Life With My Boys.....

Eyes to See.

2012-01-27T09:01:00.002-05:00

Might we be this for the people in our lives.
His hands. His feet. His heart that loves...

Happy Friday, Friends.

The Joy of the Small.

2012-01-26T08:38:00.015-05:00

A couple of days ago, I wrote a guest post on simplicity and decluttering for my friend Esther over at her WellnessMom blog. If getting rid of crapolla makes your heart sing as it does mine, you can head over there and give it a read.

Beware. The gift of brevity, I do not possess. But, I did post lots of pics....
Sorry for the book, Esther. You know me. I'm sure it was no shocker...

So, while we were visiting with a group of friends last night, the question was posed: "What dreams do you still have that you haven't yet accomplished?"

And that got me to thinking. I do have a half-serious, half-not "bucket list" of sorts, where I keep a running list of things that I would like to (maybe) accomplish someday.

A dream list of sorts.

It's more of a running list of "Oh, that would be cool to accomplish" sort of thing, but fun, nonetheless.

So, let's all play, shall we?
What are some items that you have on your bucket list?
I'll go first....

Okay. In no particular order ~

:: Run a marathon....or a half....or at the very least a 10K.
:: See a baby - other than my own - be born.
:: Get a tattoo....or three.
:: Live and work in an orphanage with my family for an entire year.
:: Sky dive.
:: Bungee jump.
:: Shoot a deer - (although, admittedly this is very low on my priority list, as I hate being cold. Kevy is less than impressed).
:: Have a small hobby farm where we are completely self-sufficient.
:: Weigh 130 pounds. Or less. Large joke.
:: Have a home birth. (That would take large amounts of convincing on Kevy's part for a number of reasons. One being the fact that I would have to be with child, first).
:: Go back to school to become a crunchy midwife.

Kind of fun, eh?

But, then I got to thinking some more....

While it would be really great to do some of those things, and while I think that it's important to have goals to shoot for - serious or simple - the fact is, I don't really need to do (or have) any of those things. (Although, I honestly think living and working in an orphanage for year would completely rock our world and change our lives forever. I'm still pushing for that one....)

Really, though, I don't really have any huge, lofty dreams.

I've got all that I could ever want or need right here, and I'm not just saying that.
I have a best friend for a husband who is the most stellar father I have ever seen in my life, I have three sweet little boys, we have our health, a home, an abundance of food, toys, clothing, friends, ministry, my 2,000+ daily gifts that I continue to list --- you name it.

We lack for nothing.
We do not know need.

And while I am not so naive as to think that this life will always be sunshine and roses, and that we might have to "do hard" someday....like really hard....and while I am not turning a blind eye to all of the horrible, terrible atrocities that take place every day in every part of our world, or a deaf ear to so many of my loved ones - right here - who are suffering deep pain on so many levels....

I guess, knowing these things, and seeing all the pain that surrounds us - everywhere - .....that just makes me all the more thankful for the little things.

All the more aware.
I see my life so clearly for what it is.
It's a gift. Every bit of it.

And while I do not have any safe, pat answers for all the suffering and devastation, for the cancers, the deaths, the miscarriages, the rapes, the divorces, the carnage, and the agony...

I do know that God is good.

And just as there are no safe, pat answers for so much of life; I don't think that He is a safe, pat God either. But He is good. Always good.

I know that I have written this quote so many times over here, but I love it so much, and with everything that is within me, I believe it.

"It's the joy of the small that makes life large." ~ Ann Voskamp.
And Thomas Quinas wrote: "No man can live without joy."
I believe that, too.

And in the midst of all of the crap that life tends to love to throw at us, there are some days when we have to look really, really hard for the joy and the good and whatever tiny scrap of redemption that can be scraped off the floor from the day.

And God holds us in those moments, too.

"God fills the common moments...Theories [of joy] stillbirth unless they can take on some skin, breathe in the polluted air of this world, and make it happen. God holds us in the untamed moments, too. Lament is a cry of belief in a good God, a God who has His ear to our hearts, a God who transfigures the ugly into beauty. Complaint is the bitter howl of unbelief in any benevolent God in this moment, a distrust in the love-beat of the Father's heart. True lament is the bold faith that trusts Perfect Love enough to feel and cry authentic. While I may not always feel joy, God asks me to give thanks in all things, because He knows that the feeling of joy begins in the action of thanksgiving." ~ Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts.

This is why the fight for joy...and peace...is so hard.
But, we can "take joy." ~ Habakkuk 3:18

I know this because I see friends and loved ones who are doing it right now in the midst of shattered dreams and unanswered prayers of their own. They lament with that bold faith that is trusting in the Perfect Love.

And those of us looking on...we see the beauty rising from the ashes.
God calls us to do thanks. To wash the feet of the world with His grace.

So, while I think bucket lists are fun, and even important to have...
And while I think goals are good, and dreams are necessary...
For me, anyway, my "list of gifts" is so much more important.

We have the gift of today. The gift of now. These good gifts.
There are no guarantees for tomorrow.

* * * * *
2420. Dinner and cribbage with Lew.
2421. Nights of crazy tips.
2422. Pets to love and cherish.
2423. Daddies who dig graves in frozen ground.
2424. Sharing bunks.
2425. Hot chocolate after playing outside.
2426. Playing playdoh with Jesse.
2427. Sweet Rivers, a little bit of pink in our home.
2428. Pet funerals, tender words.
2429. Sweet little hearts, brother love.
2430. Farm fresh eggs.
2431. Grammy's who send pet sympathy cards.
2432. Cheerioes, legos, and laundry.
2433. Cousins who give me new blog headers.
2434. Playing barn with Ransom.
2435. Cribbage and Racko with Kaden.
2436. A night to be home. Just us.
2437. Kaden earning money. Learning responsibility.
2438. Smudge's soothing presence for sad little boys.
2439. Loud and rowdy days.
2440. Naptimes of silence....

Risso.

2012-01-25T13:53:00.004-05:00

Our sweet kitty, Risso, got hit by a car early yesterday morning, so it was a pretty sad day around these here parts. A kind young policeman knocked on our door mid-morning and asked if we owned a striped tiger kitty. We looked out the window, and sure enough, there she was right across the road. The boys were all at the kitchen table, so they heard our whole conversation.

I was so thankful that Kev was home, as he explained to the boys what happened, and then he went and picked her up and put her in a little box for us. Bless his heart. He was so gentle and sweet - and he spent the rest of the morning digging a hole in our frozen ground so that we could have a little kitty funeral.

This is the first real taste of loss for us, as far as pets are concerned. We haven't had the greatest luck with our outside birds, either, but Risso slept on Kaden's bed every night, so this hit way closer to home, and he was by far, the most devastated. Poor little guy. He had a pretty hard day yesterday. It totally broke my heart.

Daddy dug the grave, we wrapped her up in towels, we made a little cross, and then we all prayed together. It was kind of sweet and special, sad and comical all at the same time. Both Kev and I got choked up, Kaden was crying, and Ransom is whispering: "Oh!!! Hear da' biwdy?! I hear da' biwdy!!" with Jesse on the other side saying: "Can I touch the blood?"

When it was bedtime, the big boys asked if they could sleep together, and we said that would be fine. But once they both snuggled in, Jesse said: "Wait. I think I've changed my mind. Kaden toots too much." To which Kaden replied: "I think I've changed my mind, too. Jesse wets the bed." But, apparently they resolved their differences, because when I came home from work, this is what I found. Melt my heart.

(Photo taken by Kaden just the day before. I promised I wouldn't delete it, Love).
Today was better. We agreed that having pets is worth it. And we are going to try our darndest to keep Smudge inside from now on. We'll see how that pans out.

And come Spring, if Grampy the Animal Control Officer finds another stray little kitten, we just may take him in...

Who Cares? Honestly.

2012-01-23T13:15:00.011-05:00

Well, we are officially about halfway through our school year, and I still stand shocked and amazed that I enjoy it as much as I do. Although, in the spirit of keeping it real, I almost went postal on Jesse the other day. He's only four, so we're just going loosey goosey with school this year - mostly just doing it because he wants to do whatever Kaden does. My only goal for him this year is for him to know his ABC's by summer. Kaden knew all of his letters before he turned three, but "comparison destroys contentment," right? And so we plod along.

However.

By the 8 Kajillionth time we reviewed the letter "A" and he could not tell me what that blasted thing was, I just about lost my marbles. His answers ranged anywhere from: "AB?" "No wait. CD?" "Uh. 5?" to - and here's my favorite-: "Are girls more than blue?"

WHAAAAA??!! I admit it. I went postal, and then I had to go to my happy place for a few minutes while Kevin intervened. Once my eyes turned from green back to blue, we resumed our regularly scheduled programming and proceeded on with our day. But, Holy Hannah. Wow. Okay. Different kids. Different teaching methods needed. Got it. Working on it. Shoot me now.

Allll righty, then...
Now, where in the world was I going with this whole post? OH, right. It was about me being shocked at how much I really do enjoy it. Right. Forgive that bunny trail we all just went down.

Anyway. Granted, I'm only two years into this whole schooling stage of life, but I am increasingly convinced that "schooling" just like "parenting" is a deeply personal decision that families have to make between themselves and the Lord alone - and it's really nobody else's business....although we all like to make everybody else's business our own...

I have been thinking about this topic for awhile because so many of my friends are now entering this stage of life - or have been in it for awhile, for that matter. But, the options that we are all choosing - right along with our reasons for our options - are so vastly different! And I kind of love that. It keeps perspectives fresh, and I think it also protects us from being deluded into thinking that our way is the ONLY way that works. I have friends whose options range from public school, to Christian school, to homeschool, to "unschooling," to mixing it up within their families, and to mixing it up halfway through their kids' schooling careers. I have friends putting their kids in preschool at age three, and I have friends waiting to do anything at all until their kids are seven.

And do you know what? It's ALL good. Because no matter what we choose to do - there will always be naysayers. People will always and forever - until the day we die - critique our convictions, have opinions on our choices, and be pretty sure that they could do a better job at parenting our children than we can do.

So, when you get right down to it, it doesn't matter what decision you choose for your babies. You are always going to have critics. So....who cares? Honestly.

Whatever decicion we make will come with its already pre-packaged and pre-conceived notions of what "that" child will turn out to be in "that" kind of schooling system that you have chosen. There is no fail safe choice to make when it comes to the eyes of the rest of the world.

If my friend's little girl comes home from school and drops the f-bomb in the kitchen - it will automatically be assumed that "that's what she gets for sending her child to Satan's playground and now just look at how polluted her young mind is." Never mind the fact that she originally learned the word during Sunday School from a girl whose father is (gasp) a deacon in the church. No-one will ever be convinced of this. And it won't ever even cross anyone's mind that these parents are trying to be intentional at being "salt and light" in their community and if everyone were to take every last bit of salt and light from our school systems, that would leave our world in a pretty dark place, now wouldn't it? And nevermind the fact that maybe, just maybe, this is how the Lord has asked this family to live out this chapter of their lives.

No-one's going to ever see these things.
They're just going to focus on the f-bomb.
So, who cares? Honestly.

And when the homeschooling Mama takes her little boy to the grocery store, and he doesn't make eye contact with the cashier and just mumbles an answer back while looking at his feet - it will automatically be assumed that "that's what she gets for not properly socializing her child, and it is so obvious that he is completely socially awkward, and it's all her fault." Never mind the fact this kid is just naturally, painfully shy, anyway; and he would be that kid sitting in the back of the class who perpetually looks at his feet all day, regardless. And nevermind the fact that this little boys' Daddy travels a lot, so when he gets home from his business trips, his little boy is actually home and can see him during the day. And nevermind the fact that this family just wanted to try this whole thing anyway - just to see if it would be a good fit for them, and maybe just maybe it's something that the Lord has asked them to do.

No-one is ever going to see these things.
They're just going to focus on the social awkwardness.
So, who cares? Honestly.

And when the Christian school girl gets voted "Most Likely to Succeed" and has every chapter of the book of James memorized for her Senior class project, and takes missions trips every summer to far away lands - it will automatically be assumed that this girl has it all together, and she will be put on such a high pedestal that it will be virtually impossible for her to ever fall or fail, because that could never once be admitted in Christian social circles, now could it? Nevermind the fact that this was her parents' decision in the first place, and she's not even sure where she stands with God, and the reason that she even goes on these missions trips every summer is to assuage some of the guilt that she feels for sleeping with her boyfriend behind her parent's back. Whew. Now that's a heavy one to wade through, isn't it?

But, no-one will rarely see these things, either.
They'll probably only see the upstanding Christian citizen that her whole family models to the outside world. Nevermind the fact that every kid has to make their faith their own - no matter what type of education they take part in.

So, my conclusion?
Who cares? Honestly.

Do what you and your man think is best for your family. Do what you feel is the best fit for your kids. Listen to what the Lord might be asking you to do. And if you try it, and it doesn't work out...go back to the drawing board. You're not a failure. No one ever said and nowhere has it ever been written that whatever decision you make for this year must be your decision for the remaining twelve of your child's life.

And no matter how great of a job we'll do at parenting - our kids will probably fail somewhere, somehow. And no matter how awesome our children are - we will probably fail them somewhere, somehow.

Our kids are probably going to learn naughty words, regardless. They'll probably have moments of social awkwardness, regardless. And they might even get themselves into some pretty deep stuff someday, regardless.

And....people will talk about us, regardless.

No decision is better than another. No decision makes us a better parent according to society's standards. No decision makes me better than you or you better than me. So, let's stop with the judging and the comparing. We beat our own selves up enough as it is. Let's not beat others up, as well.

It's all about the grace. With ourselves and with each other.
And the growing. And the listening. And the learning.

We are to be forever students. With Christ our Master Teacher.
And everything else?
Who cares. Honestly!

Little Loves...

2012-01-21T09:36:00.005-05:00

It's the week-end again. Hallelujah!

And so, once again, here's to looking back over this past week and picking out ten of my top favorite things. In no particular order, and by no means exhaustive, here are ten of my little loves...

1. A Sweet little package from one of my dearest friends who now lives far far away. Her sweet treasures and lovely letter made her feel just a little bit closer in my heart.

2. This sweet wooden box to the right - another rockin' Transfer Station find. It's old and ratty - just the way I like it - and it nicely holds our increasing supply of boots and shoes. Another fave of this week was taking my friend with her little girls out to experience the Transfer Station for themselves. I can hear the dinner conversations around their table now:

Shawn: Hey Honey! How was your day? It's been awhile since you and Amy got together. What did you guys do?
Rachael: Oh, we solved all the world's problems...and we went to the dump....

3. Stumbling upon two little brothers snuggling together of their own accord. Melt my heart.

4. The view of my kitchen window from our driveway.

5. Monday afternoon coffee dates with Lew. He saunters over, I make coffee, he teases me about how bold it is, I force treats down his throat, we talk about planting season, and we make plans for him to teach Kev and I how to play Cribbage.

6. Thrift store book buys. Holy Hannah. How I love thrift store books. Especially the one that's near Cabella's. When we go on Family Day trips, we have a new deal. Kev suffers through GoodWill for me, and I go to Cabella's for him. It's a great deal. The books - they call to me....

7. Watching ALL of my boys at Cabellas. They are so happy, and they are so cute. And yesterday, I talked to my long lost friend on the phone the entire time that we were there. Bonus for me!

8. Big Daddies snuggling with their little boys. Hot. Hot. Hot.

9. The snow storm that we had this week. Although I am not a fan of snow, I especially love snuggling down inside during the whirling, swirling storm. I also love my hornets nest. It makes me think of my little bro every time I'm at my kitchen sink. Which is a lot.

10. Supper at Grampy and Grammy's house. Yummy food. Cozy company. And three little grandbabies who are made to feel so loved and safe. Delicious.

So, there you have it.
Some of this week's faves.
What did you love about this past week?

An Ode To Coffee.

2012-01-18T09:42:00.003-05:00

Today is new.
It's fresh and bold -
Just like this coffee
I behold.

It's 8:00
- Still in my jammies.
Yesterday,
A double whammy.

Of babysitting ---
Waittressing...
A crazy day -
I went full steam!

So, now I sit
A little bleary.
Coffee makes me
Not so weary.

Srong and rich -
It's so delish.
And nicely pairs
With any dish.

My three small hoolies
Also love -
This angel drink
Gift from above.

This makes me happy.
I don't mind.
There are alterior
Plans behind

Me letting them
Steal sips each day.
'Cause one day
When I'm old and grey...

They'll come back home
And visit me.
"The coffee's on?"
"Oh! There it be!"

They'll sit and sip
And stay awhile.
And memories -
Will make me smile

Of three small boys
Way back in time...
Sharing from
This cup of mine.

Today.

2012-01-17T05:54:00.014-05:00

My last thought before falling asleep last night was a mumbled prayer, "Lord, please don't let me oversleep tomorrow. It's going to be a busy day," coupled with the frustration that the clock read Midnight, and I wasn't yet in Dreamland. I love me my sleep.

And then the next thing I know, is it's 5:00 a.m. and today has arrived.
I burrow down until the blankets cover my ears and only my nose and eyes are showing, and I think mean thoughts toward my clock. It's mocking me.

And then, I lay there thinking about all that will need to get done in this day.
Tuesday is my busiest day of the week.

I babysit all day, I will have a house full of guests, and I will cover the closing shift at work tonight. And somewhere in there I should really make a loaf of bread to feed my family and get in at least a few subjects of schooling with Kaden.

But, I lay there, unwilling to get up and offically begin today.
Right now, it feels a little daunting.

It's days like today that I cling to this verse:

"O Lord, I cry out to you for help, and in the morning, my prayer comes before You." ~ Psalm 88:13

I think that verse was written specifically with young mother's in mind.

Right along with: "O grant strength to Your servant!" ~ Psalm 86:16

These are the days where I pray, "God can you please bathe today in Your grace?"
"Can you help me get out of the way of myself?"
Because right now, all I see is a daunting list of to-do's that's going to stay at full-tilt for the next fifteen hours, so I'm exhausted before I've even started.

But, His mercies are new every morning, and that's when He works best through His kids. He does His best work through us, when we know we can't do it on our own. I'm quite positive that's me today...and it all started when I tried to put a right flipflop on my left foot. Three times. That's kind of a good sign for me that my brain is still a little fried.

So, today, it needs to be all Him.
His strength is perfected only in our weaknesses, anyway...

And, just like every other day - today is fresh, and it is brand new.
And maybe in some ways, it has even more potential for good and for grace - because today, unlike every other day of the week, I am most aware of my need for Jesus.

Today is bathed in prayer, because I know I can't do it on my own.
It's too bad that so many other days of the week, I think that I'm the one who has it under control.

Help me today, Lord, to be a soothing stand-in for this little baby's Mama.
Help me today, to speak the life words to my sweet friend and her sister.
Help me to be wise and fair, loving and attentive with these five little boys under my roof today.
And help me to be an accurate and positive reflection of You during my work shift.

