Balance. I love that word.
And I think all of life just works better with a little bit of balance in it.
For the most part, I really love my job.
I love being a mother.
I love the activity, the busyness, and the almost incessant loudness and action that comes with the rhythm of our home.
But I also - and maybe even equally - love the times during my day when my house is quiet and there is silence while we are all in our separate quarters.
There are three times a day - with little exception - where there is quiet in my home. I get up in the morning while the entire house still sleeps and have about an hour to do whatever I need to do, depending on my level of coherance. (And if the hoolies happen to wake up early, I give them a snack and a stack of books to take back to bed with them until I am ready to begin our day). We have a 1 1/2 hour (minimum) quiet time in the afternoon every day, and then they are all in bed for the night by 7:00 or 7:30 each evening.
This is the rhythm of our life with very, very little exception.
Morning, noon, and night - three pockets of time - there is quiet and rest in my home where everyone has a break from each other, and where everyone recharges and refuels to be back together again on the flipside.
We don't waver much from this routine, either, because I often find that as soon as the system goes to pot -- so does the Mama. And that's no good for anyone.
I am fully convinced that the reason why I love being a mother so much, and why I like my kids as much as I do --- is because I have breaks in my day to recharge and refuel. I am certain that I enjoy my "job" as much as I do because I also know that every single day - for approximately two hours every afternoon, I am going to have a break from it! I can savor the time with my boys - I can pour out myself more easily, because I'm going to be poured into, in the afternoon.
There is balance.
I wonder if maybe sometimes we as mothers feel such things like: I need a break from my kids, or I can't see the light at the end of this tunnel, or I'm feeling hopeless, or I wake up every day angry at my kids, or I live for when they are asleep -- because we don't have those times of balance, that ebb and flow of giving and serving, and then recharging and refueling.
Does that sound bad? Selfish even?
Maybe. But, I honestly don't think so. Not for me, anyway.
This is just me keeping it real and knowing the triggers for what make me start to fall apart.
But, even Jesus took time away. Even Jesus needed to rest and refuel.
Silence and chaos.
Give and take.
Rowdy and rest.
Busy and slow.
Pour out, and be poured into.
Ebb and flow.
And I think the real ticket is in knowing ourselves and in knowing what we need as individual Mamas. While some thrive on - and even need - their babies to be with them at all times, and to even sleep with them at night --- I do not. In fact, I would probably have a full-blown freak fest if this were expected of me. So, the real key here - is in knowing what works for me, right? And in what works for you. And then, the even bigger ticket - is in not comparing, in not judging, and in doing what you need to do in order to be a good Mama. A healthy Mama. And a Mama who enjoys her babies.
I know that I need silence for when I start my day. And so I force myself to get up before they do. I know that I need a window of rest every afternoon. And so from the time they were babies - and for as long as I will homeschool - there will always be a pocket of rest time every afternoon. And the boys don't mind it. They have books, LeapPads, snacks, and stories on C.D. They enjoy this time, and it's good for them to have a break from each other for awhile, too. Plus, I am fully convinced that it's good for kids to learn to use their own imaginations and be able to play on their own for a period of time each day, as well. I think it's good for them. But that's just what works for me.
I think that motherhood is hard.
And I think that we make it even harder by pretending that it's so easy all of the time. Or that we have it all together, when we really don't.
We all need balance. We all need times of ebb and flow.
Some of us may need it more than others.
Some of us may have longer time frames before our nerves start to fray.
Some of us may need to have our babies with us more than others.
Some of us may need longer breaks away than others.
Some of us may have "easier" more "textbook" children.
And some of us may have downright hooligans.
But, we all have needs. And it's good to voice them. It's good to work through them. And it's always good to assess and reassess where we are at and what is out of balance. It's good to know ourselves.
And different stages of life - different chapters, will bring different needs and different plans, depending on the ages of our children. Right now, I am in the stage of my boys being up early and hitting the floor running...and not stopping until I stop them and declare a time-out....for all of us! So, this is the plan that works for us - for the here and now...at this stage of life.
I am a bear first thing in the morning, so the discipline of being up an hour before them makes me kinder. The required two hour rest in the afternoon makes me enjoy the time leading up to it and be totally okay with the chaos and pandemonium in the in between. And the early bedtime helps me to savor our suppertime and evenings together.
Required breaks make me better.
This is what works for me. This is the balance of my home.
Tell me....what works for you?
No Time to Be Missional.
Kev asked me to write this month's prayer letter for our ministry with U.S. Center for World Mission. I entitled it "On Not Being Stagnant." If it feels like you've read parts of this letter before, it's because I wrote about things that I process frequently over here. Here it is:
* * * * * *
A more word-ier working title of these ramblings could be:
"On Living 'Sent' Lives...while staying in the comforts of home."
They say people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.
Cliche, I know. But still, it bears repeating.
And it's a good reminder for us believers to be modeling, to be sure.
Especially in today's day in age where "everyone does what is right in their own eyes" and "all roads lead to Heaven," and "you stay out of my business and I'll stay out of yours."
So, how in the world do people see their need for a Savior, when so many in our generation are increasingly seeing church, and even worse - Jesus, as something irrelevant and unneeded in their lives and social circles?
And another question of equal importance for me as a young mother, is how on earth do I help my boys see their need for playing a part in God's story of having His glory shown to all of the nations? How do we teach them to live "sent" lives and to not get too lazy within the four walls of their home? To not become indifferent? And to not get so caught up in the cares of this world with its "everything revolves around me" theme song mentality?
Because indifference leads to laziness.
And lazy gets real comfy.
And comfort makes us stagnant.
And things of stagnance have a stench.
I should know. I have been there.
Or, rather - I go there far too often.
Comfort is a natural default for me.
I'm the biggest fan of simple, safe, and normal. Change is not my friend.
And I really hate stepping out of my comfort zone.
