It's subtle.
It's dangerous.
And it's something that I feel like I constantly have to guard myself against - always checking my motives and my reasons for doing what I do, handing my insecurities over to Christ, and striving to - in a good way - worry far less about what others think and do and be far more concerned about what Jesus thinks.
As my sons are growing older, I'm seeing that this is a truth that I really need to nurture in them, as well. And I need to make sure that I don't add to the problem by comparing them to each other or continuously lumping them into their little group of "the boys" - when they truly are their own little people.
They are individuals.
I see this comparing played out in the lives of my older two already. Not in bad ways, necessarily - yet - but in ways that have me watching and paying attention.
My middle one, especially, so badly wants to be like his big brother, it's almost funny. He can be to the point where he's falling asleep on his feet, but he refuses to let himself go as long as Kaden is awake. This happens especially on car trips, and he will not close his eyes until he sees that Kaden is going to take a nap, as well.
If Kaden has on a tank top, Jesse does NOT want a t-shirt. If Kaden doesn't want his life jacket on, Jesse is offended if we make him wear his. Some things come with the privilege of being the oldest, some things aren't so big of a deal, some things come with the younger brother idolizing his older. Other things need to be put into check a little bit.
In some things, as their Mama I can be helpful. But if I'm not careful, sometimes I can make matters worse. There are three little boys in my home who are their own individual selves. One is brave and daring. One is a little more tough. One is a little more tender. One has a stronger will. One is sensitive. One is more quiet. One is more social. One has a quick temper. One rarely lets his surface. One has a tender conscience. One is not afraid to take a stand.
Different interests. Three different personalities. Three different sets of giftings and passions already. This is right and this is good.
So long as I never compare.
I learned a few lessons from some Mama birds while we were at camp. It's the time of summer when the babies are starting to take their first flights, their learning to catch their own bugs, and they are becoming increasingly independent from the nest. I believe the experts call this fledging?
I found it very interesting to watch this one Mama with her little brood. She knew exactly which babies could be pushed a little bit and with which ones she needed to have a little more time and patience. I was impressed.
My kids are not cookie cutter kids.
I need to get this lesson.
In some things - like house rules - I can have the same, age appropriate expectations. I expect them to be respectful, to obey the first time, and to tell the truth.
But in other things - for one of them, I need to be a little more patient, for one I can be a little more firm, for another, I need to keep a pretty tight rein on him. One can be broken with a look. A couple others need much stronger convincing that Mama is serious.
I'm pretty sure that's why Scripture says to "train up a child in the way that HE should go." I need to be a student of my boys. I need to not compare them with each other. I need to love them individually. I need to nurture individuality in each of them.
Looking up to someone is good and right. And even wanting to wear the same clothes is okay, too. Just as long as this Mama doesn't place any undue expectations on one to perform like the other, or on one to act just like the other.
I love them all for who they are, and for who God is making them to be. I just need to make sure that they daily get this message from me - in both my words and my actions. I would never want my boys to struggle with discontentment as a result of feeling like their Mama wished them to be some other way.
Lessons learning...
So very, very true. Even with three little girls. :-)
ReplyDelete