Help me to accomplish well, the assignment that You've given me for today.
After all, it's all about relationships, right?
This day, my busiest and potentially most stressful day of the week, holds the most potential for being His hands and His feet and for being a blessing to the greatest amount of people.

So, bathe me in your grace today, Father.
Be my words. My hands. My feet.
Fill me with You and only You.
Because it's all about relationships. Jesus was always about people.
And just like Him, help me to be about My Father's business...

Monday Love.

2012-01-16T10:53:00.008-05:00

Hello, Monday.
You get a bad wrap.
However, I for one, am quite in love with you.
In fact, next to Family Day, you are my second most favorite day of the week.

A fresh start. New beginnings.
A day to pick up the pieces from the chaos of the weekend.

And I am increasingly reminded of the fleetingness of the season of life that I am in right now - at this very moment. For this brief stint of time - maybe even only for the remainder of this school year, who knows? - my life is simple. Right now, my family is together at the table for almost every single breakfast and supper. Right now, Kevin and I dictate the schedule of our family's life. Right now, Daddy and Mama know every single friend in our boy's lives, and we are their main sphere of influence. We are their world, right now. And that's good. But, I am fully aware that this is going to change in the very near future. Their horizons will be broadened, they'll be involved in more things, they'll start spreading their wings a little more, and their worlds will grow larger.

And that will be good, too...

But for today, I'm just thankful for a quiet day at home with my boys where we will live the simple life...
~ P.j.'s just might be the wardrobe of choice...for all of us.
~ School and snacks at the kitchen table while the rest of the world whizzes by outside our window.
~ Catching our breath from the crazyness of the week before...before the crazyness of this week starts.
~ And breathing deep.

And while I don't love every single moment of every single day...
(For a fantastically honest and uplifting post about this whole topic, go here...)

Today is fresh. It's new. And it's just us.
That's why I like Mondays.
* * * * *
2302. Oatmeal breakfasts as a family.
2303. Crazy, rockin' bedhead.
2304. Hot dates on the town with my Love.
2305. Clean bill of health for my boys.
2306. Afternoon coffee dates with Lew.
2307. Laundry all caught up...for now.
2308. Crusty snow for flying sled rides.
2309. New week. Fresh start.
2310. Dreams of summer.

Weekend Wanderings...

2012-01-15T15:34:00.004-05:00

May they be filled with family...

and fun...

May we choose to see. Might we find Him in all things.

Might we count the graces.
See the sacred.
Be the blessing.

And may we hear Him, above the chaos of this peopled life...
May our hearts be revived as we seek Him alone...

"You who seek God, let your heart revive." ~ Psalm 69:32

* * * * *
2287. Fresh, ground coffee.
2288. 6:00 a.m. begs to go sliding on the fresh snow.
2289. Wrinkles in his eyes from laughing at his boys.
2290. Spaghetti faces.
2291. Long, glorious emails from the best of childhood friends.
2292. Snow days - complete with movies and popcorn.
2293. Young manager, struggling to do what is right.
2294. The smell of snow.
2295. Great Grammy dates to McDonalds.
2296. Funny family picture drawings.
2297. Out early from work - on a Friday night!
2298. Funny expressions.
2299. Dry pullups.
2300. Little boys doing dishes and laundry.
2301. Saturday morning cartoons.

"Nothing here below is profane for those who know how to see." ~ Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

My Favorite Things.

2012-01-14T09:55:00.014-05:00

Once upon a time, in the wee wee hours of the morning, I woke to my usual "middle of the night call of duty" and was so thrilled to see that it was only 2:00 a.m. Don't you just love waking up in the middle of the night, rolling over and checking the clock, and then snuggling back in knowing that you have at least three or four hours left to sleep?

One of my most favorite things in the world.
Seriously, it's on my top ten list of my most favorite things.
Well, it would be, anyway...if I had a top ten list. I just know it would.

Well, it just so happened, that Jesse woke up to pee at the same time AND I could hear Ransom stirring in his crib. Weird, thought I - that we are all awake at the same time. But, I walked Jesse back to his bed, tucked him in, covered Ransom back up...and then just happened to glance at the downstairs clock.

6:00 a.m.

Sir Rancey Pants had been playing with our upstairs alarm clock and had flipped the time zones on us. SOMEWHERE in the world, it was 2:00a.m, and SOMEWHERE in the world a tired out little Mama gets to snuggle back under her covers for three or four more hours, but not this here Mama in small-town, Maine.

Bless that little child's heart.
What a dirty trick...

* * * * *
Living in boyland, the big plan for today is to go outside, build a fire, torch our Christmas tree, and freeze our buns off. Not necessarily in that order, I am sure. I am doing my best to be a good sport about this whole "family fun day." Snow bunny, I am not.

But, out we all shall go.
We'll build the fire of the century, set our tree ablaze, have ourselves a wee little weinie roast, and then come in for naps. Joy to the world.

* * * * *
The work week is over, and the week-end is upon us, friends. For us, the weekend tends to be busier than the week days themselves, but it's a different change of pace. And, a change is as good as a rest, so they say. Whoever "they" are...

So...with it being the end of the week and all, I shall embark upon week #2 of my new tradition (which quite possibly might last only as long as week #2...or maybe week #3, if I'm really lucky. There is a reason why I don't keep New Year's Resolutions, you know) of doing a camera dump of sorts, of "This Week's Top Ten" or however many that I so choose to list. It 'tis my game, after all...

So, here you have it.
This Week's Top Eleven, actually.
Amy's Favorite Things...

1. While I am not necessarily opposed to hand-held gaming systems, per say...I AM opposed to children sitting on their rears all day and forgetting to use their imaginations that the good Lord gave them. However. I am also not opposed to my kids learning the value of really hard work and the excitement that comes from earning something that they have wanted for a super long time. So, Kaden has begun working toward earning enough money to buy his very own Nintendo DS - or whatever those things are called. He gets a quarter for every time he loads the dishwasher, unloads it and puts things away, scoops the litter box, loads the washing machine, and unloads and folds the laundry. So far so good. Mama gets some extra help, the boy is learning some life skills, and one day his wifey just might rise up and called me blessed!

2. Risso, sprawled by the fire in the evenings. For the record, this is how I would like to be spending this freezing cold Saturday...

3. Ransom's very first piece of artwork in which he told Mama exactly what he drew. This one? "An ouchy bug." You heard it here first, folks.

4. And speaking of artwork, I am finding my middle child's displays of artistry equal parts scary and hilarious...

5. And speaking of scary, I loved this moment when Daddy scared the stuffing out of all three of the boys and made them shriek like girls while they were watching out the window one morning. Hi.larious.

6. My girls - just barely peeking their heads out of their shelter during the snowstorm we had this week. I know, ladies. I understand. I feel your pain.

7. Freshly cleaned and folded laundry. Courtesy of Kaden. Me likey this agreement.

8. A sweet little moment one morning in the kitchen that Daddy caught of me and my bebe coloring. When he asks, "Color, me, Mama?" and plops down on my lap, I cannot resist.

9. Nor can I resist his dimple and the way he loves his barn toys. All is forgiven from earlier this morning, my love. Just don't do it again....

10. Evidence of little thieves who have taken my camera hostage.

11. Games of Mancala...complete with Daddy decked out in hunter's orange. Classic.

And there you have it.
This week's Top...er..Eleven!
So, what were some of your favorite things this week?

In the Dark.

2012-01-13T07:25:00.010-05:00

The house is still, and the sky's still dark.

I hear their songs softly playing behind their closed doors, but aside from those muffled sounds, everything around me is completely quiet.

Save the whirlwind of my thoughts.

Right now, the house is mine.
I have maybe sixty minutes, and I'd better use them wisely.

My tea sits beside me - piping hot the way I like it.
And my Bible sits unopened - waiting for my eyes and heart to turn downward to read the life words, instead of staying inward at my thoughts.

My mind is scattered today, to say it best.
Self-absorbed...to say it honestly.

I sit here thinking of the laundry that needs folding, the dishes that need to be unloaded from the dishwasher, the exercise that needs to take place, the schooling that needs to happen, and the day that's about to awaken. I wonder what's happening on facebook, should I check my email - just a peek?, and what in the world will I feed these boys for breakfast? We're out of milk, and Ransom ate the last peice of bread yesterday.

The minutes are ticking by.

I think of this month's prayer letter that I just wrote to our supporters on living "sent lives" while still in the comforts of home, and think I much prefer my sweet, self-absorbed life that I can completely control -- my life of entitled stagnance, living bubbled days of peaceful mediocrity.

Comfort will always be my default of choice.

I think how easy it is to be indifferent to all the world around me.
How often I choose to turn a blind eye to needs around me...
And how it's especially easy to do this while still sitting in the dark.

But, indifference leads to laziness.
And lazy gets real comfy.
And comfort makes us stagnant.
And things of stagnance have a stench.

I should know.
I go there far too often.

And I think how hard it is to hear His still, small voice above the chaos of this life.
This world of jaded brokenness, of pain, and messy lives.

Am I using my time wisely, here?
Am I living as if today could be my last?
Or do I stay up here on my self-imposed throne of "me" because it's comfortable and safe, and because I like to be the author of my own agenda, and I don't really care to be called a "sojourner" or an "alien" in this world, in the first place.

I want to be comfortable.
I want the easy road.

I like it when it's quiet. When the world is all still dark.
But, this isn't the life that God has called any of us to.

Just as "The Word became flesh and blood and moved into the neighborhood..." (John 1:14, The Message), He wants us to step down into the dirt and the mess, and to just get involved.

He wants me to play a role in His Story.
To consciously decide to offer to God my agenda in exchange for His plans.
To leave my self-absorbed world of "me" so that He can send me to extend His Kingdom.

You can see a lot better in the sunlight...or rather, in the "SON-light" once my Bible is finally opened...

"The Lord has called me to preach the good news to the poor, He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners...to comfort all who mourn and provide for those who grieve. To bestow on them beauty for ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead a spirt of righteousness." ~ Isaiah 61:1-4

All He wants is for us to be His tangible hands and feet for the world around us.
To live the good news.
Well, that's going to look a little differently than stinky mediocrity.
And it's surely not going to happen while still sitting in the dark.

But, anyone can do this...just so long as we are willing to get out of the way of ourselves. You don't need a college degree or a six figure income to love each other deeply.

That's the biggest challenge, right? Getting out of the way?
The Sun...it starts to rise.

A New Kid on the Block.

2012-01-12T06:42:00.012-05:00

I have heard it said: "Christians use Jesus as a crutch..."
You've got it partly right.
Actually, though, He's more like my wheelchair. My oxygen tank.
The very breath I breathe...

"He's a hospital for the broken...."

* * * * *

And this kid?
I don't know where he's come from...but he is going to rock this generation...
Open. Real. And Raw. That's what this generation needs.

He has written these poems himself - They are his testimony...
Listen to what he has to say on sexual healing.

And for more on this topic, and other heavy issues written with beautiful vulnerability, read what my sweet sister Shandy has to say over here...

We do ourselves and everyone else a great disservice when we don't let others in.
When we hold our secrets tight.
When we wear the masks.
When we live lives of false humility, pretense, and pretended perfection.

All it takes is one person to take down their walls...

And do you know what I especially love about this particular woman's blogging?
She is a pastor's wife.

And she is breaking and smashing every preconceived mold about how a pastor's wife is expected to be.
Where in the world does the Bible state this sort of blasphemy?
Yet, this is the standard that we have so long held to.
That we have expected those in positions of leadership to attain to.
And honestly, what good has that done anyone?

Just think of the beauty and the good that she is bringing to those who read her words. She is giving freedom and liberty and permission to others to be real. And raw. And show living proof that God is a God of grace, and redemption, and a God who brings beauty out of the ashes.

... and that it's all about Him in the first place. Only about Him.

It's a beautiful thing.
So, here's to being real...

One of THOSE Days...

2012-01-11T21:42:00.002-05:00

Today I had a new favorite verse:

"Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest. Behold, I would wander far away. I would lodge in the wilderness. I would hasten to my place of refuge." ~ Psalm 55:6,7

Oh yes. That sounds just lovely.
I shall take two of those please, with some extra sleep, and a heaping side of sanity. Hold the chaos...

* * * * *

Today was hairy. With a capital H.

The combination of too many late nights, too many naps that were talked through instead of slept through, and way too many crack 'o dawn mornings, culminated into a bit of a weepy, whiney, listless day for all three of my boys.

And here I sit with my hair still up in clips from my waittressing shift from last night and the essence of seafood still whafting from my pores. Today, the house was a mess, I had no plan for supper, and I think I could plant a garden, right now from the dirt collecting on my floors.

A ravishing picture, to be sure.
These days are not my favorite.

Days of frazzled Mama's and fragile little boys.
Days where words were more clipped and far more harsh than what was necessary.
Days where the countdown to naptime was more precious than the hours leading up to it.
Days where grace was more of an idea than a true actuality.
And days where hearts got hurt, because Mama didn't take the time to see more deeply.

And now I remember what I said I wouldn't forget:
"We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing." ~ Psalm 39:6

* * * * *

Today was a day of spiritual Alzheimer's.
Always forgetting. Always rushing. Always frustrated.
Joy stealers, those three things.
Seeing only glimpses of grace; and focusing on the chaos rather than the sacred.

Today I was tired, and proud, and weary... and small.

But isn't it true that "all wonder and worship can only grow out of smallness?" ~ Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts.

We have to get out of the way of ourselves first, right - before anything great can happen?
And we have to decrease, so that He can increase...

Well, I'm already feeling small, so that's at least a start...

"To receive God's gifts, to live exalted and joy filled, isn't a function of straining high, harder, doing more, carrying long the burdens of the super-Pharisees or ultra-saints. Receiving God's gifts is a gentle, simple movement of stooping lower." ~ One Thousand Gifts.

Yes, today was a bit of a bomb in Mother-land.
But, the day is not over, and His mercies are always new.

There is still time.
After all ---

"God created the world out of nothing, and as long as we are nothing, He can make something out of us." ~ Martin Luther.

That sounds good to me.
There is joy in the acquiescing.
Yes, Lord. I need you.
Your strength is perfect in my weakness. I know this.
Help me to remember.

"Blessed be the Lord who daily bears our burden." ~ Psalm 68:19
* * * * *

2256. Friends who walk through "those days" alongside me.
2257. Long, needed naps.
2258. Decreasing, so that He can increase.
2259. Stormy weather to make us slow.
2260. A few quiet days ahead.
2261. Lessons learning. And relearning.
2262. Grace given and received - me for them, and them for me.
2263. Exercise to clear the brain.
2264. Showers to wipe off work.
2265. Cozy fires.
2266. Soft p.j.'s holding squirmy bodies.
2267. Smiles after naptime; rest in their eyes.
2268. Five of us - crazy; but happy at dinner, all together.
2269. Take out pizza. My rescue.
2270. Rachael's pictures - chronicalling my life.
2271. Letting go.
2272. Tomorrow's promise - fresh and new.
2273. A clean slate. Again.
2274. A gentle Daddy, perceptive husband, exhausted himself.
2275. A peaceful, sleeping house right now.

In Fifty Years...

2012-01-11T14:16:00.001-05:00

Dear Kevy,

Source: marcandangel.com via Rachel on Pinterest

This is how I picture us when we're old and gray...

Source: katieannkohle.tumblr.com via Rachel on Pinterest

Always laughing - holding hands,
Weathered from this life's demands.

Together through the thick and thin -
Where one has gone, the other's been.

Still together - still "the one."
Hand in hand - til this life's done.

This is why I married my best friend...

Clean Slate.

2012-01-09T07:10:00.020-05:00

I'm not the greatest at making - or keeping, for that matter - New Year's Resolutions.
365 days to keep my lofty goal?
I'm pretty sure that's never happened once for this girl. Ever.
I don't even make them anymore.

But, I'm learning to cut myself some slack and to give myself some grace.
My friend recently wrote a post about guilt that resonated with me.
Because, isn't that one of a woman's all time favorite words?
It is for me, anyway.
Right up there with "comparison."

Guilt and comparison.
Two of the greatest enemies for most women that I know.
But guilt tears up the insides, and comparison destroys contentment.
And the Enemy of our souls is never happier when he sees this happen.

We will always find someone who does something better than we do. And if we look hard enough, we can probably find someone who isn't doing something as good as we are, either...at least in our book, anyway. According to OUR standards of perfection.

Us, women? We are horrible standards to live our lives by, anyway.
And our measuring sticks of success are way too lofty and high.
We are the best at asking ourselves to carry unbearable burdens, when Jesus told us to come to Him because His was light and He would give us rest...

Someone will always be skinnier than me.
More athletic.
A more intentional Mama.
A better homemaker. More crafty.
Prettier. Nicer. More "spiritual."
They will run farther. Cook better. Have nicer homes. Better bodies.
They'll get more accomplished in the day. They will be funnier. Have more friends.
They will have better behaved children. Who watch way less t.v. And were potty trained earlier, slept through the night sooner, and never wet the bed.
Someone will always be a better decorator. Nicer dresser. Better coupon clipper. They'll save more money. Be more business savvy. Take better vacations. Do things better. And have a more ideal situation than me.

And on and on and on...
And those are just the things that I think about...

If we play this game, we will always lose.
Every time, we will set ourselves up for failure.
And then new favorite words will join the pack:
Words like: jealousy, envy, bitterness....words that rot the bones.

Just like New Year's Resolutions - at times - set us up for failure, so does comparison. It's good to have goals. Daily ones. Weekly ones. Even yearly ones. It's good to try and better ourselves. It's good to push ourselves to be better and to surround ourselves with people who challenge us and make us want to grow.

There is just that delicate dance of working hard toward our dreams and goals and resolutions, but then giving ourselves a big bath of grace when we maybe don't attain them in quite the way that we thought we would. Or in the way that those around us seem to have arrived...

Is it possible to come alongside and cheer other's on in the very successess that we wish we were living? To admire without the jealousy? To be content without comparing? To have grace without the guilt?

Oh man. That's where the rubber meets the road, right?

There are things in every one of my friend's lives - that with very little effort, I could find myself sorely lacking in if I compared myself beside them. It's a fact. It is what it is, so what good is there in comparing myself to them? Yet, I still will do it.

The better road - the higher road - the road that wins against our Enemy is to "take into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ," and to "be transformed by the renewing of our minds." Then, things that cause jealousy and discontentment tend to dissipate a little bit when we do the honor of giving a true compliment - one not encased in insult - and when we speak the words - out loud - that we might like to have spoken to or about us.

After all, who doesn't love a kind word spoken about them? They say it takes ten nice things said to cover up the pain of one hurtful word. I don't want to be that one painful word in someone else's life - knowingly or unknowingly. How much better to be one of the ten...or ten of the ten for that matter?

So, I will start here - verbal words of admiration and affirmation for people in my world. Words that prayerfully give life. Words that build up and don't tear down. This is a good resolution for me to shoot for.

Because forgiven people should be able to freely forgive.
And well-loved people should be able to love well.
And secure people - Christ confident people - can be happy at other's succeses...
And God's daughters can take joy in their sisters' successes.
Because isn't that what we are?
Forgiven, unconditionally loved, adopted, secure daughters of the Most High?