I much prefer my sweet self-absorbed life in which I am in complete control.
But, God doesn't want comfort to be our end-game goal, and nowhere in Scripture do I ever see Him calling His people to a life of entitled stagnance - living bubbled days of peaceful mediocrity.
Rather, I see Him calling His people to a wartime lifestyle - always keeping in mind that this world is not our home - while using such terms as "sojourners," "aliens," and "foreigners" to describe us, His children. Those words don't sound overly safe or cushy to me.
He has called each one of us to live missional lives. We are to be transient - passing through with a sense of urgency and purpose; of duty and of passion. We are to be "on mission" for Him - no matter our occupation, or our income, and regardless of what stage of life we are in. There is not an age appropriate time of service, and never do we retire. This kind of life should be our end-game goal.
Jesus calls us to step down from our self-imposed thrones of stagnance, to throw away our gods of "me," and to consciously decide to set our agendas aside in exchange for being the tangible hand of God for others to see.
So, my boys and I...we are learning together.
We are trying to be intentional, and we are striving to not be stagnant.
We are taking baby steps.
No things really amazing in and of themselves, but we are doing something.
:: Things like going back to work at a local restaurant rather than my little Christian school.
:: Things like inviting our neighbors over for meals and game nights.
:: Things like inviting others in to walk life alongside of us.
:: Things like going door to door and meeting new neighbors in this crazy, independent, non-community oriented culture that we live in.
:: Things like intentionally stepping outside the world of "Christian" and into the reality of jaded brokenness.
:: Things like meeting Sunday nights in a basement with a whole whack of college kids and "seekers" - some who have no clue what we're about...except for the fact that in that one place, for those two hours...they know they are loved and wanted.
:: Things like worrying far less about the opinions of others and far more about obeying His still small voice.
:: And things like trying to hold everything we love loosely.
Nothing amazingly noteworthy, by the "world's" standards, really.
But the Apostle Paul, who I think is a pretty good example to follow, described his ministry this way: "We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God, but our very lives as well, because you were so dear to us."
Well, that's something we all can do - my three young boys included.
That doesn't call for a college degree or a six figure income.
That simply calls for a humble posture, unselfish motives, and hearts that wish to be a blessing.
That calls for building relationships.
And for intentionally being tangible messengers of hope and redemption; of blessing and of grace. For being vulnerable with our struggles, for stooping always lower, and for loving others deeply. That calls for conscientiously stepping into other people's worlds of pain, of disappointment, and of brokenness -- because very rarely will they ever come to us.
Our boys are learning that life is sometimes messy and relationships are often hard. They watch us struggle, and they see us learning. They see us straining to hear His still small voice above the chaos of this life, and they see our desire as a family to daily go where He wants us to go, be what He wants to be, say what He wants us to say....and just maybe have the honor of being one small paragraph in this wild and crazy story of which He has asked us all to play a part.
* * * * * *
A more word-ier working title of these ramblings could be:
"On Living 'Sent' Lives...while staying in the comforts of home."
They say people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.
Cliche, I know. But still, it bears repeating.
And it's a good reminder for us believers to be modeling, to be sure.
Especially in today's day in age where "everyone does what is right in their own eyes" and "all roads lead to Heaven," and "you stay out of my business and I'll stay out of yours."
So, how in the world do people see their need for a Savior, when so many in our generation are increasingly seeing church, and even worse - Jesus, as something irrelevant and unneeded in their lives and social circles?
And another question of equal importance for me as a young mother, is how on earth do I help my boys see their need for playing a part in God's story of having His glory shown to all of the nations? How do we teach them to live "sent" lives and to not get too lazy within the four walls of their home? To not become indifferent? And to not get so caught up in the cares of this world with its "everything revolves around me" theme song mentality?
Because indifference leads to laziness.
And lazy gets real comfy.
And comfort makes us stagnant.
And things of stagnance have a stench.
I should know. I have been there.
Or, rather - I go there far too often.
Comfort is a natural default for me.
I'm the biggest fan of simple, safe, and normal. Change is not my friend.
And I really hate stepping out of my comfort zone.
I much prefer my sweet self-absorbed life in which I am in complete control.
But, God doesn't want comfort to be our end-game goal, and nowhere in Scripture do I ever see Him calling His people to a life of entitled stagnance - living bubbled days of peaceful mediocrity.
Rather, I see Him calling His people to a wartime lifestyle - always keeping in mind that this world is not our home - while using such terms as "sojourners," "aliens," and "foreigners" to describe us, His children. Those words don't sound overly safe or cushy to me.
He has called each one of us to live missional lives. We are to be transient - passing through with a sense of urgency and purpose; of duty and of passion. We are to be "on mission" for Him - no matter our occupation, or our income, and regardless of what stage of life we are in. There is not an age appropriate time of service, and never do we retire. This kind of life should be our end-game goal.
Jesus calls us to step down from our self-imposed thrones of stagnance, to throw away our gods of "me," and to consciously decide to set our agendas aside in exchange for being the tangible hand of God for others to see.
So, my boys and I...we are learning together.
We are trying to be intentional, and we are striving to not be stagnant.
We are taking baby steps.
No things really amazing in and of themselves, but we are doing something.
:: Things like going back to work at a local restaurant rather than my little Christian school.
:: Things like inviting our neighbors over for meals and game nights.
:: Things like inviting others in to walk life alongside of us.
:: Things like going door to door and meeting new neighbors in this crazy, independent, non-community oriented culture that we live in.
:: Things like intentionally stepping outside the world of "Christian" and into the reality of jaded brokenness.
:: Things like meeting Sunday nights in a basement with a whole whack of college kids and "seekers" - some who have no clue what we're about...except for the fact that in that one place, for those two hours...they know they are loved and wanted.
:: Things like worrying far less about the opinions of others and far more about obeying His still small voice.
:: And things like trying to hold everything we love loosely.
