A Resolution.

I love books.

I usually have several different options going at any given time ~ one up by my bed, one in the bathroom for when I'm getting ready in the morning, one on the treadmill, one down here by the computer in the kitchen, and one in the car. I usually have my Bible, some sort of parenting book, something inspirational or challenging, and some sort of "fluff" that I could rip through in an afternoon if I could just lock myself away in the bathroom and neglect all of my wifely & motherly duties for the rest of the day. It's an addiction.

Books inspire me, they challenge me, they grow me in my walk with the Lord, and they are a constant companion ~ always beside me whether or not they ever get opened during the day ~ or even during the week, for that matter. They are with me, regardless.

And as I get ready to say goodbye to this past year of my life, I find it only fitting that I'm closing the year off with MaryBeth Chapman's book "Choosing to See." Oh my goodness - what a beautifully raw and honest book of this lady's journey through a very public marriage, depression, and essentially a double tragedy as a result of one of her older sons accidentally killing their little girl one afternoon a couple of years ago.

Watching this Mama walk, and struggle to rise above these immense sorrows in her life has humbled me. The way that she is deliberable in intentionally choosing to find and see God - and essentially, hope - in everything is amazing.

Because, ultimately, we need to do the same.

We have no idea what next year holds for us. We don't yet see what challenge, or grief, or pain we may be entrusted to carry. Or maybe some of us do. Right now, I have so many loved ones in my life who have been asked to walk difficult roads of family deaths, deep depression, struggling families, and grief from infertility and miscarriage. They see. And they are daily struggling to rise above and see the hope.

In this New Year, may we all do the same. May we all choose to see the beauty amidst the ashes, the lovely in the middle of all of the ugly, and the sacred amidst all of the chaos. May we worry far less about what others think about us and far more about being authentic and real. May we be vulnerable with each other and raw in the presence of our Savior.

And to my sweet sisters who are daily already doing this... Chantelley, Shandy, Gretchen, Sarah, Rachael, Rachel, Jodi, Jessica, and Meghan....I see you. I admire you. And I love you for your authenticity. You are walking raw and real. You are enduring.

"Endurance is not just the ability to bear a hard thing, but to turn it into glory." ~ William Barclay.
You women - and so many others - are already daily doing this.

May I do the same.
In this New Year, my prayer is that I will walk well. That I will endure. That I will rise above and see - the hope, the beauty, the sacred. And that I will allow God to write the story of my life - both the happy chapters and the ones that might be filled with sorrow and struggle.

"Joy is in the acquiescing." ~ Ann Voskamp

So, on the Eve of this New Year, I humbly open my hand to release my will and receive His. Again. The fight for joy is hard - it's a battle. Some know this far better than others. But, just as I am watching loved ones accept and allow and believe and trust...I wish to do the same.

"Eucharisteo makes the knees the vantage point of a life and I bend and the body, it says it quiet: "Thy will be done." ~ Ann Voskamp.

In the New Year - this is my one resolution....
Thy will be done, Lord Jesus.
Your agenda. Not mine.
My hands are open. Please help me not to close them tight.