Those are much better words to live and love by...
Words of grace that give life.
Let's give the grace where we would most love and need the grace to be bestowed upon us.

This Week's Top Ten...(A Ditty)

2012-01-07T14:22:00.009-05:00

:: Baby showers, gifts galore -
Loving friendships, food, and more!

:: Healthy cookies for my Dude.
And also for my little brood.

:: Trashed up kitchen; what a mess!
But, I love my little nest...

:: My ladies, how I love them so.
They look so cute against the snow!

:: Naughty kitty! Bad, bad Smudge!
He's now so fat, we call him "Pudge."

:: Family days to L.L. Bean.
When Mama asked, "What does 'L.L.' mean?"
Jesse said: "Chickens and cheese!"
Yes, we do homeschool... Geez.

:: Lunch time games of cards and chess.
So far, Mama's still the best.
But Kaden's Mr. Strategy.
T'won't be long, till he creams me!

:: Gifties from my girls - Delish!
Methinks they'll be my breakfast dish!

:: Kitchen table - always covered.
The surface is completely smothered.
With crafting, cooking, food, and toys.
From three small hoolies - my three joys.

:: Schooling time with Mr. Thief.
He steals my coffee, goodness grief.
He is addicted - just like me.
He chugs it down with ghoulish glee.

:: Outside clothes hanging to dry.
Evidence of hours gone by -
Of playing out of doors, you see...
So inside was QUIET for me!!!

While They Are Sleeping...

2012-01-05T20:52:00.008-05:00

"Arise...
Cry out in the night, as the watches of the night begin;

Pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord.

Lift up your hands to him for the lives of your children." Leviticus 2:19 (NIV)

Something I have been convicted deeply of as of late, is how I need to be investing time in prayer for my children. My biggest take away from a funeral that I went to just weeks ago was how this father stood in the doorway of his daughters' rooms and prayed over them - every single night - during the years that they lived under his roof.

And as grown women with children of their own now, they still remember this. What a legacy this father left for his daughters to pass onto their children! And really, what greater gift can we give to our children? I daily - multiple times and in multiple areas, daily - will fail my boys in parenting them.

But I can "lift up my hands" and "pour out my heart" to my Savior in prayer for their very lives. I can be a success in this one area. Because the power doesn't lay in the mumbling words prayed by the Mama who is a mess, in the first place. The power of prayer is in the ONE who hears it --- not the one who says it.

* * * * * *
So, this week, I have prayed for kindness in my children's lives. Specifically:
:: Deliverance from holding their possessions too tightly.
:: Sensitivity to seeing ways where they can meet the needs of the people around them.
:: That they would experience the blessing that comes with giving.
:: That they would know, first hand, that it's more blessed to give than to receive.
:: That they will respond to each other gently and with kindness.
:: That they will show compassion to those around them.
:: They they will, even at this young age, become sensitive to God's control over the events and people in their lives.
:: They they will resolve conflicts in ways that honor the Lord.
:: That they will guard their hearts from selfishness.
:: That they will be tenderhearted and humble; quick to forgive and extend forgiveness.
:: That they will be grateful and think of others' needs above their own.

* * * * * *
This is the book that Mom bought for all of us kids a few months ago.
This book - and that funeral - are what are inspiring these prayers for my children.

And that verse.

I can sense the urgency in those words. So much so, that it almost scares me.
Satan wants our children. The world wants our children.
"But greater is He that is in us....."
And by God's grace, He alone will have my boys...

When We Let God Write Our Story.

2012-01-03T12:12:00.012-05:00

"Everyone ends up somewhere. But very few people end up somewhere on purpose."

Interesting thought.

I'm pretty intentional about my days. I always have a plan. I know what I want to accomplish for school, what housework needs to get done, and (at least a foggy idea) of what's going to be on the dinner menu. I have my plan the night before for what time I'm going to get up in the morning, what I'm going to do while the house is still quiet, and what will be accomplished during those two blessed hours of silence during the afternoon rest time. All week long, we make plans for our family day, and we look forward to the weekend with eager anticipation.

In the winter, I look forward to spring with new chicks and planting my garden. In the spring, I'm excited for my crops and for summer vacation. During the summer, I wait for the pumpkins and my bittersweet, and all of the canning that comes with my garden's bounty. And in the fall, we countdown to Christmas.

We look forward to the day when our student loans will be paid off from going back to school in our thirty's, we help our boys grow in grace and truth, and we strive to "work enthusiastically for the Lord, for we know that nothing that we do for Him is in vain."

But anything beyond that, gets a little hazy for me.
It's all kind of fuzzy and a bit of a blur.

* * * * * * * *

I'm good at planning my days, my weeks, and even looking ahead to my next season of life - but I have no idea what the next year has in store for my family...or quite frankly, what the Lord has in store for us.

I DO know that there have been very few years during the twelve of our marriage that I would label as "mundane" or monontonous. In twelve years, we have lived in six different homes - seven if you count a little cabin that housed us for two months when we first moved back from Philly.

And I also know that I see a recurring pattern in my life and in my own walk with Jesus...a battle of sorts, as to who gets to write the story of my life.

I remember at year five when we brought our brand new baby home from the hospital to our first home and Kev was about year 3 or 4 into being full-time youth pastor at our church and I was happily teaching at our local Christian school. I very vividly remember thinking: "This is it! This is exactly how I pictured our life to be. And it's perfect. This is where we will raise our kids. This is the house where we will grow old in ---- this is our life. Til death do us part. The end. Amen."

Happy. Safe. Simple. Secure. Structured. and Predictable.
Six of my most favorite words in the whole wide world.
In my mind, our life was neatly tied up in a perfectly pretty, dependable, root-digging bow.

And then, in about year six of our marriage, God - and my husband, gently asked me to slide over and maybe let Jesus take the steering wheel and allow Him to write our family's story on this side of Heaven.

And it was then and there, in all of the years of my walking with Jesus, that my faith journey really began. That was my defining moment of where the rubber met the road for me in my truly allowing Him to have control.

We sold our home in three days, took our youth group on one final mission's trip to Africa, and two days later moved our little family to Philly for a three year stint of school. Country bumpkin goes city, with a baby...the ONLY family with a baby at our freshman orientation. What in the freakin' world were we doing?

But...
God proved faithful. He humbled me. He grew me. And He blessed exceedingly and abundantly above and beyond all I could have ever asked for or imagined.
Then, we decided to go round two for kids. Kaden had been a textbook child, I just knew that I had the corner on the market on all things parenting, and I knew exactly what our lives would look like in bringing #2 home - whom I was convinced to my very core was a little girl, by the way. I was so convinced, in fact, that on the way to the hospital, in between contractions, we solidified her name, not even discussing any boy name options. Needless to say, Jesse was nameless at birth, AND he was an absolute freak fest the entire first year of his life, literally, almost sending me over the edge. I almost had a nervous breakdown.

But...
God proved faithful. He humbled me. He grew me. And He blessed exceedingly and abundantly above and beyond all I could have ever asked for or imagined.

Jesse is the joy of our home, and he is the happiest kid I've ever met in my life.

And thus, the pattern has continued in these twelve years...

I have the plan. I know the plan. After all, I made the plan.
It's simple. It's safe. And there is absolutely no need for it to be tampered with.

And every single time I settle in and start to dig my roots a little deeper, God steps in and gently asks me to let Him write my story. Him - not me.

I said I would never live in the city. We moved to Philly for three years.
At one point in our marriage, I said we shouldn't take a certain job. God said it was necessary.
I said I would never raise support. Ever. God has decided otherwise.
I said homeschoolers were weird. The joke's on me.

And, so, at the beginning of this year, 2012, you would think that I would be starting to get the picture, sense the pattern, and relinquish the controls. You would think.

But, I don't think God's necessarily interested in Amy's plans for the good life. I think He's far more concerned about His good plans for my life. God wants me to end up somewhere "on purpose," not just somewhere because it's easy and simple, and because I like the scenery there.

I'm the queen of simplicity. I live for all things small and lovely. I like chickens roaming freely, sweet little gardens, three boys at play, and a home to take care of. I don't mind doing laundry, I quite enjoy cooking, and I really don't mind wiping bottoms. I am the farthest thing from a desperate housewife. I love the simple life. I thrive on it.

But, I'm pretty sure the Lord wants more from me...
He wants to prove faithful. He wants to show that He is able to do exceedingly and abundandly above and beyond...in my deepest place, I know this.

But, sometimes, His best just feels pretty super scary.

But, I also think that it's really only in those times when it's not so easy to trust, and when it's not so easy for the planner to know "the plan," when true trust and faith are really learned. It's when things are scary and when we don't know what the future holds and when all of our neatly wrapped up details come completely unravelled that we hold most tightly to the Author and Finisher of our faith...

That's when our lives get lived on purpose.
Lessons learning.
More to come...

Practice.

2012-01-02T15:11:00.008-05:00

For Handwriting in school this week, we are working on thank you cards for all of our family members who gave gifts this Christmas. Some years I am much better about this than others. But, as my children grow older, I am more and more seeing the value and importance of this - on so many levels.

This "attitude of gratitude" - this life of thanksgiving does not come naturally. Even as Ransom's new words explode out of him each and every day, words that I am shocked that he even knew in the first place - the words "thank you" were never two of them. These words have had to be taught. In the beginning, they were not words that he initially thought to speak on his own. They had to first become a habit.

And as my bigger boys are growing, the "thank you's" come more fluid and more often of their own volition, but anything beyond that is work. Having to write that many words on paper takes time. And energy. And Mama wants me to be neat on top of that? This is no fun!

So many notes?
Yes. Because of so many gifts.
For even the small gifts?
The small still involved sacrifice. Someone still gave something.

But I already told them when I unwrapped the gifts. Isn't that enough?
Maybe...but there was so little effort involved in that.

I want the thanks to go deeper.
I want the giver to know that the gift is truly appreciated.
That the boys took the effort to really show that they are thankful.

* * * * *

And then I look at me. And at my attitude.
And at how my Gift Giver must sometimes feel...
The prayer at day's end ~ "Thanks for today, God...."
No list. No specifics.
Just a sloppy brush stroke that encompassed my last twenty-four hours.
No effort to really show that I am thankful.

How much more special is a thank you where gifts given are specifically mentioned and told how they blessed? That takes more effort. More work to remember the details.

And just as my boys need to learn, and need the sometimes mind-numbing practice of writing and repetition; so does this Mama. Thanksgiving is a practice. A lifestyle. And a thought process that we practice until it becomes second nature.

We practice. We train. We repeat. Over and over again.
And when I forget ~ I practice, I train, and I repeat.
And I am transformed.

And so for this new year, I will continue to name the gifts. I will be specific. I will practice until it becomes second nature.

So before bed tonight...
Thanks God, for today. For:
:: sleeping in until 7:00.
:: fresh eggs for breakfast.
:: the day's first cup of coffee. Always thanks for the coffee.
:: Ransom dancing in the kitchen.
:: stopping and reading stories on the kitchen floor. Right then. Right when he asked.
:: a husband I trust with my future.
:: three boys who daily give me purpose.
:: a mom-in-law who drops in for tea.
:: sun breaking through the clouds.
:: Healthy bodies; happy family.
:: a warm home full of love.
:: a fridge and cabinets overflowing with food.
:: sweet neighbors.
:: loving friends.
:: another day to live.
#2240-#2255

"To name a thing...is to bless God for it and in it." ~ Teresa of Avila.

May my thanks become my habit ~ as natural as my breathing...

A Resolution.

2011-12-31T09:29:00.009-05:00

I love books.

I usually have several different options going at any given time ~ one up by my bed, one in the bathroom for when I'm getting ready in the morning, one on the treadmill, one down here by the computer in the kitchen, and one in the car. I usually have my Bible, some sort of parenting book, something inspirational or challenging, and some sort of "fluff" that I could rip through in an afternoon if I could just lock myself away in the bathroom and neglect all of my wifely & motherly duties for the rest of the day. It's an addiction.

Books inspire me, they challenge me, they grow me in my walk with the Lord, and they are a constant companion ~ always beside me whether or not they ever get opened during the day ~ or even during the week, for that matter. They are with me, regardless.

And as I get ready to say goodbye to this past year of my life, I find it only fitting that I'm closing the year off with MaryBeth Chapman's book "Choosing to See." Oh my goodness - what a beautifully raw and honest book of this lady's journey through a very public marriage, depression, and essentially a double tragedy as a result of one of her older sons accidentally killing their little girl one afternoon a couple of years ago.

Watching this Mama walk, and struggle to rise above these immense sorrows in her life has humbled me. The way that she is deliberable in intentionally choosing to find and see God - and essentially, hope - in everything is amazing.

Because, ultimately, we need to do the same.

We have no idea what next year holds for us. We don't yet see what challenge, or grief, or pain we may be entrusted to carry. Or maybe some of us do. Right now, I have so many loved ones in my life who have been asked to walk difficult roads of family deaths, deep depression, struggling families, and grief from infertility and miscarriage. They see. And they are daily struggling to rise above and see the hope.

In this New Year, may we all do the same. May we all choose to see the beauty amidst the ashes, the lovely in the middle of all of the ugly, and the sacred amidst all of the chaos. May we worry far less about what others think about us and far more about being authentic and real. May we be vulnerable with each other and raw in the presence of our Savior.

And to my sweet sisters who are daily already doing this... Chantelley, Shandy, Gretchen, Sarah, Rachael, Rachel, Jodi, Jessica, and Meghan....I see you. I admire you. And I love you for your authenticity. You are walking raw and real. You are enduring.

"Endurance is not just the ability to bear a hard thing, but to turn it into glory." ~ William Barclay.
You women - and so many others - are already daily doing this.

May I do the same.
In this New Year, my prayer is that I will walk well. That I will endure. That I will rise above and see - the hope, the beauty, the sacred. And that I will allow God to write the story of my life - both the happy chapters and the ones that might be filled with sorrow and struggle.

"Joy is in the acquiescing." ~ Ann Voskamp

So, on the Eve of this New Year, I humbly open my hand to release my will and receive His. Again. The fight for joy is hard - it's a battle. Some know this far better than others. But, just as I am watching loved ones accept and allow and believe and trust...I wish to do the same.

"Eucharisteo makes the knees the vantage point of a life and I bend and the body, it says it quiet: "Thy will be done." ~ Ann Voskamp.

In the New Year - this is my one resolution....
Thy will be done, Lord Jesus.
Your agenda. Not mine.
My hands are open. Please help me not to close them tight.

Christmas in the County.

2011-12-29T16:10:00.009-05:00

Christmas in the County is HAPPINESS.

And Happiness is:

:: Brothers and sisters - and nephews and neices - home ALL together.
Beautiful chaos.
I often think that we could make big bucks having our own reality t.v. show. It's insanity.

:: "While You Were Sleeping." Every year. It's tradition.

:: Homemade and handmade gifts. This here? Honey. Liquid Gold, Baby.

:: Late night bowls of cereal with sweet sisters-in-law. Both of us bleary and knowing full well that morning with the hoolies comes way too soon. But a little extra time with her? It's well worth it...

:: Do It Yourself projects with Grampy downstairs in "his office." Often involving burnt, pinched, or pounded fingers.

:: Uncles who are just new Daddies themselves - practicing patience with three (THREE!) wee hooligans who clamor for his attention and time. That's a lot when you are used to only one.

:: Afternoon tea and cookies with "just us girls" while the littles nap and the big boys are busy being mighty white hunters.

:: Dragging little boys (AND this year big Mama's) behind the four-wheeler on little plastic sleds - slowly at first - and then building up to the big dumps and hilarious face washes!

:: The food. OH - the food. There here is a delish fruit salsa and cinnamon sugar tortilla chip dip - courtesy of my new friend, Pinterest. Cut up as much fresh fruit as you want - and a little frozen as well, if you wish. Add a few tablespoons of homemade jam to give it some sweetness. And then take tortilla wraps, spread with a thin layer of butter and cinnamon and sugar. Bake in a 300 degree oven until crisp. Party in your mouth.

:: Brand new bits of deliciousness added to our family. What a precious gift. This is my sweet, handsome new little nephew who looks SO much like my brother, that I feel just a wee bit weird kissing him all over his face and his neck...

:: Fun gifts from a brother who knows me well.
:: Teaching the entire family "Mafia" and seeing who is a good liar and who is..er..not.
:: Fifteen partridge. A feast for supper.
:: Sweet, fun, practical, intentional gifts.
:: Time together - crazy chaos, silly fun, yummy food, and FAMILY.

"It's the joy of the small that makes life large." ~ Ann Voskamp.
Yes, it is true. I can attest to that.
#2226-#2240 of my Joy Journey.

Christmas Magic.

2011-12-24T15:13:00.016-05:00

Yesterday and today we partied. Christmas has happened in this household.

We did the big Christmas meal - actually on Christmas Eve for us (Christmas Eve-Eve for most), we invited some that we love in to share it with us, we had a stocking stuffer scavenger hunt, we had hot chocolate and special treats, we read our Christmas story, we had our special Christmas breakfast, we opened our gifts that we bought for each other, and we took cards and treats around the neighborhood.

We.did.it.all.

Then I crashed. Hardcore. Ransom napped, Daddy and Kaden went outside to check their traps, Jesse crafted at my feet...and I just woke up with it somehow being two hours later. Whew. I was out. And now, here I sit - completely bleary-eyed with drunken fingers, thinking through our past couple of days together as a family.

The build up is always so big for me - the planning, the preparing, the wrapping, the crafting, and the cooking. So, when it's all said and done - I'm just a wee big aimless and melancholy. The adrenaline that I ran on for so many days has faded and now I'm just pooped. :0)

But it was a good Christmas.
Sweet and messy and imperfect with some kerfuffles and mishaps here and there - but nothing much unlike every other day around here.

I always have visions of how I want things to go in my mind, and things always play out a little differently - not necessarily bad always...just different. Like, when we read a special Christmas story last night by candlelight, I envisioned us all around the table quiet, (wha???) and starry eyed - in awe of what happened so many years ago.

In all actuality, it went down a little bit like this: Ransom stood on the bench talking the entire time Daddy read the story, Kaden fiddled with his stocking stuffers, and Jesse was in perpetual motion loudly blowing bubbles into his drink. Again - not much unlike every other day around here....somehow, I just thought it would be different and more...er...magical? So, Mama became Mrs. Grumpy Pants which wasn't overly festive or magical, either.

And today, the boys' "big gift" - the only gift that we actually bought in a store completely brand new, Kaden broke literally within thirty seconds of playing with it. (We got both of them little remote control helicopters). He was sad, Jesse wouldn't share his, and I was frustrated. Plus, Ransom woke up at the crack 'o dawn so he was fussy, there were threats of punishment, and I was frustrated.

Well, there wasn't a whole lot of Christmas magic in that, either.