Nothing amazingly noteworthy, by the "world's" standards, really.
But the Apostle Paul, who I think is a pretty good example to follow, described his ministry this way: "We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God, but our very lives as well, because you were so dear to us."
Well, that's something we all can do - my three young boys included.
That doesn't call for a college degree or a six figure income.
That simply calls for a humble posture, unselfish motives, and hearts that wish to be a blessing.
That calls for building relationships.
And for intentionally being tangible messengers of hope and redemption; of blessing and of grace. For being vulnerable with our struggles, for stooping always lower, and for loving others deeply. That calls for conscientiously stepping into other people's worlds of pain, of disappointment, and of brokenness -- because very rarely will they ever come to us.
Our boys are learning that life is sometimes messy and relationships are often hard. They watch us struggle, and they see us learning. They see us straining to hear His still small voice above the chaos of this life, and they see our desire as a family to daily go where He wants us to go, be what He wants to be, say what He wants us to say....and just maybe have the honor of being one small paragraph in this wild and crazy story of which He has asked us all to play a part.
Little Loves...
Have you ever watched a movie that was so good, that it stayed with you for days after you'd seen it? It was that powerful and that moving? Oh man - I love those kinds of movies...and books. Ones that challenge you to be better, to love harder, to be more present.
I watched one of those this past week.
And for the record, my non-movie loving husband watched it with me, and as the credits rolled he said: "That's a movie I wouldn't mind owning."
So, there you have it. It was that good.
Are you ready for the title? It's one that really grips you, right from the get-go.
Here it is...."We Bought a Zoo."
Seriously. That's the name of it. And it was the bomb.
I originally looked into it thinking it was going to be a fun, happy little movie to maybe take the kids to. But, it's actually a pretty heavy movie - definitely not one that my littles are ready for, anyway. It's sad and powerful and hopeful and redemptive....and there's some animals in it, too.....
Matt Damon plays this grieving husband and now single father of two young kids, and he does such an amazingly powerful job in this film. The fact that it's based on a true story gives it extra points for me, too. Anyway...after watching it, I left the theatre challenged.
Challenged to love hard and fully and wild, because all we have is today...and do my boys really know just how crazy I am about them? Do they know that they mean more to me than a clean house? This computer? My "me" time? Do they really know?
Because that father loved hard and his kids knew it, and that made me cry hard, and those two hours in that grungy dark little theatre helped to maybe kind of push the re-set button for me on a few things.
I love when that happens.
(WARNING: There are a few swears in said movie, just so you know....)
So, on this my Weekly Top Ten List, "We Bought a Zoo" is Numero Uno.
And for the remainder of my week, it was the little things.
Always the little things....
2. Cooking with my boys. I love having them in the kitchen with me.
3. Ransom's little critters that have meals with him in his highchair.
4. Lew with my boys. They adore him, and he loves to come over.
5. Ransom looking out the window with his little toes sticking out behind him.
6. More wood to keep us warm. I love wood.
7. Smudge. I love him dearly, and he has soothed these sad little boys this week.
8. Cheerios. There will come a day when I will no longer hear them crunch underneath my feet...and I just might be a little bit sad about that.
9. Embarassingly, amazingly generous gifts from friends who merely hear that I love something...and then they go on ebay and make it happen.
10. Little drawings of Risso that keep popping up everywhere. So sweet.
11. Er...I guess it's this week's top eleven. Apparently, I am unable to count. Fitting, since it's a picture of Cribbage - a new game for Kev and I that Lew has been teaching us. Let's just say that math is not my strong point and I have to use my fingers a lot. It's a little bit embarassing.
Yes, I is a homeschooling Mama...
It's all good.
* * * * *
What did you love this week?
What challenged you?
I watched one of those this past week.
And for the record, my non-movie loving husband watched it with me, and as the credits rolled he said: "That's a movie I wouldn't mind owning."
So, there you have it. It was that good.
Are you ready for the title? It's one that really grips you, right from the get-go.
Here it is...."We Bought a Zoo."
Seriously. That's the name of it. And it was the bomb.
I originally looked into it thinking it was going to be a fun, happy little movie to maybe take the kids to. But, it's actually a pretty heavy movie - definitely not one that my littles are ready for, anyway. It's sad and powerful and hopeful and redemptive....and there's some animals in it, too.....
Matt Damon plays this grieving husband and now single father of two young kids, and he does such an amazingly powerful job in this film. The fact that it's based on a true story gives it extra points for me, too. Anyway...after watching it, I left the theatre challenged.
Challenged to love hard and fully and wild, because all we have is today...and do my boys really know just how crazy I am about them? Do they know that they mean more to me than a clean house? This computer? My "me" time? Do they really know?
Because that father loved hard and his kids knew it, and that made me cry hard, and those two hours in that grungy dark little theatre helped to maybe kind of push the re-set button for me on a few things.
I love when that happens.
(WARNING: There are a few swears in said movie, just so you know....)
So, on this my Weekly Top Ten List, "We Bought a Zoo" is Numero Uno.
And for the remainder of my week, it was the little things.
Always the little things....
2. Cooking with my boys. I love having them in the kitchen with me.
3. Ransom's little critters that have meals with him in his highchair.
4. Lew with my boys. They adore him, and he loves to come over.
5. Ransom looking out the window with his little toes sticking out behind him.
6. More wood to keep us warm. I love wood.
7. Smudge. I love him dearly, and he has soothed these sad little boys this week.
8. Cheerios. There will come a day when I will no longer hear them crunch underneath my feet...and I just might be a little bit sad about that.
9. Embarassingly, amazingly generous gifts from friends who merely hear that I love something...and then they go on ebay and make it happen.
10. Little drawings of Risso that keep popping up everywhere. So sweet.
11. Er...I guess it's this week's top eleven. Apparently, I am unable to count. Fitting, since it's a picture of Cribbage - a new game for Kev and I that Lew has been teaching us. Let's just say that math is not my strong point and I have to use my fingers a lot. It's a little bit embarassing.
