lessons learning...

And because His mercies are new every morning....

#4231.  No other option but to stop.
4232.  Humbled apologies...and tender forgiveness.
4233.  A day of jammies...and toast.
4234.  Three little boys...my heart and my soul.
4235.  A husband - perceptive....and forever gracious.
4236.  Taco suppers.
4237.  Loooong, healing naps for sick little boys.
4238.  A bath...and teeth brushed...before the hubby gets home.
4239.  Sweet imaginations...and gentle big brothers.
4230.  A Father - gentle with his daughter...and tender in His rebukes...