But then, Kaden took his disappointment with such maturity, and - of his own accord - Jesse offered his helicopter to Kaden for keeps, Ransom found his rhythm and was happy --- and I was proud. They were grateful for their gifts, they generously gave to each other - unprompted and not suggested by us - gifts of their own, and they were happy and content - genuinely thankful with what they were given. They shared, they showed love, and they get that Christmas is so much more than just "getting." There is magic in that, for sure.

When we gave gifts to our neighbors - most of whom we have never met, the kids were involved for some of it and got into the spirit of being missional. And for the other "some of it," they kept asking when we could go home! Not exactly how I envisioned it, but we're getting there...

This little imperfect family - we are messy, and we mess things up.
Sometimes we get grumpy, and we focus on "us."
Sometimes we get it, and sometimes we couldn't be any further off the mark!
Sometimes we forget about the magic and the real reason we celebrate.
Sometimes we don't have it all together and we disappoint.

And I'm not really even talking about my kids...

But, then - every now and then, there are the moments when we are spot on, too. The perspective is right, the focus is where it should be, the attitudes are in the right place, the thank-you's come spontaneously and unprompted, and just like those times when I am so proud of my children and their moments of grace and maturity -- I pray that my Father sees that in me, sometimes, as well.

This is why He came so many years ago, after all.
It surely wasn't for the magical moments.
It was for the mess ups and the sin - the times of lost perspective and the times when our focus is just a wee bit (or a big bit) off.

Because we so desperately need Him every day of our lives - not just on that one magical day of the year.

He came, because no matter what we do or how we celebrate -
Lavish presents, or no gifts at all -
"Santa" or "Satan" -
Soup kitchen service or decadent meals at home -

What we do on that one day doesn't really even matter in the long run.
He came to seek and to save those who are lost - every day of the year.
And I will be forever grateful that He found me...

So, our Christmas was much like any other day at home, really - moments of magic and moments of falling off the grace wagon. Moments of special and moments of immaturity. Missional attempts and family fails. Crazy love and cozy times. Simple joys and several "I'm sorry's." Lots of little specials mixed in with a whole lot of normals.

Messy. Imperfect. Flawed. Loved. Accepted. Forgiven. Magical. Missional. Real. That's us.

And now, to go out with a bang - we are finishing off the day with Chinese and a Christmas movie. Now, that's a pretty magical ending, in my book! Merry Christmas to all, and to all a GREAT night!

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas...

2011-12-23T06:54:00.004-05:00

(The view from my window this very early morning).
May your day be merry and bright....
And may your Christmas be white!

* * * *
2218. Snow in time for Christmas.
2219. Big, fluffy flakes - quiet and peaceful.
2220. Inside, the same.
2221. Alone with my coffee and my thoughts.
2222. Turkey and pie in the oven - comfort foods for those I love.
2223. Family and neighbors breaking bread together today.
2224. Cozy family, crazy love.
2225. Christ came down - Emmanuel.

Today.

2011-12-22T06:41:00.008-05:00

It is officially Christmas Eve-Eve in our little family's establishment.

We have had a lovely, simple week of build up to our big celebration. Sweet visits with dear, wonderful friends and playmates. Popovers and tea, bread and coffee...simple foodies, simple, sweet conversation -- and I don't know, everything is just better in my book, when there is anticipation involved. So, what is a "norm" in our house of certain friends coming over each and every week -- becomes a super, special "Christmas visit" in my boy's book -- just because it's Christmas week.

And, it does in mine, as well.
I see all that I have a little more clearly.
And I see them for what they are - beautiful, God-given gifts.
Man...those are the best Christmas presents, ever.
Deep, true-blue, walk-through-life-together friendships.
How blessed we are...

* * * *
Today my boys and I - we shall do the galivanting for a change.
We are going to go and spend the day with dear friends and future wives for my boys.

This friend of mine - she has three girls who are lovely.
I have three boys who are hoolies.
These are matches made in Heaven, if I you ask me!
And I am a fan of arranged marriages. Just sayin'.
Plus - they all have their very own little dirt bikes that they ride. It doesn't get much better in my boy's books. Ha!

And I can't wait to go and see her and touch her little tummy that is just starting to swell with identical twin boys. Be.still.my.heart. I might need to drink a lot of her water, because I'm feeling me the need to have one more myself these days...

Kev says if that were to ever happen there would be no pretending that we were even remotely in control! Right now we live lives of "controlled chaos." If baby #4 were to ever happen, chaos would reign supreme, for sure.

So he says.
We shall see. I say, embrace the chaos, Baby!
Negotiations are still on the table concerning this entire matter....

* * * * *
Tomorrow will be our little Christmas Eve family celebration.

We are having my neighbor Lew over for a big turkey dinner and some silly Christmas games.
Lew likes the crazy.
He tells me so.

And then, we are going to go and deliver a bunch of Christmas goodies to our neighbors all around us. Some we still have yet to meet and some we are still just getting to know. We are trying. Trying to make ourselves known. Trying to be missional. Trying to "be Christ" to those around us.

Emmanuel.
God With Us.
Might all those with whom we come in contact see that God is indeed with us.

* * * * *
2206. The gift of deep, true-blue friends.
2207. How blessed to be safe and loved in being "me."
2208. Raising and loving our children together.
2209. Grace and love shared and freely displayed.
2210. Sweet Lew - may he feel loved by our family.
2211. Cozy food, tasty treats - tangible love.
2212. Simple celebrations.
2213. Silly crafts - flops and fails.
2214. Ice storms for skating.
2215. Trying...to teach, show, & live the blessing of giving.
2216. New life growing - living, breathing, kicking!
2217. Anticipation.

Kudos to Rachey for the pics...
Thanks for recording my life when you come over. It's lovely, really.

For the Littles in Our Lives.

2011-12-21T14:36:00.003-05:00

If you want to be a hero in your kid's eyes - or maybe this only works with mine, because they're all such little piggies....

Homemade marshmallows is where it's at.

And these little babies being a two-step process, is also where it's at in this Mama's book. I like things that happen in stages. It lowers the chances of epic messes in my household.

So, here's what you need and what you need to do.
Amazingly easy and super cute kidlet gifts, to boot!
It's win-win for everyone, I tell you!

Okay, where was I....

All you do is this:

Take 4-.25 oz each pkg. unflavored gelatin and sprinkle these over 3/4 cup of water and 1 Tablespoon of pure vanilla extract in a bowl. Let sit and wait.

Boil 1 3/4 cups sugar, 1 cup light corn syrup, 1/2 cup water, and 1/4 tsp. kosher salt in a pot over medium-high heat. Once it comes to a boil, cover and boil for two minutes, and then uncover and keep boiling for about ten minutes. If you have a candy thermometer, let it cook until it reaches 250 degrees. I just do ten-ish minutes.

Remove pot from heat and slowly drizzle over your now very gelatenous mixture that you have waiting for you on the cupboard. Here's the only work involved: You need to mix this mixture (blend this batter? beat this baby?) until the mixture is thick and the bowl is pretty cool to the touch. About 15 minutes.

If you have a Kitchen Aid mixer, you're in luck. If you are me and you only have a plain old beater....you're not in luck, and you must use those arm muscles that the good Lord gave you. The recipe also says to put a towel over the bowl. I find this to be a bit cumbersome, but it does help keep the splatters at bay.

When you're pooped, divide the marshmallow batter between two lightly greased 8x8 pans - or if you are me, one 8x8 pan and one 9x9 pan. Spread the mixture to the corners of the pan and let sit for at least 4 hours to "cure" - or overnight.

I always choose the overnight option, because I'm lazy.

Next day - or four hours later, if you like to be a show-off - turn marshmallows onto a cutting board that is lightly coated with cooking spray. Cut them into 1 inch cubes - or whatever size brings you happiness - and toss in a bowl of 3/4 cup powdered sugar, 1/3 cup cornstarch, and a few hefty shakes of cinnamon if you feel like walking on the wild side. I recommend the walking. Be crazy.... Shake off the excess, and store in airtight container for up to a week.

After a week, they still will taste okay, but they will lose their white-ish color.

Share, share, share!
Give, give, give!
Eat, eat, eat!
And save some for your Christmas morning hot cocoa.

Here's to spreading the Christmas love, Baby....

Crafting. Ish.

2011-12-21T07:51:00.003-05:00

You know those sweet little snow globes that you see everywhere?

They are super expensive in stores, and I've seen a variety of tutorials here, there, and everywhere - so I figured me and the boyzies could make our own the other day.

But, don't be looking here for a tutorial...

Ours came out more or less "ish."
But, in a world of boys - a craft of "ish-ness" works for us.

We collected various jam and canning jars, and then I searched to high heavens for "Christmasy" critters and what-nots to put inside our globes.

Being a household of boys, they could've cared less if they used a Christmasy theme or not, so we have ourselves some dinosaurs in the forest, an army man alongside a bear, and all sorts of various and sundry...er...festiveness.

I didn't have fake snow, so we used glitter.

And I didn't really have a sweet clue what I was doing, so the next morning, a few of our winter scenes were floating upside down, so you know -- it was a bit of a flop.

But, this scene sits proudly as our table's centerpiece screaming "Merry Christmas to all!"

What? You can't tell what these things are?
Me neither.

This And That.

2011-12-20T07:47:00.007-05:00

I am feeding my boys grape nuts for breakfast - hot with a touch of brown sugar, the way I grew up eating them. They are all less than impressed with this new taste treat, and they have kindly told me that they would be happy to never eat them again. The negotiations have begun for an alternative breakfast. I have told them that some kids eat mud for breakfast, so "bottoms up," boys.

My mercy gift is strong today.

Well, here we are at Day #2 after our late night of partying, and I am still bleary eyed. One of the boys was crying in the middle of the night last night, and as I "flew from my bed to see what was the matter" I promptly ran right smack into one of our bedroom walls.

It was awesome.
So today, I not only have the typical fuzz head of sleep deprivation, but I also have a raging headache to boot. I'm going to be on top of my game today. I can just feel it in my bones.

(This little boy has a fat lip right now from taking a digger on a train table; and I find his new look equally adorable and hilarious).
* * * * *
Last week, in a moment of weakness, I taught the boys an old Christmas tune that one of my brothers taught me years ago. It goes along to the tune of Jingle Bells, but the lyrics are geared more toward...er..."boy humor."

Allow me to share the song that I am now hearing at least a kajillion times a day:
"Jingle Bells, Santa smells -
Fifty miles away.
Blows his nose in his Cheerios -
And he eats them every day! HEY!"

Other variations have included thus far:
"Wipes his nose with his stinky toes..." and
"Picks his nose with his smelly toes..."

The creativity in this house is astounding.
And I am really starting to regret that moment of weakness...
I knew I would, but I just couldn't help myself the other day.
I am a weak woman.
* * * * *
We cooked and crafted yesterday. If you can call it that. I don't really remember yesterday, actually, but I have the pictures to prove that we did indeed do something.

These are the little yummies that we are gifting out to our neighbors.
Homemade peppermint patties.
Easy sneezy, very few ingredients, and taste just like the peppermint patties you'd buy in the store. Or better.

Here's what you do:
Take 1 8oz. package of softened cream cheese, and in a large bowl beat this with 2 teaspoons of PURE peppermint extract until fluffy. Slowly add 9 (NINE!!!) cups of confectioner's sugar and beat until fully combined. Mix thoroughly with hands.

Shape into 1 inch balls. Place on waxed paper-lined baking sheets. Flatten into patties. Cover and refrigerate for one hour or until chilled.

In a microwave melt 1 1/2 cups milk chocolate chips, 1 1/2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips, and 3-5 Tablespoons shortening. (I know. This is the only recipe in my house that we use shortening for. I justify it by saying that the entire recipe has not a single ounce of health in it, so go big or go home, baby).

Cool slightly. Dip patties in melted chocolate, and place on waxed paper until firm. Store in the fridge. Yeilds about 4 dozen.

There you have it. Joy to the world.

Happy "Six Days Before Christmas!"

Last Night.

2011-12-19T11:02:00.007-05:00

Be prepared friends.
There are plans afoot.

For all who walk through our doors, consider yourselves duly warned.

Welp, today I do believe, thus far I have drank myself at least six cups of coffee, and it's only ten in the morning. And though, my eyeballs are floating, I still can't seem to keep them open.

We had the Christmas party for my workplace last night, and my Love and I did not get home to bed until well after one in the morning. My brain doesn't function on all cylinders on a good day, so today just might just very well be a hopeless cause. We are getting way too old for these shenanigans.

AND I waittress today. And - again, when my pee brain is functioning at its normal capacity (which isn't saying much, I am well aware), I still am far from being the world's best tray balancer - or even "Amy balancer" for that matter. "Grace" is most surely not my middle name. What I lack in poise and balance, I make up for in charisma, I tell you! At least that's what I tell myself...

A couple of nights ago, being a marvelous point in case of when I lost my grace, was when I unceremoniously spilled an entire bowl of coleslaw down a lady's back and promptly wished I could die right on the spot. It's true. It happened. My humiliation was second only to the time when I spilled an entire hot fudge sundae on a man's lap. Which was second only to the time I slipped on a freshly mopped floor, on my very first week of work there, I might add, and fell full tilt into the kitchen's ginormous trash can. No joke. All true stories. My lady was gracious, my manager was forgiving, and all turned out well. But, I can only imagine was joyous catastrophies await my waittressing shift this evening.

Could be dicey.

(That's me).

Speaking of dicey, at our Christmas party last night, we played our annual "Minute to Win It" game. There are three finalists from each of the three restaurants who go on to compete for the ultimate grand prizes of ginorous t.v.'s, Kinect games, and such. Last year I won the tissue game and moved on to round two. I made it through round two of picking up keys with a paperclip in my mouth, but I crashed and burned on the "getting the lampshade on my head blindfolded." I could not get that blasted thing to sit on my head to save my soul. I was flinging that dumb shade from here to Kingdom come. And I dreamed about that loss for weeks, being the psychotically competative person that I am.

This year, I vowed to redeem myself. I'm proud to admit, that the tissue queen reigns supreme, and she also once again made it through the next round of stacking nuts and bolts with a chopstick. But, once again I crashed and burned on the semi-finalist round of "stacking-the-plastic-red-solo-cups-on-top-of-3x5-index-cards-and-one-by-one-pulling-out-the-index-cards-so-that-the-cups-all-collapse-onto-themselves." (I'm quite sure that wasn't the name of the game. The real one is a bit more catchy, as I recall).

Third time's a charm, baby.
Next year, I'm out for blood.

However, I did walk away with a $100.00 gift card.
Not too shabby...and well worth losing a few hours of beauty sleep, methinks.
I'm happy. Hello gas and groceries.

And, hell-o there, cup #7. You wondrous creation of heavenly bliss.
How I love you.
Let me count the ways.....
1. You make me warm and cozy.
2. Your caffeine does....nothing...for...zzzzzzz

(Guess who still has no snow? And guess who still isn't sad about it?)

Happy Monday, folks!

Little Loves.

2011-12-18T05:15:00.015-05:00

It's 5:00 in the morning over here in Boyland.

If I can actually rouse my rear out of bed in the morning, I really love this early start to my day. I can hear all of my babies breathing in their beds - all soft and snuggly and warm; I stoke up the fire all nice and hot, and I go room by room and systematically plug in all of the little lights in my windows to make my house cozy.

And usually while my coffee brews, I come and sit down over here.
It's quiet. It's my sanity. And it's well worth an extra hour of sleep in my book.

(Pa Rum Pa Pum Pum).
* * * *
So, here we are - one week away from Christmas.
Crazy, isn't it?

We're going to do our best to savor these next few days. No school - just a whole lot of Christmas. Finishing our wrapping, doing some crafting, making more goodies to share with our neighbors, playing lots of games, reading lots of stories, and hopefully seeing lots of people that we love.

I love this stage of parenting that we are in. I'm fully aware that we are in the el-cheapo stage of gift giving, and I'm fully aware of the magic and excitement that Christmas holds for little ones my age. We're living it! I know that this will change with time, and I'm really trying to drink in the deliciousness of "now." Anything that we do - no matter how small - is fun and special right now, and I know full well that this won't always be the case. I tell you - I'm a hero around here when I make my littles homemade marshmallows and when I stop to play another game of "Sorry." How many Christmases do you think that's going to last?

So, while we countdown to our family celebration on Saturday, these are some things that I am loving right now:

2194. Reading our Advent story together (when I remember). I am days behind.
2195. Crafting together at the kitchen table.(Heavens).

2196. Seeing new gifts under the tree each day - wrapped by the littles for the littles.
2197. Anticipating sitting with family this morning and watching a sweet Christmas concert.
2197. Cooking and wrapping little gifts of love to give away to strangers and loved ones.
2198. Pomegranates. A delish winter treat. Especially when I don't do any of the work. So tell me - do you eat the seeds or spit them out? Kevy chomps everything right up. I, on the other hand, spit the seeds out.

2199. My work Christmas party this evening - with my Love in tow.
2200. Planning a scavenger hunt for the boys to find their stocking stuffers.
2201. Getting our meal menus ready for all of the celebrating this week.
2202. Getting ready to go over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house!
2203. Planning a special meal for Lew.
2204. Setting aside the list when things become stressful.
2205. Playing and seeing and being.
2205. Smudge. He is darling, and I have forgiven him.

"To God, my exceeding joy; I shall praise you, O God, my God." ~ Psalm 43:4

A Saturday Morning Cartoon.

2011-12-17T06:58:00.001-05:00

God is Not a White Man.

I kinda' like it...

Some Definitions.

2011-12-16T16:36:00.016-05:00

It was Family Day today.
Love.

And it's been awhile since we had ourselves a wee little road trip, so over breakfast we made a plan to go gallivanting.

Did you know that "gallivanting" means: to travel, roam, or move about for pleasure?
I quite love that definition.
And I sure do love me some gallivanting. Especially when it involves food.

So, we decided to take our little selves down along the coast, and with the help of Kaden's map, we drove to my most favorite coffee shop in the whole wide world.

The food is amazing, the coffee is amazing, and for some reason, I really love drinking out of their mugs.

Heaven in a cup, I tell you.

And having no particular plan in mind other than to gallivant down to our favorite coffee shop for lunch, we decided - for the remainder of the day - to traipse around town and see what sorts of goings on were taking place.

Did you know that "traipse: means: to wander, walk, or travel without apparent plan?

Ooh. That's a good one, too.
I especially liked traipsing into this sweet little store whilst Daddy took the hoolies to play at the toy store next door.

Have you ever gone to a place or been somewhere that just totally inspires you and really makes you happy - just by being there and just by drinking in everything all around you? That's what this place is for me. I rarely ever buy anything in this store, but I just love every single thing in it. I especially love all of the little quotes written everywhere on these super sweet old barn boards.

Happiness.
You know what else makes me happy? Watching this little boy play trains whilst wearing his monkey hat. I find him to be most delicious...almost as delicious as my lunch and coffee that I ate at my most favorite coffee shop in the whole wide world. And that's saying a lot.

And finally, we finished the day by meandering thither and yon and taking our time getting back to the real world.

Did you know that "meander" means: to roam, to wander, or to ramble?
Very nice.