Yes, I is a homeschooling Mama...
It's all good.
* * * * *
What did you love this week?
What challenged you?
Eyes to See.
Might we be this for the people in our lives.
His hands. His feet. His heart that loves...
Happy Friday, Friends.
The Joy of the Small.
A couple of days ago, I wrote a guest post on simplicity and decluttering for my friend Esther over at her WellnessMom blog. If getting rid of crapolla makes your heart sing as it does mine, you can head over there and give it a read.
Beware. The gift of brevity, I do not possess. But, I did post lots of pics....
Sorry for the book, Esther. You know me. I'm sure it was no shocker...
So, while we were visiting with a group of friends last night, the question was posed: "What dreams do you still have that you haven't yet accomplished?"
And that got me to thinking. I do have a half-serious, half-not "bucket list" of sorts, where I keep a running list of things that I would like to (maybe) accomplish someday.
A dream list of sorts.
It's more of a running list of "Oh, that would be cool to accomplish" sort of thing, but fun, nonetheless.
So, let's all play, shall we?
What are some items that you have on your bucket list?
I'll go first....
Okay. In no particular order ~
:: Run a marathon....or a half....or at the very least a 10K.
:: See a baby - other than my own - be born.
:: Get a tattoo....or three.
:: Live and work in an orphanage with my family for an entire year.
:: Sky dive.
:: Bungee jump.
:: Shoot a deer - (although, admittedly this is very low on my priority list, as I hate being cold. Kevy is less than impressed).
:: Have a small hobby farm where we are completely self-sufficient.
:: Weigh 130 pounds. Or less. Large joke.
:: Have a home birth. (That would take large amounts of convincing on Kevy's part for a number of reasons. One being the fact that I would have to be with child, first).
:: Go back to school to become a crunchy midwife.
Kind of fun, eh?
But, then I got to thinking some more....
While it would be really great to do some of those things, and while I think that it's important to have goals to shoot for - serious or simple - the fact is, I don't really need to do (or have) any of those things. (Although, I honestly think living and working in an orphanage for year would completely rock our world and change our lives forever. I'm still pushing for that one....)
Really, though, I don't really have any huge, lofty dreams.
I've got all that I could ever want or need right here, and I'm not just saying that.
I have a best friend for a husband who is the most stellar father I have ever seen in my life, I have three sweet little boys, we have our health, a home, an abundance of food, toys, clothing, friends, ministry, my 2,000+ daily gifts that I continue to list --- you name it.
We lack for nothing.
We do not know need.
And while I am not so naive as to think that this life will always be sunshine and roses, and that we might have to "do hard" someday....like really hard....and while I am not turning a blind eye to all of the horrible, terrible atrocities that take place every day in every part of our world, or a deaf ear to so many of my loved ones - right here - who are suffering deep pain on so many levels....
I guess, knowing these things, and seeing all the pain that surrounds us - everywhere - .....that just makes me all the more thankful for the little things.
All the more aware.
I see my life so clearly for what it is.
It's a gift. Every bit of it.
And while I do not have any safe, pat answers for all the suffering and devastation, for the cancers, the deaths, the miscarriages, the rapes, the divorces, the carnage, and the agony...
I do know that God is good.
And just as there are no safe, pat answers for so much of life; I don't think that He is a safe, pat God either. But He is good. Always good.
I know that I have written this quote so many times over here, but I love it so much, and with everything that is within me, I believe it.
"It's the joy of the small that makes life large." ~ Ann Voskamp.
And Thomas Quinas wrote: "No man can live without joy."
I believe that, too.
And in the midst of all of the crap that life tends to love to throw at us, there are some days when we have to look really, really hard for the joy and the good and whatever tiny scrap of redemption that can be scraped off the floor from the day.
And God holds us in those moments, too.
"God fills the common moments...Theories [of joy] stillbirth unless they can take on some skin, breathe in the polluted air of this world, and make it happen. God holds us in the untamed moments, too. Lament is a cry of belief in a good God, a God who has His ear to our hearts, a God who transfigures the ugly into beauty. Complaint is the bitter howl of unbelief in any benevolent God in this moment, a distrust in the love-beat of the Father's heart. True lament is the bold faith that trusts Perfect Love enough to feel and cry authentic. While I may not always feel joy, God asks me to give thanks in all things, because He knows that the feeling of joy begins in the action of thanksgiving." ~ Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts.
This is why the fight for joy...and peace...is so hard.
But, we can "take joy." ~ Habakkuk 3:18
I know this because I see friends and loved ones who are doing it right now in the midst of shattered dreams and unanswered prayers of their own. They lament with that bold faith that is trusting in the Perfect Love.
And those of us looking on...we see the beauty rising from the ashes.
God calls us to do thanks. To wash the feet of the world with His grace.
So, while I think bucket lists are fun, and even important to have...
And while I think goals are good, and dreams are necessary...
For me, anyway, my "list of gifts" is so much more important.
We have the gift of today. The gift of now. These good gifts.
There are no guarantees for tomorrow.
* * * * *
2420. Dinner and cribbage with Lew.
2421. Nights of crazy tips.
2422. Pets to love and cherish.
2423. Daddies who dig graves in frozen ground.
2424. Sharing bunks.
2425. Hot chocolate after playing outside.
2426. Playing playdoh with Jesse.
2427. Sweet Rivers, a little bit of pink in our home.
2428. Pet funerals, tender words.
2429. Sweet little hearts, brother love.
2430. Farm fresh eggs.
2431. Grammy's who send pet sympathy cards.
2432. Cheerioes, legos, and laundry.
2433. Cousins who give me new blog headers.
2434. Playing barn with Ransom.
2435. Cribbage and Racko with Kaden.
2436. A night to be home. Just us.
2437. Kaden earning money. Learning responsibility.
2438. Smudge's soothing presence for sad little boys.
2439. Loud and rowdy days.
2440. Naptimes of silence....
Beware. The gift of brevity, I do not possess. But, I did post lots of pics....
Sorry for the book, Esther. You know me. I'm sure it was no shocker...
So, while we were visiting with a group of friends last night, the question was posed: "What dreams do you still have that you haven't yet accomplished?"
And that got me to thinking. I do have a half-serious, half-not "bucket list" of sorts, where I keep a running list of things that I would like to (maybe) accomplish someday.
A dream list of sorts.
It's more of a running list of "Oh, that would be cool to accomplish" sort of thing, but fun, nonetheless.
So, let's all play, shall we?
What are some items that you have on your bucket list?
I'll go first....
Okay. In no particular order ~
:: Run a marathon....or a half....or at the very least a 10K.
:: See a baby - other than my own - be born.
:: Get a tattoo....or three.
:: Live and work in an orphanage with my family for an entire year.
:: Sky dive.
:: Bungee jump.
:: Shoot a deer - (although, admittedly this is very low on my priority list, as I hate being cold. Kevy is less than impressed).
:: Have a small hobby farm where we are completely self-sufficient.
:: Weigh 130 pounds. Or less. Large joke.
:: Have a home birth. (That would take large amounts of convincing on Kevy's part for a number of reasons. One being the fact that I would have to be with child, first).
:: Go back to school to become a crunchy midwife.
Kind of fun, eh?
But, then I got to thinking some more....
While it would be really great to do some of those things, and while I think that it's important to have goals to shoot for - serious or simple - the fact is, I don't really need to do (or have) any of those things. (Although, I honestly think living and working in an orphanage for year would completely rock our world and change our lives forever. I'm still pushing for that one....)
Really, though, I don't really have any huge, lofty dreams.
I've got all that I could ever want or need right here, and I'm not just saying that.
I have a best friend for a husband who is the most stellar father I have ever seen in my life, I have three sweet little boys, we have our health, a home, an abundance of food, toys, clothing, friends, ministry, my 2,000+ daily gifts that I continue to list --- you name it.
We lack for nothing.
We do not know need.
And while I am not so naive as to think that this life will always be sunshine and roses, and that we might have to "do hard" someday....like really hard....and while I am not turning a blind eye to all of the horrible, terrible atrocities that take place every day in every part of our world, or a deaf ear to so many of my loved ones - right here - who are suffering deep pain on so many levels....
I guess, knowing these things, and seeing all the pain that surrounds us - everywhere - .....that just makes me all the more thankful for the little things.
All the more aware.
I see my life so clearly for what it is.
It's a gift. Every bit of it.
And while I do not have any safe, pat answers for all the suffering and devastation, for the cancers, the deaths, the miscarriages, the rapes, the divorces, the carnage, and the agony...
I do know that God is good.
And just as there are no safe, pat answers for so much of life; I don't think that He is a safe, pat God either. But He is good. Always good.
I know that I have written this quote so many times over here, but I love it so much, and with everything that is within me, I believe it.
"It's the joy of the small that makes life large." ~ Ann Voskamp.
And Thomas Quinas wrote: "No man can live without joy."
I believe that, too.
And in the midst of all of the crap that life tends to love to throw at us, there are some days when we have to look really, really hard for the joy and the good and whatever tiny scrap of redemption that can be scraped off the floor from the day.
And God holds us in those moments, too.
"God fills the common moments...Theories [of joy] stillbirth unless they can take on some skin, breathe in the polluted air of this world, and make it happen. God holds us in the untamed moments, too. Lament is a cry of belief in a good God, a God who has His ear to our hearts, a God who transfigures the ugly into beauty. Complaint is the bitter howl of unbelief in any benevolent God in this moment, a distrust in the love-beat of the Father's heart. True lament is the bold faith that trusts Perfect Love enough to feel and cry authentic. While I may not always feel joy, God asks me to give thanks in all things, because He knows that the feeling of joy begins in the action of thanksgiving." ~ Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts.
This is why the fight for joy...and peace...is so hard.
But, we can "take joy." ~ Habakkuk 3:18
I know this because I see friends and loved ones who are doing it right now in the midst of shattered dreams and unanswered prayers of their own. They lament with that bold faith that is trusting in the Perfect Love.
And those of us looking on...we see the beauty rising from the ashes.
God calls us to do thanks. To wash the feet of the world with His grace.
So, while I think bucket lists are fun, and even important to have...
And while I think goals are good, and dreams are necessary...
For me, anyway, my "list of gifts" is so much more important.
We have the gift of today. The gift of now. These good gifts.
There are no guarantees for tomorrow.
* * * * *
2420. Dinner and cribbage with Lew.
2421. Nights of crazy tips.
2422. Pets to love and cherish.
2423. Daddies who dig graves in frozen ground.
2424. Sharing bunks.
2425. Hot chocolate after playing outside.
2426. Playing playdoh with Jesse.
2427. Sweet Rivers, a little bit of pink in our home.
2428. Pet funerals, tender words.
2429. Sweet little hearts, brother love.
2430. Farm fresh eggs.
2431. Grammy's who send pet sympathy cards.
2432. Cheerioes, legos, and laundry.
2433. Cousins who give me new blog headers.
2434. Playing barn with Ransom.
2435. Cribbage and Racko with Kaden.
2436. A night to be home. Just us.
2437. Kaden earning money. Learning responsibility.
2438. Smudge's soothing presence for sad little boys.
2439. Loud and rowdy days.
2440. Naptimes of silence....
Risso.
Our sweet kitty, Risso, got hit by a car early yesterday morning, so it was a pretty sad day around these here parts. A kind young policeman knocked on our door mid-morning and asked if we owned a striped tiger kitty. We looked out the window, and sure enough, there she was right across the road. The boys were all at the kitchen table, so they heard our whole conversation.