I especially enjoyed meandering past the ocean and seeing from a distance my favorite little pier that we like to walk in the summer. It's a sweet little mile long stone walkway that goes out to a little light house right in the middle of the ocean. It's love-o-ly.

You know what else is love-o-ly? Meandering past this delicious little coffee house that roasts their very own beans right on the premesis. (premisis?) If you roll down your windows, you can smell its haunting aroma as you drive by.

Or, you can pull into the driveway and pick up a pound to feed your addiction.
It seems to slip my mind as to which option we chose for ourselves today. Ahem.

Yes.
A day of gallivanting with a little bit of traipsing and meandering thrown in.
Dee-lightful, to be sure.

Anticipation.

2011-12-15T08:15:00.007-05:00

I have officially declared today to be our last day of school until after the New Year. Why, you ask? Well...honestly...because I can! That's one of the perks of being the one in charge, yessiree. And also, because we are one third of the way through our school year, we're making pretty good time, and I feel that we are all ready for a break.

But, mostly, we're stopping today because I want us to really be able to savor the anticipation of Christmas. Because, isn't the build up to a big event just as much fun - if not more so than the actual event itself? I think so, anyway.

So, today, we shall wrap up any loose ends that we have, tie them all in a pretty bow, and then set the books aside for a nice solid couple of weeks.

Yes, today we work. But tomorrow, we shall play!

:: Because there are gifty goodies from friends to be played with.

:: And more marshamallows to be made for the littles in our lives.

:: And cookies to be perfected and gifted away.

:: And sitting and sipping...and savoring to be had.

The anticipation is half the fun, indeed.

Cooking with the Kidlets.

2011-12-14T17:39:00.009-05:00

Well, aside from the the fudge, which I, ahem, saved all for myself...

The brunt of our Christmas gift giving this season has been made up of various and sundry homemade foodies that the kids can completely be a part of. We have some tried and true recipes that we make only once a year - but every single Christmas season, so this makes them really special.

And then, we always have these "Christmas negotiations," as well...

Mom always helps me make these chocolatey minty shortbread cookies (and she usually gives me the entire batch). It's tradition; she loves me that much. And in return, I always make my homemade peppermint patties and then split the batch between her and my neighbor Lew. I love her just the same...but my batch makes more...so I share with sweet Lew.

Lew loves my peppermint patties.
He says: "There's just one problem, De-ah. There wasn't enough! Hee-hee!"

Lots of granola and bread is going out to neighbors and friends.
Easy. Inexpensive. Wholesome. And it's completely consumable.

And this year, we tried something new for all of the littles in our lives: homemade marshmallows.
These three jars belong to my hoolies...notice they are almost gone.
They are super easy and super fun for the kidlets.

And our newest little taste treat that we tried out today, was these little candy cane cookies.

Supposedly very kid friendly and easy for them to help out with.

Er...not so much.

After they each made about three each, they were off and running with a: "Tell us when they're done, Mama!"
Ah well...

You win some, you lose some.
But, they all taste the same!

What's cooking in your kitchen?

* * * * *
2187. Cooking in my kitchen - with all my loves - Dad, Mom, and my boys.
2188. Fudge memories with Dad.
2189. Grammy making cookie memories with the boys.
2190. Giving gifts - just because!
2191. Boys learning the joy of giving.
2192. Ransom's first year of really being involved in the festivities.
2193. Giving joy. Receiving joy. Sharing love.

Little Boy Joy.

2011-12-14T06:28:00.003-05:00

All was quiet in the house yesterday afternoon, so I had to go investigate.

Usually "quiet" translates into some sort of mess of mass porportion somewhere.

This is what I found.

Just a whole lot of deliciousness. And a whole lotta' happiness all the way around.

..."All is calm. All is bright."

Easing In.

2011-12-12T07:36:00.010-05:00

(Pics taken by this sweet woman).

I'm sure I'm a little "off" from most of the rest of the world when I say this, but I really like Mondays. Monday, for me, is my slowest day out of the entire week.

We have just come off of a busy weekend, and now it's just me and the boys easing back into our normal routine.

It's fresh. It's new. And it's a clean slate of sorts.

This is our busiest day of school as the rest of the week just seems to pick up steam, but it's our slowest and coziest in many other ways, too.

From here on out, there's babysitting, waitressing shifts, playdates, and ministry.

All great things.

But today is ours. And that's the best!

* * * *

Despite my uncontrollable hair and Kevy's jeans that are practically falling off of him from all of his weight-loss; and despite his mortification of me always trying to kiss him in front of the camera; AND despite our family's extreme awkwardness in front of the camera....my dear friend was able to get some really sweet family shots of our little crew that depict our family well, I think.

Soaking wet, heads thrown back, hair messed up, scratches, zits and all....

Rachael, my Mama shall rise up and call you blessed.
Because of you, I now have updated pics to give as gifts.
You rock.

Dad's Deliciousness.

2011-12-11T14:02:00.005-05:00

This is my Dad.

I love him quite a lot.

He's not one for travelling. In fact, a trip to Bangor is quite a big deal for him. He pretty much likes to stay home or travel twenty minutes south to his hunting camp in the Haynesville woods. This place here is city stuff. But, my Dad - he loves me, too - so he comes down to my neck of the woods once in awhile to play, as well.

This is him showing me all of his treasures in his shirt pocket. I believe he had a notebook, two pens, a pocket New Testament, and a flashlight. My boys love to sit on his lap and paw through his stash.

This is my Dad making me my all time favorite treat in the whole wide world - his homemade brown sugar fudge. Normally, I'm not a fan of fudge. In fact, any kind other than Dad's I can pretty much take or leave - there's no real temptation. But, my Dad's fudge, on the other hand, I pretty much eat it until it's --

(A). Gone. or -

(B). I'm sick. And I've got an iron gut, so that's saying a lot.
In fact, no lie - and I'm not overly proud of this - just today, I ate two pieces before breakfast, one afterwards, two before lunch, and two for dessert. No joke.

Tomorrow I shall run my buns off.
Today, I shall eat at least two more pieces before the day is over.

I'm sure I'm biased, but I really have eaten no other fudge that comes out like Dad's. It's not just the taste that's amazing - it's the consistency, as well. I'm not a fan of gooey, soft fudge. This kind of breaks off when you bite it, and it almost reminds me of those maple sugar candies that you can get that just sort of melt in your mouth when you eat them. Oh man. Party in your mouth.

(Notice Jesse in the background, double fisting the sugar from the sugar bowl. Classic).

Anyway, I wanted to watch Dad make it exactly the way that he always does, and I wanted to take meticulous notes so that maybe I can replicate this dish of deliciousness. He uses no recipe and no candy thermometer, and everything is just eyeballed - so I'm sure it will never come out the same, but I at least have it down on paper for future attempts.

It is not healthy, and it is not good for Kevy's tummy. So, I will continue to do my wifely duty in eating the remainder of the batch....

This recipe is for a single batch:

In a buttered pan, take 2 cups brown sugar, 1 cup white sugar, and 2/3 cup evaporated milk and cook to "hard ball stage" on the stove, then cook 3-4 minutes beyond that. I really have no idea what that means, but he always takes a clear glass of cold water and lets a little drop of the fudge go in. If it goes into a round ball with a tail on the end, it's good, so he says. He cooks it until it gets full and frothy - a nice consistent boil.

Then, when you have a half a clue that you think it might be ready, take it off the stove and add to the pot: 1/2 stick real butter, 2 generous tablespoons real vanilla, and 1/2 of a 7 1/2 ounce jar of fluff. After this, in Dad's words: "Whip it until you're tired" which this time translated into about 5 minutes.

Put it on a buttered cookie sheet and let it sit until hardened. Once it starts to set, score it with a knife so that the peices will break off more easily.

Every few minutes sneak outside to "check and see if it's ready" and take behemoth sized bites when no one is looking. Bring the half eaten pan inside once it's truly hardened, and begrudgingly share what's left with the rest of the family.

Family Photos.

2011-12-09T12:54:00.005-05:00

(NOTE: The pictures in this post have absolutely nothing to do with its content. I just hate a post that has nothing fun to look at.)

Today we did a family photo shoot in the great out of doors.

I'm not a huge fan of getting my picture taken. It stresses me, I hate my backside, my hair never feels right, I can never get all of the littles to smile, or match, or look at the camera, or all keep their eyes open at the same time, and usually one or all of them has to use the bathroom at the most inopportune time.

That's like torture in my book.

Right up there with being cold, living in the city, being outside in the snow and cold, and being chased by wild animals.
Well, not that bad, but you know...it's not my fave.

However.

I have this friend who knows me well, and who does wonders with the camera. She makes things look and feel easy.

And I have this mother who is begging for updated pictures of my children..."That's ALL I want for Christmas! Just an updated picture of those boys to put on my mantle."

So, the pressure was on, and today was that day.
And of course, we had to get a whole wack of snow the day before so that we had to be bundled to the hilt for our pics. Joy unspeakable.

And in true Booker fashion, on this lovely picture day, I have a zit, Ransom has a huge scratch on his face, and Jesse has the beginnings of a black eye...because he's Jesse. I also forgot his hat, so he had to wear one of Ransom's - which looked slightly hilarious, AND Ransom fell right on his rear into a puddle fairly early on in our photo shoot.

But, it is what it is, and we are what we are. And we shall see what wonders my friend is able to pull out of her bag of tricks with this motley crew. She said she took almost 500 pics. There should (please?!) be at least one (???) picture that is presentable of the lot of us from that batch of pics! Will miracles never cease?

Oh, the suspense...

(My reward on the way home).

(Ransom - after the photo shoot).

Whew! We survived...
And it was actually kind of fun.
And now we wait for Rachael to work her magic. No pressure.

Today's Top Ten.

2011-12-05T15:31:00.008-05:00

"Gratitude is the memory of the heart." ~ Jean Baptiste Massieu

On this sunny(!) and warm (!) 5th day of December...
A list of loves, the things that today I am grateful for:

1. Daddy and Ransom snuggles after Daddy comes in from the big hunt. Be still my heart.

2. Ransom's thorough enjoyment of his breakfast. My boy loves his oatmeal.

3. Kaden's newfound passion for hunting after slaying his first squirrel of the season. The beast has been unleashed, and now amidst all of my various Christmas decor above my fireplace sits a tail drying by the fire awaiting more "friends." Sweet.

4. Jesse joining his brother on the big hunt and promptly being sent home because "he just can't stop talking, Mama."

5. Gifts from my girls.

6. Ransom and Mama dates to the coop. The bestie best of times.

7. My little house and my little hoolies racing up the driveway.

8. Jesse swinging sky high. Pure, unadulterated joy.

9. Kitten love. Jesse has claimed this cat for his own.

10. Kitties sunbathing on my bed. A rough life.

* * * *
(#2176. - #2186.)

"No man can live without joy." ~ Thomas Aquinas.
So, today, "I will take the joy." ~ Habakkuk 3:18

Oh, Christmas Tree.

2011-12-04T15:34:00.004-05:00

I love tradition.

I love that we go to the same place every year (minus the three years we lived in Philly, obviously) to get our Christmas tree. This place is the best.

So, if you take out the time that we lived in Pennsylvania, this marks our tenth year getting our tree at this little farm. And the only thing that ever changes over the years is the weather, the time of day when we get it, and the amount of hoolies that we have had tagging along!

We have gotten our tree in short sleeves, in pouring rain, in a sleet storm where we literally had to let our tree thaw before we could decorate it, and in blizzards where it was slightly ridiculous to be out on the roads. We have had newborns sleeping in car seats, wrapped in snuglies, and toddlers tripping over tree stumps right and left. One of my most favorite things is to look back at our pictures over the years and mark our families' growth each December when we come here.

I rarely choose the tree.

This year, the boys chose our tree within thirty seconds of being out in the field. Although I thought it was fine, I encouraged us to at least look around at some other possibilities, for goodness sake. Let's draw the date out at least a bit, shall we?

So Daddy marked it with his baseball cap, and then Jesse flung himself from tree to tree yelling: "This one? How about this one? This one? That one? Do you like this one? That one? WHICH one?", Ransom proceeded to trip over just about every single tree trunk that had already been cut down, and Kaden waited patiently for us to come back to the one that he knew was already perfect.

And he was right. So, he got the honor of cutting it down.

With a small amount of assistance...and some accompanying drumming on Daddy's bum from Jesse. He's real thoughtful, that way.

And then the fun part for Kevin and I is to make the two largest hoolies carry the tree all the way back to our car. Our middle child is a whirling dervish clutz who struggles to stay on his feet anyway, so it's always hysterical to watch him try and walk with something rather cumbersome to boot.

And then!

As tradition goes, we go inside their warm little gift shop for homemade donuts and hot apple cider, and then we have the sweetest little horse and buggy ride around their tree farm to complete our little family date.

It's my favorite, and it's lovely.

Family traditions counter alienation and confusion. They help us define who we are; they provide something steady, reliable and safe in a confusing world. ~ SUSAN LIEBERMAN, New Traditions

Yes. Tradition.
I love it.

For the Mamas.

2011-12-03T07:05:00.005-05:00

This journey of motherhood.....

This life of cooking and cleaning,
of washing and wiping,
of teaching and living,
and of loving and learning...

Sometimes, it's hard to measure the "productivity" of what we are doing - at least by the world's standards, anyway. In careers outside the home there are visible rewards of our "successes" - paychecks and pay raises...tangible evidences of our hard work.

With this job called motherhoood, it comes with no pay raises, most things need to be re-done the very next day...if not multiple times during that SAME day, and most times no one even sees what is being done to constantly try and maintain some semblance of order and structure amidst the chaos and mess of a typical day.

This endless cycle of serving and bringing order back from chaos...
And this endless whirlwird of routine and at times monotony ---
might it also be an endless cycle of grace?

And in His eyes - a journey of redemptive success?

"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, and I was sick and you looked after me." ~ Jesus, Matthew 25:35-36

Who is more hungry than an infant or a constantly growing little child?
Who is more naked than a freshly born baby?
Who is more a stranger than when a little one first comes into the world knowing no one?
And who gets sick more often than little kids perpetually sharing each other's germs?

"I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the LEAST of these brothers of mine, you did for me!" ~ Jesus, Matthew 25:40
And who is more "least" in the world's eyes, than a little tiny child?

But we already know that Jesus views most of life far differently than those of us down here.

I'm pretty sure that Jesus sees what we're doing as a sacred enterprise -- much MUCH more than mere acts of picking up mismatched socks, wiping dirty counter tops, refereeing sibling squabbles, and cleaning potty seats from little boys' missed aims.

What we are doing is redemptive and transformational - both for us and for our children. By God's grace, we may teach our children a thing or two, but the truth is - we are living admist holy teachers. They show us how to laugh and how to grieve; how to live courageously and how much we need our Father. They teach us humility every.single.day., and they help us face our inadequacy and our need for the One who is the ultimate parent, and the One who gave us these gifts on loan in the first place.

May God bless us all with grace and love abounding.
May we know that our Heavenly Father takes great pleasure in what we do.
May we not ache for the world's standard of success.
And may we remember that "the work we do is only our love for Jesus in action." ~ Mother Teresa.

"If we pray the work...if we do it to Jesus, if we do it for Jesus, if we do it with Jesus...that's what makes us content." ~ Mother Teresa.

* * * * *
2171. My three sons - holy teachers.
2172. Me, the delinquent student - learning.
2173. Heaven's perspective on importance and success.
2174. Humility retaught...and relearn-ing every day.
2175. Gifts - on loan, mine only for a season.

Vapor.

2011-12-02T08:39:00.004-05:00

We went to a funeral yesterday for a father of some dear friends of ours. He was young - early fifties, and he left behind two daughters - brand new Mama's with another baby on the way for each of them.

His wife and girls wanted his Memorial Service to be a celebration of his life, and they each wrote letters describing their relationship that they had with him. The recurring theme throughout the entire memorial service, and really the major take away for me, was that amidst all of the questions left behind from his passing, there was one thing that was for certain - this man loved his family well.

Over and over again, we heard people give testimony to the fact that two of his greatest passions in life were his wife and his girls. He loved them well, and they honored him in their testimonies.

"One of his greatest passions was to my father."
"Every night he tucked me into bed, and every night he prayed over me without fail."
"He knew how many Saturdays we had left before we left for college. He didn't waste a one of them."
"He always told me how proud he was of me. He always made time to talk."

As far as doing a parenting job well, that's a success story in my book.
May those words be said of me at my Memorial Service some day.
May my boys know that raising them is one of my greatest honors - one of my deepest passions.

I was reminded yesterday to tell them daily just how proud I am of them - just how deeply I love them. I was reminded again - to slow and savor this fleeting time that I have with each of them...to take the time, to stop and listen, and to really see them.

And I was reminded again of the brevity of this fleeting gift of life.
May I live it well, may I hold things loosely, and when all is said and done, might my mothering be a success story, as well.

* * * * * *
2163. Being reminded of what's important. Again.
2164. Knowing that this is not the end of the story.
2165. Friendships weathering the storms of life.
2166. Tender husband love toward grieving daughters.
2167. Jeremiah 29:11 - Good plans for hope and a future - even when we can't see.
2168. Loosening my grasp just a tiny bit more - this vapor of life.
2169. Squeezing harder, loving deeper, giving more.
2170. Friends to love on my boys while we were away.

Granola!

2011-12-01T06:51:00.008-05:00

So, as we continue on our crazy journey of good health and saving Kev's gallbladder, we are slowly changing our habits and our lifestyle when it comes to our food choices. Very difficult during these Holidays, might I add. However, I am very proud of my Kevy, and his willpower. To date, he has lost about twenty-five pounds and he is keeping his pain at bay. We shall see if, in the end, we are the ultimate winners. There still may be surgery some day, but for now, we are avoiding the knife.

Anyhoo...

On my quest for different foodie options and substitutions, I am also (always and forever) on the quest for food/meals/snacks etc. that are not only healthy but are also filling and holds my boys' hunger at bay for at least a couple of hours. Two hours. That's all I ask, before I hear the rumblings of starvation and wasting away to nothingness because of the empty tummies. Seriously, I could have a full time job living in my kitchen making food for these guys.

This granola recipe has become my weekly salvation for keeping hunger at bay. It's a sort of "everything but the kitchen sink" recipe - a "dump whatever you feel like into the mix" kind of recipe - and it meets all of my criteria:

~ Healthy.
~ Filling.
~ Versatile - as in, good for meals and/or snacks.
~ And I almost always have these ingredients on hand.

Because I love it so much, I shall share it with the world. Feel free to go to town and adapt to your little heart's content. This is how I make it...

First, mix in a large bowl, the following dry ingredients:
7 cups old fashioned rolled oats.
1 cup whole wheat flour (I use gluten-free Pamela's flour).
1 cup raisins.
1-2 cups walnuts.
1-2 cups pecans.
1-2 cups slivered or sliced almonds.
1-2 cups sunflower seeds.
2 Tablespoons poppy seeds.
2 cups coconut.
1 tsp. sea salt.
1 tsp. cinnamon.