I was so thankful that Kev was home, as he explained to the boys what happened, and then he went and picked her up and put her in a little box for us. Bless his heart. He was so gentle and sweet - and he spent the rest of the morning digging a hole in our frozen ground so that we could have a little kitty funeral.
This is the first real taste of loss for us, as far as pets are concerned. We haven't had the greatest luck with our outside birds, either, but Risso slept on Kaden's bed every night, so this hit way closer to home, and he was by far, the most devastated. Poor little guy. He had a pretty hard day yesterday. It totally broke my heart.
Daddy dug the grave, we wrapped her up in towels, we made a little cross, and then we all prayed together. It was kind of sweet and special, sad and comical all at the same time. Both Kev and I got choked up, Kaden was crying, and Ransom is whispering: "Oh!!! Hear da' biwdy?! I hear da' biwdy!!" with Jesse on the other side saying: "Can I touch the blood?"
When it was bedtime, the big boys asked if they could sleep together, and we said that would be fine. But once they both snuggled in, Jesse said: "Wait. I think I've changed my mind. Kaden toots too much." To which Kaden replied: "I think I've changed my mind, too. Jesse wets the bed." But, apparently they resolved their differences, because when I came home from work, this is what I found. Melt my heart.
(Photo taken by Kaden just the day before. I promised I wouldn't delete it, Love).
Today was better. We agreed that having pets is worth it. And we are going to try our darndest to keep Smudge inside from now on. We'll see how that pans out.
And come Spring, if Grampy the Animal Control Officer finds another stray little kitten, we just may take him in...
Who Cares? Honestly.
Well, we are officially about halfway through our school year, and I still stand shocked and amazed that I enjoy it as much as I do. Although, in the spirit of keeping it real, I almost went postal on Jesse the other day. He's only four, so we're just going loosey goosey with school this year - mostly just doing it because he wants to do whatever Kaden does. My only goal for him this year is for him to know his ABC's by summer. Kaden knew all of his letters before he turned three, but "comparison destroys contentment," right? And so we plod along.
However.
By the 8 Kajillionth time we reviewed the letter "A" and he could not tell me what that blasted thing was, I just about lost my marbles. His answers ranged anywhere from: "AB?" "No wait. CD?" "Uh. 5?" to - and here's my favorite-: "Are girls more than blue?"
WHAAAAA??!! I admit it. I went postal, and then I had to go to my happy place for a few minutes while Kevin intervened. Once my eyes turned from green back to blue, we resumed our regularly scheduled programming and proceeded on with our day. But, Holy Hannah. Wow. Okay. Different kids. Different teaching methods needed. Got it. Working on it. Shoot me now.
Allll righty, then...
Now, where in the world was I going with this whole post? OH, right. It was about me being shocked at how much I really do enjoy it. Right. Forgive that bunny trail we all just went down.
Anyway. Granted, I'm only two years into this whole schooling stage of life, but I am increasingly convinced that "schooling" just like "parenting" is a deeply personal decision that families have to make between themselves and the Lord alone - and it's really nobody else's business....although we all like to make everybody else's business our own...
I have been thinking about this topic for awhile because so many of my friends are now entering this stage of life - or have been in it for awhile, for that matter. But, the options that we are all choosing - right along with our reasons for our options - are so vastly different! And I kind of love that. It keeps perspectives fresh, and I think it also protects us from being deluded into thinking that our way is the ONLY way that works. I have friends whose options range from public school, to Christian school, to homeschool, to "unschooling," to mixing it up within their families, and to mixing it up halfway through their kids' schooling careers. I have friends putting their kids in preschool at age three, and I have friends waiting to do anything at all until their kids are seven.
And do you know what? It's ALL good. Because no matter what we choose to do - there will always be naysayers. People will always and forever - until the day we die - critique our convictions, have opinions on our choices, and be pretty sure that they could do a better job at parenting our children than we can do.
So, when you get right down to it, it doesn't matter what decision you choose for your babies. You are always going to have critics. So....who cares? Honestly.
Whatever decicion we make will come with its already pre-packaged and pre-conceived notions of what "that" child will turn out to be in "that" kind of schooling system that you have chosen. There is no fail safe choice to make when it comes to the eyes of the rest of the world.
If my friend's little girl comes home from school and drops the f-bomb in the kitchen - it will automatically be assumed that "that's what she gets for sending her child to Satan's playground and now just look at how polluted her young mind is." Never mind the fact that she originally learned the word during Sunday School from a girl whose father is (gasp) a deacon in the church. No-one will ever be convinced of this. And it won't ever even cross anyone's mind that these parents are trying to be intentional at being "salt and light" in their community and if everyone were to take every last bit of salt and light from our school systems, that would leave our world in a pretty dark place, now wouldn't it? And nevermind the fact that maybe, just maybe, this is how the Lord has asked this family to live out this chapter of their lives.
No-one's going to ever see these things.
They're just going to focus on the f-bomb.
So, who cares? Honestly.
And when the homeschooling Mama takes her little boy to the grocery store, and he doesn't make eye contact with the cashier and just mumbles an answer back while looking at his feet - it will automatically be assumed that "that's what she gets for not properly socializing her child, and it is so obvious that he is completely socially awkward, and it's all her fault." Never mind the fact this kid is just naturally, painfully shy, anyway; and he would be that kid sitting in the back of the class who perpetually looks at his feet all day, regardless. And nevermind the fact that this little boys' Daddy travels a lot, so when he gets home from his business trips, his little boy is actually home and can see him during the day. And nevermind the fact that this family just wanted to try this whole thing anyway - just to see if it would be a good fit for them, and maybe just maybe it's something that the Lord has asked them to do.
No-one is ever going to see these things.
They're just going to focus on the social awkwardness.
So, who cares? Honestly.