(This is what I almost always have on hand, so this is the base of how I always make it. It is also very delish with cranberries or dates, ground flax seed, oat bran - whatever. You get the picture).

In a pan on the stove, heat up 1 1/2 cups honey (or 1 cup honey and a half cup pure maple syrup) and 1/3 cup olive oil.

Bring to a boil.

Once it has boiled, take it off the heat and add a generous Tablespoon of pure vanilla along with a generous teaspoon or two (depending on how strong of the taste you prefer) of pure almond extract. Always use the pure...it's so much better.

Mix your wet and your dry together, and place on greased cookie sheets and 13x9 pans. Bake in your oven at 300 degrees stirring every twenty minutes.

And here's the deal:
If you like your granola more soft and ooey and chewy, add more honey and olive oil to the mix and bake it about 40 minutes - taking it out while it's still kind of moist.

If you like it to be separated and more crunchy - like my boys do, good for cereal or whatever - stir every twenty minutes, and bake it for about an hour. Take it out when it starts to turn a little brown.

Easy Sneezy - it seriously takes me as long to mix up as it does for my pot of coffee to brew, AND it's super delish.

Great with milk as a breakfast cereal, and super yummy over french vanilla yogurt with some fresh berries as a healthy dessert option. It doesn't really cut it in the dessert compartment for this chocolate loving girl, but you know. Beggars can't be choosers...

And I will attest to the fact that it holds my men over for at least two hours.
Okay, maybe an hour and a half...but that's saying something.

First of Many.

2011-11-29T08:07:00.003-05:00

Last year, when the Christmas holiday was all wrapped up and packed away for another year, my boys informed me that "next year" they would really like to have their very own little tree in their bedroom where they could do their own celebrations whenever they wanted.

Well, Mama delivered. I traipsed my little self right through the woods with Dad, and I pruned me a nice little Booker boy tree for them to have for their very own. And yesterday, we decorated and celebrated, and had ourselves our very first Christmas party put on completely by my two largest hoolies.

At approximately 6:00 p.m., a sign was put on the door with strict instructions of no-one entering. There was a fluster and a flurry of activity, and then we were very solemnly escorted into the bedroom and told exactly where to sit.

I gave each boy their own roll of scotch tape and their own roll of wrapping paper, and they have gone to town! Cheap fun, I tell you...

Sweet little gifts were given out to each one of us with soft little Christmas carols playing in the background, and it was all just really fun and cute.

And now this morning, popcorn and cider has been requested for the Christmas party that is to take place this evening.

Heavens.
I just may get all partied out before this is over!

A Thanksgiving List.

2011-11-28T14:36:00.006-05:00

: For homemade bread.

: And family thanks shared round the table.

: For newest little family members to love on.

: And for fathers who lead their families well.

: For a successful hunt.

: And for Grammies who take the time.

: For memories...

:...and MESSES made.

: For promises kept.

: And for simple Christmas pleasures.

For these things, I am thankful.

Psalm 34.

2011-11-25T06:12:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, as we sat around the table with family - my boys wild and happy, my husband at the head, and with grandparents all around, my heart was full. We were happy, we were healthy, we were all togehter, and I knew that we truly are blessed exceedingly, abundantly above and beyond all that we could ever ask for or imagine.

Yesterday I could see clearly all that I had - all of the gifts that I could never even begin to count that were in my life. And, I was able to see past the multitude of messes, the spats between brothers, and the pumpkin pie that wouldn't set.

Yesterday, I saw how miniscule these mole holes really were.
And I want to remember this.

Because just across town, I knew I had friends who were grieving deeply - who actually had something to howl about. The night previous to this day of thanks, their father and husband went HOME, and although we all know this isn't the end of the story, they are grieving deeply. There was no Thanksgiving dinner at their home yesterday - rather a gaping loss in their family that will forever be relived every Thanksgiving Eve.

And I am aching with them.

And watching them amidst their grief and their loss, I can't help but put myself in their shoes. How would I handle this gaping hole, these next days, weeks, and years when I would have to live life raw? When I would have to find a new norm that forevermore would be anything but normal?

Would I reach for the grace? Would I remember the gifts, count the joys, continue to list my thanks? In the midst of brokenness, would I be able to fully live when my life was so full of hurt and loss?

As these loved ones grasp for ways to live in this new reality of life in the face of such a heavy loss, and as - by God's grace - they find the strength to carry on in this waiting room before the "Forever" really begins...

I am again reminded that this is a fleeting blink of a life. There are no guarantees for tomorrow, and although - so often - I would choose to rewrite the endings very differently, I am glad that I am not the Author of this story. He alone knows how this will all work out, where it all leads, and what it all means.

It is my choice to live each day as though it is my last.
To wildly love as though I am not guaranteed tomorrow. Because I'm not.
And it is my choice to hold with an open hand what isn't mine in the first place.

Might I do it with grace and with dignity.
And might I walk alongside my brothers and my sisters in the way that I would want the same done for me.

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." ~ Psalm 34:18

Thanksliving.

2011-11-23T13:56:00.005-05:00

Thanksgiving tomorrow.
My most favorite of Holidays.

Expectation and anticipation is half the joy.

Family together.
Breaking bread.
Thankfulness shared.

"It's the joy of the small that makes life large...all wonder and worship can only grow out of smallness." ~ Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts.

This is how we live in a state of thanks-living when life is mundane and ordinary...anything but "epic."

We find joy in the small.
We choose to see.
We live the thanks.
We forever count.
And we remember.

Ah yes.
A perfectly timed and perfectly placed toddler scribble...

He increases when I decrease.
He is exalted when I am humbled.
And He is honored when I remember. When I live the thankful life.

* * * * *
2139. Little boy kisses - wild and messy.
2140. Snowy days to play and be still.
2141. Brief coffee date at the table with my Kevy.
2142. Thanksgiving anticipation and preparation.
2143. Piled under blankets, still, and watching the snow fall quietly.
2144. Prayers lifted for hurting friends.
2145. So much sorrow in the world - HOPE found in Christ alone.
2146. Vulnerability and authenticity among friends - soul sisters.
2147. Little boys crafting around the kitchen table - doing it their way.
2148. Treats for the neighbors.
2149. A week-end with family - beautiful chaos.
2150. Offering praise - forgetting perfection.

Snow Day.

2011-11-23T06:40:00.002-05:00

I know I said no more Christmas posts until after this weekend, but I woke up to snow this morning, and I found this sweet little video while I was sipping my coffee that reminds me SO much of my little boys and all the things they love...

: Running through the forest
: Treasure maps
: Toting their stuffed animals everywhere
: Tree forts
: Music and silly string.

It's so festive and fun, I just can't help myself!

Double-Minded.

2011-11-21T16:55:00.002-05:00

"So, the question is:
when the credits roll in your life, are people going to think your story sucked?" ~ Don Miller

* * * * *

I talk so big.
I worry about that far too much.

"Go big or go home" has always been my motto for just about everything.
Because, really, if it's not something of utmost importance or truly applause-worthy amazing-ness, why do it at all, right? What's the point?

But the longer I'm on this crazy journey of faith and life and family and marriage and ministry...the more I realize I know nothing, I'm pretty much a mess, and I don't have a clue.

I think I know what we're supposed to do one day, and I haven't the foggiest the next.
I say "bring it on" in front of my friends, and I hold everything that I have in clenched fists behind closed doors.
I say, "I'll go wherever, Lord," and then when there's an opportunity to be missional with people who don't know Christ, I cry "it'll be too late of a night for the boys."
I shout, "Let's move our family to Africa," but I don't even know my neighbors down the street.
And I say to my husband, "I'll follow you wherever" from one side of my mouth, but from the other I say, "Oh, but that option is out of the question."

I'm pretty sure there's something wrong with this picture.

And, while in my heart, I really do want to live a life of greatness - one that counts for big things for the Kingdom....I'm also pretty sure that I need to check my motives.

I don't think that the blockbuster worthy stories that took place in the Bible were sought after by the heroes and heroines that played in them. I don't think they were clawing for the spotlight, and I don't think they weighed out the potential for awesomeness and accolades before they made their decisions.

Because Mary didn't set out to be Jesus' mother, right?
And Peter was just out fishing with his buddies.
And David was just tending his little flock was sheep.
And Abraham and Moses were just living it out.

They were simply living faithful and following obedient.

I think one of the greatest lies I can believe is that if what I am doing is not Hollywood material or made up of something that's truly big and really great {in my eyes, anyway} than it's maybe not as valuable or as seeped in God-goodness - or as awesome as it should or could be. I make it so complicated, sometimes.

Because what about the mundane day in and day out of being faithful to your family?
What about the single Mama taking care of her three kids all by herself?
Or the Daddy who works a job he hates because of his crazy love for his family?
And what about the times when God seems distant, but we still pursue?
Or when I can't hear Him, but I vow to remain faithful until I do?

I'm pretty sure, in God's eyes, that's pretty epic, too.

* * * * *

Last night, I chose the "easy" and the "that sounds like too much work" over the -- let's go and be a missional community and hang out with some college kids for awhile. Instead of getting over myself, I focused on the late bedtimes that would happen, the load of junk I'd have to bring along with me, and the knowledge of about thirty interrupted conversations that I knew would take place with three kids in tow.

In my mind it wasn't worth it, - it wasn't "epic" enough - so I bowed out, and I stayed home.
With two bummed out little boys, I might add.
And the instant that Kev pulled out of the driveway, I knew I'd made the wrong decision.

Yes, I do talk so big, and so out of both sides of my mouth... and I wonder when I'll ever learn. On the one hand, all I can think about is wanting this one life to count for something big for Jesus - something noble and worthwhile. But on the other, I don't even pull my junk together to go out as a family and go bowling with a bunch of college kids who don't know Christ. Might that have had just as much potential for Kingdom greatness as a trip overseas? I'll never know because I discounted it from the very beginning.

I am, admittedly, a pretty crappy missionary with much to learn.

* * * * *

And back to the question up at the top?
Does it really matter what "the people" think, anyway?
Has it ever mattered?
They won't be the ones watching the credits of my life when all is said and done...

Man looks on the outward appearance...only God sees my heart...

Getting Ready.

2011-11-21T09:58:00.011-05:00

I can't hold out any longer.

For us -- it is officially 25 days before our little family Christmas, so the countdown has begun. We always have our own celebration with just the five of us about a week before Christmas - then on the actual Holiday we have a big bash with my whole side of the family, and on New Year's Day another bash with Kev's side. This spreads things out a bit, and it allows us to make our own traditions while still celebrating with both sides of the family. It works for us.

So -- the Christmas music has started playing, the candles are out in every window, we have started our Advent countdown, and the decorations are slowly starting to make their way here and there throughout our home. I have a rule that during the month of December only Christmas music can be played and only Christmas books can be read. The boys all humor me - at least for the first couple of weeks. We'll see how long it goes this year. In my book, it just seems wrong to listen to or read about anything else. The season is so short!

It is going to be a "Very Merry Yardsale Christmas" for us this year. Simple and inexpensive, but oh so very fun and festive. This year, I also told the two big boys that they could have their very own little tree in their bedroom, so the handmade "ornaments" - (if you can call them that) are getting made, and the presents are already starting to be wrapped and stashed away. 'Tis the season for much re-gifting, which makes for playing with toys in the New Year always a little tricky.

I will often hear: "Hey! That's my truck!"
"Not anymore. You gave it to me for Christmas."
"Oh. Well, do you want to trade back?"
Good times.

But for now, they have definitely caught the Christmas spirit, and I love to see them wrapping up toys and treasures that they know the other will love.

* * * * *
Here's a sneak peek at just a couple of the boy's gifts:

I know there are millions of children's Bibles to choose from, but two very dear friends have me convinced that this is one of the best. It is actually going to be one of Ransom's gifts, but it really is perfect for children ages three and older.

What I love about this particular Bible, and what I think makes it stand out from so many others is that that author weaves Jesus and the promise of salvation and the message of His coming into each and every story.

Every story truly does "whisper His name."

"The Jesus Storybook Bible tells the Story beneath all the other stories of the Bible. It takes the whole Bible to tell this Story. And at the center of the Story, there is a baby, the Child upon whom everything would depend. From Noah to Moses to King David, every story whispers His name. Jesus is the missing peice in the puzzle - the peice that makes all the other peices fit together. Jesus is at the center of God's great story of salvation - and He is at the center of our story, too." ~ Sally Lloyd Jones, Author.

So, super cool.

And a gift that my Mom is giving is Paws and Tales on C.D.

These are put out by Chuck Swindoll with Insight for Living, and they are designed for younger audiences than, say - Adventures In Odyssey. Very similar, but there are animals for characters instead of people, and the stories are made for much younger audiences.

These are not cheap, but they are well worth every dime spent. There are three seasons available, and each season comes with twelve c.d.'s with two stories on each c.d. Hours of great listening and great messages for the kids to hear.

We use these almost exclusively for long road trips and rest time at our house. Our two oldest boys rarely nap now, but we always have a quiet time, and these are perfect for that time of day.

Okay. This is my last Christmas post until this week is over.
Thanksgiving still has much to be celebrated.

Until Next Week-End.

2011-11-20T19:05:00.002-05:00

:: One large steaming cup of coffee.
:: One cozy Christmas magazine.
:: One large ball of furr on my lap.
:: And one adorable little hoolie in the tub.

~ A cozy week-end wrap up, indeed. ~

HOME.

2011-11-19T07:19:00.004-05:00

Our little family just got home last night from a week long staff retreat in New Jersey with our U.S. Center for World Mission. It was so good. Restful, rejeuvenating, stimulating, challenging -- all of that. Much to think through and process. It was really a blessing to be able to go and experience this as an entire family, too - the perfect blending of work and play, really.

But, now we are home.
Our favorite place to be.

And after being away from home for an entire week, the perfect recipe for an early Saturday morning is this:

: While one large Daddy goes out at the crack 'o dawn in search of the tirty pointer,
: Take one Mama and leave her snuggled under a mountain of blankets.
: Add in two large hoolies and a cat or two with arms and legs tangled everywhere.
: Allow for several minutes of giggles & wrestling from the boys; grunts & sighs from the Mama...
: Then add just a wee little light and a cozy story to settle down the willies.
: Stay in position until a somewhat normal hour.
: Move the parade downstairs in front of a cozy fire, coffee, and cartoons.
: Wait for the littlest hoolie to awaken, and then make room for him on the couch.
: Allow for a super cozy day of baking, reading, and a general settling back into HOME.

Ah. Bliss.
It is good to be back.

For The Mamas.

2011-11-18T21:00:00.002-05:00

If ever you worshipped...it's NOW.

Love.

Mish Mash.

2011-11-10T14:46:00.006-05:00

My "why can't we all just get along" post has been removed for another day. After I repeated the process of "post" and then "edit" about ten times, I decided that it just wasn't happening today. Typically, I write these things pretty "stream of consciousness" like, and if I have to keep going back to something, I feel it maybe just wasn't meant to be. For now, at least.

This is generally my "happy spot," anyway. My choosing to see, and finding the joy, and slowing and being space that helps me to remember to savor. So, that's the theme we shall run with until I get another little burst of spitfire within me that just needs to come busting out....

* * * * *

This week has been a busy week for me - a week where I feel like I "scored" in the friend department. I had three different playdates with three different Mama's in exactly the same stage of life as me. What a blessing, really - to be on this journey and to have great friends to walk it out with you.

And for me - maybe it's because I'm third boy into this whole gig of parenting and I couldn't fake that I have it all together, even if I wanted too...or maybe I'm just becoming more secure in who I am as a woman and a mother...whatever it is -- I'm just so totally and completely done with any form of pretense.

What you see is what you get, Baby, and if you show me some grace, you'll get a boatload in return. These three mama's and I - we are all walking the same journey, and we're all walking it differently. Different styles of parenting, differing ways of disciplining, different mountains we'll each choose to die on, different ways we're going to live it out. Rock on.

The best kinds of friendships are the "loving you just the way you are" and the "I won't judge you and you don't judge me" and "the give and take" anyway. Sharing the joys, commiserating together in the sorrows. Seeking advice and maybe being able to offer a little in return. Being vulnerable with the struggles and being humble with the successes. Deep. Real. Intentional. Vulnerable. That's when it's good. And I am a blessed woman.

* * * * *
Tonight, we are finally getting around to "formally" (and finally) celebrating the October birthdays for the Booker men in this family. That would be Kevy, Sir Rancey Pants, and Uncle Shawn.

Our gift to Ransom is this $2.00 car we scored at a yardsale this summer:

His little cousin has one, and she graciously lets him live in it when he goes over. Now he shall have his own rockin' wheels. I used to hate large plastic children's toys. I used to say my kids would only play with quiet, wooden things. I used to be the world's best mother. And then I had kids. They're good for helping with humility.

* * * * *

Behold, my craft for this week:

I give this wreath, one month before all of the berries are strewn all over my living room floor as a result of epic dart gun battles, wrestling matches, and ball games. I also used to say that my kids would be quiet inside and only be rowdy out of doors. And then I had three boys. There is a reason that most of my decor now costs $0.00 and can easily be replaced by a swift jaunt into the forest.

* * * * *
This is the picture that Jesse drew that "looks JUST like you, Mama! Doesn't it?"

"I drew you with your sticked up hair but not with your glasses, because you look funny when you wear your glasses."

Compliments from a four year old. Priceless.

The Day My House Was Perfect.

2011-11-08T08:04:00.002-05:00

The day my house was perfect
Was the day I hurried so.
I pushed, and rushed, and never touched -
My favorite word was, "No."

The day my house was perfect
Was the day their hearts were hurt.
I was simply far more worried
about laundry, floors, and dirt.

Well, haste makes waste, and rushing wounds -
And little hearts bleed raw.
Oh, how I wish this Mother's heart
Had felt what Jesus saw.

For the day my house was perfect
This Mama was a mess.
My focus was the here and now -
This fleeting nothing-ness.

But children love like Jesus -
Forgiving swift and pure.
And today my house is messy -
No perfection here, for sure.

Those tender hearts - these fleeting years,
Will one day pass away.
And I will see my perfect house -
And long for yesterday.

The days gone by of childish dreams -
Of "Mommy, come with me!"
So, today, I choose to fully see -
To slow, and simply "be."

********
To my Loves ~
Mama's sorry for the rushing days - the striving for perfection days.
Thank you for helping me to slow and see...

Easing In.

2011-11-07T12:09:00.006-05:00

I had a big ole' theological post ready to be published for today, but then I thought to myself - Hey, it's Monday - why don't we ease into our week just a little bit first? Yes, let's do that, shall we? Nothing too deep or serious for this first day of the work week. Just a bunch of little loves for this lovely Fall day.

In no particular order ~

:: My new favorite game to play with Kev is, "There's a Buck in the Garden." Last year, Kaden saw a big buck in our garden while Kev was sitting in his tree stand out back. I texted him, and within minutes that beasty boy was ours. So, this year, we're all staking out the backyard for another trophy. Needless to say, it's great fun to run to a window and yell out: "Oh my word! There's a buck in the garden!" The littles and I, at least, find it hilarious.