And when the Christian school girl gets voted "Most Likely to Succeed" and has every chapter of the book of James memorized for her Senior class project, and takes missions trips every summer to far away lands - it will automatically be assumed that this girl has it all together, and she will be put on such a high pedestal that it will be virtually impossible for her to ever fall or fail, because that could never once be admitted in Christian social circles, now could it? Nevermind the fact that this was her parents' decision in the first place, and she's not even sure where she stands with God, and the reason that she even goes on these missions trips every summer is to assuage some of the guilt that she feels for sleeping with her boyfriend behind her parent's back. Whew. Now that's a heavy one to wade through, isn't it?
But, no-one will rarely see these things, either.
They'll probably only see the upstanding Christian citizen that her whole family models to the outside world. Nevermind the fact that every kid has to make their faith their own - no matter what type of education they take part in.
So, my conclusion?
Who cares? Honestly.
Do what you and your man think is best for your family. Do what you feel is the best fit for your kids. Listen to what the Lord might be asking you to do. And if you try it, and it doesn't work out...go back to the drawing board. You're not a failure. No one ever said and nowhere has it ever been written that whatever decision you make for this year must be your decision for the remaining twelve of your child's life.
And no matter how great of a job we'll do at parenting - our kids will probably fail somewhere, somehow. And no matter how awesome our children are - we will probably fail them somewhere, somehow.
Our kids are probably going to learn naughty words, regardless. They'll probably have moments of social awkwardness, regardless. And they might even get themselves into some pretty deep stuff someday, regardless.
And....people will talk about us, regardless.
No decision is better than another. No decision makes us a better parent according to society's standards. No decision makes me better than you or you better than me. So, let's stop with the judging and the comparing. We beat our own selves up enough as it is. Let's not beat others up, as well.
It's all about the grace. With ourselves and with each other.
And the growing. And the listening. And the learning.
We are to be forever students. With Christ our Master Teacher.
And everything else?
Who cares. Honestly!
However.
By the 8 Kajillionth time we reviewed the letter "A" and he could not tell me what that blasted thing was, I just about lost my marbles. His answers ranged anywhere from: "AB?" "No wait. CD?" "Uh. 5?" to - and here's my favorite-: "Are girls more than blue?"
WHAAAAA??!! I admit it. I went postal, and then I had to go to my happy place for a few minutes while Kevin intervened. Once my eyes turned from green back to blue, we resumed our regularly scheduled programming and proceeded on with our day. But, Holy Hannah. Wow. Okay. Different kids. Different teaching methods needed. Got it. Working on it. Shoot me now.
Allll righty, then...
Now, where in the world was I going with this whole post? OH, right. It was about me being shocked at how much I really do enjoy it. Right. Forgive that bunny trail we all just went down.
Anyway. Granted, I'm only two years into this whole schooling stage of life, but I am increasingly convinced that "schooling" just like "parenting" is a deeply personal decision that families have to make between themselves and the Lord alone - and it's really nobody else's business....although we all like to make everybody else's business our own...
I have been thinking about this topic for awhile because so many of my friends are now entering this stage of life - or have been in it for awhile, for that matter. But, the options that we are all choosing - right along with our reasons for our options - are so vastly different! And I kind of love that. It keeps perspectives fresh, and I think it also protects us from being deluded into thinking that our way is the ONLY way that works. I have friends whose options range from public school, to Christian school, to homeschool, to "unschooling," to mixing it up within their families, and to mixing it up halfway through their kids' schooling careers. I have friends putting their kids in preschool at age three, and I have friends waiting to do anything at all until their kids are seven.
And do you know what? It's ALL good. Because no matter what we choose to do - there will always be naysayers. People will always and forever - until the day we die - critique our convictions, have opinions on our choices, and be pretty sure that they could do a better job at parenting our children than we can do.
So, when you get right down to it, it doesn't matter what decision you choose for your babies. You are always going to have critics. So....who cares? Honestly.
Whatever decicion we make will come with its already pre-packaged and pre-conceived notions of what "that" child will turn out to be in "that" kind of schooling system that you have chosen. There is no fail safe choice to make when it comes to the eyes of the rest of the world.
If my friend's little girl comes home from school and drops the f-bomb in the kitchen - it will automatically be assumed that "that's what she gets for sending her child to Satan's playground and now just look at how polluted her young mind is." Never mind the fact that she originally learned the word during Sunday School from a girl whose father is (gasp) a deacon in the church. No-one will ever be convinced of this. And it won't ever even cross anyone's mind that these parents are trying to be intentional at being "salt and light" in their community and if everyone were to take every last bit of salt and light from our school systems, that would leave our world in a pretty dark place, now wouldn't it? And nevermind the fact that maybe, just maybe, this is how the Lord has asked this family to live out this chapter of their lives.
No-one's going to ever see these things.
They're just going to focus on the f-bomb.
So, who cares? Honestly.
And when the homeschooling Mama takes her little boy to the grocery store, and he doesn't make eye contact with the cashier and just mumbles an answer back while looking at his feet - it will automatically be assumed that "that's what she gets for not properly socializing her child, and it is so obvious that he is completely socially awkward, and it's all her fault." Never mind the fact this kid is just naturally, painfully shy, anyway; and he would be that kid sitting in the back of the class who perpetually looks at his feet all day, regardless. And nevermind the fact that this little boys' Daddy travels a lot, so when he gets home from his business trips, his little boy is actually home and can see him during the day. And nevermind the fact that this family just wanted to try this whole thing anyway - just to see if it would be a good fit for them, and maybe just maybe it's something that the Lord has asked them to do.
No-one is ever going to see these things.
They're just going to focus on the social awkwardness.
So, who cares? Honestly.