:: I love kissing Kevy in the kitchen whilst all the littles are looking on. It both delights and disgusts them all at the same time, and then they usually all come running for a "sandwich hug." We put them all between us, and then we squish the guts out of them. One of my most favorite things, really.

:: I am also shamelessly in love with our local transfer station (a.k.a. the dump). We have this little room where people drop off anything that they don't want anymore, and it's free dibs for whoever wants it. I have scored some serious stuff at this, our local Wal-Mart. Check out my latest acquirement:

It totally and completely rocks.
Methinks rich people live all around me.

:: It is tradition at our house, that whenever anyone goes to get the mail, all the hoolies run to the window and watch for either a thumbs up - "they've got mail" or a thumbs down - "not today."

Today, Grammy delivered.
She sends the best little cards - and they are always filled with either gum or stickers. I am totally doing this for my grandbabies someday.

:: And I love the little "pu-corn" date that Ransom and I had - just the two of us - out on our front step today. The big boys were playing legos together in their room, and it was way too beautiful to have our snack inside at the table, so we went out on the front step and had sweet, garbled little conversations while we watched all of the cars and trucks go by. It was delicious.

So, there you have it. A gentle, easing in to a brand new week of school and work and play. Deep thoughts with Amy will come another day. Today we are still.

"Bless the Lord, who daily loadeth us with benefits." ~ Psalm 68:19

"Blessings keep our awareness of life's holy potential ever present. They awaken us to our lives..." ~ Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts

Sundays are for Savoring.

2011-11-06T06:46:00.007-05:00

:: For my sweet Kaden who said to me yesterday, "Mama, you should forgive Smudge."
I'm working on it.

:: For big gentle Daddies, and for trusting, brave little boys.

:: For big brothers who capture Mama in a picture.

:: And for gentle, quiet moments of one on one time.

:: For slowing, for stilling, and for simply being.

Ours is a world addicted to speed; and hurry makes us hurt.
So the Sundays are for slowing down the frantic, frenzied pace.
They are for seeing and for fully entering into the "right now."
We redeem the time when we are fully present.
Life is not an emergency. It is brief, and it is fleeting, but it is not an emergency.

There is a sacredness in the simplicity.
* * * * *

2096. Greeting a new day, slowly, quietly, with reverence.
2097. Hearing the boys - content in their rooms.
2098. Frost outside - warm fire, cozy inside.
2099. A fresh, brand new day - slate wiped clean from yesterday.
2100. The gift of life - undeserved and unearned.
2101. Family devotions together.
2102. New mercies for a new day.

"This is the day that the Lord has made - let us rejoice and be glad in it!"

Weekends...

2011-11-05T05:19:00.011-05:00

It's early Saturday morning.

Kevy has been out hunting since 5:30, Ransom is playing in his crib with a little snack, and the two big boys are watching cartoons. I am nursing a very large, very strong cup of coffee and am trying to muster up my "get up and go" for the day.

Two things - rather grody things - I'm trying to wrap my brain around this lovely morning. The first is that we just discovered that sweet little Smudge has been using our drain system (that we dug in our basement because of the flooding) as his litter box. All around the perimeter of the whole stinkin' basement, Mr. Farty Pants has been using as his own personal bathroom. SO not cool. So, we have to remedy that problem post haste. And secondly, I cannot wrap my brain around how to get my middle child to stop peeing in his bed at night. He sleeps SO deeply, that he is completely, blissfully - I might add, unaware of when he has an accident.

Holy Hannah.
So, those are my two ponderings for this morning.
Joy unspeakable and full of glory.

Moving on...
To better and brighter things...
* * * * * *

During the months of October and November, our Family Days tend to involve guns, maps, and a good amount of blaze orange. One of the boys' most favorite things to do is to go "Heater Hunting."

We load up the car with all of the essentials: Snacks, coffee, a map, toilet paper, a bow and arrows for the deer (during bow season), and guns for the birds.

Kevy maps out our plan, and we are off.
See the loop on the map below? That was the route of our last adventure.
Destination: Willy Wags.

We drive until we come to the dirt road that we'll be exploring, and then we rearrange ourselves in the car. The two biggest hoolies sit up front with Daddy, and I go to the backseat with Ransom. No seatbelts, heads hanging out the window, it's all very wild and exciting for the boys.
So exciting, in fact, that one time last year, Jesse in his "Jesse-ness" flung himself forward and cracked the windshield with his head. This didn't hurt him nor did it phase him in the least, but it marked the end of that day's heater hunting excursion. This year, he's a little more refined as he is twelve whole months older.

See?
MUCH more refined...

We drive some, and we walk some, and then we drive some more.

Sometimes we see things, mostly we don't, and it's tradition for Ransom to fall asleep in my arms all snuggled up in the backseat. All in all, it's really quite lovely. My kind of hunting, really. Warm and cozy with snacks and coffee - and not a whole lot of effort needing to be exerted. Good times.

THIS family day, however, we completely mixed things up and had a family first for the Bookers! I have been watching and waiting for the day when I could take my two biggest boys to their very first movie, and yesterday we did it. Rancey Pants went and had his nap over at Grampy and Grammy's house, and Kev and I took the Large Ones to see Dolphin Tale.

Oh my word.
It was so good. SO good and sweet and powerful, really.
It's based on a true story, and it had some really great themes that ran through the whole movie - family, perseverance, courage, trust, friendship. It was just amazing. Both Kev and I got choked up at several different parts! It was just a sweet, sweet movie.

So there you have it.
Our weekends as of late.

And now I must go deal with all of the things I was pondering about earlier on in this post. Anyone want a kitten?

These Days at Home.

2011-11-03T18:41:00.004-05:00

Our thankful tree is growing.

As soon as he sat up to the kitchen table this morning, the first words out of Kaden's mouth were: "Jesse, what are your thankfuls for today?"

Our new additions thus far are:
for Kaden ~ my cats, my friends, our chickens & their eggs, and Baby Rivers.
for Jesse ~ fish frying in the pan (although it was breakfast), Kaden and his brothers (so, I guess he's thankful for himself!), Baby Rivers, and my swingset.

THIS is the little bit of deliciousness whom we babysit for once a week - the baby that both of my boys listed this morning. All the boys put on their charm and show their best tricks when she's around. But, because she's closest to Ransom's size, I think he's claimed her for his very own!

And my list of loves for today have included:

:: sharing tea with just Jesse - the only one awake
:: a beautiful walk in the warm sun - in November, no less.
:: watching my fearless one scale a tree until I could hardly see him.
:: listening to Ransom bust a gut all by himself in his crib.
:: our kitten - sweet and gentle, bringing joy to my boys.
:: my hubby going out to get us a treat for a little date night at home.
:: And the anticipation of our family day tomorrow.

Little things - little loves.
Good things - Good days.
Nothing amazing or particularly noteworthy to report, on the one hand. Just a whole bunch of little things that fill our hours and make up our todays. But on the other hand - it's a whole list of thankfuls, blessing overflowing, undeserved and unearned - to give back to Jesus.

"The one thousand presents wake me to the presence of God - but more so, living eucharisteo, living in thanks, has done the far harder work of keeping me awake to Him...all that I count to Him counts for everything - seeing eyes that might illuminate the glory of Christ in all." ~ Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts

Thirty Days of Thankful.

2011-11-02T13:17:00.005-05:00

I love this month, and I really love the Holiday that comes with this month.

A few nights ago, one of my co-workers said: "I love Thanksgiving more than Christmas, because it has all of the same ingredients without all of the stress. It still has all the yummy food and family - we're still together, celebrating our love for each other...it's just without all of that extra hype of gifts and stuff."

Hmn. Aptly put.

And it's kind of true. I absolutely LOVE the magic of the Christmas season - especially seeing and experiencing it through the eyes of my children. But, minus the gifts, Thanksgiving does still have most of the same ingredients as Christmas - food, family, memories being made. I get what she's saying. And in some ways, it's easier to celebrate, slow down, and focus on what really matters.

This morning, the boys and I made a "thankful tree" - an "Advent Calendar" of sorts to countdown until Thanksgiving Day. I had to laugh when I sat down to write this post. While I was waiting for my pics to download, I noticed that my friend Sarah is blogging about the same thing today. For a FAR cuter thanksgiving tree, jump over and see her post.

Real sticks - a much, much better idea! SO super sweet. But for this home, in this season of life, a drawn tree shall have to suffice, as the sticks would not last five minutes before one of the hoolies or one of the cats made short work of my centerpeice. Sigh.

The boys loved the idea and jumped right into creating their own little lists of joy. I told them that maybe we'll do one each meal - or at least one a day - and they both asked, "But what if we think of more than just one thing that we're thankful for?" I love that. And I love seeing their little hearts.

So far, on Kaden's list for today: My brothers, my food, my fish, and my house.

And Jesse has: All my grandparents; My family and Lew; Everyone at the Buswells and Silas and Isaac; and "I'm sad that my old Grammy is dead, but I'm thankful she's in Heaven." (His are a little more wordy...)

And on this Mama's list of thankfuls for today:
2064. Burnt bagels. At least we have food -- in abundance.

2065. Homemade jam from a sister friend to cover the burn.

2066. Brother love.

2070. Little boys in boots.

2076. The older showing the younger the magic of eating snow.

"With my mouth I will give thanks abundantly to the LORD; and in the midst of many I will praise Him." ~ Psalm 109:30

Choosing to Cheat.

2011-11-01T10:37:00.007-05:00

Today, right smack dab in the middle of teaching my boys, a friend called.
And, do you know what I did, right smack dab in the middle of our lesson time?
I picked up the phone, and I talked with her for over an hour.

Scandalous!

Being the multi-tasker that I am, I started making applesauce with these Red Delicious beauties that someone gifted to me over the weekend. And being the multi-taskers that my boys are, they took this unexpected interruption as an opportunity to surprise me with their keen knowledge and wisdom and get an amazing jump start on all of the rest of the work that they still had yet to do.

Oh wait. No they didn't.

Instead, they trashed their rooms and had the sword fight of the century.
It was Epic.

Glory be, Heavens to Betsy, and Holy Hannah, they're good little multi-taskers, aren't they? Wow. I stand amazed at what they are able to accomplish when their Mama is on the phone. I have to admit, I was slightly impressed, when I got over my twitching.

But, do you know what?
It was totally worth it.

Life is too short, and sometimes (I think) I'm way too busy to make room for interruptions. Catching up with a soul sister - in relative peace, because the boys were obviously very busy - was well worth a completely trashed bedroom. It was good. So good.

Every day we make decisions to cheat something in favor of something else. Will I sleep in or will I exercise? Will I fold those five loads of laundry or will I spend that time intentionally with my kids? Will I blog or will I clean? And today -- will I teach Math or talk to my friend? Today, my friend was much more important than addition. And I think I cheated correctly - though the applesauce should have waited. I'm a work in progress.

And now my boys will ask themselves: "Will I clean so that I can eat?"
Choose wisely my Loves...

Today.

2011-10-31T13:38:00.003-05:00

Right now it's naptime at my house. I love naptime.

The boys don't necessarily always sleep - in fact, Kaden rarely does anymore, but it's a two hour break in the middle of everyone's day, where we are all still and in our own little spaces. "Still" doesn't happen much around here.

There is usually a kitty on each bed, Kaden is wrapping up his schoolwork, and Jesse is looking at books - or finding something to cut, or rip, or tie, or destroy.

Lately I've been calling Jesse "the twins." It suits him.

This little rockstar of mine is in a class all his own. He lives life completely outside of the box. His approach to every single thing in life is absolutely full tilt, no holds barred, lemme at 'em, conquer the world with gusto - etc. etc. etc. Hence, his new nickname.

Here are a couple of examples.
Exhibit A: Which pumpkin do you think is his?

Exhbit B: Which snowman do you think is his? The normal looking one out front, or the one at the back that looks like a two humped camel with legs sticking out of his back?

A free spirit, that one...

In some ways, he is most like me, and I understand his little brain the best. In other ways, he honestly is like having twins - he is equal parts hilarious and exasperation, he makes my head spin, and he is why I shall enforce the nap law for life. Naps are good for sanity.

Moving onward...

So, today we have been making little cookies that we are going to go and "treat" or neighborhood with tonight. We only know a handful of the people on our road - we haven't even laid eyes on some of them - so we are going to go door to door and give them each a little baggie of goodies.

We have never trick or treated with our boys before this year. I did it all growing up, but there was no controversy with anyone up home. Back then, it was innocent fun for everyone - even all of the local pastors and their families went out and about. Everyone knew everyone, and it was just a fun night to dress up and be silly.

I guess this year just marks another part of our morphing and growing on our own journey with the Lord. I've said it many times before, but the older I get the less I see black and white, and the more I see gray on so many issues. I am becoming far less concerned about how others will view and judge me and far more concerned about being intentional and living out life in transparency and vulnerability before my kids. I know that this is a delicate topic - one in which I will always deeply respect and honor other's views and convictions.

Mine are just changing.

The boys and I have talked a lot about Halloween in recent days. They've listened to a great Adventures in Odyssey C.D. about this night that brought about a lot of good discussion. When I asked Kaden what he thought, he said: "Well, I think we can make anything bad or we can take some things and make them good if we do it for God." Kind of profound for a seven year old.

So, that's what we're doing tonight. We're taking something that some have intended for evil, and we're just going to use it as an opportunity to be missional. To be a presence to our neighbors, to make ourselves known, and to maybe initiate the start of a neighborly relationship. It's not going to be anything profound really; but on a night where many people are planning to be home and are willingly happy to open their door to strangers...maybe it will turn out to be something really amazing, after all.

At the very least, the boys will see tonight as an opportunity to "give" and not just to receive. They will see us open our door wide to strangers instead of shutting off the light and hiding away. And together, our little family will show love to strangers who just might someday become dear friends.

I think Kaden is right.

Sunday Love.

2011-10-30T14:50:00.009-05:00

I cannot stand clutter. It really makes me crazy.
I am a minimalist, I hate stuff, and piles of anything make me nervous.

However.

I love me my books. I really really love me my books.

Whenever I go yard saling or thrifting, the book section is always the first thing that draws me in. And, although we have no need for any extras, and although we don't really have the extra space - like a moth to a flame, I am drawn.

And as a Mama who loves reading, I really want to instill that same love into my sons. It's one of the reasons why I love the homeschool curriculum that I am using. It is almost completely literature driven. Other than Math, Phonics, and Handwriting workbooks, just about everything else is us reading through beautiful, beautiful books together. I love that.
Another reason why I love books so much is that it is just about the only time of the day (other than naps and bedtime) where the hoolies actually sit still and are quiet. No joke. Even mealtimes are a bit of a jungle. But, there is just something magical about getting lost in a book together.

And mainly, I just feel like I'm a good mom when we're all snuggled up together on the couch. I'm not really a very good "play-er" with my children. I'm too much of a multi-tasking whirling dervish, and it's very hard for me to just sit and play legos or ninja or cars for any amount of time. My mind wanders, I start getting fidgety, and I'm just not good at it.

There's a lot of things that I'm not good at with this whole parenting gig. I'm impatient, I'm grumpy, I don't let them jump on the beds, I get irritated when they're loud, I too easily get caught up in the rush of the urgent and choose that far too often over slowing and just being; and sometimes I'm just plain no fun.

So reading feels redemptive for me.

I've slowed. I've stopped.
I'm seeing them. I'm touching them.
And I get lost with them for as long as they are able to sit still.
Maybe that's why I can't stop collecting!

This is one of our all time favorites around here. It was also my favorite as a child, so it brings back really cozy memories of my Mama snuggling up with me on the couch.

These stories have real photographs for pictures, and even Ransom is mesmerized for a pretty long period of time.

Other books that I am ALWAYS keeping my eye out for are:
~ Any National Geographic Book for kids. Again, real pics, and pretty educational.

~ The Little Blessings books which are precious and have the same illustrator as the Care Bears books.

~ Any Henry and Mudge books. They are sweet little stories about a boy and his dog.

~ Franklin by Brenda Clark. They also have some sweet Franklin movies, as well.

~ And Little Critter by Mercer Meyer. Silly and Fun, and again a childhood memory for me.

Other fun little series that we love are: The Magic School Bus, The Magic Tree House, The Boxcar Children, and all of the Little House on the Prairie Books.

So, tell me...
What books do you love?
What do you feel like you do well with your children?
What feels redemptive to you?

****************
2058. Losing all track of time.
2059. Touching, smelling, seeing - being ALL there.
2060. One love on my lap, and one on either side.
2061. Forgetting about the messes and focusing on the important.

You Know What Today Is, Don't You?

2011-10-29T06:11:00.002-05:00

Yup. The first day of deer season.

And in honor of my brothers who love this song at this time of year, here is the slightly crass (please pardon the belching and seconds :40-1:10), and very redneck, hunter's dream song, "The Tirty Point Buck."

May my very sick, and I'm sure very freezing hunter husband get the big one today whilst I sit home by the fire, drinking coffee, and watching cartoons with my hoolies!

Good Food.

2011-10-28T06:07:00.011-05:00

While Kev and I are on this journey to see if we actually will be able to stave off surgery by diet and exercise, this lady is on a quest to find food that meets a plethora of necessary criteria:

It must be:
~ As clean and "whole food-ish" as possible.
~ No white flours, whole grain, minimal sugar, etc. etc.
~ Minimally processed, low or no gluten, no nitrates, only "good" fats, etc. etc.
~ Relatively reasonably priced as five hoover vacuum cleaners live in this house.
~ Yummy AND filling - so that the littles will eat it AND stay filled (for at least an hour).

Back in the day - meaning, pre-children and pre-student loans - this was not an issue. We exercised faithfully, and our largest bill was our grocery bill. We basically shopped the outer aisles of the grocery store, we ate mostly organic, we drank our Barley Green, and we used our juicer three or four times a week.

And then, something happened in recent years.
Now what was that...

Oh, right. Real life. Kids, more tummies, less time, you know the drill.
But, now we have to play hardball, and I refuse to make two separate menus for every meal, so we're all going to play this game. And I'm glad - it will only do us good. And whether or not, Kev has to have his gallbladder removed down the road, the reset button has been pushed, and we are back on track as best as our wallet will allow.

So, we are back to juicing at least two or three times a week.

Kaden is the one who keeps us on track with this. He does the entire juicing process - except for the clean-up of the juicer, which is super messy and I hate - so if it weren't for his persistence, I probably would not be nearly so consistent.

~ This is Jesse and Ransom's portions. They're still not into this whole drinking carrots thing.

We have found a really yummy, high protein, keeps-their-tummies-filled-for-a-long-time pancake/waffle recipe that has become a staple. I shall share the recipe, because it is delish:

1 cup cottage cheese
4 eggs
1/2 cup spelt/oat/whole wheat flour (Kev uses a gluten free one)
1/4 tsp. salt
1/4 cup olive oil
1/2 cup skim/almond/soy milk
1/2 tsp. vanilla.
Beat in blender, then cook in waffle maker or make into pancakes.