And when the Christian school girl gets voted "Most Likely to Succeed" and has every chapter of the book of James memorized for her Senior class project, and takes missions trips every summer to far away lands - it will automatically be assumed that this girl has it all together, and she will be put on such a high pedestal that it will be virtually impossible for her to ever fall or fail, because that could never once be admitted in Christian social circles, now could it? Nevermind the fact that this was her parents' decision in the first place, and she's not even sure where she stands with God, and the reason that she even goes on these missions trips every summer is to assuage some of the guilt that she feels for sleeping with her boyfriend behind her parent's back. Whew. Now that's a heavy one to wade through, isn't it?
But, no-one will rarely see these things, either.
They'll probably only see the upstanding Christian citizen that her whole family models to the outside world. Nevermind the fact that every kid has to make their faith their own - no matter what type of education they take part in.
So, my conclusion?
Who cares? Honestly.
Do what you and your man think is best for your family. Do what you feel is the best fit for your kids. Listen to what the Lord might be asking you to do. And if you try it, and it doesn't work out...go back to the drawing board. You're not a failure. No one ever said and nowhere has it ever been written that whatever decision you make for this year must be your decision for the remaining twelve of your child's life.
And no matter how great of a job we'll do at parenting - our kids will probably fail somewhere, somehow. And no matter how awesome our children are - we will probably fail them somewhere, somehow.
Our kids are probably going to learn naughty words, regardless. They'll probably have moments of social awkwardness, regardless. And they might even get themselves into some pretty deep stuff someday, regardless.
And....people will talk about us, regardless.
No decision is better than another. No decision makes us a better parent according to society's standards. No decision makes me better than you or you better than me. So, let's stop with the judging and the comparing. We beat our own selves up enough as it is. Let's not beat others up, as well.
It's all about the grace. With ourselves and with each other.
And the growing. And the listening. And the learning.
We are to be forever students. With Christ our Master Teacher.
And everything else?
Who cares. Honestly!
Little Loves...
It's the week-end again. Hallelujah!
And so, once again, here's to looking back over this past week and picking out ten of my top favorite things. In no particular order, and by no means exhaustive, here are ten of my little loves...
1. A Sweet little package from one of my dearest friends who now lives far far away. Her sweet treasures and lovely letter made her feel just a little bit closer in my heart.
2. This sweet wooden box to the right - another rockin' Transfer Station find. It's old and ratty - just the way I like it - and it nicely holds our increasing supply of boots and shoes. Another fave of this week was taking my friend with her little girls out to experience the Transfer Station for themselves. I can hear the dinner conversations around their table now:
Shawn: Hey Honey! How was your day? It's been awhile since you and Amy got together. What did you guys do?
Rachael: Oh, we solved all the world's problems...and we went to the dump....
3. Stumbling upon two little brothers snuggling together of their own accord. Melt my heart.
4. The view of my kitchen window from our driveway.
5. Monday afternoon coffee dates with Lew. He saunters over, I make coffee, he teases me about how bold it is, I force treats down his throat, we talk about planting season, and we make plans for him to teach Kev and I how to play Cribbage.
6. Thrift store book buys. Holy Hannah. How I love thrift store books. Especially the one that's near Cabella's. When we go on Family Day trips, we have a new deal. Kev suffers through GoodWill for me, and I go to Cabella's for him. It's a great deal. The books - they call to me....
7. Watching ALL of my boys at Cabellas. They are so happy, and they are so cute. And yesterday, I talked to my long lost friend on the phone the entire time that we were there. Bonus for me!
8. Big Daddies snuggling with their little boys. Hot. Hot. Hot.
9. The snow storm that we had this week. Although I am not a fan of snow, I especially love snuggling down inside during the whirling, swirling storm. I also love my hornets nest. It makes me think of my little bro every time I'm at my kitchen sink. Which is a lot.
10. Supper at Grampy and Grammy's house. Yummy food. Cozy company. And three little grandbabies who are made to feel so loved and safe. Delicious.
So, there you have it.
Some of this week's faves.
What did you love about this past week?
And so, once again, here's to looking back over this past week and picking out ten of my top favorite things. In no particular order, and by no means exhaustive, here are ten of my little loves...
1. A Sweet little package from one of my dearest friends who now lives far far away. Her sweet treasures and lovely letter made her feel just a little bit closer in my heart.
2. This sweet wooden box to the right - another rockin' Transfer Station find. It's old and ratty - just the way I like it - and it nicely holds our increasing supply of boots and shoes. Another fave of this week was taking my friend with her little girls out to experience the Transfer Station for themselves. I can hear the dinner conversations around their table now:
Shawn: Hey Honey! How was your day? It's been awhile since you and Amy got together. What did you guys do?
Rachael: Oh, we solved all the world's problems...and we went to the dump....
3. Stumbling upon two little brothers snuggling together of their own accord. Melt my heart.
4. The view of my kitchen window from our driveway.
5. Monday afternoon coffee dates with Lew. He saunters over, I make coffee, he teases me about how bold it is, I force treats down his throat, we talk about planting season, and we make plans for him to teach Kev and I how to play Cribbage.
6. Thrift store book buys. Holy Hannah. How I love thrift store books. Especially the one that's near Cabella's. When we go on Family Day trips, we have a new deal. Kev suffers through GoodWill for me, and I go to Cabella's for him. It's a great deal. The books - they call to me....
7. Watching ALL of my boys at Cabellas. They are so happy, and they are so cute. And yesterday, I talked to my long lost friend on the phone the entire time that we were there. Bonus for me!
8. Big Daddies snuggling with their little boys. Hot. Hot. Hot.
9. The snow storm that we had this week. Although I am not a fan of snow, I especially love snuggling down inside during the whirling, swirling storm. I also love my hornets nest. It makes me think of my little bro every time I'm at my kitchen sink. Which is a lot.
10. Supper at Grampy and Grammy's house. Yummy food. Cozy company. And three little grandbabies who are made to feel so loved and safe. Delicious.
So, there you have it.
Some of this week's faves.
What did you love about this past week?