I also found a really, really yummy pumpkin soup recipe that is very healthy and very low fat. It's kind of a chuck whatever you want in and make it the way you like it, kind of a soup, but here are the ingredients:
2 pumpkins
1 buttercup squash
5 apples
2 onions
1 leek
4 garlic cloves
4 cups chicken or vegetable broth
2 tsp. curry powder
1/4 tsp. cumin
1/2 tsp. nutmeg
2 tsp. ginger (or less. This was a little spicy for the boys)
salt and pepper to taste
drizzle of real maple syrup, if you want a sweeter and less savory soup.

Cut the pumpkins and squash in half, scoop out the seeds, and roast in the oven at 350 degrees until soft. Scoop everything out and throw into a pan with all the rest of the ingredients. Cook all together for 30 minutes or so. Blend in small batches in your blender and return to pot.

I also carmelized some onions and garlic to serve on top. Optional, but yummy.

And this is my final recipe for today, but I tell you what - it's the bomb.
This girl is all for eating healthy, but I'm missing me my chocolate.
So, this recipe totally and completely does it for me. It's more like a mousse/cake/brownie of sorts. Super, super heavy. Super, super fudgey. Super delish. And some of the ingredients are super shocking. But, trust me. It's well worth at least a one time attempt to see for yourself.

It's called "The Long Run Cake" because it's very filling.
1 cup applesauce
1 15/5 oz. can black beans, drained (I know, right? Crazy!)
1 1/2 cups oat/spelt/whatever kind of flour you want to use
1 cup cocoa powder
2 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. salt
1 cup agave syrup
2 eggs
1/4 cup coffee
1 tsp. vanilla

Mix all dry ingredients together.
Blend the beans and applesauce together.
Use electric mixer and mix agave syrup and eggs until fluffy. Add in coffee.
Add the bean and applesauce to the rest of the wet and beat all together.
Add the dry, and beat until smooth.

Put in greased loaf pan (Actually, the recipe said to put into 12 mini loaf pans, but who has 12 mini loaf pans on hand???). Bake at 350 degrees until cake springs back when poked. I found it took mine the better part of a half hour.

Try it! I dare ya, and tell me what you think! I bet you'll like it.
And thus endeth my recipe sharing for the day...

What I Really Meant.

2011-10-27T11:59:00.011-05:00

Today all three of my boys are just sick enough to not really be able to play outside, to not have anyone over for a playdate, and to not go to our friends' house for supper tonight. This is a recipe for a disasterous day. Bitter disappointment, cagey, irritable boys, and snot juices flowing to beat the band.

So, today this Mama decided to pull out all of the stops and try to make today be a really fun, cozy, stay inside, forget about your woes kind of a day.

Emphasis on TRY.

::I pulled out my old Easy Bake Oven along with a newer version that I picked up on clearance months ago. I have boys - but they're still all about the food, and they love making their own indiviual cakes and cookies, so I thought for sure this would be a special treat.

What really happened: The big oven handles became swords, the mini cakes were eaten in one bite with a somewhat disgusted look of "Was that ALL?", and when my back was turned, so much of the batter was eaten, that what was left to stick in those little dinky ovens wasn't worth the eight minutes it took that lightbulb to cook anything.

::No worries. On to plan B. There's a heavy frost warning for tonight, so I brought in a few of our pumpkins and figured we'd spend the rest of the morning carving our own, making some silly faces, and toasting the seeds for a snack.

(Check out that bit of rockin' bedhead!)

What really happened: The pumpkins were carved - amidst a running, delighted dialogue of how the guts of the pumpkin felt like snot and brains. The seeds were toasted, and all but Ransom were far less than impressed. But, they WERE gleefully eaten in front of the carvings with a few goulish - "Look guys! We're eating your brains!" AND, while I was completely oblivious to the goings on around me - grapes, extra seeds, and bubble wrap were stuffed inside the pumpkins and lit on fire "to watch them smoke."

::The festivities wound down, lunch was eaten, and Ransom was put down to nap. So, I sent the big boys into the living room to play quietly while I cleaned up our epic mess in the kitchen from this morning, and started with our supper prep. They were quiet, they played well, and I thought they were reading books in front of the fire.

What really happened: A pirate ship fort was built, every single animal was brought forth from their bedroom, and virtually every blanket and towel in the entire house was put to use.

::So, Epic mess from kitchen was cleaned and simply moved into the living room. The boys readied themselves for rest time, and the fort stayed in place for after nap festivites. This Mama shut the door behind her Lovlies and brewed herself a hot pot of tea - preparing for her two hours of quiet sanity, where directly following this time of gentle respite, chaos would again reign supreme until bedtime.

What I'm really thinking: Praise Jesus for naps.

What If?

2011-10-26T13:16:00.005-05:00

Check out this article by David Mathis on viewing Halloween through a completely different lens.

Halloween is a delicate topic with deeply held views. I know this.
And this is just one angle of many - but I'm diggin' it.
It is totally and completely where my heart is, and it's exactly what we're going to try to do this coming week-end.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *
The entire article is much longer, but here are just a few brief excerpts:

"What if the Spirit stirred in us a new perspective on October 31? What if dads led their households in a fresh approach to Halloween as Christians on mission?

What if spreading a passion for God’s supremacy in all things included Halloween—that amalgamation of wickedness now the second-largest commercial holiday in the West?

Loving Others and Extending Grace
What if we didn’t think of ourselves as “in the world, but not of it,” but rather, as Jesus says in John 17, “not of the world, but sent into it”?

And what if that led us to move beyond our squabbles about whether or not we’re free to celebrate All Hallows’ Eve, and the main issue became whether our enjoyment of Jesus and his victory over Satan and the powers of darkness might incline us to think less about our private enjoyments and more about how we might love others? What if we took Halloween captive—along with “every thought” (2 Corinthians 10:5)—as an opportunity for gospel advance and bringing true joy to the unbelieving?

And what if those of us taking this fresh approach to Halloween recognized that Christians hold a variety of views about Halloween, and we gave grace to those who see the day differently than we do?

Without Naiveté or Retreat
What if we didn’t merely go with the societal flow and unwittingly float with the cultural tide into and out of yet another Halloween? What if we didn’t observe the day with the same naïveté as our unbelieving neighbors and coworkers?

And what if we didn’t overreact to such nonchalance by simply withdrawing? What if Halloween wasn’t a night when Christians retreated in disapproval, but an occasion for storming the gates of hell?

The Gospel Trick
What if we ran Halloween through the grid of the gospel and pondered whether there might be a third path beyond naïveté and retreat? What if we took the perspective that all of life, Halloween included, is an opportunity for gospel advance? What if we saw Halloween not as a retreat but as a kind of gospel trick—an occasion to extend Christ’s cause on precisely the night when Satan may feel his strongest?

What if we took to the offensive on Halloween? Isn’t this how our God loves to show himself mighty? Just like the cross. It’s a kind of divine “trick”: Precisely when the demonic community thinks for sure they have Jesus cornered, he delivers the deathblow. Wasn’t it a Halloween-like gathering of darkness and demonic festival at Golgotha, the place of the Skull, when the God-man “disarmed the powers and authorities [and] made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them” at the cross (Colossians 2:15)?

Orienting on Others
What if we saw October 31 not merely as an occasion for asking self-oriented questions about our participation (whether we should or shouldn’t dress the kids up or carve pumpkins), but for pursuing others-oriented acts of love? What if we capitalized on the opportunity to take a step forward in an ongoing process of witnessing to our neighbors, co-workers, and extended families about who Jesus is and what he accomplished at Calvary for the wicked like us?

What if we resolved not to join the darkness by keeping our porch lights off? What if we didn’t deadbolt our doors, but handed out the best treats in the neighborhood as a faint echo of the kind of grace our Father extends to us sinners?"

I Feel...

2011-10-25T11:14:00.004-05:00

These days are filled with chaos -
My three small boys are wild!
It's times like these - I can't forsee
Another baby child.

The mess - I can't contain it!
The floors are never clean.
Those random socks - all missy-matched?
Their mate remains unseen.

These boys are always hungry.
The groceries always gone.
The looney bin - the funny farm?
I feel it won't be long!

This Mama - she is so dang tired!
I need a nap or three.
But, then I hear a sweet - "Mama?"
"Will you please come watch me?"

"Come watch me swing? Or read a book?
Will you come play with me?"
They see me - frail; I am a mess ---
Yet they love - full and free.

They're wild, messy, crazy loud -
My three small ones - ALL boy.
But I'm content - my heart is full.
I see the sacred joy.

The looney bin - the three day nap.
Some day - that will be great...
That time's not now - those naps...not yet.
For me, they'll have to wait.

Right now, it's chaos - filthy floors,
much mess, and TONS of food.
It's true - I might go batty soon....
But it's also very good!

Dedicated to my three small hoolies who just today ~
::Got stuck in a tree
::Got trapped under the porch
::Drank all of my coffee
::And tracked dirt all over my just swept floors.

And to my husband who has told me to take the rest of the day off....
Until tomorrow then!

Today.

2011-10-20T07:05:00.012-05:00

It's still pitch dark outside, and my entire household sleeps.
This is exactly the way I like to start my days.

I am finding that as my children grow and as our days become busier (and louder), I am a much nicer and more patient Mommy if I can start the day at least an hour before the rest of them.

These few moments of silence center me and help me start the day out right.
The best days are when exercise, shower, and time with the Lord are all under my belt before the first hoolie lifts his head from the pillow.

The spirit is willing but the flesh is very weak, and many days this doesn't happen. But that's my goal anyway. It's always good to have goals, right?

Happy Monday.
It's a good day to slow and see the sacred.
Today is fresh, and the week is brand new.
And today is a good day for a post of simple randoms while I wait for my coffee to brew.

This here blog of mine is rather random in and of itself, now that I think about it. I don't really have a platform for anything, awareness I'm trying to create, or any audience in particular that I'm writing to...other than my three little boys, really. I know of maybe twelve people who may pop in and out of these posts here and there, but other than that, it's a pretty nebulous little spot over here where I'm writing down random tidbits to print off for my boys to have some day.

This is for them, really.

Their Mama's journey of life, love, and her pursuit of family, Jesus, and joy.
I want them to see that the random bit of nothings that I so often write about - are really what makes up all of our lives. It's all of the little things - the seemingly mundane and the ordinary - that makes up our own unique definition of family and how we lived out life over here in our little corner of the world.

I want them to see my heart, my struggles, and my love for them and for our story.
These pages are just a tiny, abbreviated nutshell of me, - they live with me, they know the whole - but they are still me nonetheless.

So, with that on my mind - these are the little things that I'm thinking about and loving on this day:

:: This cat. Oh my word. We are in love with him. He is curled up on my lap while I'm typing, and his little purr is one of my most favorite sounds in the entire world. Had he been a shelter kitten, I would have never even given him a second glance. He's long and scrawny and really not much to look at. But he is so perfect for our family. He's like a ragdoll little puppy. He lets all three of the boys lug him all over - even Ransom carries him under his arm like a football - and he's just happy to tag along and be a part of the family.

He also has this spaztic quality about him where out of the blue, he'll attack - but I find that kind of hilarious. He either spazzes or he sprawls. He's not normal, but neither are we. And thus, a perfect fit for our family.

:: Kev turned thirty-five last week, and to celebrate I surprised all of the boys with an overnight in the big city two hours away. It was SO much fun. We swam in the pool, the boys jumped on the beds, we watched tons of fun shows, and we just vegged as a family. The boys both made birthday banners for their daddy - each expressing their individual little personalities. One footloose and fancy free, and the other systematic and structured. Both were quite proud of their creations.

:: These boys. As of late I am finding them to be bottomless pits. I cannot keep them fed and full, and I'm finding this slightly overwhelming. I am also finding them to be exceptionally loud. And filthy. Sometimes, after they're in bed for the night, I find myself staring into space and wondering what that crazy noise is in my ears. And then I realize --- it's the silence. It's deafening!

They're messy, they're dirty, they're loud, and some days they make me crazy and I wonder if I'm going to lose my mind. But sometimes, I'm bossy, and I'm not patient, and I make them eat their squash, so I'm sure that I make them equally crazy, as well. We're stuck with each other - for better or for worse. And they know I love them with everything in me, and I know the same goes for them, as well. They are my life, and I embrace them - apple cores, filth, bedlam, over the top loudness, and all.

:: This man. We have a depth of friendship and love that I can't describe. He was scheduled for surgery this week, and at the very last minute, we bowed out and have decided to go an alternative route for healing with specific food and diet. We're not sure if this will even work, but we've decided to try all of our options before going under the knife. We're rebels like that. So, this will mean a pretty drastic life change for us. We would appreciate your prayers as we navigate this next chapter.

The night before he was scheduled to go into the hospital, we went on a hot date. Grampy and Grammy had the boys, so we decided to milk it for all that it was worth and have ourselves a night on the town since we were kidless. Being the rockin' date that I am, I decided to talk about what I would do should he not make it through the procedure. Have you ever had those conversations with your spouse? This was a basic surgery, but I wanted to know a few things, just in case...you know. I'm a good time like that. It was kind of a sobering conversation, which was interspersed with silliness and immaturity, but one that I won't forget, either.

If I ever did remarry, I pity the poor man already. Kev and I had a h-e-double-hockey-stick of a time during our dating years. They were rough, to put things delicately. We worked through some massive baggage from both of our pasts -- but we got through it. And by God's grace, I'm on this journey with my very best friend. I couldn't imagine walking it with anyone else, and the Lord knows I'd ruin the boys if they didn't have their father's presence in their lives. We have these conversations often - God and I.

Well, I guess on that happy note, I'm off to conquer the world. My middlest hoolie is awake and asking for a snack, and I hear my baby playing trucks in his crib. Time to crank out a new day.

"The work we do is only our love for Jesus in action." ~ Mother Teresa
May whatever we do today - be for Jesus. Wild and free.
******************
2021. Four boys sleeping - house quiet and still
2022. Smudge purring on my lap - keeping me company and making me warm.
2023. A new week - fresh start.
2024. coffee brewing.
2025. Blessed to be a blessing today.

Have the Funeral - Part II

2011-10-20T06:37:00.003-05:00

"Unforgiveness is like drinking the poison and expecting the other person to die." - Dr. MacDonald.

Its literal term is "to cut."
And that's exactly what it does. It cuts our insides to shreds. It is its own whip.
It's like acid on our hearts.

Bitterness destroys everyone in its path, and it forever shatters relationships.
It is the decision to perpetually review the offense - over and over again.
Heavy, heavy stuff.

We are messy. We do stupid things. We hurt others, and we are deeply hurt.
But time heals nothing. The cancer remains, and the tumor grows if we do nothing.
If we wait for the offender to make the wrong right - we could be waiting forever.
And we never move on, until we choose to forgive.

Forgiveness is the process of releasing and beginning the healing.

It is NOT enabling - we don't have to help the offender do it again.
It does not require rescuing them from the consequences of their sin.
And it does not require risk or even trust again. We do not have to visit or hang out with the offender.

It is just this: they don't owe us, we don't try to get even, we're not focused on their failure. We're just trying to move past.

The crisis: Name the person. Name the pain.
I choose to forgive so and so for such and such.

And then the process:
Don't bring it up again. To the person. To your friends. Or to yourself.
This is the hard part - the taking into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ - and the retraining and renewal of the mind.

And when we mess up - which we will...we go back to the crisis.
"I choose to forgive so and so for such and such."

This is the Heavenly way.
The Biblical way.
The Kingdom way which makes no earthly sense.

But this is what sets us free.
Have the funeral.

Ephesians 4:31,32 - "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you."

Have the Funeral - Part I.

2011-10-19T06:24:00.013-05:00

Kev and I have been listening to an amazing teaching series by Dr. James MacDonald.
It's called "Have the Funeral - God's Plan for Your Past."

It's a two part series where he compares forgiveness to funerals.
The first part is entitled "The Wake - Viewing Unforgiveness the Way God Does;"
and Part Two is called "The Burial - Making Forgiveness Final."

At funerals, there are two important things that we do.
We grieve and we leave.
There is a crisis and there is a process of grieving that takes place.

When we are injured - when we get wounded, there's the crisis.
The hurt, the pain, the broken dream, the loss, the "what will never be" crisis happens. And just like at a funeral, we need to view it, and we need to grieve it. What should have, could have, and would have been has got to be let go of if we are to ever move forward.

If healing is to ever take place - we must begin the process of forgiving - We must do an inventory of the injury and the wounding...and then we need to make a conscious choice to gather all that hurt up and have the funeral.

Sounds easy. Sounds like a simple two step process. Sounds like a "that's easy for you to say, but you have no idea what's happened to me in my life" kind of a story.

It's not.
But Jesus had much to say about forgiveness and it would behoove me to listen - Matthew 18; Mark 11:25; Luke 6:37; the Lord's Prayer...

The harsh reality of it all is that many people will never be able to repair the damage that they have done to us. They are not going to be able to fix the hurt that they have done - and sadly, they may never even care or seek to try. Some may have no idea the amount of pain that they have ever even caused.

"Don't expect the people who need to be forgiven to properly calculate what they owe."

So, the pastor's challenge to us is not to hold our death grips on the only verse in scripture that qualifies "IF the person repents...THEN I will forgive," but to read all of the many other verses that call for immediate, unilateral forgiveness - regardless of how the offender acts. The debt has to be paid - there was injury that has taken place.

But forgiveness releases that person from their debt. We absorb it. We cover it. We decide to release the person from the obligation that resulted from the injury.

Time does not heal all wounds. Only forgiveness does.

And forgiving people are FORGIVEN people.
If we forgive, we will be forgiven.
The Lord's prayer is prayed - "Forgive us - like we forgive others."
Pretty heavy when you think about it...
I will be forgiven the way that I forgive.

John 13:17 - "If you know these things...happy are you if you DO them."
Much easier said than done, though.
Knowing the right thing to do is only half the battle.

The fact of the matter is that if we profess to know and love Christ, then we need to become "professional forgivers." By this ALL men will know you are My disciples if you have LOVE for one another. Forgiveness is the litmus test of the love that we pretend to profess. Others are watching to see how we live out in relationship to others what we profess.

It's all banking on - can we extend the forgiveness that we say we have received?
Are we really different?
If we only need Christ's forgiveness for ourselves but can't extend it to others - how real is this Christianity that we profess?

Hard, messy, painful, reality....
Harsh truth to digest.

Jesus forgive us for trashing your Name - for muddying the waters for others to see.
More to come.....

Final Harvest.

2011-10-17T19:34:00.003-05:00

My sweet neighbor, Lew, came over today and helped me take care of the remnants of my sad little garden and get it ready to be tucked in for winter.

With the help of my two littlest ones, we dug up the carrots, onions, and potatoes; removed the black plastic; pulled the corn stalks; picked cucumber and tomato plant remnants, and did a final rock picking to get ready for the rototiller.

The day was beautiful, the company was sweet, and it was nice to have one final time in the garden getting our hands dirty.

Bountifully blessed, we are indeed.

And now we dream of next year...